quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

breathes,

I think there's lots of reasons people don't like to 'share.'  That feeling of insecurity?  Almost word for word, you've expressed something that a slave of mine has faced.  It's normal, it's natural, and it might even be damaging to your relationship; but it won't kill you.
Granted...but it would my heart.

For my part, I like including others in my sexual play.  I'm a terrible exhibitionist, a voyeur, and as long as I knew I liked the idea of sex with one woman, I had been thinking I enjoy sex with two women.  I also enjoy knowing that I have the power over my woman, to demand of her "slave, strip and get ready" for another man if I wished... to boot, in letting him be with her, not only do I have a chance to show off my slave, but the very act they are engaged in, is (at least in my mind) an act I have the power to terminate or permit as I wish.  Toss in the fact that I might also be enjoying his wife at the same time...well, it's an incredible.  I'm wary of stating these feelings, because (at least amongst swingers) they're not exactly socially acceptable.  Then again, when I'm calling my girl a dirty cunt, it isn't because I think she's actually a dirty cunt; it's part of the psychosexual tension.  When it's all over and done, the slave goes back to being my slave, friend, and lover.  Nothing's really changed; we just enjoyed a decadent fantasy with other people.  For me, it's not unlike when I'm flogging her; I'm engaged in an activity that is violent, brutal, and inflicts pain.  The headspace I'm in is very different from when her head's on my chest, and I'm stroking her hair all warm and snuggly first thing in the morning.
This is exactly why I asked the question...To see others points of view. I personly place value and worth on sex. To me its very intimate and only to be given to my Mate.


Understand, my interest isn't advocating why you should enjoy sharing; only some of the reasons people do enjoy it, so that should you find yourself in that spot,
I would never be in that spot. 

you can see how no matter how rough it may get during the act,
Do you mean emotionally rough or physically?

when it's over life goes on, there's still laundry to do, dinner to cook, and the faucet might still leak.  Sharing isn't the end of the world, even if it's not your cup of tea.
It would in a sense, Seeing my Mate that intimate with another would be the end of the world for me.  Yes life does indeed go on, and I would go on...I would just never be the same again.

I think the mentality of "if he loved me, he wouldn't do this to me" is probably the single most destructive aspect of sharing,
Well yes I can understand that.

for those who are afraid of it.
I am not afraid of it. I think its wrong. but thats my own view...I'm NOT saying its wrong for everyone...its wrong for me.

Once you realize that sharing isn't a lack of love,
To me thats exactly what it would feel like and a lack of respect as well. This is just how I personally would feel. I know others feel different and enjoy doing this even. I think its good to learn other points of view.

I think it becomes leaps and bounds easier to handle.

Regards,

Stephan
Thanks so much for responding...I always enjoy your posts[:)]

quote:

ORIGINAL: ghitaPVH

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

And I don't view people as worth fucking or not worth fucking, I find that repellent in the extreme. I judge them on their moral values.

No no...ive met people who were definantly not worth fucking...unfortunantly I dont generally find this out until after Ive fucked them and Im laying there going "wow..that was totally not worth the effort..."

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

quote:

I think there's lots of reasons people don't like to 'share.'  That feeling of insecurity?  Almost word for word, you've expressed something that a slave of mine has faced.  It's normal, it's natural, and it might even be damaging to your relationship; but it won't kill you.
Granted...but it would my heart.

I don't think hearts are quite so fragile; I do think that different people are wired differently, though, so I do agree that it would be very painful.  Again, it's one thing to say "this would be very hard to do."  It's quite another to say "this would destroy everything I am." 

Morals are important, and if engaging in sex outside of your relationship is contrary to your morals, than you shouldn't.  Unfortunately, not everyone (even your partner) will share your morals.  This is why compatibility is crucial.  I don't get involved in relationships where I don't feel that we are mostly compatible.

