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taking pain - 12/4/2007 2:50:15 PM   
ricar00


Posts: 45
Joined: 2/11/2006
Status: offline 		i played with my Goddess on Saturday night at a private party.  She played with me throughout the night, three major periods of time. 
i am very vocal and animated when i get beaten.  Sometime during the last period of time she had me on the ground, on my knees, licking her feet as she hit me harder and harder.  I tossed and turned my body, sometimes flat on my stomach, but i kept returning to her boots to lick them.
the  pain really got to me at moments, so much that i wondered if i could take more.
The fact is that  i no longer play with limits with her. that is our agreement and our dynamic.

i guess there are a couple of questions.
1) Would a domme prefer to play with someone whose pain tolerance is less but who yearns to be pushed further and further or with someone who had more  pain tolerance and doesn't seem to struggle with the pain?
2) What do dommes think of subs/masochists who are stoic and take the pain as opposed to those who are animated, cry, scream, dance, swear, etc.

ricar00
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RE: taking pain - 12/4/2007 2:53:03 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Nice thread ricar

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RE: taking pain - 12/4/2007 2:53:58 PM   
MsBearlee


Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline 		 
Oh hunny... it depends on both the Dommina AND the boy!
 
Yer gonna get a BUNCH of responses here.  You should ask your Lady what SHE likes!
 
MsB

edited to add:

Yes, it IS a nice thread...and personally, I like a guy who can take at least SOME pain.  Hell, a flogging with a big elk-skin flogger doesn't even break the skin.  I like the physicality of swinging a whip/cane/paddle and the pure sadistic pleasure I get with a whole bunch of other toys.  Still, while I like to push it...I wouldn't go past what he can handle; and I would never permanently injure him.
 
Having said that...I don't think I'd like a guy who wouldn't be willing to at least explore what/where he could go with pain.  It's such a relative thing; a shame some guys opt out without ever trying!

< Message edited by MsBearlee -- 12/4/2007 2:59:33 PM >

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RE: taking pain - 12/4/2007 3:02:27 PM   
Oumae


Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline 		I enjoy the response and reaction... the amount of sensation I dole out is relative to getting the reaction I want usually so it doesn't matter too much if the sub can take a lot or not.  While I can enjoy a quiet reaction a totally stoic, no movement or communication in some form would put me off as I enjoy the connection with the sub and I see it as  an expression of it.

Oumae

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RE: taking pain - 12/4/2007 3:26:11 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Ladies, would it be off putting to meat a guy who was either such a pain slut, or just stubborn, that the sessions started to go beyond that which You were comfy. That is, if You knew no matter what You did the session didnt have a climax ( excuse the pun )

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RE: taking pain - 12/4/2007 3:32:33 PM   
MsBearlee


Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
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LOL    Okay, I'm not gonna start cutting off body parts!
 
Truth be told, I don't care if he climaxes or not...unless or until he's my boy, and when he is my boy...there are so many different ways to get him off, I'm sure neither of us would be dissappointed. 
 
But with regard to stubborn; I'm not a fan of stoic.  Besides...with the ebb and flow of pain and pleasure, I hardly ever find 'em to be all that stubborn.  
 
<grinz> 

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RE: taking pain - 12/4/2007 3:38:14 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Hi MsBearlee and thank you for the reply.

Uh oh.... i didnt actually mean climax in that way, although i have heard its possible to do so while just being spanked. I was thinking more of a submissive wanting to carry on until reaching the point where You had had enough. Him trying to out do You or refusing to use a safe word to prove a point. Does this take away the enjoyment for You ? Do You see it as a challenge or misbehaviour ?

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RE: taking pain - 12/4/2007 3:40:15 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ricar00

i guess there are a couple of questions.
1) Would a domme prefer to play with someone whose pain tolerance is less but who yearns to be pushed further and further or with someone who had more pain tolerance and doesn't seem to struggle with the pain?



Well, I love masochists, I've had a few, but to be honest I love the slave who gets no pleasure from pain other than the fact that he suffers for me. Over time, some forms of pain can be less or even become positive, that's what has happened to Fox, but for me the intense rush from having someone willingly suffer for me is incredible.

quote:


2) What do dommes think of subs/masochists who are stoic and take the pain as opposed to those who are animated, cry, scream, dance, swear, etc.



