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RE: i know that - 12/11/2007 4:13:25 PM

domiguy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

every relationship is different just like people. What i am wondering is, if you are in a M/s relationship or you are property. If your Dominant trusts you what is wrong with your Dominant having access to your E-mail address? i was not asked to, but i volunteered my password. Just as a sign of my complete devotion to him. it actually makes me feel closer to him than ever and in my opinion enhances his control and power over me. Which i love.

Well isn't that great!!! You answered your own question as to wqhy you choose this action. Extremely enlightening!

Can't wait to read your post on being forced to suck some dick straight after anal.

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RE: i know that - 12/11/2007 4:42:26 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

every relationship is different just like people. What i am wondering is, if you are in a M/s relationship or you are property. If your Dominant trusts you what is wrong with your Dominant having access to your E-mail address? i was not asked to, but i volunteered my password. Just as a sign of my complete devotion to him. it actually makes me feel closer to him than ever and in my opinion enhances his control and power over me. Which i love.

Because sometimes I get e-mails that he doesn't need to know about. Plain and simple.

Like what his Mom is buying him for Christmas or when my friend is going through a rough break-up. Or if my parents and I are having a fuss. Or the Amazon.com order for his brithday pressie. Granted, he does know my password but only because I know that he isn't going to stick his nose where it doesn't belong and because I sometimes need him to check school information on my e-mail while I am away from my computer.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 12/11/2007 4:47:49 PM >

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RE: i know that - 12/11/2007 4:59:13 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Whatever works for you. If email access is important to you and a symbol of your trust, then go for it. But your symbols are not necessarily the same as everyone else's.

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Post #: 23

RE: i know that - 12/11/2007 7:35:46 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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quote:

If your Dominant trusts you what is wrong with your Dominant having access to your E-mail address?

because there's nothing in my emails that would interest either of them into reading behind my back. just like reading Daddy's emails from other psychiatric colleagues and patients wouldn't interest me. i show my devotion to my doms in other ways ...giving them my private passwords isn't one of them.

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RE: i know that - 12/11/2007 8:50:25 PM

crouchingtigress

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gosh i have a totally different take on this subject....please bear with me.

i think the email issue is a kink. i think that wanting him to pry into your email for what ever reason and letting him have an all-access-pass turns you on.

i dont think there is anything wrong with it...it is pretty hot...the idea of some one trolling around in your most intimate places like they own the place.

you ask the question is it wrong...but i dont think you realise yet that nothing is right or wrong in this arena if both people agree to it....if it makes you hot and him hard...whooo hoo awesome....i think what you may have trouble understanding is that some folks dont get all gooey by doing this and there are even folks that get turned on knowing that thier dom does not have access to one little place in thier lives...

i am glad you are asking questions, keep exploring by all means, just take everything every one does in here as a kink and nothing more then what turns them on...certainly nothing you need to let effect your life in any way unless you choose it to.

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RE: i know that - 12/11/2007 9:32:21 PM

Muttling

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So many have said this in so many excellent ways........Here is my way....

Good relationships (kinky or vanilla) are built upon a respect of each other and a respect of boundaries. It is up to the individuals to determine what their personal boundaries are and up to their partners to respect those boundaries.

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Post #: 26

RE: i know that - 12/12/2007 5:30:57 AM

SailingBum

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My girl at the time wanted me to take more control of her life. Check her email, advise her how to raise her kid, those types of things. I couldn't be bothered. I had taken the control that I wanted and left it up to her to make those choices. That's not to say if she was making a poor decision I would step in and correct her. Has anyone else had this type of situaiton arise in their relationship. ie she wants more control than you want to take?

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RE: i know that - 12/12/2007 5:38:09 AM

SirDominic

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Sounds more like she wanted you to take on more of her responsibilities than take on more control. If it were me, I would have responded the same way you did. Bravo!

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RE: i know that - 12/12/2007 6:12:26 AM

Heartisan

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quote:

My girl at the time wanted me to take more control of her life. Check her email, advise her how to raise her kid, those types of things. I couldn't be bothered. I had taken the control that I wanted and left it up to her to make those choices. That's not to say if she was making a poor decision I would step in and correct her. Has anyone else had this type of situaiton arise in their relationship. ie she wants more control than you want to take?

Yes. My Master doesn't take as much control as I would like him to. There are some things he doesn't want to be bothered with, and other things he feels that I need to take responsibility for. What if something happens to him and I am so used to him taking care of everything that I can't manage myself? That is his take on the subject. Doesn't stop me from wanting him to do more though.

