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This may be a touchy subject - 12/6/2007 4:04:38 AM

Mellissande

Posts: 435
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

and has probably been discussed before. I have to ask all of the masters out there...

When do you consider a slave collared? will you call her within minutes of her contacting you and expect her to obey your every command? Is it bad behavior as a submissive to not want to be treated like that? I feel like I am being unsubmissive, but I also do not want to feel like I have to submit to every dom who thinks my eyes are pretty... does that make me a bad submissive? could you give me some advice on how I should handle situations like those?

_____________________________

Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become panic-stricken.
— jack Kerouac

Post #: 1

RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/6/2007 4:27:45 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Come to me with your mickey mouse shit on.............
HypnoMaster

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, Millie---
until someone has you in hand, it is all a game, don't let the blowhards get you down, your age they almost all are gonna be real rough around the edges.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Mellissande)

Post #: 2

RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/6/2007 4:30:48 AM

TwiztdErotic

Posts: 155
Joined: 10/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

When do you consider a slave collared?

When I've physically placed a collar around her neck.

quote:

will you call her within minutes of her contacting you and expect her to obey your every command?

No. Just as I wouldn't walk up to a complete stranger and demand she get naked.

quote:

Is it bad behavior as a submissive to not want to be treated like that? I feel like I am being unsubmissive, but I also do not want to feel like I have to submit to every dom who thinks my eyes are pretty... does that make me a bad submissive?

No, it's not bad behavior. the only dom you have to submit to is the one you choose to submit to. it does not make you a bad submissive, it makes you human.

quote:

could you give me some advice on how I should handle situations like those?

you can probably just ignore the asshats that expect you to be submissive just because they are dominant. Find someone who will get to know you, whose head isn't stuck up their ass. Wait for someone that YOU want to be submissive to, not just anyone that wants you to submit.

(in reply to Mellissande)

Post #: 3

RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/6/2007 4:41:01 AM

Mellissande

Posts: 435
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Come to me with your mickey mouse shit on.............
HypnoMaster

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, Millie---
until someone has you in hand, it is all a game, don't let the blowhards get you down, your age they almost all are gonna be real rough around the edges.

Ron

lol Thank you Ron, you never cease to brighten my day lol and your advice is always funny in some way. I thank you for your wit and wisdom

_____________________________

Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become panic-stricken.
— jack Kerouac

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 4

RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/6/2007 4:43:26 AM

Mellissande

Posts: 435
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

Thank you so much for your insight. I have just gotten so down about alot of the men on here. it's as if as soon as I say hello they want me to strip and kneel before them... I tend to follow the "if you wouldn't say it to a total stranger in public without getting slapped and or arrested, you shouldn't say it to someone you've just met on the net either" rule. seems alot of people don't subscribe to that though...

_____________________________

Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become panic-stricken.
— jack Kerouac

(in reply to TwiztdErotic)

Post #: 5

RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/6/2007 5:28:32 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

The men that tell say you are "not a true submissive" or that "you are a fake" because you don't send a naked pic...or because you dont "submit" to them right away ARE FAKES THEMSELVES ok let me say that one more time.....THOSE KIND OF MEN ARE FAKES!!! and are just looking for a quick piece of ass or some easy play or BOTH...don't be taken in by...or believe their crap...they will get VERY nasty when they don't get their way and start the name calling as I'm sure you have found out...you are "A" submissive...you are not "HIS" submissive until you both have dated and talked and decided that's where the relationship is going...just like ANY OTHER relationship would be.

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 12/6/2007 5:30:56 AM >

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Mellissande)

Post #: 6

RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/6/2007 5:28:36 AM

OldBastardly1

Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline

My opinion is.......

A sub/slave is collared when she is actually collared. I have always instructed my subs that they do not have to act submissive to anybody but Me & those I instruct her to... your submission is only owed to those that you want to submit to, not any person who claims to be deserving of it. "you don't act very submissive" is one of their favorites. One of my favorites is "being submissive does NOT mean submissive to all". Much like, just because you have sex, does not mean that you will boink anybody who wants it.

