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question - 12/11/2007 2:05:25 AM   
beachboy493


Posts: 3
Joined: 12/6/2007
Status: offline 		How do I find a woman who will teach me to be a sub and a person that I can pleasure and serve?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: question - 12/11/2007 2:08:15 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		The answers to your question will vary from person to person, but in general, the more people you meet, the more chance you have of finding someone.

Check the profiles on the other side and try to attend gatherings where you live.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to beachboy493)
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RE: question - 12/11/2007 2:10:09 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		You probably want to put some more information in your profile.  Think of it more like vanilla dating at first.  Who are you?  What do you enjoy in life (other than sex/bdsm).  What are you looking for in a partner?  What goals do you have in life....that type of stuff.

The numbers don't favor you, so be patient and always polite, but remember you can set your limits and define your relationships even though you are submissive.

good luck!
l

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
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RE: question - 12/11/2007 5:19:18 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline 		Alot of novice subs seem to have a fantasy that a beautiful, experienced Domme (who happens to have an in-home dungeon and dress in nothing but fetish wear) will swoop down, scoop them up, and play with the sub in EXACTLY the way the sub fantasizes about, with little to no effort on the sub's part to make that happen.

Warning:  rude awakening ahead:   this scenario not going to happen.

You are not going to find a Domme willing to put in the huge amount of time and effort required on her part to teach you everything about BDSM and the lifestyle, with little to no personal effort and investment on your part.  

So what's a novice to do? 

Lose the attitude that it's someone else's job to teach you about all of this, and take responsibility for the fact that if you're interested in learning about something, then it's ultimately your job to start pursuing that knowledge.   Read books on BDSM.   Get involved in your local scene and go to educational functions.   Meet people and be friendly with them (i.e. don't act like the horny creep who is always trolling for wanking material).  Use that knowledge to start understanding where you fit into all of this, and what you have to offer in a potential relationship beyond the fantasy-driven statements like "I'll do anything" and "I'm very oral".   Eventually through your forays into the local scene, if you're a decent and sincere person, you'll probably meet Dommes who are willing to explore relationship options with you.

Even with your efforts though - be aware that there are far fewer Dommes out there than there are male subs.  There is NO guarantee you'll be able to find a Domme for a long-term relationship - it's really difficult to find someone that you mesh with on a vanilla level as well as a kink level.   Just like there's no guarantee if you were pursuing a vanilla relationship and marriage, that you would be able to find the perfectly compatible person for that.

Now don't get me wrong.  People do meet up and have BDSM relationships.   But it doesn't happen overnight and it doesn't happen with no effort.

Not interested in spending time and effort learning on your own, and not seeking a relationship?   Sure, there's an Option B - pay a prodomme for her time for a more hands-on approach. 

But understand that ultimately, your ability to be successful in exploring something you want to explore depends on YOU, and how much investment YOU want to put into it.   You put nothing into it - that's exactly what you'll get out of it.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 12/11/2007 5:29:53 AM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to laurell3)
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RE: question - 12/11/2007 5:19:45 AM   
youngpupforBCms


Posts: 49
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline 		My advice, sit back and relax, make posts here on the boards, and get to meet and know new people.  Like laurell said the number dont exactly favor us so instead of spamming up every domminant you see, just be cool and said well worded and informative letters that introduce you and explain what your looking for and likes and dislikes and such, to those that you really feel an interest in or if you liked what they had to say in general on their profiles.  Speaking of profiles read them, dont glance at them "READ" them if you want to have any idea or understanding of who you are trying to get to know better.  As for your profile you definately will want to put some effort into that, state your likes,dislikes,hobbies,skills, and so on.  Use the profile part to explain who you are and just what exactly you are looking for.  Other then that, like a friend told me, just sit back and relax and the one for you will find you.  This doesnt mean though you shouldn't just create said profile and leave it, you still need to interact within the online community here, if you want to get your name out their.  Probably the last hint of advice is to just be yourself, dont try to be someone your not, and always be respectful and honest with people if they show you the same common courtsey. Sorry this post is a little rambled and jumbled, but I just got up, and its exams week least 80% of mine where yesterday though

(in reply to laurell3)
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RE: question - 12/11/2007 5:30:50 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		You are very fortunate.  Desert Dominion is in Tucson.  They are your link to the local community.  They hold munches and socials.  They have a dungeon.  They will help educate you.  That's where you might meet that Domme of your dreams.  Try them at desertdominion.org/
 
 

(in reply to beachboy493)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: question - 12/11/2007 5:34:34 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

The answers to your question will vary from person to person, but in general, the more people you meet, the more chance you have of finding someone.

Check the profiles on the other side and try to attend gatherings where you live.


Perfect advice.

I just honestly have difficulty grasping why so many people online struggle with the idea that in order to meet folks they need to get involved in communities were people meet. Why would the BDSM world be that radically different from the rest of the world in terms of meeting people and making friends, acquaintances and lovers?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: question - 12/11/2007 5:37:46 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:


I just honestly have difficulty grasping why so many people online struggle with the idea that in order to meet folks they need to get involved in communities were people meet. Why would the BDSM world be that radically different from the rest of the world in terms of meeting people and making friends, acquaintances and lovers?


It is an amazing concept that if you want to meet people....you have to actually go meet people.



_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: question - 12/11/2007 7:52:50 AM   
Boondoggle


Posts: 123
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

It is an amazing concept that if you want to meet people....you have to actually go meet people.


Wow, man, just, wow...

Seriously, though, if you're looking for more than just kinky sex and desire an actual relationship, go find your local community. It is by far the best way to learn about "the lifestyle."

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: question - 12/11/2007 8:58:15 AM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		beachboy > that answer falls upon you to get educated  first , I would suggest you attending Southwest Leather conf  in jan if your in AZ .You will learn more there in a weekend that you will in a year sitting home online .As mentioned places like Desert Dominion and APEX are amazing places  as are munches to not only meet the local community  but to learn .Having that background and education and continue to strive to learn is a huge plus .True every Domme ,Mistress, Top have a particular way , every relationshp will differ  with peramiters  but work on yourself do not just sit home mailing people on a website and then say this sucks nobody wants me after you get little to no responce s.Its also amazing what happens when your not looking as a full time job sometimes it just comes your way when you least expect it .Bdsm has been a part of my life for more years than i can count on fingers n toes and i still am learning and growing .This life has its rewards  but has some work aswell .
Best wishes  on your journey .


< Message edited by azropedntied -- 12/11/2007 9:06:26 AM >

(in reply to Boondoggle)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: question - 12/11/2007 11:06:15 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		I <3 you, Sonnet!

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 11
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