RE: How quick does a sub/slave opends her/his wallet for a New Dominant? In the name of Bdsm. (Full Version)

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ownedgirlie -> RE: How quick does a sub/slave opends her/his wallet for a New Dominant? In the name of Bdsm. (12/12/2007 12:48:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: petpete

As for girlie's statement, dearest girlie if your dominant is financially more secure then yourself and still wants to take your money then his more of a scum to me. If Y/you both live together and take care of each others expenses then it can be considered as sort of supporting each other. But if Y/you live separately and you have to take care of your own i would call him a leach if his insists you having to pay for him, and simply that reflects to the way he cares about you..


You can think that, but either you misread my post or I am misreading yours.  He does not take my money, nor do I "pay for him".  On occasion I pay for things.  More often, he does.  How does his setting me up to be financially secure in my future make him a scum?


Edited to add: It is my opinion that only a scum would tell a slave that her Master of 3 1/2 years, who has turned her life around and brought her to stability (financial and otherwise) is scum and does not care.



petpete -> RE: How quick does a sub/slave opends her/his wallet for a New Dominant? In the name of Bdsm. (12/12/2007 1:12:18 PM)

my apologies girlie i was addressing HCWT1 and every other one who is in her position of having to do the same.. Please disregard and forgive me for that...[8|]



ownedgirlie -> RE: How quick does a sub/slave opends her/his wallet for a New Dominant? In the name of Bdsm. (12/12/2007 1:17:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: petpete

my apologies girlie i was addressing HCWT1 and every other one who is in her position of having to do the same.. Please disregard and forgive me for that...[8|]


quote:

ORIGINAL: petpete

...dearest girlie if your dominant is financially more secure then yourself ...


This is how you address other people?  Interesting.  I still contend it lacks couth to tell someone the man she loves is scum, however, your apology is noted.



Griswold -> RE: How quick does a sub/slave opends her/his wallet for a New Dominant? In the name of Bdsm. (12/12/2007 4:56:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessTeaze

Geez Griswold,
that I didn't think of that..

life can be so simple!

GoddezzT`



(I'm here for you).



KarenElizabeth -> RE: How quick does a sub/slave opends her/his wallet for a New Dominant? In the name of Bdsm. (12/19/2007 2:58:05 AM)

quote:

KarenElizabeth
quote:

ORIGINAL: ravennfyre


quote:

ORIGINAL: KarenElizabeth

Amazing how many financially secure submissives or slaves probably read this and didn't post at all.


Seems the masses with opinions here are all in serious relationships...


(I didn't mean this in reply to anyone in particular)



I'm not in a serious relationship...I WAS, however, married to one that wanted me to put my paycheck into a checking account that didn't have my name on. He then would buy cigarettes, pot, porn of his choosing and video games before his family was taken care of. Once was all it took for me.


Nowadays a single video game could feed a family of ten! Yes, I do believe there are different variables involved.. Taking advantage of someone emotionally invested in you is not kosher. There is a difference between these family and relationship scenarios than what I personally seek. petpete why is that? I don't mind, people can think whatever they want to think they think and I haven't even exploited myself in this thread yet! =P

In my case, the sub or slave will open their wallets immediately or even prior to meeting me. I have very much to learn and am aware of this but for the time being this is the way it is. I need money (I need a job too, lol, but this has actually been easier) and I have never been rich or spoiled with presents. I wouldn't spend more than $20 on a pair of shoes, tennis included, but I will let someone else do it for me. =)  Basically I am being paid for my company and I deserve it. Yay! 
haha I better go to bed now..



Lordandmaster -> RE: How quick does a sub/slave opends her/his wallet for a New Dominant? In the name of Bdsm. (12/19/2007 3:09:50 AM)

I don't believe I've ever asked for money from a sub in my life.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessTeaze

How quickly are you opening your wallet, to help a Dominant out?



LaTigresse -> RE: How quick does a sub/slave opends her/his wallet for a New Dominant? In the name of Bdsm. (12/19/2007 3:23:15 AM)

Me either. In fact I have refused it more times than I could possibly count.



ksub4u -> RE: How quick does a sub/slave opends her/his wallet for a New Dominant? In the name of Bdsm. (12/19/2007 5:33:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I don't believe I've ever asked for money from a sub in my life.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessTeaze

How quickly are you opening your wallet, to help a Dominant out?