Having said that, I've been willing in the past, and I might be willing in the future to make compromises.  For me, including others in my relationship is on par with enjoying a favorite sport; if it would destroy someone I loved to engage in that sport, I probably wouldn't do it.  If I felt that it came, from her, from a place inside that was jealous and destructive, then I doubt we would be compatible.  I'm a social person, and I need to feel that I have the liberty to have whatever friendships I desire.

quote:

you can see how no matter how rough it may get during the act,
Do you mean emotionally rough or physically?

Emotionally.

Hope this sheds some light on my perspective.  Again, everyone is different; my observations are my own, and I've no desire to push them onto anyone else.

Warm regards,

Stephan

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

I've been in a monogamous relationship in the past and experienced insecurity if he spent a lot of time and/or attention on another woman.  It absolutely was insecurity, tied up in a lot of other insecurities in the relationship and about myself.

After that (my first) relationship, I've never felt a need for monogamy in a healthy relationship.
I get what you are saying... for you..if your relationship is healthy  you do not need monogamy


I tend to believe that strict need for monogamy is based in insecurity, but not that this is necessarily a bad thing for monogamists.
Are you saying people that want monogamy are insecure?

That insecurity is one of the most base instincts, and when it kicks in, it is often for good reason, because in most relationships, especially if monogamy is decided on from the start, if eyes
I realize some people do not want there partner to even look at anyone else but that wouldn't be me. I don't think noticing that someone else is attractive is a big deal (or more)are wandering, it means trouble in paradise.
Yes..If by or more you mean sexually intimacy then yes for me that would be a problem

I think that trouble more often stems from within the relationship though, and eyes wander for a distraction, escape...
Distractions are a normal part of life, seeking an escape is a big problem I'd say. But I don't see how that is connected to just monogamous couples. I'm certain that its possible to cheat in a poly relationship as well.

This is why I feel that even if my man plays with others, if he keeps coming home to me it is for good reason, what we have is the most important to him (and vice versa).
That mindset is what works best for you and thats great.

And if he doesn't, I'm quite certain it would have very little to do with the other person he may or may not be seeing, it would have to do with problems or incompatibilities between us.  That philosophy is what gets me over insecurity.
So you believe if your man didn't come home, it would be because of problems and incompatibilities, and not because he wants to be with another?

I'm not saying it is universally insecurity, I can certainly understand 'what's mine is mine' and there may be many other perspectives, but I think insecurity can be a big influence based on my friend's experiences.
Yes...I know that is why some people do not want to share...but its not why everyone doesn't want to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ghitaPVH

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

And I don't view people as worth fucking or not worth fucking, I find that repellent in the extreme. I judge them on their moral values.

No no...ive met people who were definantly not worth fucking...unfortunantly I dont generally find this out until after Ive fucked them and Im laying there going "wow..that was totally not worth the effort..."

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

I tend to believe that strict need for monogamy is based in insecurity, but not that this is necessarily a bad thing for monogamists.  That insecurity is one of the most base instincts, and when it kicks in, it is often for good reason, because in most relationships, especially if monogamy is decided on from the start, if eyes (or more) are wandering, it means trouble in paradise.  I think that trouble more often stems from within the relationship though, and eyes wander for a distraction, escape... 

This is why I feel that even if my man plays with others, if he keeps coming home to me it is for good reason, what we have is the most important to him (and vice versa).  And if he doesn't, I'm quite certain it would have very little to do with the other person he may or may not be seeing, it would have to do with problems or incompatibilities between us.  That philosophy is what gets me over insecurity. 

I'm not saying it is universally insecurity, I can certainly understand 'what's mine is mine' and there may be many other perspectives, but I think insecurity can be a big influence based on my friend's experiences.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Well, I think that marriage is emotionally hard too.  That doesn't make it undesirable, or even unpleasent; rock climbing is physically painful, difficult, and dangerous.  That doesn't make it undesirable or unpleasent, either.

I'd say some people fear different things.  You fear sharing more than you fear being trapped.  I fear being trapped, more than sharing.  There are emotional risks involved with both sides of the coin; so it's a matter of which do you fear less?  Which do you enjoy more?

Regards,

Stephan