RE: Showing Him I'm worth it(his sub) (Full Version)

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fsub4use -> RE: Showing Him I'm worth it(his sub) (12/7/2007 12:42:34 AM)

I can totally see the "no pic" thing with her response.  She doesn't know this guy from a can of beans.  Why in the world should she send her photo?  Caution, particularly as a woman, is not a bad thing.  And especially for someone new to the scene.  You know, on these boards, i often see advice to OPs, especially newbies, to be careful, to take their time, to follow their instincts.  And it sounds to me, like she did just that.  She didn't get the answer she wanted, but she was very appropriate in her responses, IMHO. 
 
Also, she sent him the information he wanted.  He could weed her out based on it, and on her profile.  Sounds like that's what he might have done  (depending on time lapse and other factors of course).  I for one applaud you, girl.  Good for you.  There are a lot of wankers and jerks everywhere, and caution is a good thing.  I'm not saying this guy is one of those (wanker or jerk or both), but it's not a bad sign that she followed her gut.  It's not playing a game, it's safety and comfort. 
 
Yay stacee!
 
Now, on another note.... Please remember, stacee, that a profile is not a person, and there are a lot of inexperienced or unscrupulous people who call themselves Doms and you could get hurt.   My grandma always said don't put all your eggs in one basket.  She was right.  Don't put all your hopes onto one man whom you don't know.  Heck he might be fabulous, even in chat and on the phone, but when you meet, there may be no chemistry.  So slow and steady wins the race.
 
Good luck!   
 



eyesopened -> RE: Showing Him I'm worth it(his sub) (12/7/2007 2:28:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: fsub4use

I can totally see the "no pic" thing with her response.  She doesn't know this guy from a can of beans.  Why in the world should she send her photo?  Caution, particularly as a woman, is not a bad thing.  And especially for someone new to the scene. 


i would tend to agree with this, except the OP contacted the guy first and claims she wants Him as her Dominant.  How she would know she wants him just based on a profile is not mine to figure out.  So, since she approached him first and all he asked for was a photo and a more detailed explaination of what she is looking for.... doesn't sound too much like a "collector" to me.  A collector would probably just ask for the photo, then ask "got n e more?"



arayofsunshine55 -> RE: Showing Him I'm worth it(his sub) (12/7/2007 5:37:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stacee

I want a certain Dom as my Dom (granted I only know him through his profile, never met or chatted),


How do you know you want him as your Dom?  You've exchanged a few short emails.  It seems that you think you mikght like him. Nothing more.  Yet.  And he's not sure that he mght like you.  Baby steps.



cinnia -> RE: Showing Him I'm worth it(his sub) (12/7/2007 6:20:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterlink65

doesnt mean hes gonna email her back either.

i didnt know photos of ones self are that hard to come by these days.

if i give out my phone number and someone calls me from a restricted or unavailable number, i will not answer. to me that person has something to hide. i do not need that.same with lack of photo.

for me it is hard to start a relationship on anonominity



Although i can completely see your point....(original point about her not doing it without giving him an instructions)

i am SOOOO glad that my Master/Daddy didn't think like that (above)with me.

He knew what i looked like, but pics can always be fake (he trusted me to be who i am)....i called him ALWAYS from blocked numbers...for months....and i also wouldn't tell him my last name or my phone number for months.

Why????? Because as a woman i am very cautious, sometimes overly so, but i'd rather be overly cautious than easy prey.....Also he was the first and only relationship i ever began online...so i was extra cautious for that reason....it was new territory...not only was i out in the dating world again but "OH MY" i was doing it online...with a virtual (pun intended) stranger.

There were other extenuating circumstances that made me even more cautious....

Thankfully he was patient with me and 3 years since our first meeting we are still together.



Thank you cherryndaddy!  Thank you too grlwithboy, fsub4use, laurell, katylied, breatheasone, sweetnsmartBBW, MissAnthropic, and everyone else.

