RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1

RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 (Full Version)

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Faramir -> RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 (8/15/2005 12:57:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cmatrix4761 That's quite narrowminded. I didn't mean these were supposed to be ethics; that's why I put 'Just my thoughts'; because it's just that: my thoughts. Although I do find it humorous how defensive you seemed to have gotten; did I hit a nerve? Haha, -- CM Is that a poker up your ass or did I hit a nerve? Ha ha

sudja -> RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 (8/15/2005 1:00:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ehlovindom I am looking for opinions from others on the site about the following experience. A woman joins the site, and her profile is nicely written and expresses that she is new to lifestyle. I send her an email and she responds the next day with a very long and intriguing email that tells me quite a bit about herself. I respond to that email that day but then I get no response. I discover the email hasn’t been read and now her profile says she is “under consideration” and won’t talk to others without permission. This person was on the site for about three or four days, very new to the lifestyle, expresses her desire to chat with others and learn and then accepts this “collar of consideration.” Am I being unreasonable? Does anyone see any red flags here? Is it sour grapes on my part? Well, yeah, it's possible she's being taken advantage of. It's also possible that something clicked for her. I know that when I first started talking to the Woman who is now my Mistress I wasn't "looking" - but once we started talking I considered myself "off the market." I knew if there was going to be anybody, it was going to be Her. I was right. sudja

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 (8/15/2005 1:58:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Padriag he doesn't mention he's even considering anyone, etc. Ladies, if a dom behaves this way, here's $2, buy a clue... it says a lot about where you actually rate in his world. Let's face it, more than likely the dom is worried that it's not a sure thing, so he tries to keep it in his back pocket to hedge his bets. Women prefer being "the one" and generally don't like knowing a guy is out shopping around. Actually, they like knowing whether he is shopping around or not, and will usually be more attracted to the one who is NOT shopping around. The entire Under Consideration thing, just like the whole Mentoring thing, COULD be an entirely useful system. It COULD be used for the sub to get ahold of her wits and explore before making a bad mistake on commitment. It COULD be used as a time to do just what it says- consider the situation. However, how often can we say that's really what the sub and dom are doing when the words "under consideration" come into play?

fig -> RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 (8/15/2005 2:13:41 PM)
I think banning a sub from talking to others in the lifestyle is one of the big red flags of a poor quality dom. In fact, I've found that subs benefit enormously from having someone else to talk to. Other subs tend to give a sub more encouragement to give consent to procedures that before may have been too onerous.

zaynab -> RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 (8/15/2005 4:15:20 PM)
My guess is that she probably got one billion emails when she first joined, and put that on there to help cut down on the number of emails she was getting. It can be intimidating and there's not enough time to answer them all quickly. Too stressful. And if you dont answer them all in a nice and sociable manner, the person sending it will assume you are a snob when really you were just overwhelmed by how many flooded in.

Mylee -> RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 (8/15/2005 6:33:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesertRat Not sure if "sour grapes" is the best term for it but, yeah, seems like something like that. Maybe your expectations were too high, so you set yourself up for a big disappointment? I do that sometimes, but that is how I learn. Bob Bob..i just have NO idea why you dont have subs falling at your feet, I have loved each and every one of yours posts, i keep sending you wishes and luck for finding 'her'... `mylee (Sorry this was off topic, but bob is just to cute for words)

ehlovindom -> RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 (8/15/2005 7:18:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2 quote: ORIGINAL: ehlovindom This person was on the site for about three or four days, very new to the lifestyle, expresses her desire to chat with others and learn and then accepts this “collar of consideration.” Am I being unreasonable? Does anyone see any red flags here? Is it sour grapes on my part? You were too slow, fresh meat is a hot commodity here. Whether it ends up becoming tomorrows "bad first experience" for her or her absolute soul mate, what's done is done. Move on and be gracious. Newbies are often in frenzy and more than willing to be snatched up, accept it and maybe you'll be speedy enough next time. I am not sure if you are being sarcastic or serious but if it is the latter, I would stronlgy disagree with you. This isn't a race and I am not looking for fresh meat! Sorry if my response is not gracious.

ehlovindom -> RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 (8/15/2005 7:22:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Angrylibrarian actually the 'under consideration' concept is a bad one, not that I'm preaching a solution. It's an arbitrary tool that lets a dominant wannabe put a girl on hold so she wont find out what a putz he is compared to others. If a guy does that he's insecure. I can not think of a single good reason, relationship wise or other why someone would need to do that but hey, we all have that problem with insecurity now and again. If a girl is under consideration by a man and she likes him she hardly has to take herself off the market to do it. Someday I'd like to see submissives putting "being considered by so and so, so and so, so and so and so and so." That way their fellow submissives might see whose zooming who if you know what I mean. Interesting thoughts. Thanks for sharing. What about the Doms putting down on their profiles who they have given this "collar of consideration" to?

ehlovindom -> RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 (8/15/2005 7:26:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Faramir quote: ORIGINAL: ehlovindom Is it sour grapes on my part? Hella sour grapes. Brother, this is going to happen to you oh, like 85 more times. You can accept that women at this and other sites will frequently do things that chap your ass, and keep wlaking your path with dignity, or you can not accept it, let it get to you, and come to the forums with bitching about how you got done wrong...with no dignity. I am so sorry I was bitching and lack dignity. I will try to do much better next time. Please forgive my chappy little ass.

