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RE: Scenario - 12/6/2007 8:37:47 PM

Jasmyn

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From: New Zealand
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressPav

You are topping your bottom in a public play place. During the scene, a third party makes some rude and inappropriate comments to you about your bottom, which, in essence, belittles your topping ability at the same time. Other people in the area also hear this. What would you do?

MistressPav ...others may have heard the comments but they may not necessarily have agreed with him. Most likely I would have said something like ... "I don't remember my bottom or I consenting to your involvement in our scene. Could you keep your comments to a minimum or will I have to call the DM over?" or ... "I'll be happy to discuss the scene with you later. Until then please keep your observations to a minimum so I and others can fully enjoy this gorgeous creature before me."...and ignored them.

Making a point of seeking them out later...they want self importance ...I'd give it to them ... on my terms ... it's easy for someone to be flippant with remarks, making lowest common denominator comments, for an audience...but it's a whole other ball game when you call them on their words and they have to actually formulate a cohesive arguement to back their observations. I appreciate and respect when someone can do the latter... though I will add ... it's a rare occassion ...

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RE: Scenario - 12/6/2007 8:58:32 PM

ShaktiSama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressPav
You are topping your bottom in a public play place. During the scene, a third party makes some rude and inappropriate comments to you about your bottom, which, in essence, belittles your topping ability at the same time. Other people in the area also hear this. What would you do?

Wow. That's amazingly crappy. And represents very poor maintenance of the playspace by its monitors and regulars, I might add. The place I used to play had very stringent rules about any kind of intrusion into a scene; you were not even allowed to directly watch in some areas of the club, much less make unsolicited comments, much less make unsolicited RUDE comments that can be heard by the players!

Whoever opened his or her yap to make you uncomfortable should have been thrown out on his/her leather-clad little ass, imho. That is against the rules of any club I've ever been to--often explicitly stated in the rules as a Don't-Come-Back offense. No one needs another person's negative bs intruding into their DS zone...

As to what I would do--? I honestly don't know, having never been subjected to anything so unbelievably rude or gauche. But if I felt my bottom was being attacked nonconsensually by someone else, verbally or otherwise, it might not be pleasant for anyone present...

There is actually a very good practical reason that people are not allowed to make hostile or negative remarks around people who are in a scene. Dominants can be very intensely connected with their subs at that moment. A sense that their pet is being attacked or hurt by anyone else could get real ugly, real fast. There is a lot of energy flowing, a sense of power and possession... Channeling all that dommespace energy suddenly and instantaneously into WHITE HOT RAGE?

Might not be too healthy.

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RE: Scenario - 12/6/2007 9:03:47 PM

Jasmyn

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There is also the reality ... intrusions impact on the submissive's head space ...

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RE: Scenario - 12/6/2007 9:59:42 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Given the change to envision the perfect response, I'd probably say loudly something like "And when did you become judge of MY scene? Run along now." and then turn to ignore them.

But given the real situation, I'd likely just look at them like they were an alien (which is a great look really if you can perfect it), and get my bottom to focus on the scene at hand. Laugh about it on the way home.

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RE: Scenario - 12/6/2007 11:38:28 PM

MistressPav

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You all have no idea how comforted I feel after reading all the responses. I appreciate the time each of you take to help me understand what happened.

As today progressed, I can now share with you a bit more detail about this particular situation:
I was subbing to my hubby with some rope bondage. The third party "peanut gallery" was a Domme who was nearby. She was also working on her bottom, so she diverted her attention from her bottom to berate me at the expense of my Dom. (She overheard me ask my Dom a safety question about the position my wrist was in before I obeyed an order from my Dom to 'sit up') She loudly and sarcastically said something to my Dom to the tune of, "Wow! What a bossy bottom YOU have! That's called topping from below"...blah, blah, blah. She said a little more shit, but I dont' remember because my anger factor skyrocketed. First off, being a sub in this situation, I didn't realize that by asking a safety question qualified as topping from below. Secondly, when those ropes touch my skin, I surrender immediately and my head space goes full-on endorphins. So, yeah, it ruined the moment I was enjoying with my husband. And thirdly, the rules and regulations of the dungeon specifically state that you are to keep comments to yourself about other people's play, and this particular woman is well known in the local BDSM circle.

So I confronted her after the playtime was over and quietly pulled her aside to let her know that I didn't appreciate her comments. She gave me this "you have GOT to be kidding me" look and then apologized, but it wasn't sincere by any means. Later, she makes some more condescending comments to my husband about me such as (sic) "she seems a bit high maintenance to me" and how she will be avoiding me from now on.