This has been my experience with the Doms I've met.  One Dom, with whom I'd been emailing/talking for a couple of weeks, asked me out for a drink.  I arrived a bit early, sat at the bar and had a drink and paid.  He was a bit put out that I'd paid and tried to give me the money back.  When I refused (of course!), he asked to leave the tip.  We didn't get further than that date for other reasons, but the sense I got was that he was there to take care of me, not the other way around. I guess I'm a bit old-fashioned in that way, because I like it. 

Of course, all that goes out the window should a relationship progress and we've been seeing one another for a few months and I'd like to buy him a birthday present or some such thing.  And if we were living together, the 'what's mine is ours' philosophy would prevail. 



BlackWolfSwitch -> RE: How quick does a sub/slave opends her/his wallet for a New Dominant? In the name of Bdsm. (12/19/2007 12:26:12 PM)

With all due respect to the subject, and to the one that OP'd it..
 
There are by far ... -many- variables to consider upon the purpose of money when it comes to others, but besides that, I'll point out at least my own opinion of said specifics upon the D/s world.
 
First point though is that there's a difference between BDSM and D/s, so please do remember that.
Anyway..
 
On my own mind, any Dominant that runs off of the purpose of 'Gifting' or 'Tributes' and is not a known Pro-Dom/me is one of those people that can't get on with their own life solo and has to live off of others under the principle that .... and this hurts to even think, mind you .... that dominating (or submitting) is a service payable by cash, credit card, or check... or whatever.
My honest opinion about these people? I don't think the administrators of the boards would appreciate my words for them, but I'll say this. They're a waste of Oxygen.
 
Now for the Pro's here, don't jump me quite yet. Some people make it a professional thing, and I will not think less of them for their ventures. Everyone has skills, and some are Pro-Dom/me's that take BDSM or similar to a professional level. I would like to think that for this reason, it's because of their love of it, not for the love of green paper.
 
I may be rolling off-subject a bit, but I hope it can be understood what I meant under the subject of how quick a sub or slave passes their wallet to their dominant counterpart.
Sometimes it's not the sub/slave's that have most of the equation.. sometimes it's the dominant.
 
If more generalistic terms are required from me, then here it is.
Subs can be as quick as slaves, but I imagine that a slave is more apt to give everything to their dominant.
 
Just another two cents,
The Wolf



exquisitefeline1 -> RE: How quick does a sub/slave opends her/his wallet for a New Dominant? In the name of Bdsm. (12/19/2007 4:58:08 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ksub4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I don't believe I've ever asked for money from a sub in my life.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessTeaze

How quickly are you opening your wallet, to help a Dominant out?



This has been my experience with the Doms I've met. One Dom, with whom I'd been emailing/talking for a couple of weeks, asked me out for a drink. I arrived a bit early, sat at the bar and had a drink and paid. He was a bit put out that I'd paid and tried to give me the money back. When I refused (of course!), he asked to leave the tip. We didn't get further than that date for other reasons, but the sense I got was that he was there to take care of me, not the other way around. I guess I'm a bit old-fashioned in that way, because I like it.

Of course, all that goes out the window should a relationship progress and we've been seeing one another for a few months and I'd like to buy him a birthday present or some such thing. And if we were living together, the 'what's mine is ours' philosophy would prevail.



i am the same with dating. i will try to get there earlier and buy myself a drink, if not i will try to buy them one as well, i don't know about other places but in Oz there is some weird drink buying= sex expectation. Which took me a while to catch onto, because i was out of the dating ring so long, and things changed dramatically in the grown up world, of 20's to 30's. i would sure never prostitute myself, and certainly not for three scotches and dry and half a bottle of red...

Anyway, money, providing... i agree with that one... Money = power. Something i struggled with, my last serious relationship broke down when i became financially dependent on him, i just could not deal with it psychologically...i had been independent for too long, and even though finances were better being with him, i felt so insecure.

