On being alone for a long time... (Full Version)

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chya -> On being alone for a long time... (12/5/2007 5:10:23 PM)

Have you ever faced difficulties on being alone for a long time and not having a way to get your submissive or Dominant needs met?? How have you dealt with it?



Maya2001 -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/5/2007 5:14:41 PM)

Buried myself in work and volunteering 



DarkDaddyZ -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/5/2007 5:15:27 PM)

I've felt alone for a long time as far as wanting power exchange (the physical and mental elements) but when I just want play that's pretty easy.  Dealing with it can be hard because of the craving of it.  I've dealt with it by accepting that one day I will have the power exchange I have had in my past and that I seek and enjoying each day.  When playing I enjoy the physical aspect of it.  It's good see you here, we go a long way back [:D]



OldBastardly1 -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/5/2007 5:26:27 PM)

I think it is much like in the vanilla world. You carry on with your life, making yourself the best person you can be, thus making yourself more attractive to potential partners.
I really am not trying to sound like a prick here, but nothing scares most men more than the feeling of desperation from a woman. We will run like our asses are on fire.



SweetSarijane -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/5/2007 5:51:35 PM)

I get my masochistic needs met enough to get by on and service needs by taking care of my family. As for D/s, I can be patient and wait until it's right. It's not easy, but it's the smart thing to do for me. I can't just rush into a relationship to get those D/s needs met, it wouldn't work, or be worth the problems that could result. I also have some priorities to see to before I allow myself to get that involved with someone. Certain things need to be taken care of first.



peppermint -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/5/2007 5:54:24 PM)

Needs are water, food, and shelter.  Wants are Dominant or submissive play and interaction. 

To deal with it you suck in your gut and find other things, preferably constructive things to keep yourself busy.   



IrishMist -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/5/2007 5:57:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ

I've felt alone for a long time as far as wanting power exchange (the physical and mental elements) but when I just want play that's pretty easy.  Dealing with it can be hard because of the craving of it.  I've dealt with it by accepting that one day I will have the power exchange I have had in my past and that I seek and enjoying each day.  When playing I enjoy the physical aspect of it.  It's good see you here, we go a long way back [:D]

I am going to pretty much agree with this here; only switch it to the submissive pov.
I can play with anyone, and when I need a good outlet I have a few friends who I call for that area; I do miss the dynamic though;; more than I do the play.



crouchingtigress -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/5/2007 5:59:14 PM)

i dont agree that dominance or submission are wants....but i dont think the need needs to be met in a ds dynamic.
many folks have these needs and dont have a clue about BSM so they "find" themselves in service jobs like nurse or caregiver or volunteering...or in leadership roles at work, in their family dynamic or with spouses.



MissMagnolia -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/5/2007 6:02:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

I really am not trying to sound like a prick here, but nothing scares most men more than the feeling of desperation from a woman. We will run like our asses are on fire.


Women feel exactly the same about desperate men.

I get at least one email per day from some desperado guy begging me to consider him. Those emails are quickly deleted.



petdave -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/5/2007 6:05:21 PM)

Writing BDSM fiction, and since i'm not the sort that can get "play" any time i want it, spanking the monkey like a man on fire [:'(]



xiam -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/5/2007 6:06:42 PM)

I usually have one too many drinks and find myself flirting ruthlessly with guys who i happen to know are Doms but with whom i also know i'm just not compatible.  A couple embarassing nights like those and i get back on track pretty quickly.

Haha... probably not the best advice, but it works for me.  ;)



Missokyst -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/5/2007 6:30:41 PM)

I am a self sustaining masochist, when I need pain, pain happens.
As for the service part, I run a bdsm munch list/group.  I find that making things work, satisfies my need to be of value.  I also donate to charities, buy toys for donation baskets, hand out blankets, and other warm items to the homeless people.
If you look around there are always ways to satisfy the need to serve.  The maso part <g> that takes some creativity.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: chya

Have you ever faced difficulties on being alone for a long time and not having a way to get your submissive or Dominant needs met?? How have you dealt with it?



