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Using your submissives thoughts - 12/9/2007 2:54:11 AM   
LittleWench


Posts: 265
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline 		I have been spending a lot of time browsing through s-types blogs, and one thing that comes up frequently is that they have been ordered by their Dominant to divulge every slutty, dirty, erotic, degrading thought.  The following passage, and similar, is common on a lot of sites.

"my slut confessions are supposed to be about me exposing my slut mind to You. i should never conceal or avoid telling You about the depraved ideas that continuously cross my mind"

I knew one Dom who was very much into this, he would say he was dredging the cess pool that was my mind, adamant that I describe in detail the imagery that floated to the top... however it felt to me that he wasn't all that creative himself.  And it was incessant, to the extent that it became tedious (for me at least).

So based on my (limited) personal experience, and the fact that it is common for Dom's to request this I wonder...

Is it wank material (for either party)?  Is it trying to get to know the sub?  Is it trying to find ideas for scenes that will please the sub?  Challenge the sub?  Is it a mindfuck in trying to make her squirm as she confessions depravity?
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RE: Using your submissives thoughts - 12/9/2007 3:07:37 AM   
mefisto69


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/19/2007
Status: offline 		Could be ay or all of the above.

(in reply to LittleWench)
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RE: Using your submissives thoughts - 12/9/2007 3:19:23 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleWench
Is it wank material (for either party)?  Is it trying to get to know the sub?  Is it trying to find ideas for scenes that will please the sub?  Challenge the sub?  Is it a mindfuck in trying to make her squirm as she confessions depravity?



I can't speak for other Dominants.  For my Master, I'd say all of the above.  Some of our most amazingly hot moments have come from him exploring my mind this way.  Sure, he gets off on my thoughts and fantasies and ideas.  And he learns what I crave, hate, fear, etc., this way.  It is no longer a challenge for me to express such thoughts to him, but in my first year as his it was.  He enjoyed that I pushed through my inhibitions, anyway.  And sometimes he does create mindfucks out of them by twisting them into something that would shock me and say it may just happen.

The biggest reason, however, is to know where my head is, and how I will respond to various things.  It's better to learn this way than to be surprised and clueless as to why I am reacting in a certain way.

(in reply to LittleWench)
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RE: Using your submissives thoughts - 12/9/2007 6:13:17 AM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleWench


So based on my (limited) personal experience, and the fact that it is common for Dom's to request this I wonder...




Is it really a common practice? I must be more uncommon than I thought.

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



(in reply to LittleWench)
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RE: Using your submissives thoughts - 12/9/2007 6:27:54 AM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		i can't really give you an answer on the why's and how's of what other people think or expect, only mine; and with that said, i've never had anyone that i belonged to ask that of me...

there was one time, however, when a man that i was getting to know tried to put me to task to reveal such things to him;  he was a  glorified wanker, nothing more.

(in reply to LittleWench)
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RE: Using your submissives thoughts - 12/9/2007 6:42:34 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I have to say, this is not a part of our relationship. He may one day go there, but the things that he has be delve into and find deep meaning in are movies like Dodge Ball, and that is just as challenging as delving into my kinky fantasies...

We talk about such things of course, but he has his own ideas on how best to use me, and they come from his mind, not my own. I rather like it this way because 1) I do not always know what to expect 2) I rather enjoy it being about him more than me.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 12/9/2007 6:43:10 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LittleWench)
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RE: Using your submissives thoughts - 12/9/2007 7:56:00 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I think people who make a big deal out of "transparency" are the ones who tend to have the weakest communication skills and security level in their relationships.  People should be open to eachoher, and of course a slave needs to be informing their master on whatever level is appropriate, but the more you have to force it or talk about it, the less you're actually just doing it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Using your submissives thoughts - 12/9/2007 8:05:17 AM   
Dari


Posts: 192
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline 		Asking a sub for their fantasies, or how they feel about certain things, is like having a sub go out and buy a toy that they'd like to have used on them.  They may express the interest or the desire, but what I do with it is up to me.  Also, asking for their fantasies, and then watching the response, tells me a great deal about the sub.  I get more information and insight from their tone, their diction, and their body language than I do the actual fantasy itself.

Still - it's not my sole font of Domme-ly ideas, it's not even the well for the majority of my ideas, so I can't imagine ever asking for every nasty, dirty thought.  That's a little too lazy for me.

And Squeak has a great line in her profile, which says something like...I like to know My boy's innermost thoughts, so that I can ignore them. 

<grin>

Denial play is lots of fun, too!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Using your submissives thoughts - 12/9/2007 9:11:41 AM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		Well almost anything in extremis can become tedious.  And if I find something heading that direction I'll let Daddy know.  Cause he clearly doesn't want to come across that way.   And neither do I.  Now I have a kink for transparency, but it is not about spouting everything on my mind or happening in my life.   But it is about telling him the things I think he wants/needs to know.   And we actually share that desire.