In my home i am open and share, i like to entertain, to give, to be hospitable. For my current Dom i loved to cook for him, show him my great taste, and culinary skills, and keep him happy and satisfied. He would stay countless nights, while i nurtured and feed him in the variety of ways a sub does, then a few times later down the track he actually took me out, and severely struggled with spending money on me. Has managed to save enough money to travel overseas, not surprising. Of course if things were fairer and he was considerate, we could likely be both traveling, as it was our common interests and dreams of same places that got us together in the first place. i have managed to find the most selfish, inconsiderate, using parasite, who is about to head o/s to become a yoga instructor! Well all i can say is Karma baby, when he's down and out in Calcutta.
i struggle with myself at times, i became interested in spirituality and philosophy at an early age, all the books repeat it is about giving not receiving, yet i am so selfless, so submissive, so willing to please, so giving of myself that i am constantly taken for granted, and used... yet i am not happy unless i give, and then i am not happy when i am taken for granted... in this day, it is just not sustainable to be altruistic.

It has taken me a while to work out what is truly a suitable Dom, and surprisingly i already had it at another time...the one who would praise and give positive attention for my good efforts, the one who ignored my negative side and didn't criticize unless constructive, the one who provided and took care of me, the one who wanted to co-parent my child, the one who worked hard on his career and wanted to share all he had, the one who would open doors, who would take me out to show me off to the world and constantly reaffirm his love and devotion, the one who was patient, kind, loving, guiding, and gave me a better life, and finally the one who booted me to the street when i did not recognize and appreciate what i had. That was true Dominance taking the correct responsibility and action, and a lesson well learnt. Below every good man is a woman willing to fall at his feet, why is it that i can not accept what is good for me, and give to what is not?



DesFIP -> RE: How quick does a sub/slave opends her/his wallet for a New Dominant? In the name of Bdsm. (12/19/2007 5:37:03 PM)

Well I opened mine at the first meet, planning to buy my own coffee but he refused.

If you are a pro domme, you should state it upfront and give people the opportunity to agree or refuse. Otherwise either you pay your own way or you take turns buying, taking into account pay scales.



exquisitefeline1 -> RE: How quick does a sub/slave opends her/his wallet for a New Dominant? In the name of Bdsm. (12/19/2007 6:08:33 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: petpete

People are missing a fundamental point here. i think taking advantage a submissive just because he supposed to obey orders is totally unacceptable to me and to GoddessTeaze's advise. Through history men when given the opportunity to be in the company of there opposite gender and especially if they very much had feelings for Her, it is a normal reaction to do whatever comes to there power to cherish that. Unfortunately the term "gentlemen" today has been severely cut down to just 3 words "men" W/we continuously get reminded whenever we need to visit certain places like dressing rooms fitting rooms and loos (toilets).. Some men can take great pleasure to treat a Lady in the perimeters of there budgets and provided they have been appreciated. Under no circumstances that would be considered as taking advantage. As for girlie's statement, dearest girlie if your dominant is financially more secure then yourself and still wants to take your money then his more of a scum to me. If Y/you both live together and take care of each others expenses then it can be considered as sort of supporting each other. But if Y/you live separately and you have to take care of your own i would call him a leach if his insists you having to pay for him, and simply that reflects to the way he cares about you..



Thankyou and aMen. xxx



flowspen -> RE: How quick does a sub/slave opends her/his wallet for a New Dominant? In the name of Bdsm. (12/23/2007 11:50:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessTeaze

How quickly are you opening your wallet, to help a Dominant out?
After one week? One day? One Month?

What has money gotto do with Bdsm?

Or is it in submissives their nature to want to take care of someone
and the will to help someone, is making them feel loved?

How do you know it's not a golddigger who leads you on.



I have never opened my wallet to a Dominant quickly, it makes me think of Money Domme's who on the first conversation is asking for hundreds of dollars and I dont know them from a can of paint.  I have always thought of a Mistress as being financially secure and stable, but I know we all can have those times when money is tight or just isn't enough of it.  Would I ever open my wallet? to Mistress yes because she owns me and because I couldn't watch her suffer for any reason especially money.  Mistress is many things to me which includes my friend and for my friends I will open my wallet and give what I can spare freely. 

