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Kissing bad kissers - 12/3/2007 9:32:46 PM

slaverosebeauty

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Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
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I have started to date again, the dates are going well, but the kissing [their part] {shutters} can use work. I have been told I am a good kisser, I have a techinique that works for me.

Guy number 1, is like a hover, I would almost swear he was leaving hickies on my mouth {no marks, i looked in the mirror} that much suction is good in other places, but that's not gonna happen in the near future, tyvm. He asked me out again.

Guy number 2, is a wet and slobbery kisser, I have to wipe my face afterwards {yuck}. I saw him again, thats how I found out what kinda kisser he is, and he has asked to see me again next week.

Maybe these guys are just a bit 'excited' things got a bit 'interesting' but I remain a 'virgin' with both, so I thought I would be fair and give each another date, next week. I like both guys, but kissing is VERY important to me; they are both dominant by nature and have made more than a few remarks that were anything but vanilla, so I'm sure I'm dealing with closet kinkers; guy number 2, has read Anne Rampling as well as 'the Claiming of Sleeping Beauty' and we had a great discussion about that.

My question is HOW can I get either of these guys to be a better kisser without coming out and saying, 'are you trying to suck my face off?' or 'want some crackers then we can try again?' I am normally very blunt and can be honest, but, I want to be tactfull and polite, not always my strength. Any realistic advice.

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Post #: 1

RE: Kissing bad kissers - 12/3/2007 9:38:23 PM

laurell3

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That's rough. I've never seen it change when two people's style doesn't match. I'm not sure it's good or bad kissing as much as everyone is different. Maybe you could approach it like "do you think I kiss weird" as it seems the two of your styles are quite different. I'm not sure there's a real nontactful way to say I don't like x. I'm not sure there has to be honestly.

good luck with that!

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 2

RE: Kissing bad kissers - 12/3/2007 9:42:35 PM

sexyred1

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Honestly? If a guy is bad at kissing, it is a major problem for me. And no amount of wishing will make it change. I find a good kisser is like chemistry, it just works. There is no teaching.

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 3

RE: Kissing bad kissers - 12/3/2007 9:44:41 PM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
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Thanks for the advice. Its the 2 guys who kiss differently, my technique is as consitant as possible, except for trying not to need a bib and a crobar. I know different men kiss differently, but this is a deal breaker, if I can't get either of them to 'adjust' a bit. It may come down to 'the kiss.' That reminds me of that song, 'It's In His Kiss.' What do their kissing styles say? lol

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 4

RE: Kissing bad kissers - 12/3/2007 9:47:35 PM

MissMorrigan

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Joined: 1/15/2005
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People aren't born instant great kissers, it's a learned technique and gained from experience. I think anyone can learn new techniques provided they are taught them. My own boy, for instance, had very limited experience with the opposite sex until he came to me. Sure he'd had sexual experiences but nothing that a consistent relationship could ensure development of techniques and his focuses in life didn't include wondering about his kissing techniques. And now... He's a great kisser, I adore his mouth.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 5

RE: Kissing bad kissers - 12/3/2007 9:52:40 PM

liminalRapture

Posts: 181
Joined: 9/6/2007
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Wait Wait Don't Tell Me reported 2 surveys about a month ago. Men <gasp> rate womens' looks very highly in selecting whom they wish to date. (Are you shocked? I'm so glad social science is actually studying these unknown issues!) Women rate mens' ability to kiss very high. (Men didn't seem to, which is, I think, because, as a general, stereotyped rule with many exceptions, mediocre sex is better for men than it is for women, imo.)

There's an excellent reason. A guy who can't kiss well probably can't do much of anything else well either. And if he isn't following your body language there, why would he do it elsewhere? It is a cruel, cruel world, but I think kissing is the first test for whether a man will be able to work with our bodies on lots of things. Having persisted a few times with lousy kissers (never to the point of intercourse, but given them a month or so to see if we could figure it out) I now cut my losses.

_____________________________

"Ring the bells that can still ring. Forget your perfect offering. There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." Leonard Cohen.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 6

RE: Kissing bad kissers - 12/3/2007 9:58:19 PM

laurell3

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Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty

Thanks for the advice. Its the 2 guys who kiss differently, my technique is as consitant as possible, except for trying not to need a bib and a crobar. I know different men kiss differently, but this is a deal breaker, if I can't get either of them to 'adjust' a bit. It may come down to 'the kiss.' That reminds me of that song, 'It's In His Kiss.' What do their kissing styles say? lol

No what Im saying is you kiss different than guy A, so a tactful way to make it his idea to discuss it without hurting his feelings is to point out how different the two of you are by saying something like "do you think I kiss weird". Maybe just giving it more time and seeing how it goes would work too.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 7

RE: Kissing bad kissers - 12/3/2007 10:06:05 PM

SugarMyChurro

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I say it takes two to tango. Bad kisser? First, look in the mirror...