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad

(in reply to Mellissande)

Post #: 7

RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/6/2007 5:38:39 AM

Mellissande

Posts: 435
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

The men that tell say you are "not a true submissive" or that "you are a fake" because you don't send a naked pic...or because you dont "submit" to them right away ARE FAKES THEMSELVES ok let me say that one more time.....THOSE KIND OF MEN ARE FAKES!!! and are just looking for a quick piece of ass or some easy play or BOTH...don't be taken in by...or believe their crap...they will get VERY nasty when they don't get their way and start the name calling as I'm sure you have found out...you are "A" submissive...you are not "HIS" submissive until you both have dated and talked and decided that's where the relationship is going...just like ANY OTHER relationship would be.

thank you for the advice I am glad to hear that I am not as bad as I thought I was. I hate to call anyone a fake, but it does hurt when they say I am not really submissive because I do not submit to them...

_____________________________

Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become panic-stricken.
— jack Kerouac

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 8

RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/6/2007 5:43:12 AM

Mellissande

Posts: 435
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

My opinion is.......

A sub/slave is collared when she is actually collared. I have always instructed my subs that they do not have to act submissive to anybody but Me & those I instruct her to... your submission is only owed to those that you want to submit to, not any person who claims to be deserving of it. "you don't act very submissive" is one of their favorites. One of my favorites is "being submissive does NOT mean submissive to all". Much like, just because you have sex, does not mean that you will boink anybody who wants it.

Yes, you are very right. lol it's been a long time since I've heard boink used in that context. And as yet again, your advice has made me smile and helped me to think and understand more.

_____________________________

Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become panic-stricken.
— jack Kerouac

(in reply to OldBastardly1)

Post #: 9

RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/6/2007 6:23:24 AM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

Everyone is different in how they approach their relationships, but "in general", I'd say that first you meet someone and decide you'd like to get to know each other better.

At some point (seconds, minutes, hours, days, months) later you both decide that you'd like to give that ole 'authority transfer' thingy a go, and you submit and he/she dominates.

Depending on your much discussed and negotiated

relationship dynamic, your new dominant may decide he/she wishes to "own you", and you may swoon

or you may break out into song, singing "You don't own me, I'm not just one of your many toys".

If you're all agreeable and stuff, he/she may also decide to collar you when he/she takes ownership, or the collaring may be something that is earned, begged for, not applicable to his/her view of ownership or it may come with time, after the relationship progresses into one that you both feel could be forever and ever.... amen.

Of course, individuals and relationships being all....... well unique and stuff, who the heck knows how things may or may not go unless you communicate with each other at the start about wants, needs, expectations and who's house you're gonna eat Christmas dinner at.

(in reply to Mellissande)

Post #: 10

RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/6/2007 7:06:43 AM

LadyChef

Posts: 105
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline

In this "fast food" era of dating and relationships- learn to enjoy fine dining. Take your time to look at the menu. Be very selective- not everything is as good as it sounds or looks. Above all, do not meet everyone who "desires" to own you. Your age and experience will make you very desirable, but you have to make the choice as to whom you want to be submissive to.

_____________________________

You reap what you sow

(in reply to Mellissande)

Post #: 11

RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/6/2007 7:47:21 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mellissande

When do you consider a slave collared?

i was "chained" first a month before Daddy actually collared me.

quote:

will you call her within minutes of her contacting you and expect her to obey your every command?

that's like asking "do you trust every person you meet in public to be 'nice', 'sane' and 'honest'?" i don't trust automatically (Daddy and SO included) ...you have to earn my trust just as they have to earn their titles. i'm submissive to only 2 however i'm not submissive to every DomJuan who titles himself as "dom", "sir", "master" etc. here.

quote:

Is it bad behavior as a submissive to not want to be treated like that? I feel like I am being unsubmissive, but I also do not want to feel like I have to submit to every dom who thinks my eyes are pretty... does that make me a bad submissive?

you simply answered your own question in what i highlighted. it's not being unsubmissive it's called having a brain and using it.

yes, you'll get the occasional jerk or hng (horny net guy) who feel all the submissives/slaves here are at his beck and call ...and when one of us refuses to get "on our knees and suck his cock", then we're "fakes" or "wannabes" when in fact he's the one who is fake.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Mellissande)

Post #: 12

RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/6/2007 8:09:09 AM

Vanatru

Posts: 300
Joined: 4/16/2004
Status: offline

We aren't all like that. Even though I'm heavy into M/s, I never expect any titles or the sub/slave doing anything but just talk at first contact. It can take a while as well, but isn't a long term relationship worth taking time for? wisty and I have been looking a couple years now for another to join us.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mellissande

Thank you so much for your insight. I have just gotten so down about alot of the men on here. it's as if as soon as I say hello they want me to strip and kneel before them... I tend to follow the "if you wouldn't say it to a total stranger in public without getting slapped and or arrested, you shouldn't say it to someone you've just met on the net either" rule. seems alot of people don't subscribe to that though...

