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RE: How would you be punished if you did this? - 12/6/2007 8:14:38 PM

eboneesub

Posts: 5
Joined: 5/14/2005
Status: offline

Well this is my advice, he cannot have his cake and eat it as well, he can come clean because all marriages, relationships hit rough spots, face the music and work on rebuilding the trust or he can move and play all he wants on the computer.

(in reply to laurell3)

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Post #: 41

RE: How would you be punished if you did this? - 12/6/2007 11:14:08 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaDee

Recently I discovered that My sub has been naughty. I recently discovered that he has a cyber buddy. When I asked him if he was doing anything that I had NOT allowed he denied everything. I hate a liar! I found the emails & IMs and he was dealt with.

There would be no punishment, he would just dump me, end of story

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LaDee)

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Post #: 42

RE: How would you be punished if you did this? - 12/7/2007 3:06:13 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaDee

You are right...I NO longer trust him! it effects everything. Not sure if W/we will make it.

I have not read the rest of the thread, but the first thing that came to mind when reading this far...

I wonder why he doesn't trust YOU enough to share something that is interesting to him. This sounds like it is just a symptom of a problem. What isn't working in your relationship that he thought he had to lie to you?

Unless he is a habitual liar, there is more going on than just having an online friend.

To answer your original question, if I did something like that at this point in our relationship, he would be shocked. He would want conversations to get to the heart of the issue. Lying to him about something so simple as an online friend would be an indication of a bigger problem. Maybe the problem could be fixed and we would move on from there to rebuild trust between us or maybe it couldn't and we would have to end our relationship. If there is no problem and I just lied to make things easier for myself, I would be out the door.

Knight's Kyra

< Message edited by kyraofMists -- 12/7/2007 3:13:37 AM >

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to LaDee)

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Post #: 43

RE: How would you be punished if you did this? - 12/7/2007 3:08:57 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaDee

At first I spoke w/ him abt it he still denies it just says they r friends. I emailed her and told her he was NOT available and she lied and said they were ONLY friends too. Then I caught them sending IMs latenight and I busted them. I told her to saty away from him or I would post their conversations online.

Uhhh... Just because they are sending IM's late at night does not automatically mean they are more than friends. Frankly, your response to her was rather immature and petty. Your issue isn't with her, it is with him.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to LaDee)

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Post #: 44

RE: How would you be punished if you did this? - 12/7/2007 3:58:45 AM

wisteriaV

Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline

There is no room in any relationship for any form of lying in my view. Master and I would immediately break the relationship up if either of us lied. While we both have net friends and we have both offered to share what e-mails or im's we get from others, neither of us has taken the offer up...we have trust for each other.

_____________________________

Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to kyraofMists)

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Post #: 45

RE: How would you be punished if you did this? - 12/7/2007 10:48:59 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaDee

At first I spoke w/ him abt it he still denies it just says they r friends. I emailed her and told her he was NOT available and she lied and said they were ONLY friends too. Then I caught them sending IMs latenight and I busted them. I told her to saty away from him or I would post their conversations online.

Uhhh... Just because they are sending IM's late at night does not automatically mean they are more than friends. Frankly, your response to her was rather immature and petty. Your issue isn't with her, it is with him.

Knight's Kyra

That struck me as a bit over-the-top as well.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

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Post #: 46

RE: How would you be punished if you did this? - 12/7/2007 1:05:53 PM

Heartisan

Posts: 21
Joined: 10/21/2007
From: Denver, CO
Status: offline

First off I am new so I don't know any of you well, so pardon if I offend anyone, it is never my intention.

I agree with it being a problem, the trust issue is lost and that is tough to gain back. That said, I also tend to play devil's advocate and try to look from all sides. The only situation that I can see this as undrestandable (not excusable) is if he has expressed a deep need that the Dom is unable/unwilling to satisfy, or allow satisfaction.