Bad chemistry comes in pairs.

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 8

RE: Kissing bad kissers - 12/3/2007 10:10:58 PM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SugarMyChurro

I say it takes two to tango. Bad kisser? First, look in the mirror...

Bad chemistry comes in pairs.

Totally disagree, haven't you ever met someone who you felt chemistry for and they had none for you or vice versa? It did not mean that you or the other person were bad people or not attractive; it simply meant that you were wrong for each other.

So, then by logical reasoning, one could be a great kisser and still encounter a very bad kisser. Has nothing to do with looking in the mirror and bad chemistry does not come in pairs, it usually comes in one or the other.

Otherwise there would not be a pair to begin with, n'est pas?

(in reply to SugarMyChurro)

Post #: 9

RE: Kissing bad kissers - 12/3/2007 10:13:37 PM

MissMorrigan

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I completely agree with your 'bad chemistry' comment. However, techniques can be improved upon and the nicest way of getting someone to develop them is to show them as poeple tend to mimick behaviours and I know, from experience, that if I start nibbling, gently biting his lips and using my tongue to explore his mouth he tends to reciprocate.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SugarMyChurro

I say it takes two to tango. Bad kisser? First, look in the mirror...

Bad chemistry comes in pairs.

(in reply to SugarMyChurro)

Post #: 10

RE: Kissing bad kissers - 12/3/2007 10:26:31 PM

MissMorrigan

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
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If you are going to use logical reasoning, make it consistent. You said "There is no teaching". People are not born 'good' kissers, it's relative to the individual they are kissing. What works for one, doesn't necessarily for someone else. So, by your 'logical reasoning', how on earth does a person become such a good kisser if it's not through their repeated experiences and learned techniques?

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
Totally disagree, haven't you ever met someone who you felt chemistry for and they had none for you or vice versa? It did not mean that you or the other person were bad people or not attractive; it simply meant that you were wrong for each other.

So, then by logical reasoning, one could be a great kisser and still encounter a very bad kisser. Has nothing to do with looking in the mirror and bad chemistry does not come in pairs, it usually comes in one or the other.

Otherwise there would not be a pair to begin with, n'est pas?

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 11

RE: Kissing bad kissers - 12/3/2007 10:34:52 PM

sexyred1

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I was born a good kisser. Some people have more of an aptitude for sports, some for kissing, etc.

I will grant you that when I first kissed my first little boy at age 4, I probably was not that good, but then during teen years I improved and by the time I fell in love at 18, I was a rock star.

If you feel you want to teach a man to kiss, good for you. I am not a teacher. I can only show by example, as you say, but there are basics and I believe that both the OP and I are speaking of complete disasters.

If you have anything else you care to ask me, feel free, I might be here for a bit longer.

(in reply to MissMorrigan)

Post #: 12

RE: Kissing bad kissers - 12/3/2007 10:56:06 PM

MissMorrigan

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Joined: 1/15/2005
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You can only show by example which, in essence, means that someone is learning from you and therefore, being taught techniques they wouldn't normarily have until they met their rock star.

I came across this article on another site yesterday:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/12/03/bad.kissers/index.html

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
I was born a good kisser. Some people have more of an aptitude for sports, some for kissing, etc.

I will grant you that when I first kissed my first little boy at age 4, I probably was not that good, but then during teen years I improved and by the time I fell in love at 18, I was a rock star.

If you feel you want to teach a man to kiss, good for you. I am not a teacher. I can only show by example, as you say, but there are basics and I believe that both the OP and I are speaking of complete disasters.

If you have anything else you care to ask me, feel free, I might be here for a bit longer.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 13

RE: Kissing bad kissers - 12/3/2007 11:01:03 PM

sexyred1

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Joined: 8/9/2007
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Yes, the article agrees with what I and others on the thread have said and it also agrees with you that some people can be taught to be better kisses.

Happy now?

(in reply to MissMorrigan)

Post #: 14

RE: Kissing bad kissers - 12/3/2007 11:13:43 PM

MissMorrigan

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Joined: 1/15/2005
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I am happy that the article indicates that techniques CAN be improved upon, but then, I was happy regardless of your input, but pleased to note that your grandiose sense of self-importance is shared only by you and your ego.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
Yes, the article agrees with what I and others on the thread have said and it also agrees with you that some people can be taught to be better kisses.

Happy now?

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 15

RE: Kissing bad kissers - 12/3/2007 11:16:48 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan

I am happy that the article indicates that techniques CAN be improved upon, but then, I was happy regardless of your input, but pleased to note that your grandiose sense of self-importance is shared only by you and your ego.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
Yes, the article agrees with what I and others on the thread have said and it also agrees with you that some people can be taught to be better kisses.

Happy now?

