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BDSM application? - 12/10/2007 7:08:29 PM

CliarSiofra

Posts: 34
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: ask
Status: offline

OK i was sitting there talking to a friend about how anoying the filtering process is. When i just exclaim "i should just make an application and make them fill it out."

Which made me laugh.

What would you put on a BSDM application for you

< Message edited by CliarSiofra -- 12/10/2007 7:18:55 PM >

_____________________________

The tragic comedy divine,
Paints the way to peace of mind.
Leaving shallow lovers far behind.
Past uncertainties combine.
Bringing tears to sleepless eyes.
Memory runs the course of time.~The Birthday Massacre

Post #: 1

RE: BDSM application? - 12/10/2007 7:11:20 PM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

"Write a paragraph about yourself without referencing BDSM or sexuality at all."
"Tell me three things, not in your paragraph, you enjoy doing in the company of others (no BDSM or sexuality)"
List your hard limits.
Let me know your BDSM experience level.

_____________________________

'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

(in reply to CliarSiofra)

Post #: 2

RE: BDSM application? - 12/10/2007 8:38:32 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I have one, although I actually very rarely use it. It's part of my household manual...but I need to change it to reflect how I actually use the questionnaire. I send it to people whom I've met and who are interested in the household. I don't necessarily put a time-line on it and, if we get that far, by the time we're talking about a collar, I know all the info.

This is my Questionnaire:

I.        Background Questions:
   A.     What is your real name?
   B.     What is your address?
   C.     What is your birthday, including year?
   D.     Are you married?
   E.      Can you provide reference? If so, what/who are they?
   F.      What role are you wishing to fill in my household?
   G.     How often are you available to serve?

II.     General Health Questions:
   A.     What are your major health issues, including mental health?
   B.     Do you have or have you had any drug and/or alcohol dependencies, past or present? If so, what is or has been your treatment             program?
   C.     Do you have or have you had any STDs, including HIV? Please give dates of diagnosis/treatments.
   D.     Have you had Hep A and B vaccinations?
   E.      Do you get regular exercise? If so, what kind(s) of exercise?
   F.      Do you have any specific dietary needs (vegetarian, high-protein, etc.)?

III.   General Life Questions:
   A.     Do you have any children? Do they live with you? If not, why?
   B.     What is your level of education?
   C.     What is/was your career field?
   D.     Why did you choose this field and are/were you happy in it?
   E .      What kinds of books do you like and dislike? What is your favorite book?
   F.      What kinds of music do you like and dislike? Who is your favorite musician or what is your favorite band?
   G.     What kinds of movies do you like and dislike? What are some of your favorite movies?
   H.     What kinds of foods do you like and dislike? What are your favorite foods?
   I.        What are your basic spiritual beliefs?
   J.       What are your core fears in life as well as just those creepy fears, like spiders?
   K.    What has been your greatest accomplishment and your greatest failure?
   L.      What have you learned from both?
   M.   What are your best qualities?
   N.    What are your worst qualities?

IV. Submission/Slavery Questions:
   A.     What real-time experiences have you had? Why did you like or dislike these experiences?
    B.     Are you currently involved with another Dominant or Master, male or female? If so, who are they and why are you looking?
   C.     Does this Dominant or Master know that you are looking?
   D.     What things do you feel are true needs for you in an Ms relationship?
   E.      What BDSM items are on your “harm” list?
   F.      What service skills do you bring to an Ms relationship?
   G.     What other skills do you bring to an Ms relationship?
   H.     Do you currently participate in local BDSM/Leather/Ms groups? If not, why not?
   I.        Have you ever attended a large Leather event, such as TiL or Southwest Leatherfest?
   J.       Does spirituality play a part in your Leather lifestyle?
   K.    If you are given a task, do you like to know exactly how to do it (process oriented) or will you rather do it how you like as long             as the task gets done (outcome oriented)?
   L.      Do you prefer to be given a task you know beyond a doubt you can complete or one that is challenging with success not being                 assured?
   M.   Will you be comfortable with a cuckolding dynamic where you are expected to be monogamous (unless otherwise directed) with             a Mistress/Master who is poly?

V.     Essays:
   A.     What are your definitions of a submissive and a slave? How are they similar and how do they differ?
   B.     How did you come to realize that you are a slave?
   C.     Why do you feel the need to serve?
   D.     Describe a typical day in service to your Master.
   E.      What is the difference between your fantasies and realities of Ms?
   F.      What is most motivating to you (praise, humiliation, etc.) and why?
   G.     What is the best way to truly discipline (we’re not talking about a punishment ‘scene’ here) you and why?
   H.     Why do you want to serve me, specifically?

