RE: submissive men -pet peeves

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sensubmaybe -> RE: submissive men -pet peeves (12/3/2007 6:59:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama Pet peeves...well, all the usual things. But I have also noticed a trend among some submissives that I've come to call "Looking for Mistress Right". Essentially, when you start talking with a man, you discover that he is looking for someone "worthy" of his submission. There are all sorts of things this woman has to be, but overall it's understood that this female paragon is expected to be physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, politically and sexually perfect, and to meet his exacting standards in every way. She's the embodiment of a fantasy, not a human being. Initially it might be flattering to be mistaken for such a woman, but in general once a man hints at this mindset, I take it as a warning flag. As time goes by I will probably take it as a reason to punch out of the conversation. It could just be that these men are paragons of perfection themselves, and are seeking what they offer--but I'm repulsed by that kind of narcissism anyway. And I must observe that having such a high standard is a very effective defense mechanism against having to really face and explore your submissive feelings in real life. It's also a very effective defense mechanism against having real love in your life. Love seldom arrives in the expected packaging, in my experience. Unless the only love you're capable of feeling is for shiny wrapping paper. I hear you but this is far from a male sub or even a male issue. Looking at virtually any dating web site not to mention the nightmare of personals on Craigslist and you find an astounding, mind-numbingly unreleastic list of requirements that so many seek. In the case of women, the height issue, for example, continues to mystify me. Some women can be the height of pygmies yet they want a guy close to 6 foot tall. You are right about the bottom line...lots of love and happiness never happens because there are too many long must have lists and never enough check marks or lines crossing them off as met. Every day in the world people pass by each other, people who might be perfect but because some little thing doesn't fit...she's taller than he, different race, whatever...they never meet...it's sad. I wish there was a way to break the cycle. If I read a profile and I don't meet the requirement I don't write. Again, it's too bad, I read any number that seem like we might actually be a great fit but rather than expect someone to consider flexibility, I just say "next." On another topic...I like your photos, especially the black and white. Always been a fan of b&w.

thetammyjo -> RE: submissive men -pet peeves (12/3/2007 7:40:57 AM)
I don't have a pet peeve that I could specifically say was related to maleness. I have lots of pet peeves but I try to be objective about it on an individual or personality level not on a sex level.

RumpusParable -> RE: submissive men -pet peeves (12/3/2007 7:43:16 AM)
The only real gripe that I can say, as I'm referring to people who are actually subs and not including those who are purely bottoms, is how many mistake being polite and just... a normal person... as not being dominant and/or not capable of being stern or playing hard.

MistressDolly -> RE: submissive men -pet peeves (12/3/2007 7:52:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shootingstar67 What is your greatest pet peeve dealing with submissive men? Submissive men - men who submit. What's there to complain about in a man who's dominant in the outside world yet submissive to that one Female he finds lovely, adorable and worthy of servitude and worship? Men who find delight in submitting to female authority (particularly beyond :) the bedroom) are a.o.k in my book.

pixelslave -> RE: submissive men -pet peeves (12/3/2007 8:56:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rubberpet I feel ya. There are so many "submissives" out here that ruin things for the ones who are ligitimately looking for a complete relationship with a dominant woman. Dommes are already outnumbered 100-1 by subbies to start with. No wonder it is so difficult to get their attention because they keep getting approached by those sending form letters to everyone they see, those who use cheesy lines, those who are just looking for wank fodder, and those who are are just wasting time. The dommes get jaded and fed up with the bullshit...it's as simple as that. rubberpet, I abhor using the word "real", so I'll state my response a bit differently. I have to wonder if a large part of the 100:1 you mention are all legitimately submissive men. Perhaps many of them, including the "poofers" frequently mentioned on the boards here are actually fantasy seekers, wankers, men just looking to get laid, or those who are perhaps looking for a new experience (or to explore one) that aren't genuinely in their hearts submissive material. You might say these men create "noise" that's added the messages sent to Mistresses from men that are genuinely seeking D/s relationships with them. As a result, the great amount of "noise" or volume from those additional messages may be causing the legitimate messages to be overlooked. Thus your 100:1 number is proabably far less when you exclude the men who aren't actually submissive or men the ladies here would consider appropriate candidates for a D/s relationship. [&:] Just a bit of food for thought... - pixel Collared to Majik

