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ElanSubdued -> RE: Getting tattooed (12/12/2007 4:30:12 AM)
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Born2ServeU9,
I'll tackle your questions in a direct, simple way.
--- My last owner was adamant about
--- me getting a tattoo for her. She wanted
--- this badly and I was reluctant to do it.
Perhaps tattoos are your ex partner's. There is nothing wrong with this. However, there is also nothing wrong if tattoos are not your kink. If you were reluctant to get a tattoo, that is your choice. Honestly, the best thing you can do is to listen to your inner voice. If you don't want a tattoo, don't get one.
--- Anyhow we parted ways and don't see
--- each other anymore so I am glad I did
--- not get the tattoo.
Ah. It's not so bad that you didn't get that tattoo eh? :-)
--- I was her live-in and for a while we were
--- very close but a tattoo was not for me.
This is your inner voice talking. I'm glad you listened to yourself.
--- Is getting tattooed for your owner common?
No, getting tattooed for your owner is not common. In my opinion, there is no such thing as "common". Just do what you want to do and what is comfortable for you. A partner may ask you if you're willing to try or do something and it is possible you may say "yes", however, if you don't want to, they cannot force you.
--- Is that something that a slave should
--- expect in a long term relationship?
Again, no. About the only thing I'd say a slave should expect (ack... I hate the word "should", but at any rate I'll use it) is to communicate honestly and openly with their partner. If you really and truly express a desire not to have a tattoo, a loving owner will respect this. If the person you're with doesn't respect your boundaries, it's possible you're with the wrong partner. Okay. I'll go out on a limb and say yes, in the general instance where your partner continuously and knowingly ignores your boundaries, you are indeed with the wrong partner.
--- I don't know if maybe I was selfish
--- for not doing it. I am worried that I
--- did the wrong thing by refusing.
You were not selfish and did nothing wrong. Given that your previous partner seems to love tattoos and this seemingly isn't something you want, it is possible that the two of you had kinks not entirely compatible with each other. This is not wrong, selfish, or any kind of crime I know of. It comes down to negotiation. You both have to decide what you're willing to live with. Your partner might have decided she could live without a tattooed slave or you might have felt the bond with your partner strong enough that it warranted getting a tattoo in her honor (even though you didn't want a tattoo). Neither decision is right or wrong. It's just a question of what you both personally want and what compromises you're willing to make to be together. All relationships are about compromise. I've yet to see any relationship where each partner got everything they wanted. What is important is that the key things you both want are in tandem and bring joy to your lives as the result of sharing each other's company.
As far as tattoos go, for myself personally, I'm frightened shitless of the things. I loath needles. Anything resembling or making me feel like a needle is near my body makes me feel very uncomfortable. Oddly, I've done needle play because this was a kink a partner of mine had. While the idea was spawned by my partner at the time, I made the decision to research needle play and I also decided to try it out at my own pace. I would not have done this on my own, but I trusted the partner I was with enough to engage. I could just as easily have said "no, that's not for me" and this would have been an equally valid response. My partner didn't push the issue on me. She talked to me and answered my questions. She showed loving support. And when I came to her with questions (which she could see came from research I pursued on my own), she answered me in a kind, supportive way. With this kind of environment in place, I was willing to experiment with play that felt very edgy for me. Had my partner asked me to get a tattoo, my answer would have been flat out "no". I wouldn't have needed to research or ask questions in this instance because I don't want a tattoo. It's as simple as that. I like my body au naturel. Perhaps, in future, a partner may change my mind here, but I can tell you that if this happens, it will be my choice. Nobody can decide what I do with my body and nor can anybody tell you what to do with yours.
--- Please give me another person's
--- view and tell me what you think.
Quick summary: I think you did nothing wrong. If you don't want a tattoo, that is your prerogative. Seemingly you're mixing up personal choices with BDSM. I've heard a few (well, okay... more than a few) kinky people talk about the parallel ideas of "true dominants" and "true submissives". Let's debunk these two myths right now. There are no such things. A true submissive is yourself, however you want to be. A true dominant is your partner, however she wants to be. If you both have compatible goals and enjoy each other, that's all that matters.
Side note: the last few sentences of my post here are borrowed from another thread. I wrote these lines originally so it seems okay to plagiarize myself. :-)
Elan.
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