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RE: Do you ever find yourself.. - 12/5/2007 7:49:08 PM

MrSpectacular

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No!

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RE: Do you ever find yourself.. - 12/5/2007 11:19:14 PM

MasterFireMaam

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Yes. I usually am very upfront about it...and lay it out exactly how I see things happening should I be correct. Usually, I see that they will fall in love with me and it will not be requited...or at least not in the way they wish (which is romantically). However, I also recognize that their experience of going through this could be an extremely valuable thing in their life; many lessons are contained therein. So, while I let them know what I fear happening, I also let them decide to continue or not.

I have also deliberately decided to continue when I saw the opposite happening. I love a man who does not love me in the same way. I accept this and am learning a great deal about myself by deliberately choosing to live inside this journey. I'm fairly good an being objective or at least analyzing my emotions and reactions to things. I'd not trade it for the world.

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RE: Do you ever find yourself.. - 12/5/2007 11:27:39 PM

HalloweenWhite

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No. What bothers Me is when there's no chemistry there at all cos you met 10 minutes ago but they -still- want to play as if you've known them years.

I think you -need- to bond with someone to a degree for reasons like you know their limits etc so you know how -not- to push them too far andso won't get beaten up or hauled to court over an asault or even a rape charge.

Bottom line is, I think bonding is healthy.

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RE: Do you ever find yourself.. - 12/6/2007 1:42:17 AM

eyesopened

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chya

Do you ever find yourself unwilling to play with or be with a potential partner for fear that they might bond with you?

i could answer the simple "yes" but i sense there is more to the question.

The past is gone, it does not exist. The future is not here, it does not exist. To dwell on past events or worry about future events is at best shadow-boxing and at worst, prevents living this exact moment, which DOES exist.

i learned a long time ago that it is not up to me to decide how much truth another person can handle. And i don't believe there has to be a strong emotional bond to have a perfectly enjoyable moment with a play partner. Years ago i met a Dominant that, upon examination, could see that spending 24/7 with this guy would be a huge mistake. We were just not suited to that kind of relationship. However, he is a very capable and skilled rope master and a very decent human being. i wasn't in a committed relationship at the time, really didn't have any prospects for a committed relationship so i told the Gentleman what i posted here, and proposed a playmate relationship. He declined, but that was his right to make that choice and no one got hurt.

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RE: Do you ever find yourself.. - 12/6/2007 5:53:17 AM

SingleRarity

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Do you mean in the sense that you are pretty sure they are going to bond with you but not vice-versa? Then yes, I have not played or been with people when that was the case. It's basically taking advantage of someone and is generally a shitty thing to do.

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RE: Do you ever find yourself.. - 12/6/2007 9:36:01 AM

Dnomyar

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We can find intimacy here???? I agree with Irish Mist

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RE: Do you ever find yourself.. - 12/6/2007 9:52:44 AM

LadyPact

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No. Not a bit.

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RE: Do you ever find yourself.. - 12/6/2007 10:33:36 AM

Zarius

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Intimacy.... what a concept

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RE: Do you ever find yourself.. - 12/6/2007 10:58:33 AM

SirJohnMandevill

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I wouldn't want to play with anyone I didn't have at least a potential bond with. That's one of my criteria (yeah, yeah -- prejudgement!

) for a sub.

Then again, I've never been to the local club(s), so I don't know what my mindset would be in a public play setting, absent an active D/s relationship.

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RE: Do you ever find yourself.. - 12/6/2007 11:53:44 AM

OldBastardly1

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Even in a club, which I attend regularly, I won't play with somebody unless there is at least a mental conection. Of course, demos and teaching is not considered playing with somebody, in my opinion.

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RE: Do you ever find yourself.. - 12/6/2007 12:12:17 PM

AFlyInYourWeb

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chya

Do you ever find yourself unwilling to play with or be with a potential partner for fear that they might bond with you?

No. If I'm going to go as far as to play with them, either the bond is already there, is already forming, or has the potential to form.

After reading your profile, I think I understand where this question may be coming from. You describe yourself as a "slave", but... "On the other hand I do have a intense sadistic side that needs to be explored and nurtured."

I am deducing that is a male submissive that you would fear could "bond" with you, and involve you more deeply as a Top than you want to be in the long term.

If that is the case, you just have to be very careful picking your masochists, and be painfully honest with them upfront. I'm sure there are male submissives who just want to play without creating an emotional bond.

You just have to find that guy. Good luck in your search.

< Message edited by AFlyInYourWeb -- 12/6/2007 12:13:12 PM >

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RE: Do you ever find yourself.. - 12/6/2007 12:12:52 PM

mnottertail

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And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful
Wife
And you may ask yourself-well...how did I get here?

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the moneys gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

And you may ask yourself
How do I work this?
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile?
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house!
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife!

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the moneys gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was...same as it ever was...same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...same as it ever was...same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...same as it ever was...

Water dissolving...and water removing
There is water at the bottom of the ocean
Carry the water at the bottom of the ocean
Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean!

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the moneys gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right? ...am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
My god!...what have I done?

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the moneys gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was...same as it ever was...same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...same as it ever was...same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...same as it ever was...

TalkingHeadDom

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RE: Do you ever find yourself.. - 12/6/2007 12:20:47 PM

KindLadyGrey

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This is always a really tricky situation, but I tend to be with Master Fire on this one. It's important to be up front with the other person. "Look, you seem to be developing some very serious feelings for me and I don't feel the same way. I'm afraid I'm going to hurt you if we continue this relationship." If they then decide to continue anyway, that is their decision.

Of course, I have also started seeing people where this happened and I felt continuing the relationship would be too much effort on my part so I did break things off. Some things are okay to deal with if you see a person every weekend at the club but not worth the time or effort when you have to make travel arrangements from distant places to see each other.

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RE: Do you ever find yourself.. - 12/6/2007 1:08:53 PM

daddysliloneds

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nope, no fear of them bonding with me; now bonding to me might be a problem