(in reply to Mellissande)

Post #: 13

RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/6/2007 8:39:39 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I am submissive to one and that one is the civil and respectful man I have ever met in my life.

As far as the ones who send you outlandish demands, my response usually is to delete and block but occasionally I answer asking them how they would feel if their mother told them a total stranger passing in the grocery store had ordered she do that same thing. Then I demand they tell their mother how they act and see if she approves.

I don't know why, but I have never gotten a thank you for teaching them the wrongness of their ways.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Vanatru)

Post #: 14

RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/6/2007 8:51:57 AM

ctrlaltdelete

Posts: 284
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mellissande
When do you consider a slave collared?

The very moment she has risen from the floor after begging and receiving my collar aroud her neck.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mellissande
will you call her within minutes of her contacting you and expect her to obey your every command?

No. This is life and not an RPG.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mellissande
Is it bad behavior as a submissive to not want to be treated like that? I feel like I am being unsubmissive, but I also do not want to feel like I have to submit to every dom who thinks my eyes are pretty... does that make me a bad submissive?

In my eyes, not in the least. It just shows me that you and your aspiring submission have a foundation in reality and that you do not have some Danielle-Steele-esque romantic delusion of BDSM and submission being some cutsie casual fad.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mellissande
could you give me some advice on how I should handle situations like those?

Ask many questions of the one who asks/demands this behavior. Ensure that he actually is real and has real experience and that he has not only just put down his first John Norman novel after returning his rental copy of The Secretary and suddenly has decided that he'd be a cool Dom.

_____________________________

The opinions expressed in my posts are strictly mine and do not seek to imply that my personal beliefs are representative of those of ANY other individual(s). Should these opinions hurt your little feelers, you are free and welcome to stop reading them.

(in reply to Mellissande)

Post #: 15

RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/6/2007 8:55:55 AM

everhope

Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline

we are all are on this site for different reasons. probably for the majority it is just for the wank material or the quick hook-up. others like myself are here to meet those of like mind and with the hope of meeting one to pursue a long term relationship.
i have been speaking to a Dominant here for a short time. had he kept the conversation focused on the physical aspects or went into cyber-sex talk, we would not still be speaking.

common sense should not dissipate when you identify as a submissive

if you have any possible way to attend gatherings in your area, i would recommend that. when i first started out in all this, i went to everything i could munches, demos, conventions, D/s discussion groups and dungeons. i don't do much public activities now, but i think it gives the online experience a different perspective if you do go out publically...at least that is how it worked for me.

wishing you all the best,
everhope

(in reply to Vanatru)

Post #: 16

RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/6/2007 9:06:10 AM

everhope

Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline

oh ...i don't do velcor collars.
i am suspicious of collars offered too soon and i would decline it, as i have in the past.
i will have to know he is playing for keeps to accept his collar.

(in reply to everhope)

Post #: 17

RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/6/2007 9:19:22 AM

Mellissande

Posts: 435
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

this is a quick reply. Thank you all for the advice. I do read every word and you are all much more wise than I. I will definitely remember your words, I can't tell you enough how thankful I am for everyone on here who helps me. Especially when I ask stupid questions! lol But thank you all for bearing with me and being so sweet to me!

_____________________________

Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become panic-stricken.
— jack Kerouac

(in reply to everhope)

Post #: 18

RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/7/2007 1:47:57 PM

SensibleSam

Posts: 77
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline

My Dear Child,

You are 19 and a submissive woman. Your questions proceed out of being 19 not so much out of being a subbie. You say you want to be a "good" subbie and you worry about acting unsubmissive. These are the concerns of youth in general. If you were vanilla you would have comparable vanilla concerns. You want to be right. You want to be appropriate. Don't worry, the insecurites of youth are temporary. Everyone goes through them.

I'm sure that you are OK and that you will grow to be happy and fulfilled. Give it a little time.

Sam

(in reply to Mellissande)

Post #: 19

RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/7/2007 4:33:35 PM

OldBastardly1

Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad

(in reply to SensibleSam)

Post #: 20

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