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Mind Set - 12/8/2007 11:19:47 AM   
decstorm37


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline 		While talking with my Master last night. We were talking about wants desires fantasies. He said that i am dark and twisted but my logical mind keeps me from saying it. Am i the only one who does this?  I have been logical for so long it's seem hard not to be. Any thoughts on how to let this go would be great.

Thanks, Storm
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RE: Mind Set - 12/8/2007 11:23:01 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Hmmm I'm not sure I understand ...your logical mind keeps you from saying what exactly?...and what do you want to "let go" of.....sorry if I'm being dense...

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 12/8/2007 11:26:53 AM >

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RE: Mind Set - 12/8/2007 11:23:46 AM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		I don't find most BDSM related fantasies to be "dark" or "twisted" especially if you look at them from a logical perspective.  However, the taboo nature of the lifestyle is what drives many people to it.  Perhaps your Master likes seeing himself, and his pet, as "dark" and "twisted" because that's what gets his motor going, so to speak.  In my opinion, there's nothing "dark" or "twisted" about taking control of your own destiny and living out your fantasies in a safe and stable enviroment.

(in reply to decstorm37)
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RE: Mind Set - 12/8/2007 11:28:09 AM   
Sky42


Posts: 31
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline 		No Storm, you arn't the only one.  I also don't think he was using 'dark' and 'twisted' in a negative sense more of a 'not socially accepted' sense.

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RE: Mind Set - 12/8/2007 11:33:49 AM   
goodgirl08


Posts: 145
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline 		Sounds like he's working to pull your fantasies out of you by trying some different approaches that you're not used to. It must be working if it drove you to post on here. ;)

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RE: Mind Set - 12/8/2007 11:36:01 AM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		Actually, some advice on telling him fantasies...  Sometimes it's a lot easier to write things down than to actually say them, especially when they're as personal as fantasies.  So, perhaps a notebook and a pen would help you out a lot at the moment.

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RE: Mind Set - 12/8/2007 11:38:04 AM   
decstorm37


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline 		Sorry if i was not clear. breatheasone you are not being dense i was not being clear. I tend to not express myself on some fantasies. For example if i write him a nice steamy e-mail (i know he reads them at work) i watch what i say in the e-mail b/c i think what if his PC at work has the program that can see everything he looks at.  LOL i tend to worry over think things and that drives Him nuts.

The dark and twisted is not a bad thing at all. In fact He likes that i'm dark and twisted LOL We both are do to our jobs. Yes it is more taboo not negative in anyway.

Thanks,Storm

(in reply to Sky42)
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RE: Mind Set - 12/8/2007 11:40:13 AM   
decstorm37


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirl08

Sounds like he's working to pull your fantasies out of you by trying some different approaches that you're not used to. It must be working if it drove you to post on here. ;)


LOL i know He is and i'm fighting myself LOL but will do what i need to so i can make us both happy.

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RE: Mind Set - 12/8/2007 11:43:32 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: decstorm37

Sorry if i was not clear. breatheasone you are not being dense i was not being clear. I tend to not express myself on some fantasies. For example if i write him a nice steamy e-mail (i know he reads them at work) i watch what i say in the e-mail b/c i think what if his PC at work has the program that can see everything he looks at.  LOL i tend to worry over think things and that drives Him nuts.

The dark and twisted is not a bad thing at all. In fact He likes that i'm dark and twisted LOL We both are do to our jobs. Yes it is more taboo not negative in anyway.

Thanks,Storm

Hmmm.ok let me try this...are you saying you are not able to voice your fantasies?


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Mind Set - 12/8/2007 11:46:41 AM   
porkchop


Posts: 32
Joined: 2/6/2006
Status: offline 		Nope-you're not the only one.

I still tend to get bogged down in practicality. 

The best thing that works for me- is not to have options.  Don't ask *me* what/when/where/how, just surprise me.

Of course, things can go sideways (or even straight to hell)... but it's much more likely for things go quite well.  The positive experiences are great confidence builders in my "letting go" capacity... and the less than stellar experiences provide great opportunities for building my confidence in *him*.

(in reply to decstorm37)
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RE: Mind Set - 12/8/2007 11:49:51 AM   
decstorm37


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: decstorm37

Sorry if i was not clear. breatheasone you are not being dense i was not being clear. I tend to not express myself on some fantasies. For example if i write him a nice steamy e-mail (i know he reads them at work) i watch what i say in the e-mail b/c i think what if his PC at work has the program that can see everything he looks at.  LOL i tend to worry over think things and that drives Him nuts.

The dark and twisted is not a bad thing at all. In fact He likes that i'm dark and twisted LOL We both are do to our jobs. Yes it is more taboo not negative in anyway.

Thanks,Storm

Hmmm.ok let me try this...are you saying you are not able to voice your fantasies?



Yes that is it i can write them to him but not voice them out loud.