Example: Someone I know is new to the lifestyle, his wife is also new, and wants to be his owner, but she can not flog him without drinking first, and even then, it's not well. He is s truck driver and comes through my town occasionally, and has been to the local club, and has experienced a real flogging (misunderstanding of limits between his wife and he) when he shouldn't have, but now he realizes how deep a need it is for him to have that release. She is not even willing to compromise because she is extremely insecure and thinks he is looking to replace her (I know he loves her, and that is so not the case) and no matter what he does or says to reassure her, she is still suspicious. Now I don't encourage him to lie, but how is he to prove his loyalty if not given the opportunity to do so? Ownership to me also includes some sort of responsiblity to at least listen, and consider the needs of the sub and try to find a way to at least compromise.

He will not play again without her express and clear permission, but I could see his need and her denial of it is going to eventually damage the part of their relationship that does work. So what should he do? Personally, if the relationship was not working out and I was not getting needs met that I felt that strongly about, I would end the relationship, but he really doesn't want to do that. I also think she can't really be his owner since she doesn't really have a desire to help him, just the desire to control him in a very selfish way. (btw.. she is allowed to play with others at will) So does he end the relatiionship, or deny that need and have it tear them both up in the long run. I think I could understand a little cyber in this case if that helped him any.

Lying is NEVER acceptable to me, but I am also very open to discussion and compromise whether it is my Master, or my subs. Trust however can never be compromised.
Just another point of view...

NOTE: To Mistress Taboo... I did not copy the song from your tagline !! Too funny, I've been using it for years, just a different line from the same song.

Jewel
Bi, Poly, and Switch... I don't believe in limiting my options

"I'm a bitch, I'm a tease, I'm a goddess on my knees"... Meredith Brooks "The Bitch"

(in reply to MistressTaboo)

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Post #: 47

RE: How would you be punished if you did this? - 12/13/2007 12:12:38 AM

tdslittlehelper

Posts: 79
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline

My Sir would communicate with me. I am allowed to talk to anyone. But lying is NOT a good thing... I would be more ashamed of myself then anything. It makes me wonder thought. They both say that they are just friends. Is it possible that you are just reading into things.

(in reply to MistressTaboo)

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Post #: 48

RE: How would you be punished if you did this? - 12/20/2007 11:43:38 AM

LaDee

Posts: 67
Joined: 10/22/2005
From: VA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Heartisan

First off I am new so I don't know any of you well, so pardon if I offend anyone, it is never my intention.

I agree with it being a problem, the trust issue is lost and that is tough to gain back. That said, I also tend to play devil's advocate and try to look from all sides. The only situation that I can see this as undrestandable (not excusable) is if he has expressed a deep need that the Dom is unable/unwilling to satisfy, or allow satisfaction.

Example: Someone I know is new to the lifestyle, his wife is also new, and wants to be his owner, but she can not flog him without drinking first, and even then, it's not well. He is s truck driver and comes through my town occasionally, and has been to the local club, and has experienced a real flogging (misunderstanding of limits between his wife and he) when he shouldn't have, but now he realizes how deep a need it is for him to have that release. She is not even willing to compromise because she is extremely insecure and thinks he is looking to replace her (I know he loves her, and that is so not the case) and no matter what he does or says to reassure her, she is still suspicious. Now I don't encourage him to lie, but how is he to prove his loyalty if not given the opportunity to do so? Ownership to me also includes some sort of responsiblity to at least listen, and consider the needs of the sub and try to find a way to at least compromise.

He will not play again without her express and clear permission, but I could see his need and her denial of it is going to eventually damage the part of their relationship that does work. So what should he do? Personally, if the relationship was not working out and I was not getting needs met that I felt that strongly about, I would end the relationship, but he really doesn't want to do that. I also think she can't really be his owner since she doesn't really have a desire to help him, just the desire to control him in a very selfish way. (btw.. she is allowed to play with others at will) So does he end the relatiionship, or deny that need and have it tear them both up in the long run. I think I could understand a little cyber in this case if that helped him any.

Lying is NEVER acceptable to me, but I am also very open to discussion and compromise whether it is my Master, or my subs. Trust however can never be compromised.
Just another point of view...

