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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 9:42:11 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		you must have slept during that part of the suck training---
ours is not to reason why, ours is but to do or die.....

Chesty Puller 

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 9:46:32 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Dad,

If you'd let me ask why just once, I might not have lost my hands, legs, and mind...

- Lewis


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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 9:53:22 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		point taken, in some measure......I am only deploring the incessant.

Dr. Who

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 10:00:05 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I ask whatever I want, whenever I want. I cannot imagine being with someone who would have an issue with that. Oh, wait, my ex did not like too many questions from me, my family or frankly, anyone. Can we say control freak?

He was unable to answer what I asked him, so that is one of many reasons we are not together. The ability to communicate effectively is number one on the list of qualities I seek in someone.

And being annoyed at questions, red flag.

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 10:03:03 AM   
kittyinpink


Posts: 83
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		I was pretty much never allowed to ask "why" as a kid.  My parents considered it backtalking.  It was mostly because their decisions were based on religion and not on reason... but I digress...

I would consider it very important to be allowed to ask why.  I've always have had a real thirst for knowledge and understanding and "why" is sometimes the quickest route to both.  But I also don't want to undermine His authority, so if I'm worried I shouldn't be asking "Why?"  I might just say "I don't understand."  It's essentially the same thing as why, but a little more respectful.




< Message edited by kittyinpink -- 12/5/2007 10:05:15 AM >

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 10:08:56 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Master always gives me the information on why he is telling me to do something or why something is to be done a certain way, so I have never felt the need to ask why.  If we are just having a conversation about anything asking questions is not frowned upon. In giving a command and asking why eventhough I received the why  I would feel as if I were questioning his authority if I asked why.

Like I said I get the why in getting the command so asking why has never been an issue. That is what good communication does. That is just how it works for us. He has never said that there is a hard and fast rule I cannot ask why, I just have never had the need to.

I think everyone has their own way in which their dynamic works and it isn't for me to say if it works for us then it should work for everyone. Everyone does things differently and should do  what they agreed upon.

We practice a TPE relationship and to me in doing that type of relationship I have complete trust in his decisions and commands and don't need to ask why. That is just how it works for us.

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 10:11:18 AM   
dovie


Posts: 1211
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy

i never ask my Master "Why" and i never would.  i can't even imagine doing that, other than if He were to suddenly toss me out the door and tell me to never come back.   Then, i would most certainly have to ask Him "Why." 
 
To ask my Master "Why" is to question His motives or reasons.  If i felt a need to question His motives or reasons, that would indicate that i don't fully trust Him.  i do fully trust Him.  If i didn't, i wouldn't have become His property. 
 
He doesn't answer to me.  i answer to Him.  He owns me.  i don't own Him.  This is Oour relationship and this is how Wwe function.  Others, naturally, function differently.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David


this has been my experience.....and tis true, everyone has their own way of doing things; no right or wrong way, just different.

dovie

< Message edited by dovie -- 12/5/2007 10:13:31 AM >

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 10:11:27 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		I'm agreeing with alot of Y'all on this...I just don't get how asking a question(respectfully) is a bad or sinister thing...or how asking a question somehow transforms one into an untrusting "s" type...... imho anyone..."D" type or "s" type that isnt secure enough to answer OR allow a question has WAY more issues then just not liking questions.

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 10:12:40 AM   
thetammyjo


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Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Usually Fox wouldn't need to ask "why" because I generally give that information along with the command -- probably comes from my teaching where I'm forever explaining the reasoning behind historical analysis to model that thinking for my students.

I don't have specific rules about asking questions beyond "It is better to ask questions to get the information you need than to assume and make errors".

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 10:32:40 AM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I don't see asking 'why' as questioning authority, or lack of trust, I see it as a thirst for knowledge and understanding that could  make me a better partner.  The more I know about his motivations, the better I can please him.  It is like any other active enthusiasm, going the extra mile.  When I ask why he wants something done differently than I'd do it, or something that I see no reason for, I may learn something that may help me do it better.  When I ask why he likes something a certain way, I learn more about what makes him tick and I can be a better partner to him.  And of course, if the answer is 'because I said so' I wouldn't refuse to do it just because I don't quite understand why, I still trust him and his judgment, I just have an inquiring mind.

I have two other points to add. 
1)  Dominants are not infalible, and asking why, knowing motivations can provide a failsafe to mis-communication.  If you are headed somewhere you are both familiar with and need to make a right turn and the dominant says 'turn left here' (intending to remind you in case you were spacing out), and you ask 'left? why? I thought we want to go right.'  Dominant says 'oh, sorry, yes, turn right.'  Saves some trouble.  Two heads are better than one, no?  And I'm sure you could imagine more important instances where someone might just mis-speak, and questioning them for clarity can save a lot of trouble or worse. 
2) A submissive's consciousness is a resource.  Not allowing them to ask why and gain additional insight into a matter or motivation limits that resource.  If a dominant just says 'move that ming vase to the basement' and forgets to mention that it is because his friend is bringing her toddler over for coffee, by asking why you get more information that can help you make sure everything about the room is secure and safe for a toddler, things he might miss.  Again, two heads are better than one.  Sure, it isn't a perfect example, he'd probably just say 'Sussie and her little boy are coming over, make sure everything in the living room is safe for a toddler', but I think the two heads are better than one argument applies to almost any situation where why might be asked.

So, to discourage questions about motivations just seems to me to be neglecting the resource of a submissive's active thinking process.