As fully involved in my relationship as I want to be, with a wonderfully creative man, I LOVE inspiring him with my own thoughts on what we might do.   And I love sharing with him those more sensitive places, the things I don't really want to do so he can exploit them for our mutual pleasure.  Partners in it.  Together.  That's how I choose to see and experience him.   And if the balance goes a bit on one or the other directions we course correct.






_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to LittleWench)
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RE: Using your submissives thoughts - 12/9/2007 10:12:45 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Asking for my top fantasies to find out about me sexually/playwise is one thing. Demanding porn because he's too lazy to search for it is something else.

But I would have laughed at that slutty, dirty, degrading line. I don't view my sexuality in those terms. I am perfectly comfortable with myself. The fact that he views sexuality as evil shows he is conflicted. I would discuss this and unless he was new and assumed that the way they talk in porn is how real people talk, and could learn from being corrected, I would decide I wasn't compatible with someone who had that much guilt and shame over his sexual nature.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to arayofsunshine55)
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RE: Using your submissives thoughts - 12/9/2007 10:52:23 AM   
Sexynmentalinkc


Posts: 132
Joined: 4/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleWench

Is it wank material (for either party)?  Is it trying to get to know the sub?  Is it trying to find ideas for scenes that will please the sub?  Challenge the sub?  Is it a mindfuck in trying to make her squirm as she confessions depravity?




All of of the above are possible - it's entirely subjective.

If it's anything but wank fodder, I'd think that it's a communication sort of exercise. Some are able to write things out (feelings, fantasies, etc.) that they would find hard to do face-to-face. So, this may simply be the same sort of communication/growth exercise as journelling.


Also, it's just sorta fun to play in the mental playground, 'eh?   *wink*


- Mr. S

_____________________________

"I think all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. ...I'm certainly not. And I'm sick and tired of being told that I am..."

(in reply to LittleWench)
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RE: Using your submissives thoughts - 12/9/2007 4:04:19 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I think people who make a big deal out of "transparency" are the ones who tend to have the weakest communication skills and security level in their relationships.  People should be open to eachoher, and of course a slave needs to be informing their master on whatever level is appropriate, but the more you have to force it or talk about it, the less you're actually just doing it.

Amen, LA!!!!  You have such a great way of summing things up.  Master and I are all about transparency but it is something that just happens naturally and isn't forced, as you say.  Master has never been a huge fan of journaling as a day-to-day practice.  There have been times when He's had me do it and I even created a scrapbook-type journal for just such times.  However, that's been few and far between.  At this point in our relationship, He can read me so well and I'm so secure about freely telling Him anything, that the trappings of journaling and Him creating activities for the purpose of finding out what I'm thinking just aren't necessary.  I know it works very well for others and that's great.  It's just not something we employ much.  Love how you summed this up................luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Using your submissives thoughts - 12/9/2007 4:09:32 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		I can't imagine the person that would really desire hearing every sexual thought that crossed my mind.  We would have no time for actual sex there would be so much talking.

While I think the idea of transparency in the area of intense play is important ie: you can't not tell him you think you are about to be injured out of fear of failure, it would seem to me that doing it to this extent would be contrary to actual communication about things that are really important.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to LittleWench)
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RE: Using your submissives thoughts - 12/9/2007 4:44:09 PM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Stephan enjoys encouraging my dark, twisted, slutty mind.  He doesn't do it formally or tediously, but there have been occasions when he asks me specifically what I've been thinking/fantasizing about, often when we're playing.  If I'm hesitant, he applies... um... motivational techniques 

I think it is a bit of a mind fuck in that instance.  I'm not particularly shy about sharing my fantasies, but under those circumstances it is hard to get my mind out of the present moment to what other things I've fantasized about.  They also might be edgy things, and might make me nervous that he'll dive into it at that moment when I haven't mentally prepared myself for it or discussed how those things would make me feel in reality.  So, yeah, it is kind of a mind fuck when it happens that way. 

I enjoy this, but it isn't the ideal way to really go into detail about what I might actually enjoy, because my mind is all over the place at those moments.  But we talk about fantasies and desires the rest of the time too, I don't want to hide any of my naughty thoughts from him, and there are plenty that he plants himself that grow and expand inside my head.

Anyway, the short answer is, I think it is all of the things suggested in the OP.

< Message edited by Tigrita -- 12/9/2007 4:50:17 PM >

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to laurell3)
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RE: Using your submissives thoughts - 12/9/2007 5:05:36 PM   
LittleWench


Posts: 265
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Still - it's not my sole font of Domme-ly ideas, it's not even the well for the majority of my ideas, so I can't imagine ever asking for every nasty, dirty thought. That's a little too lazy for me.


This is where my feelings were headed, it did seem like either laziness or lack of creativity on behalf of the Dom/me, but not having the dominating mindset I thought I would ask to see if there was something I was missing. 

The Dom I spoke to online always wanted in depth details about my fantasies when I masturbated.  My current Owner will sometimes ask for that, but just as frequently will tell me what to think about, and I guess that's one of the things that got me thinking. 

Thanks for the responses. 