NOTE: To Mistress Taboo... I did not copy the song from your tagline !! Too funny, I've been using it for years, just a different line from the same song.

Jewel
Bi, Poly, and Switch... I don't believe in limiting my options
"I'm a bitch, I'm a tease, I'm a goddess on my knees"... Meredith Brooks "The Bitch"

Thanks for sharing . I find your story very interesting . After posted here I sat down w/ pet to have a heart -to-heart. Things seem to going better.

(in reply to Heartisan)

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Post #: 49

RE: How would you be punished if you did this? - 12/20/2007 11:48:39 AM

mhawk

Posts: 509
Joined: 11/5/2007
From: Washington
Status: offline

i know some of this has already been said but i will say from my stand point i know first and foremost my Lord and my Mistress would both punish me severly.i have no reason to do anything behind Their backs first not only would it destry the trust i have gained from them but it would also destroy all that we have built together.

(in reply to LaDee)

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Post #: 50

RE: How would you be punished if you did this? - 12/20/2007 1:28:30 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I would nevr do this. But lets say i would then cybering would be cheating but i think the lie would hurt Master more. I think i would get punished more for the lie then the cybering. (hmm have to ask Master about this)

Matt's littleone

(in reply to mhawk)

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Post #: 51

RE: How would you be punished if you did this? - 12/20/2007 2:54:14 PM

trueshadow

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

I would hope I wouldn't be released but would be beaten severely, not as a reward but as pure punishment. Perhaps ignored for a while as well.

As others have pointed out, lying is a very serious offense to commit with one's Superior.

(in reply to LaDee)

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Post #: 52

RE: How would you be punished if you did this? - 12/20/2007 7:17:29 PM

desertdancer

Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline

I am very careful online as my Husband says I'm a flirt. Truth be told no one even comes onto my radar, I'm so in love with my Master. I am a C-sexual ( his first name starts with a C) He really is the only one who does it for me, so the idea of cybering or stepping outside our marrage doesn't do anything for me. Now I would cyber with him, if we were away from eachother, that would turn me on.

I've been on the flip side of this coin. I was once emailed by a wife who was very upset. She thought her husband and I were cybering. I was very offended. I wrote her a very nice well thought out email where I did not tell her to go fuck herself, but told her that there was no way he and I had done anything, nor would we ever. All we were tying to do was run a gamming server together. He was the owner I was the lead DM 'course we were going to have to talk to eachother.

Anyway, I have no idea if she believed me or what happened in their relationship. I stepped down from running the game and have not looked back since.

So, my words of caution would be to try to get more of the whole story rather then start sending hate mail to innocent people.

_____________________________

* Shimmy Shimmy *

(in reply to trueshadow)

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Post #: 53

RE: How would you be punished if you did this? - 1/5/2008 3:11:04 AM

whipingherfeet

Posts: 202
Joined: 10/26/2006
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beat the soles of his feet util he pass es out

(in reply to LaDee)

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RE: How would you be punished if you did this? - 1/5/2008 9:11:16 AM

backseatbebe

Posts: 195
Joined: 4/12/2006
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i wonder where your subs head at, choosing cyber over reality, really now

(in reply to whipingherfeet)

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Post #: 55

RE: How would you be punished if you did this? - 1/5/2008 1:03:16 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: whipingherfeet

beat the soles of his feet util he pass es out

Amazingly, that isn't the answer for everything.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to whipingherfeet)

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Post #: 56

RE: How would you be punished if you did this? - 1/5/2008 1:19:32 PM

whipingherfeet

Posts: 202
Joined: 10/26/2006
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why not

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Post #: 57

RE: How would you be punished if you did this? - 1/5/2008 9:21:44 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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Because people, strangely, aren't all the same nor is every offense. Submissives, slaves, dominants and masters are not cookie cutter replicas of each other.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to whipingherfeet)

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Post #: 58

RE: How would you be punished if you did this? - 1/5/2008 9:27:20 PM

swtnsparkling