While a photo seems to be a reasonable request,  we do all have to be careful.

It's a shame that there are those among us who will exploit trust. 
Abuse harms the entire community and gives BDSM a bad name.

Sad...



masterlink65 -> RE: Showing Him I'm worth it(his sub) (12/7/2007 7:42:26 AM)

i know what you mean.. wouldnt  it be just terrible if your photo got into the hands of a collector. how would you be able to live with yourself after that.?

the way this sub approached the dom, and she made it sound like great urgency, and how she wants HIM as her dom, it would lead me to believe he has a photo in his profile? fair is fair.


and women are cautious but men are not? quit using gender as an excuse or reason.

she did approach him not the other way around.





Vanatru -> RE: Showing Him I'm worth it(his sub) (12/7/2007 8:00:26 AM)

I'm with you here, Link. If a sub/slave messaged me saying she was interested, but didn't have a pic on profile, I'd have replied like the guy in this scenerio, and if she said something coy about sending me a pic, I'd be wondering what the hell was wrong, and would have not been interested further.

Edit: I really don't understand why such a big deal is being made about this. She chose NOT to send the pic, and he chose NOT to talk further with her. What the hell's wrong with that???



masterlink65 -> RE: Showing Him I'm worth it(his sub) (12/7/2007 8:00:54 AM)

i do agree though, that just his profile is not enough to base your lifes worth on. 



masterlink65 -> RE: Showing Him I'm worth it(his sub) (12/7/2007 8:03:41 AM)

his or anyones for that matter. i cannot say HIS(profile) specifically cause i do not know who this man is.


your profile has a good description of what you are looking for. i think you should keep looking. the things you want arent always the things you need







masterlink65 -> RE: Showing Him I'm worth it(his sub) (12/7/2007 8:04:51 AM)

thats the best reply yet



masterlink65 -> RE: Showing Him I'm worth it(his sub) (12/7/2007 8:06:10 AM)

nice edit
Edit: I really don't understand why such a big deal is being made about this. She chose NOT to send the pic, and he chose NOT to talk further with her. What the hell's wrong with that???
[/quote]



dawntreader -> RE: Showing Him I'm worth it(his sub) (12/7/2007 8:17:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vanatru

I'm with you here, Link. If a sub/slave messaged me saying she was interested, but didn't have a pic on profile, I'd have replied like the guy in this scenerio, and if she said something coy about sending me a pic, I'd be wondering what the hell was wrong, and would have not been interested further.

Edit: I really don't understand why such a big deal is being made about this. She chose NOT to send the pic, and he chose NOT to talk further with her. What the hell's wrong with that???

Exactly!!
Life is all about calculated risk...if he is not worth the risk of sending a picture to then he can't possible be worth the amount of trust submission would require~



cinnia -> RE: Showing Him I'm worth it(his sub) (12/7/2007 8:24:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterlink65

I really don't understand why such a big deal is being made about this. She chose NOT to send the pic, and he chose NOT to talk further with her. What the hell's wrong with that???


m.link - there is nothing wrong with that (in my opinion) as stated above. 

What is "wrong"  is the deficit of trust and also of patience. 

Sad....




OldBastardly1 -> RE: Showing Him I'm worth it(his sub) (12/7/2007 8:48:41 AM)

Life can be full of sadness.....especially if that is what you choose to see. Get used to it.



KatyLied -> RE: Showing Him I'm worth it(his sub) (12/7/2007 8:51:46 AM)

~fr~

What has happened to patience?  To allowing someone to find their comfort level in the conversation where they will reveal things like a picture, when they are ready?  What happened to allowing things to develop as they will or will not?  Why the hurry after just a few emails?  Isn't it also nice when people offer things you've not yet asked for?  How does that make you feel?



carlie310 -> RE: Showing Him I'm worth it(his sub) (12/7/2007 9:18:20 AM)

Fast reply--

What's out of balance here is the "I know I want him to be my Dom just from his profile" rush, contrasted with the appropriate caution of "not ready to send pic".  Sending pictures too early is usually much less of a gamble than the adoration of someone who could be nothing like their profile suggests, IMHO, particularly if the picture sent is vanilla.  (I'm not sure what kind of pic he asked for--was it described?) 

