RE: This may be a touchy subject

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RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/7/2007 4:50:24 PM

EvilGenie

Posts: 1323
Joined: 9/10/2007
From: Morocco and Maine occasionally
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Holy jumped up bat shit I must be from the planet Zog! For at 44 years of age I still possess insecurities.

(in reply to OldBastardly1)

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RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/7/2007 8:12:45 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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I know it's hard to really keep this in mind when you're new- but try and slam it in as much as possible:

You are only responsible for the expectations YOU agree to be responsible for.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/8/2007 1:52:11 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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If you're not sure in a BDSM context, default to the ole vanilla equivalent....

Most fellas don't hit on women wearing friendship or engagement rings etc because they're committed to someone else. I'd suggest that if you're committed to a particular dom (even without the official cliche'd collar), then that's enough to justify telling the obnoxiously persistant to take a long walk off a short pier....

And if you're not collared or committed, you still have the right to do the same. Feeling obliged to act submissively to strangers is stupid - don't get sucked into that nonsense! Did not having a vanilla b/f make you feel obliged to cater to any and all lounge-lizards putting the hard word on you?

Focus.

(in reply to Mellissande)

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RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/8/2007 12:33:50 PM

masterlink65

Posts: 683
Joined: 11/3/2007
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i interviewed brunoslave for over a year before any commitment was made. it was a slow process of negotiation, trust building(both ways). the "collar" was not put on until ownership had taken place.i took ownership of oldman slave only after months of talking ,chatting ,forming, visiting, playing, training, etc. if a slave emailed me and said it wanted a collar upon arrival i would be most skeptical, if i would even have much interest in such blind loyalty. i refer to slaves as "it" because slaves are considered proprty, plus i dont see only women subs as a potential slave.

being cautious and making a careful choice to your future is not being a bad submissive. your own well being is more important than pleasing som dom/master or domme/mistress. things like ago and aggressive behavior i may consider to be a negative trait for a sub and potential slave to have. other things i would consider bad behavior would be to be demanding and arrogant. i would also expect a sub to have shit together and know what it really want and needs in this type of relationship.

i hate the sub attitude of whatever you like to do, whatever you want to eat. if i ask a sub a questoin, i expect an answer not a statement.

so answer to question one. i consider a slave collared when slave has considered itself owned proprty, and has given over control of itself to its owner.

question two. no

question three. no

questoin four. no, you need to be able to trust a dom before you can submit. and i have never trusted someone from an email or profile on a cruisy site. being practical and using some forethought is not unsubmissive, but a trait i would look for in a sub seeking a slave position.

question five. i do not really know you or your situation enough to offer advice, but i can offer my opinion. hope this may have helped

be honest with yourslef and your future/potential master. best advice i can give

(in reply to Mellissande)

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RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/8/2007 12:40:50 PM

masterlink65

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questoins are only stupid if you dont ask them

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RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/8/2007 12:43:42 PM

allcatsaregrey

Posts: 77
Joined: 11/2/2007
From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

My opinion is.......

A sub/slave is collared when she is actually collared. I have always instructed my subs that they do not have to act submissive to anybody but Me & those I instruct her to... your submission is only owed to those that you want to submit to, not any person who claims to be deserving of it. "you don't act very submissive" is one of their favorites. One of my favorites is "being submissive does NOT mean submissive to all". Much like, just because you have sex, does not mean that you will boink anybody who wants it.

Can all of the subs who feel that way start quoting you on that?

Anyway, I am so glad that this topic was posted, as I feel I am "in the same boat" with you, Mellissande.

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c.,
The "Service with a Smile" Slut

"Domination's the name of the game, in bed or in life, they're both just the same - Except in one you're fulfilled
at the end of the day."

- Depeche Mode, "Master & servant"

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RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/8/2007 2:06:16 PM

masterlink65

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i agree with that too. my slaves submit to me, but that does not make them some spineless push over in the outside world of dealing with people in general.. being a submissive/slave to your dom/master does not mean you have to submit and bow down to everyone you see, meet, or come in contact with. unless of course you want to.

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RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/8/2007 2:19:16 PM

breatheasone

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Joined: 7/14/2007
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Yep...one of my favs is....I am A submissive....I am not YOUR submissive.

Edited to add: having said that, my Daddy wouldn't want me going around being an asshole either. He would certainly deal with me if I did.

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 12/8/2007 2:22:31 PM >

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RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/8/2007 2:49:03 PM

NightWindWhisper

Posts: 143
Joined: 5/28/2006
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Collaring to me is a thing of true significance--almost, or in some cases equal or more than marriage. But at 19--such seriousness doesn't need to be a part of you life. If you want to be collared tonight--and the guy seems hot enough to make you quiver with anticipation--hey, go for it. But it is a mutual decision--not a "on your knees slut--here is a virtual collar--now suck my cock..." (Unless this is what you seek...in that case... hey...)

So ultimately it is really, as I see it, defined by the desire and the acceptance of a collar--a contract of sorts, though each contract might be different. I or many of my friends at a d/s party--seeing that behavior and sensing your being uncomfortable--the guy would likely be whisked aside for at least a conversation--and at worse "a boot." And trust me, oftentimes at d/s parties--it's the submissives that pick it up first...

You do what you want to do. D/s is consensual--period. Even consensual non-consensual if you want to be oxymorinic is simply consensual. Be careful of this sort of so-called "dom." Date rape is alive and well... Find a local group and make friends--with submissives.... then you get decent feedback. It's about you--it's about you enjoying yourself--it's about your needs being met--remember that and remember that you are THE gatekeeper--"no" means no, and if it doesn't it is pre-defined and then "red" means no. But with either--do not ever let someone do something to you that you are uncomfortable with. That's my take....hope it helps a bit...

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RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/8/2007 4:09:18 PM

adoracat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Yep...one of my favs is....I am A submissive....I am not YOUR submissive.
Edited to add: having said that, my Daddy wouldn't want me going around being an asshole either. He would certainly deal with me if I did.

hmm. definitely different from my Daddy!

he likes the fact that i'm normally peacable and even-tempered, and i try to be ladylike. he also loves that once i'm pushed (generally by some twerp messaging me on yahoo) i will quite daintily eviscerate them and step over the corpse. then complain my knife needs cleaning. (of course not literally! i enjoy cleaning my knives!

)

seriously, Daddy likes that i wont let some goob try to dominante HIS property, and that i have no issues being scathing when its necessary. timing and appropriateness of behavior is all it.

kitten, whose knives are clean and sharp...but who needs to work on the swords sometime soon

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RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/8/2007 7:27:08 PM

MiztrezzD

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Joined: 11/27/2007
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best advice if you collar at a first meet .... buy a velcro one -lol- easier to pull off her neck and give to the next one....also one size fits all I do believe -s-

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RE: This may be a touchy subject - 12/8/2007 8:54:52 PM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
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If they weren't "doms", if this a friend of yours, would you expect her to respond to every guy who whistles at her when she crosses the construction site? Why is your standard for yourself any lower? As to your question. I was doing as he desired long before I considered myself owned or collared, the latter occurred at 1.5 years. And I was doing it cause it turned me on. If I hadn't been turned on we would never have gotten this far, hell we would have never gotten to the first lunch date. My point being, with the right guy I could follow his lead from early on. But 99.9% of the guys who email me are not the 'right' guy. And their emails are simply deleted.

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Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

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