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RE: am i an ass? - 12/7/2007 8:54:21 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Your mistake was in contacting him after he was so nasty the first time. He's got a chip on his shoulder and is taking out on you pain caused by someone else rejecting him on his age.

You are entitled to your preferences. You are not obliged to give him a pity fuck for not fitting into your preferences. He should have read your profile first. And I'm betting he's 20 years older than he said he is, and the people who have been turning him down hard are barely legals. This is his problem, not yours.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to farglebargle)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: am i an ass? - 12/7/2007 9:01:13 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

And I'm betting he's 20 years older than he said he is, and the people who have been turning him down hard are barely legals. This is his problem, not yours.


The other night Daddy was telling me how amused he is by middle aged men and older that get all bent out of shape that really young submissives do not want them... if they twuly were submissive then they would want a dom that was 65 and unwashed

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: am i an ass? - 12/7/2007 9:01:14 AM   
ghitaPVH


Posts: 1363
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: farglebargle


quote:

ORIGINAL: ghitaPVH

more than likely he was scared of leading into something more than cyber and he needed an excuse to back out of it and make it all your fault...



Give the lady a Cigar!


can I trade it in for a beer?.....

_____________________________

Don't expect anything of me and I promise I'll never disappoint you.

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything. --Nietzsche"

(in reply to farglebargle)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: am i an ass? - 12/7/2007 9:02:21 AM   
MistressNoName


Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Hi there pam,

So I just moved here from Austin; my first suggestion is this guy isn't worth the tears he's crying over you. I know it's hard to see this; that first, instant connection is often very powerful online. Sometimes you have to just understand that this guy probably isn't anything like what you imagine him to be. It's incredibly easy to build a mental image of a person online based on an initial chat.

Having said that, I would suggest that since obviously five years older doesn't matter to you, why not include that in your profile? If I were female.... (shhhh peanut gallery!)... I'm 30 right now. I doubt I'd be interested in any but the most exceptional man under the age of 26. I doubt I'd be interested in men over the age of 42. So I wouldn't write 'Ideally, you're 28-35.' I'd write "I prefer not to receive email from those under the age of 25, or over the age of 42." Put your absolute limits, if you put them at all.

Having said that, someone who's genuinely interested in you won't be scared off by your profile. My submissive, Tigrita, had clearly stated that her one absolute minimum physical requirement was that a man had to be 6'2" to be attractive to her (she's 5'9".) Being 5'9", I wrote anyway saying "I don't usually write people who have 'you must be this high to ride' but you seem interesting and I'd love to get to know you better." Turns out, she'd been reading my posts for a while, and all but said that she didn't really care about the height thing.

Fortune favors the bold. Do you want a dominant who isn't?

Stephan



And just wanted to comment on this post. I agree with Stephann that someone who is truly interested in you will not let your profile scare him off. I have a set age range on my profile, yet I've communicated with men outside that range on both the lower and higher end. I do not advise changing your age range, as this can become an exercise in pure frustration for you. Adjusting up or down to try and figure out just what is an acceptable age. I would leave it as it. The adjustments come on a case by case basis. We tend to set age ranges out of our experiences with people. But if you meet someone outside the age range and they end up being the exception to the rule, then by all means pursue them...but if they then turn around and get huffy about your preferences, leave them alone and walk away. I only recall having one person react badly about my stated age preference...so fine, one out of countless others. Big deal. So he blew any chance to get to know me. It's his loss, not mine.

MNN

_____________________________

aka Ms Petal - Check Me out on the Web.

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: am i an ass? - 12/7/2007 9:04:14 AM   
farglebargle


Posts: 10715
Joined: 6/15/2005
From: Albany, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ghitaPVH

quote:

ORIGINAL: farglebargle


quote:

ORIGINAL: ghitaPVH

more than likely he was scared of leading into something more than cyber and he needed an excuse to back out of it and make it all your fault...



Give the lady a Cigar!


can I trade it in for a beer?.....


No problem! One Black Hawk Stout coming up!



_____________________________

It's not every generation that gets to watch a civilization fall. Looks like we're in for a hell of a show.