(Good thing, bitch, because you have no idea who you're fucking with.) Hell hath no fury like a Scorpio woman scorned.

My Dom then basically told her off in one final conversation, defending me and hopefully I won't have to see this sad excuse for a female again.

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Post #: 25

RE: Scenario - 12/7/2007 2:59:13 AM

eyesopened

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And people wonder why i cringe at the very thought of playing in public.

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Post #: 26

RE: Scenario - 12/7/2007 9:23:02 AM

DesFIP

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The most appropriate response I can think of is to turn to the jerk and tell him that if he thinks I am doing something unsafe he should please summon a DM. And that if he keeps interrupting other people's scenes to make himself feel superior you will be the one summoning the DM. And after the scene you should go report him for deliberately doing this. Because it's not going to be the first time or the last he acts this way.

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Post #: 27

RE: Scenario - 12/7/2007 9:56:32 AM

Archer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressPav

You are topping your bottom in a public play place. During the scene, a third party makes some rude and inappropriate comments to you about your bottom, which, in essence, belittles your topping ability at the same time. Other people in the area also hear this. What would you do?

Knowing Valyraen?

Make a comment about how anyone who doesn't know better than to interrupt a scene shouldn't be allowed in the dungeon, possibly adding that if they have anything to say about me they should have the balls enough to wait until we are done and they can say it to my face.

I swear, we are nice people...

Edited because I realized you didn't say if the third party was a dominant, submissive or otherwise

I'm right there with you on this one.
Almost extactly my first response.

I generally try to save the whip cracking on intruders to those that actually cross the physical boundry. (I have actually done that once when someone entered the space I was playing in.) After that the story spread and folks seemed to know not to do it again, LOL.

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Post #: 28

RE: Scenario - 12/7/2007 10:02:12 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

And people wonder why i cringe at the very thought of playing in public.

Playing in public can be a lot of fun. One of my best memories of a scene is me tied up on a cross with a dominant going to town on me while Valyraen, Master Fire and a few others are watching and smiling at the weird stuff that comes out of my mouth while being beaten.

It's important to find the right group.

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Post #: 29

RE: Scenario - 12/7/2007 10:35:32 AM

MystressDream

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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

And people wonder why i cringe at the very thought of playing in public.

Each to their own.... but, some of the hottest scenes I have been involved in have been at the local BDSM club. When the crowd is right... and it is intense... the energy in the room is incredible. There are also pieces of equipment at the club that I have never seen in anyone's home... things like a huge wheel that spins... a celtic cross that can be raised to the high ceiling... many different things. Don't judge public play by an isolated incident like this one. It is NOT a common occurance.

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Post #: 30

RE: Scenario - 12/7/2007 10:38:20 AM

MistressPav

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"There are also pieces of equipment at the club that I have never seen in anyone's home... things like a huge wheel that spins... a celtic cross that can be raised to the high ceiling... many different things."
*************************************************************************

omg! I'm going to Colorado as soon as possible!

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Post #: 31

RE: Scenario - 12/7/2007 1:27:41 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressPav

You are topping your bottom in a public play place. During the scene, a third party makes some rude and inappropriate comments to you about your bottom, which, in essence, belittles your topping ability at the same time. Other people in the area also hear this. What would you do?

I do not think my Daddy would give a rat's ass what people say about his ability to top.

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Post #: 32

RE: Scenario - 12/7/2007 2:34:01 PM

MasterFireMaam

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Unless they are disturbing the scene by being loud, I'd ignore them. Their poor manners (and taste!) reflect only on them. Their comments also only reflect on them.

Master Fire

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Post #: 33

RE: Scenario - 12/7/2007 3:04:25 PM

SensibleSam

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I see this scenario as an opportunity.

John Wayne movies were popular because when some stupid or rude character crossed the Duke he would simply punch them in the nose. This is hard to do in America these days with all the police and lawyers. About the only place a man can be truly free anymore is the local BDSM dungeon. No one will want to call the cops. No one will sue if they have to say where the event took place.

What I would do is just ask politely for an apology. If I didn't get satisfaction I would simply assault him. If I had a weapon in my hand, fine, if not also fine. The important thing is to open a can of whup-ass ASAP. I would want the rude dude to bleed a little - maybe a broken nose, maybe some other broken bones.

The management will want the whole thing settled quietly. The police won't be involved. I might be blackballed at that dungeon but if so that's just the price.

Dominants should be fierce.

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Post #: 34