MystressDream -> RE: submissive men -pet peeves (12/3/2007 9:42:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pixelslave quote: ORIGINAL: rubberpet I feel ya. There are so many "submissives" out here that ruin things for the ones who are ligitimately looking for a complete relationship with a dominant woman. Dommes are already outnumbered 100-1 by subbies to start with. No wonder it is so difficult to get their attention because they keep getting approached by those sending form letters to everyone they see, those who use cheesy lines, those who are just looking for wank fodder, and those who are are just wasting time. The dommes get jaded and fed up with the bullshit...it's as simple as that. rubberpet, I abhor using the word "real", so I'll state my response a bit differently. I have to wonder if a large part of the 100:1 you mention are all legitimately submissive men. Perhaps many of them, including the "poofers" frequently mentioned on the boards here are actually fantasy seekers, wankers, men just looking to get laid, or those who are perhaps looking for a new experience (or to explore one) that aren't genuinely in their hearts submissive material. You might say these men create "noise" that's added the messages sent to Mistresses from men that are genuinely seeking D/s relationships with them. As a result, the great amount of "noise" or volume from those additional messages may be causing the legitimate messages to be overlooked. Thus your 100:1 number is proabably far less when you exclude the men who aren't actually submissive or men the ladies here would consider appropriate candidates for a D/s relationship. [&:] Just a bit of food for thought... - pixel Collared to Majik I believe you have hit the nail on the head with this post, pixelslave. If the odds were really 100-1 in favor of Female Dominants, then none of us would still be seeking. What I have encountered are a huge number of "bedroom submissives" (my personal definition of these men NOTE THE MY, is they are simply men who like kinky sex. Period.), or men with profiles detailing out everything they want, how they want it, and (in many cases) how the woman must look while doing their laundry list of activities. IMO, These men are NOT submissives. I will add my voice to the women on here who stated one of their pet peeves being the "no show" or "disappearing" men. It is why I require a face to face meeting quickly. In my experience, the ones who immediately state they wish to be my "slave" and will do anything and everything I want to "make me happy" are the ones who will cut and run as soon as I say, "Meet me for coffee and we will talk". <chuckle>

LadyHibiscus -> RE: submissive men -pet peeves (12/3/2007 9:46:27 AM)
Sincere and honest submissives/bottoms, I have no particular gripe with. Everyone has their stuff, and I make allowances. The ones that grind my gears are the ones who want what they want, and figure that lying is the way to get it. And what ShaktiSama posted, so true!

rubberpet -> RE: submissive men -pet peeves (12/3/2007 11:01:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama Pet peeves...well, all the usual things. But I have also noticed a trend among some submissives that I've come to call "Looking for Mistress Right". Essentially, when you start talking with a man, you discover that he is looking for someone "worthy" of his submission. There are all sorts of things this woman has to be, but overall it's understood that this female paragon is expected to be physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, politically and sexually perfect, and to meet his exacting standards in every way. She's the embodiment of a fantasy, not a human being. Initially it might be flattering to be mistaken for such a woman, but in general once a man hints at this mindset, I take it as a warning flag. As time goes by I will probably take it as a reason to punch out of the conversation. It could just be that these men are paragons of perfection themselves, and are seeking what they offer--but I'm repulsed by that kind of narcissism anyway. And I must observe that having such a high standard is a very effective defense mechanism against having to really face and explore your submissive feelings in real life. It's also a very effective defense mechanism against having real love in your life. Love seldom arrives in the expected packaging, in my experience. Unless the only love you're capable of feeling is for shiny wrapping paper. Hmmmm, from a subby point of view, I wanted to find a domme that was worthy of my submission. My submission is a gift, just like my heart. I only want to serve the one who is worthy of the love and effort I will bring. Unlike some subs that are still looking, I had years of experience in serving an owner. I learned a great deal from my first owner and that knowledge and skills that I developed along the way helped me a great deal in finding a worthy owner. So yes, I wanted someone worthy of my submission. Dommes want a subby that's worthy of their dominance, so why can't a subby want a domme worthy of his submission? My expectations weren't unrealistic. I simply wanted to find a domme that wanted love and romance to go with the D/s. I have an odd personality that very few can get along with. I'm not for everybody...I know that. My kink for rubber is a bit unusual for most females. I needed to click with my domme. On top of everything else, she had to be "Mistress Right". I'm not saying I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread, but I felt that my submission truely is special and it's not something I choose to give out freely. It must be earned, just like my trust. Overall, Mistress may not be perfect, but She is perfect for me and therefore the only one who I feel is worthy of my submission. She is perfect because She exceeded all my expectations...as my domme, my girlfriend, and my fantasy! In other words, I don't agree with your post the least bit. Some subbies out here are looking for a realistic, genuine thing. Like subgeoff said, you have to dig through the shit to get the gold. Some subbies settle for just about anything to be with a domme, others expect to have a fetish movie for a life. Having high expectations is a natural thing, just don't make the expectations impossible to reach.