ברוך אתה, אדוני אלוקינו, ריבון העולמים, מי יוצר צמחים ריחניים

(in reply to ghitaPVH)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: am i an ass? - 12/7/2007 9:40:36 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		It's a good thing you found out about his emo tendencies now rather than later.  The fact that you have preferences on your profile, which most do, and were obviously not following those strictly should have sent a positive message to the guy.  Instead his insecurity or fear of intimacy or lack of interest made him react like a buffoon.  Whenever I have someone back away like that I always question whether they were merely looking for cyber and now make up any excuse that isn't the truth.  You'll never know why, but no, you obviously are not an ass.  In fact, I'd say you're open-minded and willing to look at others despite your preferences.  This is his shortcoming, not yours.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to farglebargle)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: am i an ass? - 12/7/2007 9:43:02 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

And just wanted to comment on this post. I agree with Stephann that someone who is truly interested in you will not let your profile scare him off. I have a set age range on my profile, yet I've communicated with men outside that range on both the lower and higher end. I do not advise changing your age range, as this can become an exercise in pure frustration for you. Adjusting up or down to try and figure out just what is an acceptable age. I would leave it as it. The adjustments come on a case by case basis. We tend to set age ranges out of our experiences with people. But if you meet someone outside the age range and they end up being the exception to the rule, then by all means pursue them...but if they then turn around and get huffy about your preferences, leave them alone and walk away. I only recall having one person react badly about my stated age preference...so fine, one out of countless others. Big deal. So he blew any chance to get to know me. It's his loss, not mine.

MNN


NN,

We're pretty much in agreement.

I will add, briefly, that there was something I felt a little uneasy about when I wrote Tigrita.  Many of the qualifications she listed, I simply didn't fit.  It wasn't just height; she was in a PhD program, and made it clear that she was only really interested in college graduates as well.  I barely stumbled through my first year of college, and while I'm hardly an intellectual slouch, I was concerned that it would be an issue.  I discussed it with her, and it did take a little time before I felt it was no longer an issue.

That wasn't something she made me insecure about, mind you; it was an insecurity I've had (and still have) for some time.

I'm not advocating people should lower their standards on profiles; I'm simply pointing out where some resentment and frustration can come from.  It wasn't something she said, but rather something I tell myself all the time; I need to finish college.

Different people get triggered by different emotional buttons.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to MistressNoName)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: am i an ass? - 12/7/2007 9:55:36 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with Stephann in that the OP may be painting a picture of herself that isn't really accurate.  While she states preferences, it's obvious from this post that she doesn't really necessarily follow them.  It would be unfortunate for her to have someone read that and not contact her because of it that she might have a connection with.


_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: am i an ass? - 12/7/2007 10:15:37 AM   
TwistedLady


Posts: 29
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline 		How uncanny. I think I exchanged messages with either this same guy or his attitude twin. I generally ask what they're looking for when they initiate contact with me. If I see that we aren't looking for the same thing or the like, I politely inform them that I am not interested and wish them good luck in their search. I personally don't want to waste my time.

He basically freaked out and called me judgemental when all I said was I am not interested and good luck. I responded and he freaked out even more. I was shocked. I've never seen anyone respond like that before.

Anyways, I'd just ignore him and move on. That's what I did.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: am i an ass? - 12/7/2007 10:32:04 AM   
KindLadyGrey


Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline 		I'll add my .02 to everyone else here. This guy was the ass, not you. He completely overreacted and you did nothing wrong by stating a simple preference.

(in reply to txnights05)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: am i an ass? - 12/7/2007 10:38:47 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

I wrote anyway saying "I don't usually write people who have 'you must be this high to ride' but you seem interesting and I'd love to get to know you better."

 
Okay, my day is now complete.  I've had my true laugh-out-loud moment from Stephan.
 
Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: am i an ass? - 12/7/2007 11:17:43 AM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		In my defense, my stated minimum was 6', my ideal (not mentioned in the profile) was 6'2" ;)

And did I say college grads?  I know I did mention I have a professor complex, and intelligence is an absolute must, but I don't link intelligence inextricably to educational degrees.

Regarding the OP, yes, I stated a few qualifications and preferences and I don't see this as an illogical or selfish thing to do.  I am flexible, but I also don't want to wade through bigger piles of emails from people who are much less likely to be a match.  I assume anyone who feels a real pull to other things I say in my profile and is a good potential match despite something not lining up perfectly to my ideal will have the confidence to express that.  These I evaluate case by case.  There is always wiggle room, but opening up the flood gates to any and all comers I find just leads to frustration on all sides. 

It also makes it easier to politely decline uninteresting people when you have stated preferences that they don't match (even if that isn't the only reason for your decline).  Is that shallow?  Maybe, but I feel like it is kinder to say "Sorry, I'm just not attracted to people under 6'." to the boring loser who happens to also be 5'7", rather than think of a more complicated nice way to extricate yourself.  