Master Fire

< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 12/10/2007 8:45:33 PM >

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to CliarSiofra)

Post #: 3

RE: BDSM application? - 12/11/2007 5:14:51 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

MasterFireMamm if I answered all of those questions I would publish it as a book. Even if someone answered all of the questions to your satisfaction could you match their crtiteria. How much of this are you willing to compromise. Another variable that could screw it all up is if you fell in love with someone who flunked this exam.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 4

RE: BDSM application? - 12/11/2007 5:44:33 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CliarSiofra

OK i was sitting there talking to a friend about how anoying the filtering process is. When i just exclaim "i should just make an application and make them fill it out."

Which made me laugh.

What would you put on a BSDM application for you

I all ready have one on my website.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to CliarSiofra)

Post #: 5

RE: BDSM application? - 12/11/2007 6:05:50 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

To me, applications are clinical. That is not the setting I would choose in getting to know someone. I enjoy a give and take, revelations of secrets, opening up and disclosing information.

If I had to ask one question, or make a request, I guess it would be an essay question: Can you give me a secret that you rarely give to anyone? Can you tell me something that's difficult to reveal? I don't want a checklist. I want something big, something that not everyone gets to see.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 6

RE: BDSM application? - 12/11/2007 6:16:20 AM

lauren0221

Posts: 681
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

To me, applications are clinical. That is not the setting I would choose in getting to know someone. I enjoy a give and take, revelations of secrets, opening up and disclosing information.

If I had to ask one question, or make a request, I guess it would be an essay question: Can you give me a secret that you rarely give to anyone? Can you tell me something that's difficult to reveal? I don't want a checklist. I want something big, something that not everyone gets to see.

What Katy said.

Someone could answer every question with the perfect answer, and still not be someone you would ever want to be with. Connections go deeper than facts and information.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 7

RE: BDSM application? - 12/11/2007 6:54:04 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

To me, applications are clinical. That is not the setting I would choose in getting to know someone. I enjoy a give and take, revelations of secrets, opening up and disclosing information.

If I had to ask one question, or make a request, I guess it would be an essay question: Can you give me a secret that you rarely give to anyone? Can you tell me something that's difficult to reveal? I don't want a checklist. I want something big, something that not everyone gets to see.

I don't think it's clinical, I think it's organized and I've learned through the years that organized is very necessary for me.

Not only does it help me remember things but it helps the other person think about things plus it's a great way to catch someone who likes to lie when you can compare what they've written to what they say and do without wondering if you are remembering correctly.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 8

RE: BDSM application? - 12/11/2007 6:59:58 AM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

To me, applications are clinical. That is not the setting I would choose in getting to know someone. I enjoy a give and take, revelations of secrets, opening up and disclosing information.

If I had to ask one question, or make a request, I guess it would be an essay question: Can you give me a secret that you rarely give to anyone? Can you tell me something that's difficult to reveal? I don't want a checklist. I want something big, something that not everyone gets to see.

I don't think it's clinical, I think it's organized and I've learned through the years that organized is very necessary for me.

Not only does it help me remember things but it helps the other person think about things plus it's a great way to catch someone who likes to lie when you can compare what they've written to what they say and do without wondering if you are remembering correctly.

It is the same for me as well.

_____________________________

m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m

m y s p a c e

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 9

RE: BDSM application? - 12/11/2007 9:59:36 AM

SirJohnMandevill

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

My app would have all essay questions:

1. Why do you want to be my submissive?
2. What is your concept of a D/s relationship?
3. Describe what you think will happen the first time we meet, from the time you walk in the door.
4. Describe your deepest, darkest BDSM fantasy.
5. Do you believe a Dominant has the "right" to take on other submissives? Discuss why or why not.
6. "Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear?" Discuss. (I like intellectual subs)

Any and all female subs are welcome to apply...!

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to MistressDolly)

Post #: 10

RE: BDSM application? - 12/11/2007 10:12:29 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

applications are a simple way to lie in gaining that person's trust and friendship. it does give a clear picture of who or what the person truly is than actually chatting with them face to face and analyzing both body and facial movements.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to CliarSiofra)

Post #: 11

RE: BDSM application? - 12/11/2007 10:23:29 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

applications are a simple way to lie in gaining that person's trust and friendship. it does give a clear picture of who or what the person truly is than actually chatting with them face to face and analyzing both body and facial movements.

One could lie when talking on the phone or face-to-face.

Having multiple ways to converse and get to know each other provides a good set of checks and balances to each person involved.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 12

RE: BDSM application? - 12/11/2007 10:37:55 AM

Zarius

Posts: 184
Joined: 2/9/2007
Status: offline

I Like Master Fire's questionaire. I also have basic interview questions, as well, though that is only a start for me as I am sure others would agree. For me its about being organized as well as a simple evaluation process that gives me the information I want to know, such as experience, allergies, medical issues, etc. Those are to me very important to know up front.