As for ducking to avoid a whizzing rock, I think tone of voice implies pertinence and can stifle questions when appropriate in a situation like that.  There are certain tones you just know not to question.




< Message edited by Tigrita -- 12/5/2007 11:01:42 AM >

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 10:51:09 AM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
Fast Reply:
 
Sometimes i need more information or clarification on some detail and, i ask for it, so that i can be sure i know what it is my Master wants and i can get the job done right.  i never need to know His reason or motivation for what He tells me to do.  For instance, when i ask Him what He would like me to pack for His lunch and He tells me that He wants a turkey sandwich, without further details, i will ask what type of bread He would like?  i don't ask Him, "Why do you want a turkey sandwich?"  The same goes, if He tells me to get undressed.  i will ask Him if He also wants me to remove my prosthetic leg, since that's something i put on and take off, but it also allows me to stand and walk on 2 feet.  i don't ask Him, "Why do you want me to get undressed."  Asking for more information isn't the same as questioning His reasons or motivations.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 11:13:01 AM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy
Asking for more information isn't the same as questioning His reasons or motivations.



And asking questions isn't the same as "questioning" his reasons or motivations, though the verb is the same, 'questioning' implies judging, evaluating, doubting, which is not necessarily the case at all when asking a question like 'why'.  It can just be a zeal to know as much as possible so as to do the best job possible, with your combined reasoning.

Maybe if you ask him why he wants a turkey sandwich and he says 'because I don't like the roast beef that we have', but you know you just picked up some ham and you know he likes that better, you can let him know...

I just don't see why 'why' has to be threatening and 'questioning' is all.


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~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 11:26:02 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		He enjoys seeing the light dawn in my eyes when he explains his thinking. He enjoys, we both enjoy, a teacher/student dynamic. And asking why is definitely part of that.

But neither of us is into blind obedience. I know some people are, but it isn't our kink.

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 11:27:58 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Hi joy,

we're chatting a little about what you said, and I thought I'd ask for a little insight from you.

While you don't need to know what his motivations are, are there times when you'd like to know?  If so, do you ask?

Regards,

Stephan


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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 11:30:20 AM   
wisteriaV


Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline 		Master likes it when I ask why questions. It shows him that I am interested in his train of thought and reasoning. However, most of the time, Master offers enough information on what is being said to the point of me not needing to ask why. He likes to explains things if nothing else for for the intellectual discussions that may follow later.

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 11:31:33 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		(Using fast reply.  I'll get to reading the rest later.)

In My eyes, there is a difference.  There are two different things, specifically divided.

I don't give many orders.  However, when I do, they are to be carried out.  This stands whether there is a question of 'why' or not.  If it is My final word on a subject, it is what it is.  No other discussion has any influence.

At the same time, I am more than liberal in granting My sub the power of free speech.  There is no reason why he may not be permitted a question.  It doesn't always mean he will get the answer he seeks immediately.  When My decision is made, there may be explanation or not.  I don't consider this a requirement.

Taking both of these into consideration, I consider Myself a Dominat with a fair, yet firm hand.  My sub is expected to obey, whether instances will come up where he understands or not.  It doesn't mean that discussion may or may not come up after the fact.  What matters is that he took My directive, and while he may have questions regarding the situation, he dd not question Me.


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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 11:32:04 AM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		Depends on what the order was and how they mean the "why".

Someone being obeying and seeking understanding of the order I don't have any problem with.  In fact, I'd rather they ask if they are curious so that we learn each other better even on little things.

And then there is "why?" that is just the opposite in meaning...

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 11:33:08 AM   
tmo2


Posts: 18
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		LOL. Now I do find this subject quite funny. I am always so full of questions and not just why that my Master finally decided on a no question allowed day. It is a set day. I am allowed to email them but they will not be answered till the following day. He teased that maybe he should post the no questions allowed day here on the boards and wondered how many subs/slaves would be upset by it and how many Doms would love the idea.

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 11:42:30 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

He teased that maybe he should post the no questions allowed day here on the boards and wondered how many subs/slaves would be upset by it and how many Doms would love the idea.


Why would anyone be upset about something you and your master decided to do within your relationship?....... I don't get it.....


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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 11:46:45 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
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quote:

As a dominant, do you like or dislike when your submissive asks you why you have given a particular instruction?


koM,
"Like or dislike" was never considered. "Why" was and is a requirement for beth.

At first it was a matter of her wanting to make her learning curve sloped as dramatically as possible. It meant that the was exposed to many things much sooner than she was comfortable. The standing order requiring her to ask 'why' made sure that any assumption I had regarding her mental and emotional abilities was correct or amended to address her 'why' questions.

Asking 'why', and answering the 'why' is an indication of confidence. It requires thought and analysis. There is no dominance surrendered. Answering a why serves to confirm your abilities beyond the 'entitlement' answer of "...because I said so." Yet there are many times when beth asked why that my answer is "because I like or enjoy it." I won't argue that the distinction between those two responses may appear semantic; however serving my 'likes' fulfills and is part of beth's responsibilities. Although subtle, it is a very different answer.

'Why's challenging nature requires reconciliation of the practical with the theoretical. The ongoing ability to ask why facilitates evolution and growth. I'd dare say that 'why' is one of the keys to the expansion and/or elimination of limits between people in a relationship. 

My selfish reason for always wanting beth to ask why is that, as much as I'd like to deny it, getting older I sometimes find myself mentally distracted. beth asking; why are you going down this street when our destination is in the opposite direction; results in getting us both where we really want to go faster. I guess that holds true whether speaking metaphorically or practically.

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