< Message edited by Tigrita -- 12/7/2007 11:32:09 AM >

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: am i an ass? - 12/7/2007 11:27:55 AM   
soultoshare


Posts: 519
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		Add one more "nope, HE'S the ass" vote to the rest of them.

Preferences are just that.  They aren't written in stone, but just a manner of wading thru the respondents.  My first profile also stated that I preferred younger men, but apparently, because of MY age (46 at the time), that was apparently overlooked by some.  So, I ended up setting my bulk mail settings to my preferences, instead.  I have just always interacted more with younger men, because I have never acted my age....I'm not childish, of course, but still love amusement parks, zoos, and old Saturday morning cartoons.......even my female friends average 10 years younger than me.

I'd also have to agree with the others who say he's got something to hide, and needed a way to back out before he got busted.  Chalk it up to life, and block him thru your IM and here. 

_____________________________

This is where I should say something witty.....well, "SOMETHING WITTY!"

**********************************************

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...

It's about learning to dance in the rain.



(in reply to Tigrita)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: am i an ass? - 12/7/2007 11:30:50 AM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Woops, accidentally double posted =P



< Message edited by Tigrita -- 12/7/2007 11:31:23 AM >

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to Tigrita)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: am i an ass? - 12/7/2007 11:36:26 AM   
lauren0221


Posts: 681
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline 		As most of the previous posters have said, I think you were lucky and dodged a bullet there. Imagine being in a relationship with him and dealing with the next emotional landmine, and the next....

I am grateful for the Dominants who out themselves quickly as not being right for me. Saves time, energy, and emotions.

Two similar experiences I have had is the one who, after really connecting online I thought , dumped me because (after one or two conversations) because I would not guarantee x number of a particular sexual act per day. The hell? Ironically, for someone who wasn't an ass, it would have been no problem:)

The second situation was someone who had a quite, IMHO, superficial limit in his profile. To each his own, of course, but he had been searching for quite a while, and I politely mentioned it. He was offended, and defended it. I bit my tongue, and refrained from Dr. Phil'ing him with a "And how is that working for you?".

(in reply to txnights05)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: am i an ass? - 12/7/2007 11:50:37 AM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

Also, perhaps he lied about his age


I agree with MsBearlee here.  A lot of men over 50 on here lie about their age, chances are he's really closer to 70 and didn't want you to find out on meeting him.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to MsBearlee)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: am i an ass? - 12/7/2007 11:55:54 AM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: soultoshare
Preferences are just that.  They aren't written in stone, but just a manner of wading thru the respondents. 



Well, sometimes they seem written in stone. If a sub says she's looking for "black doms only" or "mail from anyone over 45 will be deleted," or somesuch, what's the point of me trying to contact her? But in this particular case, these were preferences, so I'd give it a shot if I thought the OP was worth it. (And judging by her profile, she is indeed!)

That guy just crawled out from under the wrong side of the rock. You're right, he's wrong, you're big, he's little, you're smart, he's dumb. (Apologies to Miranda)

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to soultoshare)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: am i an ass? - 12/7/2007 11:57:41 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Hey, I have been pondering this some more, and maybe you are an ass..........

CaptainConundrum

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: am i an ass? - 12/7/2007 12:26:45 PM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		What strikes me as odd was that he did not read your profile and notice this while exchanging emails and IM's with you to begin with.

Amazing how he waited until after the fact, to dish this all out on you. 

On come on, don't tell me he bought into you really having to cut the conversation short because you had to go to work.   Sounds like he saw right through your lies, for the shallow bitch that you are.  That you were feeding him a line of crap to get out of talking with him, when you realized how old, worthless and disfigured he really is.    

I hope you don't mind a little sense of humor, with my smart ass remarks here.

I have to say he was the one being the ass, and a very insecure one at that.

(in reply to txnights05)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: am i an ass? - 12/7/2007 12:39:12 PM   
txnights05


Posts: 51
Joined: 7/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

He's really not the issue, though. You are. Simply stated, although it can be useful to ask other people's opinions at times, it seems to me that you may need to grow a little more confident in yourself.


You make some very good points here, thank you. Yes, confidence has often been a problem for me... or at least as far as being overly concerned with either making the wrong impression or worrying about what others think. I am working on it... :)

pam

(in reply to MistressNoName)
Profile   Post #: 40
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