(in reply to Dari)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Using your submissives thoughts - 12/9/2007 6:39:26 PM   
Zeena


Posts: 6
Status: offline 		Greetings,

Providing your Dom with your wishes, and most passionate thoughts should bridge a connection. One is for you and your own self realization. Another is to for them to learn 'you'.   They care enough to to explore the internal and process and filter then extend the offer to lead.  Go for the ride.  Go together beyond one single imagination.   

To know who you are is a loving expression.  A 'mutual gift'  of deep trust and desire.  

It takes work - for both.  Respect the one who requested you journal. This is, in fact a request that's unselfish. Entertaining? Sure. But why not? Make it fun, ( don't) 'try' to laugh.

Your concious mind may hit stark, hard white walls. Blind spots. Resistance. Such is a process and not an easy trail for some.  Take time, allow your mind to clear and relax. Don't try and force it. When something inside resists: step back. Your primal desire will rise, and be ready,  as in real life.  That's alreadys won.

Reality may be better than fantasy imagined.

For those who are worriers/planners,  the freedom is in real life ACTION.
Where the elemental surpasses the ego and you soar in a spiral of unity.
( and maybe have a hell of a good time!)

understanding 

< Message edited by Zeena -- 12/9/2007 6:56:14 PM >

(in reply to LittleWench)
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RE: Using your submissives thoughts - 12/9/2007 6:48:38 PM   
Zeena


Posts: 6
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

There are plenty that he plants himself that grow and expand inside my head.



smiles 



(in reply to Tigrita)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Using your submissives thoughts - 12/9/2007 7:04:22 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		In the beginning i used to write stories out...but now i know that my Daddy basically wants the idea....not the details....He wants enough to let him into my head...to know where i'm at...what i am thinking about and then he wants the ability to be creative from there.

He told me that this is why he wanted/wants to know my fantasies, not to act them out verbatim.


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to Zeena)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Using your submissives thoughts - 12/9/2007 11:42:43 PM   
tulitukka


Posts: 95
Joined: 10/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleWench

"my slut confessions are supposed to be about me exposing my slut mind to You. i should never conceal or avoid telling You about the depraved ideas that continuously cross my mind"

I knew one Dom who was very much into this, he would say he was dredging the cess pool that was my mind, adamant that I describe in detail the imagery that floated to the top... however it felt to me that he wasn't all that creative himself. And it was incessant, to the extent that it became tedious (for me at least).

So based on my (limited) personal experience, and the fact that it is common for Dom's to request this I wonder...

Is it wank material (for either party)? Is it trying to get to know the sub? Is it trying to find ideas for scenes that will please the sub? Challenge the sub? Is it a mindfuck in trying to make her squirm as she confessions depravity?



It all depends, can be just lazy wank material, or can be something else. As always in BDSM relationships what you see is not what you get (WYSINWYG).

I can see myself requiring a submissive to do that - especially if it is a long distance relationship or there's other circumstances that prevent me from seeing her all the time. I can see doing that to a submissive who finds it hard to accept the slutty side of herself, especially the kind which also is turned on by the fact. I can also see such a thing as a peek inside the submissive's mind to learn what I need to learn in order to lead her where I want her to go.

I probably would not require detailed imagery from a submissive, unless she happened to have an aptitude for writing.

So look not into individual actions the dominant, but try to see the forest from the trees.

(in reply to LittleWench)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Using your submissives thoughts - 12/10/2007 8:08:17 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleWench

I have been spending a lot of time browsing through s-types blogs, and one thing that comes up frequently is that they have been ordered by their Dominant to divulge every slutty, dirty, erotic, degrading thought.  The following passage, and similar, is common on a lot of sites.

"my slut confessions are supposed to be about me exposing my slut mind to You. i should never conceal or avoid telling You about the depraved ideas that continuously cross my mind"

I knew one Dom who was very much into this, he would say he was dredging the cess pool that was my mind, adamant that I describe in detail the imagery that floated to the top... however it felt to me that he wasn't all that creative himself.  And it was incessant, to the extent that it became tedious (for me at least).

So based on my (limited) personal experience, and the fact that it is common for Dom's to request this I wonder...

Is it wank material (for either party)?  Is it trying to get to know the sub?  Is it trying to find ideas for scenes that will please the sub?  Challenge the sub?  Is it a mindfuck in trying to make her squirm as she confessions depravity?



While I like to know what lies in the dark corners of a submissive's mind, I like to know the basics only.  If they want to make up a story to go along with the base idea or they already have a detailed fantasy in mind and they feel it is important to share it with me, great.  But, as another noted, I like to have the basic idea so that I can go exploring with it...OR as someone else noted...NOT exploring with it at the rate they would like. 

It is just one small area of all the many things I like to explore and discuss with a submissive;  it is certainly not the most important nor the only thing I discuss with submissives.  As a matter of fact, I am more into sharing where my mind goes on its own since, if a submissive ends up with me, my fantasies are going to come into play as often as...if not more so...than hers and it is helpful to see her response to my wicked thoughts.

(in reply to LittleWench)
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