Bah, I'd go back in time to the later Roman Republic or early Empire if I wanted stoic.

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RE: taking pain - 12/4/2007 3:41:45 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

Hi MsBearlee and thank you for the reply.

Uh oh.... i didnt actually mean climax in that way, although i have heard its possible to do so while just being spanked. I was thinking more of a submissive wanting to carry on until reaching the point where You had had enough. Him trying to out do You or refusing to use a safe word to prove a point. Does this take away the enjoyment for You ? Do You see it as a challenge or misbehaviour ?


The attitude you describe is not a positive in my eyes.

However I did once own a wonderful masochists who could outlast me. We'd just take breaks and we did things at my pace not his because he was also my slave and knew better than to push me.

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RE: taking pain - 12/4/2007 3:46:32 PM   
MystressDream


Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsBearlee


LOL    Okay, I'm not gonna start cutting off body parts!
 
Truth be told, I don't care if he climaxes or not...unless or until he's my boy, and when he is my boy...there are so many different ways to get him off, I'm sure neither of us would be dissappointed. 
 
But with regard to stubborn; I'm not a fan of stoic.  Besides...with the ebb and flow of pain and pleasure, I hardly ever find 'em to be all that stubborn.  
 
<grinz> 


Ok... I think you missed the ".... the session didn't have a climax (exuse the pun)" part of his post.  <smile>
 
I am thinking he means if you are scening with a heavy masochist... one who doesn't respond much... would you keep going harder and harder beyond your own comfort zone in the attempt to get him to that special "zone".... into "subspace".... to the level many wish to reach.
 
If that is the question, my answer would be "no".  If he is unresponsive and his masochistic levels exceed my sadistic interests, we are not a good match.  I will not go past any comfort zone just to try to "get him there".
 
btw... Hey there, Bearlee.... <smile>  I hope to see you out and about sometime soon!

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RE: taking pain - 12/4/2007 3:59:16 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks again for the answers Ladies. MystressDream summed up what i was trying to get at very nicely.

Personally i havent had much pain, but oh boy, the look on Her face as i suffered for Her was incredible and made me strive that bit harder.

i think how much i would endure to please a Domina excedes how much i would endure to please myself. Its pleasing Her that rocks for me.

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RE: taking pain - 12/4/2007 6:22:42 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Good thread! And I'm with the Others ... forget the stoic ... that sucks LOL! I like to see the reaction, hear the noises, watch the wiggle ... and also hear them ask for more, see the bum rise in antici ... pation! And I like to see them grit their teeth and say "Yes Mistress" when I ask if they can take "Just another 5 more, just for Me". I don't push it too far though and I don't want to (and won't) go beyond MY comfort zone of inflicting pain. I stop when I've had enough, even if they are wanting more. I had one who tried to be stoic and I just stopped as it just wasn't pleasing or satisfying to Me. Nothing to feed off! In that case, I put down the flogger and put him in predicament bondage instead ... after about 20 minutes he was a lot less stoic!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: taking pain - 12/4/2007 7:39:19 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ricar00

i guess there are a couple of questions.
1) Would a domme prefer to play with someone whose pain tolerance is less but who yearns to be pushed further and further or with someone who had more  pain tolerance and doesn't seem to struggle with the pain?

I'd have to agree with MsBearlee.  It really does depend on the boy.  My current boy doesn't have an issue with pain, so I can go as far as I want with him and take him further and further with where he likes to go.
quote:


2) What do dommes think of subs/masochists who are stoic and take the pain as opposed to those who are animated, cry, scream, dance, swear, etc.

ricar00


I do have to say that I prefer animated.  I want to see that reaction.  Get the feedback.  However, I'm not big on the swearing thing.  I don't especially find it very respectful, and that isn't My style.  Tears of joy after a scene (from a particular female bottom that I've played with) were most enjoyable.


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RE: taking pain - 12/4/2007 8:09:26 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		I prefer some kind of response.  Stony stoicism or complete retreat is a little disturbing--it's nice when the sub responds SOMEHOW.  Of course, it helps if the response is informative--!