If she's sure she wants to be his sub, what's the problem with the picture?  Nothing.

My advice to the OP, noting your join date and remembering a couple months back to my first weeks here: Take a deep breath.  If you are a good match for this Dom, time will prove that out.  As someone advised, send that email again, but if you didn't already, explain why you didn't include a picture. "I'm hesitant of doing something stupid right out of the gate, and I'm getting advice to take it slow."  That has the bonus of both being honest, and at the same time sharing a bit of yourself (only if you put it in your own words and change it so it reflect you.)  If this guy is as good as his profile (and some are not, and some are really not) he'll give you a pass on that.  If he doesn't, it's probably not a match, particularly if you just want a bedroom Dom.

Or you could take a picture that shows the mouth with the smile we see in your eyes in the profile pic. 



cinnia -> RE: Showing Him I'm worth it(his sub) (12/7/2007 12:06:36 PM)

Trust, patience, understanding, and as always - communication.



daddysliloneds -> RE: Showing Him I'm worth it(his sub) (12/8/2007 7:23:50 AM)

you don't; the proof is in the pudding.

quote:

ORIGINAL: stacee

I want a certain Dom as my Dom (granted I only know him through his profile, never met or chatted), but he hasn't given me an answer one way or the other.  I decided that I will give up; but someone suggested that I be patient and prove to the Dom that I am what he is looking for...my question is how?
Any suggestion will be very much appreciated.   How do you prove to a Dom that you are what they are looking for?  Is it worth convincing them? The only venue mind you is collarme.com, so I don't know if there's anything else to do...




Sexynmentalinkc -> RE: Showing Him I'm worth it(his sub) (12/8/2007 8:36:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

You've set up a fantasy image of him that is based on your own projections and not based in reality because the truth is, you don't know him.




OP:  You should pay close attention to this. **pointing up**

Seeing someone that you seem to click with on paper is 110% different than how it goes r/t.

For me, if I feel like there's a strong possibility of clicking with someone I'm actually more likely to keep things slow and careful instead of blazing ahead with both guns.  That's when things can go horribly wrong, IMO.


If he's right for you, taking a little bit (or a lot) of extra time to ensure he IS the right one for you is a good investment of your time and may only strengthen your resolve later. On the other hand, you'll have a chance to more safely know that he's NOT the right one - if things happen to go in that direction.


*tips his hat*

- Mr. S



BRUTALBULL -> RE: Showing Him I'm worth it(his sub) (12/22/2007 8:29:28 AM)

check out my journal sweetie, I am sure you will like it



juliaoceania -> RE: Showing Him I'm worth it(his sub) (12/22/2007 8:57:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

I can't believe I am saying this, BUT.....I have to agree with mlink on this one. [sm=ofcourse.gif]

Maybe you should "reconsider" sending him a pic like he asked for. If I were He, you would hear nothing more from me until I got your pic, and if it takes too long, it would be too late.

Just my opinion.[sm=mrpuffy.gif]


When I was seeking and someone demanded a pic out of me the first rattle out of the box, they were put in the reject pile, but I had the attitude that they were courting me, not me courting them. I am not going to invest much time unless they show interest back. I do not follow orders from strangers, and I do not expect them to follow orders from me. There is no submission implied in the first emails, in fact there should be no submission implied until people meet, and even after they meet there should be no submission implied unless it has been expressly granted from the submissive.... at least from my point of view.

Now in this case she contacted him first, which put her at a disadvantage. I have emailed the odd dominant that I found interesting a time or two, but again, if they had treated my interest with indifference I moved on to greener pastures with tastier and easier to get to grass.



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