What does money have to do with BDSM?  I have been asking this question for years!  It seems to some though it means everything but to others it means nothing. 

submissive nature to care..  I have feelings that I want to care for Mistress, however it has been made clear to me that she is independant and even though my well thoughts are smiled upon they are also rejected, because Mistress is a Dominant Woman and that is a turn on to me.  If a sub was able to take care of a Dominant then who would really be in control?

Gold Digger.. Most Gold Diggers can't stand to hang around waiting for you to give them what they asked for.  I am always careful with those people (bdsm or vanilla) who have this urgent right now need for money, it makes me think of instant gradification.  Usually the test of time will weed out most gold diggers, in any event when I give, I give from the heart with no strings so if a gold digger out thinks me then I am not angry at them rather happy because my intentions were pure, now I learn from them and what ever trick they used will never work on me again.  Thus the price of an education.



GoddessTeaze -> RE: How quick does a sub/slave opends her/his wallet for a New Dominant? In the name of Bdsm. (12/24/2007 3:09:30 AM)

So if I read you right Blackwolfswitch, it's not ok
to ask for money if you're 'just' a Dominant,
but when You're a Pro, its mighty fine...?
 
ehm... how is that measuring apples with pears?
 
I believe Everyone should becarefull
and get to know the person first,
before one should pay stuff for someone else.
 
Ofcourse a drink is something else.
 
But bills or other stuff which is 'needed' by
that Dominant for whatever reason...?
 
For Me that's where I would not cross that line.
 
I'm independant, and Don't want others to
be responseble for My stuff.
 
When I'm in a deep commitment,
it's a totally different story.
Then it will be discussed because I'm also a singleMom,
and can't just pay for everything.
 
Thank Yyou Aall for Yyour responses on this subject.
And I do wish Yyou Aall a
 
Very Merry Xmas
and
a
Happy
 
2008.
 
 Warm Greetingz
 
GoddezzT`



GoddessTeaze -> RE: How quick does a sub/slave opends her/his wallet for a New Dominant? In the name of Bdsm. (12/24/2007 3:13:44 AM)

quote:

Would I ever open my wallet? to Mistress yes because she owns me and because I couldn't watch her suffer for any reason especially money. 
This is a totally different situation.
then you Know Her.
But I'm happy to hear it's working out for you :)
 
I wish Yyou both enough.
 
GoddezzT`



AuraJinn -> RE: How quick does a sub/slave opends her/his wallet for a New Dominant? In the name of Bdsm. (12/24/2007 12:53:01 PM)

Being a Martial Artist, what I teach has a value! I know its value before I accept you as a student. My fee reflects my teachings, patience and wisdom. If you want serious training in a short period you will pay more to compensate for my direct attention. Few last on such a personal relationship so cheaper more long term options with less pain and less growth are availible. What I know, I paid for! I kneeled and offered Homage (respect or honor) ! I paid the first day. As a Master it is ridiculous to believe time is free. Some believe Homage is your presence, this is immaturity , your presence only does not pay the bills. I still pay those who I once called Master since I earn from what they taught me. Some see the Arts as a hobby and they see the lifestyle in the same manner a part time sport. I personally invest more into those around me through discipline than they could ever pay monetarily but as a disciple you rarely see that in its truth and purpose until training is over. Training is over when Master says it is over at the cost Master deems accordingly! If you are questioning cost you may be dealing with someone who has yet discoverd thier own worth, or you may be participating in sport.



GoddessTeaze -> RE: How quick does a sub/slave opends her/his wallet for a New Dominant? In the name of Bdsm. (12/24/2007 4:28:09 PM)

Hello AuraJinn,
Welcome on the Forum, and what a great first post You've written.
I fully understand what You mean with Material Arts,
and the way You live it.
My son was also in Material Arts, and yes Yyou learn
allot more then people think they do.
To learn about respect for eachother, and to never ever
use this skill outside the Dojo for instance,
are really good things to teach childeren, and grownup too ofcourse [:D]
 
What I ment, was a different matter, which I'm sure You understood.
Thank You for Your comment,
and I wish You
a
Merry Xmas
 
Warm Greetingz
 
GoddezzT`



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