I once had a very funny experience with a wonderful man who was losing his BDSM "cherry" at a play party.  He had asked me for a little binding and beating, and I was very honored to be his first.  I secured him into a standing frame and proceeded to explore his toy bag with him, showing him what it was like to be struck with all the implements he had so lovingly and longingly collected over time, dreaming that this day would come.  Riding crop, floggers, slapper, the lot--he got a full treatment from neck to ankle with everything he had fantasized about.

I watched his face and body the whole time like a hawk, and looked/listened for the slightest sign that he could not handle the pain or the force.  Not a peep of complaint or even much of a wince as I slowly ramped up the sensations--he was smiling so beatifically I actually wondered if he was fibbing to me about it being his first time.  Was this really just the Biggest Pain Slut in the Universe?

Answer:  no it was not!  He was just so damned emotionally high that he couldn't experience what was happening to his body as pain!  I untied him, he bought me a diet coke, I petted him and we chatted a bit, and he went home happy as a lark.  It wasn't until he woke up the next morning that he realized that he looked like he'd been mauled by a tiger.

At the next party, he had a better sense of the boundaries that needed to be set.  He was still so happy that he couldn't stop smiling, but it was interspersed with a few oohs and ahs and he knew where he didn't want me leaving marks, at least! 

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RE: taking pain - 12/4/2007 8:25:05 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I am a sadist, and I say to all masochists THANK YOU very much! 

At this point, while I appreciate a submissive doing something to please me, I need partners who love the pain.  I want to go romper stomper, and not have to think about their boundaries outside common sense. 

That said, sincere reactions are good, excessive ones get on my nerves.  I appreciate stoicism, as long as it is not the kind of thing where the person totally retreats into their own little world that has nothing to do with me, except that I am the channel for the sensation.  (I had a guy who made lots of fun positive sounds while he was over my lap, but also that had more to do with the pictures in his mind that me and my lovely hands...also unsatisfying.)

One of my friends had a Navy SEAL who had that trip about being "broken".  For me, that's a dream date, but she found it ultimately frustrating, since it was not really possible to do. 

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RE: taking pain - 12/4/2007 10:17:34 PM   
KindLadyGrey


Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline 		It's hard for me to play with the stoic ones, because without feedback I don't know anything about how the scene is going. Have I done enough? Are they bored? What's going on in that subby/bottom head of theirs? Are they here or are they tuned into the mothership? I've never played with a stoic, but I think if I did I would ask them to give me some kind of constant feedback, which some would no doubt find annoying.

Personally, I am not a very big sadist (maybe a little one), so I don't really enjoy playing with painsluts. Also, if I want a workout, I'll go to the gym dammit! I'm a lazy Domme. If I tire myself out beating you, I expect one hell of a massage afterwards.

I prefer subs with more of a love hate relationship to pain. The ones who take it because I am giving it rather than because they like it. Sometimes, this means I do play with fragile lilies who safeword halfway into a relatively light spanking session and pass out if I swish my riding crop around. That's okay with me. They scare easily. I can work with scared.

Also, I greatly enjoy using corporal punishment as a disciplinary measure, which is completely impossible with a masochist or a painslut. I know, because I'm a masochist. A spanking is like the best massage in the world to me; there's no way in hell it would ever serve as any kind of behavioral control. I wouldn't want to play with me unless I was a sadist, which I'm really not. I'm a lot more hardcore when I play on the subside than when I play on the Dommeside.

On the Dommeside, the subs I like to play with are submissive sensualists who like my voice and my touch and have a natural desire to please. They would much rather be on my lap getting petted and adored than over my lap getting a painful (to them) spanking. I'm a cuddle whore at heart, and if I enjoy spanking a wiggling submissive bottom and listening to the whimpers and cries, it's not because I like inflicting pain, but because I love the exercise of control. Those little noises are music to my ears because it means the sub is dancing to my tune. And tears. . .ecstasy, they are mine!

Obviously though, that's just me. I've been told by plenty of other folks in the lifestyle that I'm a softie and far too nice, and gotten more than a few strange looks when I insist that cuddles alone can totally be Dominant. More rudely, I've been informed by some submissives that I'm not a "real Domme" because I don't get into some of the more hardcore sadistic stuff like CBT. It's not that I've never done it or wouldn't do it, but it's definitely not part of my normal repertoire. So if you're a masochist and you want a Dom/me to beat the shit out of you, I'm obviously not your lady, but I can refer you to a few who might like that!