Marlena33 -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/5/2007 7:00:53 PM)

This is a difficult issue for me because I don't have a lot of time to socialize in order to get my "needs" met.  I mostly just masturbate and fantasize alot, but it really doesn't completely satisfy me.  Anyway, I prefer to practice my bdsm with someone I'm close to and who I'm fairly intimate with.  I hope I find that person soon.



AFlyInYourWeb -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/5/2007 7:40:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chya

Have you ever faced difficulties on being alone for a long time and not having a way to get your submissive or Dominant needs met?? How have you dealt with it?


Yes.  That's why I listed Volunteerism in my profile preferences.  In an average week, community activities probably occupy four evenings and at least part of one day of the weekend.  It keeps my mind focused on things larger and more important than myself. 

I won't bore you with what I do.  However, a wide range of organizations covering almost every conceivable human interest are looking for you.

Environmental Groups, Humane Society, Museums, Scouts, Little League, Church Groups, Schools, Hospitals, Veterans Groups, Historical Societies, local politics...whatever your passions are, they are looking for you.

Let them find you.  Channel your passion there until you find the right one to whom you will transfer that passion.



MzMia -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/5/2007 9:16:58 PM)

I have been alone and single so long, that I wonder how I well I
will be able to "share" myself with someone else.
I am one of the busiest people I know, I have so many dreams, and so much to do.
My life will always be full, regardless of whether I am in a relationship or not.
Life is wonderful, but then I am also in love with ME.[:D]
At this point in my life I am not willing to "settle" to just be in a relationship, which means
it will take even longer to find the person that can step up to the plate.
You are responsible for your life, your choices and the quality of your experiences on
earth, make the most of your life.
p.s.- there seems to be NO shortage of people around that are willing to "play" with no committment, as a woman I am sure you can find many to play with, especially around here.
Good luck.



KatyLied -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/5/2007 9:19:57 PM)

I don't focus my life on when I can play or when I'm not having sex.  There are many other things going on.  If your life isn't full enough, take some of the advice here and busy it up, it works wonders.  I obtained a second job, not only for the extra money, but in order to use up time that I'd otherwise be spending alone, worrying about being alone.  This second job, although sometimes a hassle, has worked wonders for me.



MzMia -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/5/2007 9:27:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I don't focus my life on when I can play or when I'm not having sex.  There are many other things going on.  If your life isn't full enough, take some of the advice here and busy it up, it works wonders.  I obtained a second job, not only for the extra money, but in order to use up time that I'd otherwise be spending alone, worrying about being alone.  This second job, although sometimes a hassle, has worked wonders for me.


There is my KatyGirl!
I love to see single women empowered and fullfilling their dreams!
I have accepted that if I don't find my mate in this life, I will find him in the next one.
Kumbayah/Oprah/Dr. Phil moment!
I will add again, if you really need and crave BDSM activity, there are hundreds of people
that will play with you.



HalloweenWhite -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/5/2007 11:38:54 PM)

I've been alone for nearly 20 years (since 1989) I live in a small town in the U.K so there are fewer people about than if I lived in say for eg London. I've met a few submissives online but few from My home town, one I met on another site wanted to meet Me until she found out I was in a wheelchair-not her ideal Dom. (I don't care what anyone says, image is important).

Met My fare share of fakes and "Do me" subs who want to play with you after 5 minutes of meeting but don't tell you limits etc.

As for how I deal with not having a submissive partner? I go without! lol, but keep looking and try to find ways of meeting people in r/l-there's a monthly fetish fair near Me called the BBB next year I'll start going and see if I can't meet people face to face. I went down the munch route for a while, didn't work out. Also, places like this are useful, at least for making connections that might lead one day to a meeting.



NimirRa -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/5/2007 11:49:13 PM)

Given that I've never been in a D/s relationship- I've never had those needs met. I just take one day at a time and hope. Granted I'm 18 so I haven't had much time to legally pursue a D/s relationship...



HalloweenWhite -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/5/2007 11:58:10 PM)

Interestingly, I had a taste in 1989 (My last year in college) I've been wanting a "full course" ever since! lol. Thats what keeps Me here and other places-I know what I want so I'll keep searching until I either find it.



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