As TammyJo and others have said, they can lie to you in email, cmail, snailmail, phone, webcam, and F2F meetings. So one single way isnt going to work for everyone, most Dominants (IMJ) take on a few different tacts, such as F2F, or questionaires, or interview type scenarios, or as many I know do, they watch them in R/T situations to see how they act.

Of course your mileage may vary depending on vehcile used.

I wish you all well

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 13

RE: BDSM application? - 12/11/2007 10:39:43 AM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

MasterFireMamm if I answered all of those questions I would publish it as a book. Even if someone answered all of the questions to your satisfaction could you match their crtiteria. How much of this are you willing to compromise. Another variable that could screw it all up is if you fell in love with someone who flunked this exam.

What exam??? I see alot of questions that will tell you something about them and tell me if the person is compatible with me, no pass or fail items at all.
Please point out to me where there is a pass or fail question, because I don't see one.
I can tell you that the answers to a petition like the one MasterFire has posted are not a pass fail thing as much as they are a lets find the areas or compatability and incompatability quickly, and then focus our talks on how to reduce incompatability, or determine we are not a good match quickly.

Honestly I don't think you read the questions in the application, but saw it and jumped to a conclussion.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 14

RE: BDSM application? - 12/11/2007 10:45:53 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Yup, one could, there reall isn't any deterant to lieing for a good liar

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

One could lie when talking on the phone or face-to-face.

Having multiple ways to converse and get to know each other provides a good set of checks and balances to each person involved.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 15

RE: BDSM application? - 12/11/2007 10:46:44 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

MasterFireMamm if I answered all of those questions I would publish it as a book. Even if someone answered all of the questions to your satisfaction could you match their crtiteria. How much of this are you willing to compromise. Another variable that could screw it all up is if you fell in love with someone who flunked this exam.

I don't see the exam part of her questions either. She's asking questions about you, your life and your BDSM interests. The only way to fail would be to lie. It's long, but it's not complicated.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 16

RE: BDSM application? - 12/11/2007 10:53:20 AM

ctrlaltdelete

Posts: 284
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline

I can see making a valid point for either process - the informal and the formal.

But what it directly comes down to is your personal preference and how you live, breathe and internalize BDSM.

For someone who is very structured, rigorous and disciplined in their daily interactions with their partner, using the very formalized and structured questionnaire of Master Fire is ideal. Someone who lacks slef-discipline and structure will never make it halway through that questionnaire surrender early on. And hence, you have had a very effective filter of screening those that would not have been a fit for you anyway.

If you are more of a free-spirited and emoting type in your interaction with your partner, then the free-flow approach of 'feeling someone out' is the better fit for you.

Either way - your approach to the "application process" will help you get what you want.

_____________________________

The opinions expressed in my posts are strictly mine and do not seek to imply that my personal beliefs are representative of those of ANY other individual(s). Should these opinions hurt your little feelers, you are free and welcome to stop reading them.

(in reply to CliarSiofra)

Post #: 17

RE: BDSM application? - 12/11/2007 11:21:52 AM

CliarSiofra

Posts: 34
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: ask
Status: offline

Honestly I'm very free flowing. But have been working and tweaking methods to better get into the mind of my submissive.

naturally all the important questions are asked. But as someone who is also a believe in connections, once the basic questions are asked I look with in myself to see does this person inspire me.

If i ever seriously decided to have an application for me a question I would ask is:If your Dominant was ill what soup would you get Him or Her, why and would you make it yourself.

_____________________________

The tragic comedy divine,
Paints the way to peace of mind.
Leaving shallow lovers far behind.
Past uncertainties combine.
Bringing tears to sleepless eyes.
Memory runs the course of time.~The Birthday Massacre

(in reply to ctrlaltdelete)

Post #: 18

RE: BDSM application? - 12/11/2007 11:24:01 AM

ctrlaltdelete

Posts: 284
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CliarSiofra
If your Dominant was ill what soup would you get Him or Her, why and would you make it yourself.

That could be an entrapping trick question if the Dom/Domme does not like soup! ;>)

_____________________________

The opinions expressed in my posts are strictly mine and do not seek to imply that my personal beliefs are representative of those of ANY other individual(s). Should these opinions hurt your little feelers, you are free and welcome to stop reading them.

(in reply to CliarSiofra)

Post #: 19

RE: BDSM application? - 12/11/2007 11:39:57 AM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

See I really like the Book, Music and Food questions, they provide for a long list of follow up discussions, that will likely touch on values, ethics, perspectives...

(in reply to ctrlaltdelete)

Post #: 20

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