LadyChef -> RE: submissive men -pet peeves (12/3/2007 11:07:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MystressDream quote: ORIGINAL: pixelslave quote: ORIGINAL: rubberpet I feel ya. There are so many "submissives" out here that ruin things for the ones who are ligitimately looking for a complete relationship with a dominant woman. Dommes are already outnumbered 100-1 by subbies to start with. No wonder it is so difficult to get their attention because they keep getting approached by those sending form letters to everyone they see, those who use cheesy lines, those who are just looking for wank fodder, and those who are are just wasting time. The dommes get jaded and fed up with the bullshit...it's as simple as that. rubberpet, I abhor using the word "real", so I'll state my response a bit differently. I have to wonder if a large part of the 100:1 you mention are all legitimately submissive men. Perhaps many of them, including the "poofers" frequently mentioned on the boards here are actually fantasy seekers, wankers, men just looking to get laid, or those who are perhaps looking for a new experience (or to explore one) that aren't genuinely in their hearts submissive material. You might say these men create "noise" that's added the messages sent to Mistresses from men that are genuinely seeking D/s relationships with them. As a result, the great amount of "noise" or volume from those additional messages may be causing the legitimate messages to be overlooked. Thus your 100:1 number is proabably far less when you exclude the men who aren't actually submissive or men the ladies here would consider appropriate candidates for a D/s relationship. [&:] Just a bit of food for thought... - pixel Collared to Majik I believe you have hit the nail on the head with this post, pixelslave. If the odds were really 100-1 in favor of Female Dominants, then none of us would still be seeking. What I have encountered are a huge number of "bedroom submissives" (my personal definition of these men NOTE THE MY, is they are simply men who like kinky sex. Period.), or men with profiles detailing out everything they want, how they want it, and (in many cases) how the woman must look while doing their laundry list of activities. IMO, These men are NOT submissives. I will add my voice to the women on here who stated one of their pet peeves being the "no show" or "disappearing" men. It is why I require a face to face meeting quickly. In my experience, the ones who immediately state they wish to be my "slave" and will do anything and everything I want to "make me happy" are the ones who will cut and run as soon as I say, "Meet me for coffee and we will talk". <chuckle> Here , I thought it was just happening to Me. I am so thankful for these message boards. I now know that I am not alone in these situations. Now I have a better understanding on how to deal with them. Thanks MystressDream [:)]

rick19 -> RE: submissive men -pet peeves (12/3/2007 11:39:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shootingstar67 What is your greatest pet peeve dealing with submissive men? I am a switch male, but still I notice a lot of self-loathing among male subs, and its pretty depressing.

rubberpet -> RE: submissive men -pet peeves (12/3/2007 12:28:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pixelslave quote: ORIGINAL: rubberpet I feel ya. There are so many "submissives" out here that ruin things for the ones who are ligitimately looking for a complete relationship with a dominant woman. Dommes are already outnumbered 100-1 by subbies to start with. No wonder it is so difficult to get their attention because they keep getting approached by those sending form letters to everyone they see, those who use cheesy lines, those who are just looking for wank fodder, and those who are are just wasting time. The dommes get jaded and fed up with the bullshit...it's as simple as that. rubberpet, I abhor using the word "real", so I'll state my response a bit differently. I have to wonder if a large part of the 100:1 you mention are all legitimately submissive men. Perhaps many of them, including the "poofers" frequently mentioned on the boards here are actually fantasy seekers, wankers, men just looking to get laid, or those who are perhaps looking for a new experience (or to explore one) that aren't genuinely in their hearts submissive material. You might say these men create "noise" that's added the messages sent to Mistresses from men that are genuinely seeking D/s relationships with them. As a result, the great amount of "noise" or volume from those additional messages may be causing the legitimate messages to be overlooked. Thus your 100:1 number is proabably far less when you exclude the men who aren't actually submissive or men the ladies here would consider appropriate candidates for a D/s relationship. [&:] Just a bit of food for thought... - pixel Collared to Majik Hey pixel, I was using the term "submissives" in reference to the 100-1 ratio very loosely and it certainly was not based on any exact figures. Notice I even put the word submissives in quotations. I was simply stating that there are quite a few submissives for every one domme. Granted, a huge majority are just clueless, inept wankers that don't understand the beauty of a D/s relationship and they do a disservice to those who are genuine submissives by classifying themselves as such. While I applaud you for clarifying things, try not to take things so exact or literal next time. It was simply a reference point stating the difference in numbers between submissives and dommes.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: submissive men -pet peeves (12/3/2007 1:04:49 PM)
Rubberpet, what we are referring to when we talk about the men who are looking for "worthy" women (and yes, I will leap out on a limb here and respond for us all!) we mean the men who say that they will do anything for the dominant who is 5'8', 36DD, size 2, long red hair, and always wears black leather. Or whatever their current fantasy wank is. Their submission is directly related to the woman's perceived desirability as a sex object, and their eroticized idea of what submission is. They might actually be damn fine submissives, but who are they going to submit TO? Certainly not this middle aged broad with a booty to match the boobs! Now, never let it be said that I don't have a mental picture of my ideal submissive! I would be thrilled silly to find some well built 6'2" military man with green eyes, a big reliable dick, a big brain, a sense of humor, and a trust fund! Fantasies are fun, aren't they? :)