Lordandmaster -> RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 (8/15/2005 7:55:33 PM)
Did we forget to take our Zoloft today? quote: ORIGINAL: Faramir Is that a poker up your ass or did I hit a nerve? Ha ha

Faramir -> RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 (8/16/2005 7:04:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ehlovindom I am so sorry I was bitching and lack dignity. I will try to do much better next time. Please forgive my chappy little ass. You don't sound sorry. You sound like you didn't like the answer to your question, and it hurt your feelings, and instead of listening to some very straight talk, you are venting your hurt feelings with some sarcasm. I'm not trying to shit on you, or fuck with you - I'm just telling you how things are, straight up, no sugar on it.

Mondschein -> RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 (8/16/2005 2:56:41 PM)
I've learned to be careful with very long, descriptive emails, because I've known of people who prepare a single email and send it to everyone who emails them. Eventually, they'll pick one who interests them the most. Regardless, it is odd.

ehlovindom -> RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 (8/16/2005 5:03:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Faramir quote: ORIGINAL: ehlovindom I am so sorry I was bitching and lack dignity. I will try to do much better next time. Please forgive my chappy little ass. You don't sound sorry. You sound like you didn't like the answer to your question, and it hurt your feelings, and instead of listening to some very straight talk, you are venting your hurt feelings with some sarcasm. I'm not trying to shit on you, or fuck with you - I'm just telling you how things are, straight up, no sugar on it. Telling me your opinion on the situation is fine and welcome. Telling me that I came to the forum bitching and without any diginity is your ASSumption. There were many positive comments and observations to my question, and while the first part of your original response that this was going to happen often, while correct, is completely obvious. The latter half of your comments were unnecessary and prompted my sarcastic response. Telling me straight up how things are is cool. Interpreting who I am and my personality isn't.

strongwill -> RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 (8/16/2005 6:00:09 PM)
Oh your so cool no really i mean i've a crush on you now lol quote: ORIGINAL: ivana When i first read the OP i suddenly became terrified it was about me. i think there are at least one or two male Doms who could very easily have said the exact same thing in regards to what i've done as well. i'm choosing to do it this way (almost exactly as you described except that it was a month and would have given you an explaination not a blank wall) for a couple of reasons. Ironically to me, the main one is for safety both physical and emotional. Even as i type this, i know how ignorant that must sound, but i honestly need to focus wholeheartedly on one person at at time while i learn what they're about. Liars and cheaters write great profiles too and i'm the first to admit i'm not good at judging character. Basically this "collar" is my way of saying i'm considering someone that i think i want to consider me, not "i have found the One." It may seem fast but it really isn't jumping in with both feet, it's taking the time to test the water. i wouldn't have agreed to the arrangement without some at least basic compatibility information upfront, but i'm learning so very fast how broad a spectrum there is in D/s and how necessary it is to get down to the real details so that i don't get hurt physically or emotionally because i'm in over my head and admittedly need help finding my way. Secondly, maybe i'm wrong (what do i know? i'm a newbie,) i like to think it's more respectful to take it one day at a time, one Dom at a time. There's just as much a chance that he won't be "the One" as there is that he will. But isn't my goal to find out? i just see myself at this point as a complete BDSM virgin and will take it as slow as i need to. Don't let me be one of those whose first experience sends them screaming for the hills, never to return. Please, not me. It does seem red-flaggish and i totally understand how you might feel this way by this behaviour. i see it in myself but i understand my motivations and do not profess to understand anyone elses. Thank you for listening. ~ivana

thelight -> RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 (8/16/2005 6:16:51 PM)
i haven't read through the thread, so i apologize if i'm being redundant. she has bad ettiquette. the way i see it, if someone just responds to your profile, you don't owe them a reply. but if you take a step toward furthering a relationship by responding to their message, and then later decide you don't want anything to do with them, at least have the courtesy to send a dear john letter. ignoring someone after you've entered into dialogue with them is just downright rude.

ManOwner -> RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 (8/16/2005 7:13:08 PM)
Not to mention ignoring someone after you've played with them, and you apparently decide you'd rather part ways. 9 out of 10 sub males do this to me. I wonder if submissiveness makes males more likely to be spineless flakes.

NakedOnMyChain -> RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 (8/17/2005 2:27:36 AM)
It's almost never wise to accept a relationship that quickly. Especially where there is a potential for bodily and emotional danger. If I were you, I'd keep waving those red flags as high as you can.

ChereeAmoor -> RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 (8/17/2005 7:18:56 AM)
Good lord, I take longer than that to tie my shoes!! well....no.....not really.....but I have moved slowly in the past and it has paid off bigtime, so now I recommend it to the world. [:D]

ehlovindom -> RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 (8/17/2005 7:36:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NakedOnMyChain It's almost never wise to accept a relationship that quickly. Especially where there is a potential for bodily and emotional danger. If I were you, I'd keep waving those red flags as high as you can. Thanks but I am amazed at how many never see those flags!

ehlovindom -> RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 (8/17/2005 7:38:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ManOwner Not to mention ignoring someone after you've played with them, and you apparently decide you'd rather part ways. 9 out of 10 sub males do this to me. I wonder if submissiveness makes males more likely to be spineless flakes. I hope you find that number 10!

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