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RE: Mind Set - 12/8/2007 11:53:48 AM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		I'm lucky if I can say the word "sex" around my Owner.  I almost always some sort of colorful term instead.  I'm something of a total prude sometimes. :-p

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RE: Mind Set - 12/8/2007 11:54:38 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Ok got it..... Writing it down is a good 1st step... perhaps you can move to him reading what you wrote with you right there...then as you get more comfortable you will be able to speak it to him....It just takes time.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to decstorm37)
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RE: Mind Set - 12/8/2007 11:58:51 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shawn1066

I'm lucky if I can say the word "sex" around my Owner.  I almost always some sort of colorful term instead.  I'm something of a total prude sometimes. :-p

Yeah I'm with you...I HATE saying words like "pussy"  "cock" and stuff like that...but I do it because its the language of the land so to speak....


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Shawn1066)
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RE: Mind Set - 12/8/2007 12:00:42 PM   
porkchop


Posts: 32
Joined: 2/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: decstorm37



Yes that is it i can write them to him but not voice them out loud.


Ha- I totally read physicality into it.

It's still a "stagefright" sorta thing for me... and feeling put on the spot makes it worse.

If I have the luxury to bang something out in text form first, it helps lots.

(in reply to decstorm37)
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RE: Mind Set - 12/8/2007 12:03:24 PM   
decstorm37


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Ok got it..... Writing it down is a good 1st step... perhaps you can move to him reading what you wrote with you right there...then as you get more comfortable you will be able to speak it to him....It just takes time.


Thank you very much.  I will talk with Him about this and see what he thinks of this. To me it sounds like it will work. Thank you again for the advice.
Storm

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RE: Mind Set - 12/8/2007 12:07:42 PM   
decstorm37


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porkchop

quote:

ORIGINAL: decstorm37



Yes that is it i can write them to him but not voice them out loud.


Ha- I totally read physicality into it.

It's still a "stagefright" sorta thing for me... and feeling put on the spot makes it worse.

If I have the luxury to bang something out in text form first, it helps lots.



LOL i'm like that it's almost like i'm embarrassed to say it to Him. I'm not embarrassed by anything but to put it out there out loud in the moment i get lost and don't know what to say LOL

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RE: Mind Set - 12/8/2007 12:46:42 PM   
Sky42


Posts: 31
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline 		It can be hard, as a sub, to open up and say "I really would like ____."  even when asked directly.  Honestly, how many times have you heard (or responded) the the question "Do you want more?" from a Dom ever had the sub say "No." ?  It's not, neccisarily that the sub does or doesn't.

How to put this more clear, since I know my owner will read it...  I'm hers, completely.  I want any/every-thing she wants to do.  If she were to ask teh above question, things that that send me into a knot of mental angst.  Why?  this is the important question.  The answer, is becuase I don't want to let her down. Ever.  So if she is asking because she wants to move on but wants to fulfill me, then the answer is "No", but if she is asking because she wants to continue, then the answer is yes.  A question with the same meaning is "Can you take more?" which would indicate that she wants to continue, or if I have truely reached my limit (note, wanting and being able to take more are two different things).  To that question, there is no inner turmoil either I have reached my physical/mental limit, or I haven't.  It doesn't put any pressure on her to continue (unless her goal is to reach my limit).  Granted, I know she will ultimately do what she wants to do anyway, however, even for that, there is still the desire to please.

Likewise open-ended questions like, "how you feel about ____ ?" generate the same anxiety.  The deep fear of answering in a way that is opposed to how she feels.  It's not that I don't want to be honest about how I feel, but to me, almost all of those questions are near meaningless.  I mean, it's worldly stuff and most of it I really dont' care about.  I may have slight oppinions in one way or another, but they are very very rarely deeply felt and I can almost always 'flip a switch' in my mind and think about something in the exact opposite way I was two seconds ago.  I blame this partly on debate classes.  It doesn't mean that I'm dishonest when I say "I don't really like that color." Then hear "It's waht I was thinking for ____ ." then my reply of "Oh, yes, I can see that and it will look great."

So, asking a sub to just open up and discuss fantasies isn't the easiest thing for the sub.  I would imagine it places a lot of pressure on the Dom as well, to live up to those fantasies (even if only in their own mind).

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RE: Mind Set - 12/8/2007 12:58:31 PM   
porkchop


Posts: 32
Joined: 2/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: decstorm37

LOL i'm like that it's almost like i'm embarrassed to say it to Him. I'm not embarrassed by anything but to put it out there out loud in the moment i get lost and don't know what to say LOL


I do it, too.  I can be especially coarse/foul mouthed one minute, then blush and stammer the next.

I call those more... demure periods "southern belle moments". 

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RE: Mind Set - 12/8/2007 1:43:37 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I don't view what it is that we do as dark and twisted. It isn't that my mind prevents me from seeing it in its true light. I do see it in the true light. Just as some people love tabasco sauce on everything including scrambled eggs, others won't eat the least bit of spicy food.

I can dream of being tightly bound and used until I cry from catharsis and exhaustion. I can also dream of a plate of semi-boned quail served at a Girasol in Manhattan. They are both simply tastes that appeal to me.

And those who take pride in being "darker and more devious" I think are pretty immature.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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