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stella41b -> RE: Do you try to take the High Road on Collar Me? (12/9/2007 10:44:54 AM)
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Is this 'high road' or 'path' really only a myth?
I don't dismiss a person as just being 'pixels' on a screen, even if that is what they represent to me, and what I represent to others.
I am a real, live, human, thinking and feeling person. Someone with thoughts and feelings, someone with emotions, moods, someone who you can meet, reach out, touch, feel, hold. These are my words, they are real, which is why they are here and exist right in front of your eyes, there to be read. Are they then a myth? Do you have any shadow of a doubt that you are, at this moment in time, reading very real words before your eyes? And yes, they convey a message or express and idea, an emotion, or a feeling which is very real.
These are my words, and they are the cobblestones and kerbstones which line the causeway along my 'high road'. These words have power.. and through these words I can soothe, I can comfort, I can make people laugh, and I can offend, I can piss people off, and I am very well aware that through these very words I can hurt people, even to the point of destruction.
But why bother? I don't bother, because I know I am living in a world made up of energy and matter, and I know that energy without matter is spirit, or the soul, and I know that matter without energy is inanimate, dead, lifeless. I know I am alive, and therefore I draw a very simple conclusion that I have a body (matter) and I have a soul (energy) and it is this soul - which is also very real, and which isn't a myth which guides me constantly along that 'high road' and that high road will continue all the way through my life and beyond that and beyond my death.
This high road is just like any road.. and I have travelled many roads in my life, and I know that I have yet to come across a road which ends or comes to a halt.
I know that the energy I expend and direct out towards other people also invokes energy from other people which is directed towards me. Therefore if I expend negative energy and direct it towards other people, sooner or later I will have negative energy directed back towards me. Now I personally don't enjoy having negative energy directed towards me and I also don't enjoy expending negative energy towards other people.. It creates a conflict, it weakens me, and it also can make me physically ill.
However being a somewhat regular poster on these boards I know, because I can read and I see and read very real words written by others, and I know that there are some people here who prefer to exchange negative energy rather than positive energy. I don't know why, I cannot explain why, so please don't ask. I am not them, I am me, and nobody else. I like to think that on these boards I expend and direct positive energy towards others and I know that I do because other people expend positive energy towards me by return.
Now maybe someone can tell me, because I genuinely do not know the answer here.. is it actually easier to expend negative energy towards other people than expending positive energy towards other people? I would have thought, being honest, that expending positive energy towards others would be much easier, because it doesn't involve the stress that negative energy and conflict creates.
Is it really that difficult to choose to abstain from the exchange of negative energy and to walk away from the conflict? Why is that so? is it because you have such a strong need to massage your ego or that your pride is so strong? Don't you have enough strength or power within your own soul or your own mind to overcome such feelings of pride and such a need to massage your own ego? Or is your mind and soul really that weak? And are you really happy to show others that your mind and soul is really that weak?
It's really funny.. the OP is about the 'high road'.. and it's become some sort of rivalry and conflict for some among others who are ever so eager to bicker among others over God knows what. We're in the second week of December in what is supposed to be traditionally a 'season of goodwill'. I have no wish to take the moral high ground, let it be as you all wish it to be, each and every one of you are real people just like me, and I have no wish to make any judgments of anyone here. I am not addressing any of these words to anyone in particular, this is a general topic on a general forum and I'm just sharing with you what I truly feel and think. This is my 'high road', a high road which to me is like the rest of me, very real.
I'm sitting here in my apartment.. it's Sunday.. I'm doing a spring clean in my apartment, on a table I got two packs of Christmas cards, each containing ten cards.. one is opened.. another is unopened. On Thursday I fly out from the UK to the States to meet for the first time with my SO/Domme.. I invited 8 people to come round over the past week to say farewell and to wish them a Merry Christmas.. Not one person accepted the invitation. I got one close friend who's living in a hostel for the homeless, waiting to get a flat.. She's living among other women, it's a women only hostel.. the people there are crack addicts and alcoholics.. she's an older black lady who's part of the church.. half her family don't know she's in a hostel because she doesn't want them to know.. It's gone a year since she was living in another hostel when she met and fell in love with her soul mate, an Iraqi architect who worked at the other hostel.. the manager of the hostel intervened.. the Iraq was transferred to another location and my friend was transferred to another hostel.. she's still heartbroken a year on.. she's also being harrassed by staff.. She waited some ten months this year for welfare.. having no income whatsoever.. I took her food whenever I could.. She walks the high road.. she has taken so much this year, her Christmas is an afternoon dinner with family, the church and nothing more.. She never complains, never whines or bitches.. she accepts whatever is thrown at her and she deals with it. Hardly surprisingly she's the only friend who's stood by me through my own difficulties this year and been there for me, which is why I'm giving her the keys to my apartment on Wednesday and whilst I'm gone she can make free use of my apartment. It's going to be hard for me to say goodbye to her, farewells are never that easy for me, but you know, I'd rather have her in my apartment than going through what she has to go through in that hostel.
The other lady who's stood by me through thick and thin is the one I'm flying into the States to spend time with, to be with her and her family, to meet the people in the community and to see if something can be created. I'm living on hope at this moment in time, hope and dreams and not much more.. I don't have expectations, any expectations.. She can take whatever she needs, anything.. and so can anyone else.. Had it not been this way and had I not been flying out to the States this Christmas I would be busy doing six days of drama workshops at the CRISIS Open Christmas for the homeless and vulnerable at a location in London.
This is my high road, and to me it's a very real high road, and one that I try my hardest to walk down every day of my life and which I will continue to do so until I am dead. Haven't got a clue what is going to happen to me when I do die, my strategy is I'll deal with it when it happens. Until then I'm focussed on my life and sharing my life with other people, and I know that life is short, very short. I know I'm losing the race against the clock and the calendar, and each time it gets to December and another New Year I know that next year, because I'm older, time is going to pass me by even quicker than before.
Nor am I saying I'm better than anyone here on these boards.. I'm not. I've had my own times of stupidity and have made some mistakes in life, and some of those mistakes have cost me much more than I thought they would. I've lived through some empty days and some really black, horrible nights, I've been in some really dark, lonely places, and quite often in the past I've had to walk this high road which I'm walking all on my own being very afraid of what I am going to come up against. It isn't always easy to walk this high road, but quite often it is necessary.
I know that there are many out there and even on these boards who know what I am writing about and who can relate to what I am writing here. Many of us are preparing to relax and have fun these holidays, but many people are also struggling and fighting and preparing to meet their demons as well. My heart goes out to them just as much as it goes out to the others who share this community with me.
But I must ask is it really easier to take the lower road and to find comfort in what the lower road brings?
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