So for me, pushing the pain issue isn't really what I enjoy. I enjoy the sensualism of the experience itself and the power trip of control. I really don't care what a subs pain tolerance is, as long as it isn't so high that I have to break a sweat every time I take it on.

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RE: taking pain - 12/4/2007 10:36:28 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		greetings ricar,

my situation with my master is similar to yours in terms of pain...although he would not get angry with me for asking him to stop if he pushed me past my threshold, i don't, and i usually beg for him to push me beyond what i am capable of taking. i'm not very stoic about it, though, hehehe.

in terms of what i am seeking...i would probably prefer someone whose pain threshold was lower but who is open to being pushed a bit. my sadistic tendencies are mild, so i'm more likely to fit better with someone who's not an extreme masochist. i think there is a time and place for stoicism, and sometimes it can be erotic both to watch a submissive be stoic and to try and be stoic when i am in that position as well (being beaten)...but in general, i prefer not to be stoic, and i prefer those i top not to be stoic. i love experiencing people's physical reactions, and that is really important to me.

as others have said, though...this is really going to vary, and you should talk to your domme about it!

greetings politesub,

as tammyjo mentioned, i really don't care for that particular attitude towards things. my sadistic tendencies are mild and my physical limitations due to health issues are many and complicated, and i would prefer to be with someone who finds what i can give pleasurable, not someone who i feel uncomfortable with because they can "outdo" me, so to speak. that's not to say i would always be displeased by this particular attitude, but it is definitely not something i look for. i do not have a problem with very masochistic submissives in general (i am one, after all), and i would be open to taking the right one into my service, but i think that ideally i'd probably be a better fit for someone who was not heavily into receiving pain and who did not feel the need to take more pain to prove a point.

respectfully,
annabelle.


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RE: taking pain - 12/4/2007 10:37:35 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		My rule about physical struggle: if you move and I miss, it's your fault. Otherwise, I want an emotional reaction. Silent crying works and trips my trigger BIG time.

Master Fire


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RE: taking pain - 12/5/2007 6:09:46 AM   
ItalianSMistress


Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ricar00



i guess there are a couple of questions.
1) Would a domme prefer to play with someone whose pain tolerance is less but who yearns to be pushed further and further or with someone who had more  pain tolerance and doesn't seem to struggle with the pain?
2) What do dommes think of subs/masochists who are stoic and take the pain as opposed to those who are animated, cry, scream, dance, swear, etc.

ricar00



I am quite the sadist, so I prefer a slave with some pain tolerance, not a lot, but that can push him/herself to take it.  If I find they are not struggling at all, I WILL up the ante.  There is always something more you can add to make that slave question its pain tolerance.  I love a slave that is animated when it comes to heavy play, although swearing with Me will only get you a cuff in the back of the head ;)

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RE: taking pain - 12/5/2007 6:35:27 AM   
catleggs


Posts: 31
Joined: 10/24/2006
From: Gravesend, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

... was thinking more of a submissive wanting to carry on until reaching the point where You had had enough. Him trying to out do You or refusing to use a safe word to prove a point. Does this take away the enjoyment for You ? Do You see it as a challenge or misbehaviour ?



Like the others, I enjoy sounds, crying moveing, screaming, etc.  I don't mind one who is 'stoic' either.  When I encounter a sub that is like that I see it as him 'offering' to allow me to explore my sadistic side further. 
I don't really see much as a challenge or misbehavior.   I like to explore more and more, the older I get.   I've found that when I have a sub that wants to take that journey with me (to places neither have gone before) I get a tremendous high.

It's possible he might have gone to these places, knows he can but wishes to give me the oportunity to go there.  Just as it is possible for me to take the sub to new places of pain.  And this may come across as being more 'stoic'.  Hope that made some sense.
I find I have a rather creative mind and when it is sparked, the sky can be the limit... how much can he take... how far can I go...  both wanting to satify the other and selves in the exploration.

Cat



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