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RE: i know that - 12/12/2007 6:18:04 AM

Heartisan

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I have another perspective. I have a friend who's Dom looks at her e-mail. Now granted, they are in a long distance relationship, so they both like him to take what control he can take since it is limited. I have a problem with it in that I don't feel free to talk to her in e-mail as I would like. I know him, but sometimes there is just girl/sub talk that goes on that the Doms don't need to know about but I don't feel I can write to her openly.

I don't have a problem with her liking it, it's her choice, but I feel my privacy is invaded as well so I choose not to use e-mail with her. We chat, and as of yet he's not asked for chat histories. Sometimes subs need to be able to speak openly. Sometimes we all have bitches about our partners regardless of the relationship. Just because I don't like something Master does, doesn't mean I don' t love and respect him. I just need an outlet sometimes to vent.. and us girls do that well sometimes lol. He respects and understands that as well, he knows I vent and sometimes about him. We've been together 9 years, so we are bound to hit a nerve with each other once in awhile.

Just my take on things...

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Post #: 30

RE: i know that - 12/12/2007 6:25:53 AM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Heartisan

Yes. My Master doesn't take as much control as I would like him to. There are some things he doesn't want to be bothered with, and other things he feels that I need to take responsibility for. What if something happens to him and I am so used to him taking care of everything that I can't manage myself? That is his take on the subject. Doesn't stop me from wanting him to do more though.

I am curious to your motives for wanting him to take more control?

Thanks for the kudos Dominic

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RE: i know that - 12/12/2007 12:01:19 PM

Heartisan

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quote:

quote:

I am curious to your motives for wanting him to take more control?

Thanks for the kudos Dominic

Hmm... well that isn't really a quick answer... apparently cause I'm still trying to explain it to him lol. I shall give it a shot.

When we started about 9 years ago and I was very subby. For varous reason including my chronic illness, and his inability to take control we sort of drifted into more of a housemate/friend situation for a few years. A few months back we started getting active again in the local scene and I discovered that I wasn't quite as naturally submissive as I had been. I think becasue I had to pretty much take charge of everything the last few years and do everything myself so that submissive side sort of got buried and I have been trying to find it lol. I find myself wanting/needing more than I used to as far as control and dominance goes. He can be really dominant and strong and confident when we are at the club, but not so much at home. I think he needs someone more submissive as well, I kinda think we just don't fit anymore in that part of our relationship, but he disagrees and keeps saying he will work on it, but he doesn't. Essentially, I offer him my submission, and to give up control to him, but then he doesn't take it, or do anything with it. If that makes any sense at all, so I end up taking it back, and being a bit reluctant to give it again... but I want to. The trust is a bit shaky. So that is sort of our personal situation that we are working on.

I argue with myself all the time that if I am a good sub for him, I won't ask for, expect, or need anything from him, so I struggle with this. But we are submissive for a reason, and we have to get something out of it or else we wouldn't do it. Having him take control and make some decisions that I normally make (note I said some, not all) sort of lets me relax and not feel like I have to take care of everything myself. It also turns me on to have him ask for something, or take control and be stronger. When he is stronger and more dominant, I feel stronger. I know that has to make sense to some of the subs out there, I know it does to some I've talked to. It simply makes me happy to be told what to do sometimes. Gives me purpose, reminds me I have a place and a value to him. Maybe I shouldn't need reminding, I don't know.. I just know that what we have been doing isn't working, and my feeling is that I really need him to be stronger more of the time.

No, I don't want him to take control of every aspect of my life, and it's not really about specifics of what he tells me to do. It's more about his attitude and energy. When we are at the club and the energy and circumstances make him stand up straighter, and get that look on his face, and he tells me to go get him a water... it makes my knees weak. I can do things that make him feel that a little more at home, but that still makes me feel like I am in control (make sense?) If I get a bit too sassy, or am not doing something he expects me to do, I want him to remind me and/or correct me. He tends not to do that here though.

I know this is not very clear, but the simple answer is that I need to feel that power and control more of the time. IT makes me stronger, and frankly is a huge turn on for me. I am a pretty independant person and I take care of certain things that I feel he shouldn't have to be responsible for. But I feel when I give my submission to a Dom, they do take on some responsibility to care for and nurture that gift and that isn't happening here very well.

I love him, and will never leave him. I am his for as long as he wants me to be. But our M/s side of the relatonship needs some tweaking.

Please don't everyone jump on me and tell me all the things that I am supposed to be doing, or should be doing to make him feel more dominant, or how Im not a good sub, because I need something from him, etc. I've been through it all, and tried it all, and I beat myself up on a daily basis because I can't be what I think he needs me to be. So be nice lol.

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RE: i know that - 12/13/2007 12:55:38 PM

SailingBum

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Thanks for the reply it enlightened me. Good luck with your relationship.