LOL How utterly predictable; so says the woman who had to have the last word in such a benign thread. Go back to your testicle milking thread, dear, I am sure you have more fans who are impressed by your rapier like wit.

I am done with you. Later, babes.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 12/3/2007 11:17:38 PM >

(in reply to MissMorrigan)

Post #: 16

RE: Kissing bad kissers - 12/4/2007 12:39:08 AM

Termyn8or

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Joined: 11/12/2005
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red, I hope you are not running away.

Actually the first line of this would be different.

How about something constructive. Now I am not saying I am good, but sometimes I can wrap my toungue around your's and pull. Only a little bit, there is no traction, well unless one of us is a lizard or something.

As a Man I would always be interested in learning how to please Women, it's kinda a thing with us. But I need to know more about what you want. And no two Women are the same either. But getting general, I think those who have been fueling this thread owe us a little bit in the way of explanation.

I know that it can't get too detailed but the major point of it should be brought up. Do you want me to play and peck, nibble your lip, or do you want my tongue pretty much down your throat ? There comes a time you want something to invade you down there, is that true on the top as well ?

This is a legitimate question, what do you want, a dance inside the mouth, or a forceful thing ? One girl told me to blow into her, but another hated that. Biting the tongue is another issue. Not really biting, but nibbling. Some want, some don't.

Let's put it this way, I need to know what you want, I simply cannot read your mind. You must express yourself. You might try tact if the guy is otherwise good. The slobbery guy, put a cracker in your mouth, play around that. Tell him why. Because when it gets down and dirty you might just not mind his slobber all over your hoo ha. And you might miss out on a guy who could take you to the moon because you can't utter a few simple words. Or can't find them.

But finding the words is another story, you do not want to offend, but then you were looking for a Man right ? Do you want one with an ego so fragile that you can't even tell him what pleases you and what does not ?

Please don't let me have the last word on this.

T

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 17

RE: Kissing bad kissers - 12/4/2007 12:40:02 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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I find not being massively self absorbed and narcissistic helped...

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 18

RE: Kissing bad kissers - 12/4/2007 1:09:25 AM

MissMorrigan

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Joined: 1/15/2005
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Termyn8or, I think you make some valid points. We, as humans, naturally want to please one another and the first kiss between two people can be very awkward and sometimes does 'miss the mark' for a variety of reasons, but I do sincerely think that we respond better (physically) the more we get to know a person. Until we get to know them we can't possibly know how they enjoy being kissed/explored. It's also not one-sided, there are two persons kissing, and I know from my experiences that I have learned all the little things that really drives my boy wild when I kiss him but only b/c we've had a lot of practise doing it. The great thing is that I am still learning new things about him, we've kissed each other thousands of times and I still discover something new each day. Had I adopted the attitude of, "Lousy kisser, I'm not going to bother further" I'd have lost out on my life partner and deservedly so.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Termyn8or
As a Man I would always be interested in learning how to please Women, it's kinda a thing with us. But I need to know more about what you want. And no two Women are the same either. But getting general, I think those who have been fueling this thread owe us a little bit in the way of explanation.

I know that it can't get too detailed but the major point of it should be brought up. Do you want me to play and peck, nibble your lip, or do you want my tongue pretty much down your throat ? There comes a time you want something to invade you down there, is that true on the top as well ?

This is a legitimate question, what do you want, a dance inside the mouth, or a forceful thing ? One girl told me to blow into her, but another hated that. Biting the tongue is another issue. Not really biting, but nibbling. Some want, some don't.

Let's put it this way, I need to know what you want, I simply cannot read your mind. You must express yourself. You might try tact if the guy is otherwise good. The slobbery guy, put a cracker in your mouth, play around that. Tell him why. Because when it gets down and dirty you might just not mind his slobber all over your hoo ha. And you might miss out on a guy who could take you to the moon because you can't utter a few simple words. Or can't find them.

But finding the words is another story, you do not want to offend, but then you were looking for a Man right ? Do you want one with an ego so fragile that you can't even tell him what pleases you and what does not ?

Please don't let me have the last word on this.

T

(in reply to Termyn8or)

Post #: 19

RE: Kissing bad kissers - 12/4/2007 1:11:08 AM

SugarMyChurro

Posts: 1912
Joined: 4/26/2007
Status: offline

In all relationships you tend to get what you give in some way or another. If you want something out of it you have to put something into it.

When people get together, they do it at least in pairs. If they break up, they do that at least in pairs too. It's either a match or a mismatch - what more can be said?

But I would tend to agree with the overall message from MissMorrigan, communication is key. You can verbalize, you can show - skills can be taught and they can be learned.

Life isn't an episode of Seinfeld in which you can keep throwing out perfectly good catches over some tiny flaw. Sometimes you have to turn a minor defect into an asset instead.

Life is not a rehearsal, this is it.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 20

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