rubberpet -> RE: submissive men -pet peeves (12/3/2007 1:23:29 PM)
LadyHibiscus, I hear what you are saying on that one. Those type of subbies live in a fantasy world. It is an unrealistic view of what a dominant woman "should" be. It's not fair to any domme out here. They are everyday women with everyday lives with everday responsibilities like kids, work, bills, and everything else that is "unsexy"...lol. Their dominance should make them sexy and desirable, not just high heels, black leather, and a tiny waist.

irishjoe -> RE: submissive men -pet peeves (12/3/2007 2:02:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressDolly Submissive men - men who submit. What's there to complain about in a man who's dominant in the outside world yet submissive to that one Female he finds lovely, adorable and worthy of servitude and worship? Men who find delight in submitting to female authority (particularly beyond :) the bedroom) are a.o.k in my book. This is exactly the kind of relationship i have been searching for, absolutely read my mind!

thetammyjo -> RE: submissive men -pet peeves (12/3/2007 3:43:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus the dominant who is 5'8', 36DD, size 2, l Anyone looking for that is going to be looking a long time cause the biggest size 2 for women I could find doing a google search was 33 bust and it only went to C cup.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: submissive men -pet peeves (12/3/2007 4:23:45 PM)
Exactly, Tammyjo! LOL!

missAnn77 -> RE: submissive men -pet peeves (12/3/2007 4:39:04 PM)
Tammyjo you actually googled that ? Wow! Well I must say as a Married switch that has a husband who could be considered a dom but doesn't want to really participate as much as I do in the lifestyle I also have a pet peeve about all the wankers and poofers that just dissapear after they get your hopes up that you and that said person might be a great match. Frankly its just sad when someone seeks to decieve you like that. But hey this is life online and I really have to agree with just about everything that has been said there are some Real and genuine subs out there that really have a heart for service to their appropriate match. I personaly am not looking for perfection, just a good fit with someone thats Honest about what they would like to have but doesn't insist on having their way because isn't it all about the Relationship between the two...because it goes both ways with the right kind of communication, etc. ? Miss Ann

ShaktiSama -> RE: submissive men -pet peeves (12/3/2007 4:58:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sensubmaybe I wish there was a way to break the cycle. If I read a profile and I don't meet the requirement I don't write. Again, it's too bad, I read any number that seem like we might actually be a great fit but rather than expect someone to consider flexibility, I just say "next." On another topic...I like your photos, especially the black and white. Always been a fan of b&w. Many thanks for the kind words about my photography. I do try. :) I honestly have no idea how to break the cycle of unrealistic expectations. This is why I try mostly to meet people who are interested in my art, or helping me gain skills. I want to meet people and I want to keep my heart and mind open to the possibilities, just have to work within a realistic framework. A sub in the hand is worth a million on the Net! [:)]

ShaktiSama -> RE: submissive men -pet peeves (12/3/2007 5:11:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rubberpet In other words, I don't agree with your post the least bit. Sorry you feel that way. I agree that being a "subslut" who will give it up to anyone is not particularly attractive either! And I understand that submission is a gift. But from my point of view, the person whose worth is proved by submission is not necessarily the one who receives it. [;)]

MsBearlee -> RE: submissive men -pet peeves (12/3/2007 5:28:10 PM)
Gee, this doesn’t seem to be a very positive topic; but I’m pleased to see so many positive responses! Some things to remember: There are ten (or is it 100) times the men to women here, so of course there are more male’s who displease others. Still, percentage wise, in my experience there are as many female submissives who get scared and run, and who have some (very odd), preconceived idea about what IS D/s. And look at what the ‘real’ submissive men write: that Dominas up and disappear all the time! It’s not a guy thing, it’s not a submissive thing. Look…this is just another online dating service; it’s not Aladdin’s lamp! It’s a numbers game…you gotta go through a BUNCH of oysters to find your pearl, get over it. Write from the heart, ask questions, be realistic, meet sooner than later, follow your instincts, and if you decide he’s not for you, for heaven’s sake, just be polite and move on! Could be, if ya have pet peeves, you have the wrong pet. Just my opinion, Beverly

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