BadOne

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Post #: 33

RE: i know that - 12/13/2007 6:32:29 PM

Noah

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic

Must admit the ones I have some problems with are the Dominant's who insist they must have access to their sub's email. To me that seems to indicate either they are not secure in themselves, or are just control freaks. Of course, some subs would like to be under control freaks. I guess those are the ones who say in their profile "watch out, my Master reads all my mail first".

The ones I have some problem with are the dominants who insist they must see their submissives in the nude. To me that seems to indicate that they are not secure in themselves (worried about hidden weapons or lovebites from another partner or spiteful graffitti or something), or are just control freaks. Of course some subs want to be under control freaks. I guess those are the ones whose profiles say "I will take off my clothes if you ask me to."

Now, which set of contentions is more inane? Mine or SirDominic's?

I think it is a draw.

There are all kinds of nakedness. Dropping your knickers is one, sharing your passwords is another. Some people will get a kick out of any particular form of nakedness. Some will take it for granted. Some will abhor and avoid it in favor of another kind of nakedness.

If Joes tells Louise to give him her passwords, how can you form an impression without ever even meeting either of these people as to whether he is thinking about unfaithfulness and is insecure, or whether instead he is insightfully recognizing that this kind of surrender will give Louise that wonderful, vulnerable-and-yet-safe feeling that helps her center herself and genuinely enjoy life?

A person can have a perfectly adequate and healthy set of emotional boundaries without one of them being "you'll get my email password when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers".

A person can insist on another person's passwords from a position of security, strength and even benevolence, just as well as from a position of insecurity and meanness; just as well as from a position of pragmatic consideration of issues outsiders are unfamiliar with; just as well as from a position of a carefree mutual desire to deepen intimacy.

On what basis would one presuppose one before another in the case of a couple of strangers?

There's an old book which says: We see the world not as it is, but as we are.

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RE: i know that - 12/13/2007 6:54:13 PM

DesFIP

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There isn't anything wrong with it if you both are fine with it. Except that everybody you exchange email with may be thinking that their mail will be private. So if your sister tells you of a health concern or about a marital problem, and asks you not to tell anyone, you can't keep that promise. Do you then write back and say he already knows because he reads all your mail?

Do you tell all your correspondents not to write you anything they don't want him to know? Because that's a courtesy you ought to offer them. Now most people are aware that partners living together will share info with each other, but they also expect that if they ask you not to share something until after the medical tests are conclusive, that you won't tell.

If you're talking kink sites with people you don't know in real life, I think there's less expectation of privacy. But personal mail is tricky.

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RE: i know that - 12/13/2007 7:03:53 PM

Aylee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

every relationship is different just like people. What i am wondering is, if you are in a M/s relationship or you are property. If your Dominant trusts you what is wrong with your Dominant having access to your E-mail address? i was not asked to, but i volunteered my password. Just as a sign of my complete devotion to him. it actually makes me feel closer to him than ever and in my opinion enhances his control and power over me. Which i love.

Because it is a violation of the TOS to give out your password:

4.9.3. You represent and warrant that You will not disclose Your unique user name and password to any other person and that You will not provide access to the Website to anyone who is below the age of majority in Your state, province, or country, or who otherwise is not eligible to view the content on the Website.
4.9.4. You are solely responsible for maintaining the confidentiality of Your user name and password and are fully responsible for all activities that occur under Your user name and password. Our Website will not release Your password for security reasons.

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RE: i know that - 12/13/2007 7:33:30 PM

Noah

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

4.9.3. You represent and warrant that You will not disclose Your unique user name and password to any other person

Hey. A True Dominate is not just any other person

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RE: i know that - 12/13/2007 9:21:06 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

There isn't anything wrong with it if you both are fine with it. Except that everybody you exchange email with may be thinking that their mail will be private. So if your sister tells you of a health concern or about a marital problem, and asks you not to tell anyone, you can't keep that promise. Do you then write back and say he already knows because he reads all your mail?

Do you tell all your correspondents not to write you anything they don't want him to know? Because that's a courtesy you ought to offer them. Now most people are aware that partners living together will share info with each other, but they also expect that if they ask you not to share something until after the medical tests are conclusive, that you won't tell.

If you're talking kink sites with people you don't know in real life, I think there's less expectation of privacy. But personal mail is tricky.

In this day and age, assuming email is private is a grave error. To anyone who shares such things with me, they know up front that I keep nothing from my Master, and he has a right to see the mail that I receive. To any slave or submissive I correspond with, I pretty much assume their Master or Dominant is privvy to their mail.

I treat it no differently than I do with married, non D/s people. I don't ask my friends to keep secrets from their spouses, so I figure anything they think their spouse ought to know, they will share.

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