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Male versus female subs - different approach ? - 12/11/2007 1:30:54 PM

tornaway

Posts: 174
Joined: 4/14/2007
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Over time , I've come to conclude some distinct differences in the way I'm first approached by many subs - based on their gender . I've found the men/boys to generally be so much more about THEM . What THEY want me to do to THEM . What THEY wish to experience etc. And if you have a photo in your profile - especially anything remotely provocative - lookout . There often is obsession over something in the photo - a particular body part , or the pose , what you're holding - anything . So much so that they seem to forget the very PERSON behind the photo .

      While females tend to be more ready to connect with a person , and then to be as personable , agreeable and pliable as the situation requires .

      Of course , given human variables , there are exceptions on both sides . The ones of either gender that are genuinely interested in more than play scenes or merely satisfying momentary urges , are far more open to putting aside the Bdsm cravings long enough to actually form a connection first .

    Comments ?   Experiences ?   I'm most curious to hear.

Post #: 1

RE: Male versus female subs - different approach ? - 12/11/2007 1:32:08 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
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That is a pretty fair generalization, in my view.
Ron

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(in reply to tornaway)

Post #: 2

RE: Male versus female subs - different approach ? - 12/11/2007 2:21:58 PM

MystressDream

Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
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I couldn't agree with this more. It is why it is so frustrating to find a man who is submissive or a slave. The VAST majority are "do me" bottoms or are looking for us to fulfill their online fantasy.

Women tend to think with their hearts and emotions. Men tend to think with a certain part of their anatomy. NOT ALL.... but, enough to make it a common problem. Finding that submissive man in the masses is truely a treasure.

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RE: Male versus female subs - different approach ? - 12/11/2007 2:23:01 PM

MzMia

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Dang it where is Mistress Do Me, when you need her?

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(in reply to MystressDream)

Post #: 4

RE: Male versus female subs - different approach ? - 12/11/2007 2:27:39 PM

unravel

Posts: 90
Joined: 9/3/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MystressDream

Women tend to think with their hearts and emotions. Men tend to think with a certain part of their anatomy. NOT ALL.... but, enough to make it a common problem. Finding that submissive man in the masses is truely a treasure.

i really avoid generalizations as i do not see them adding much to most intellectual debates, and coming from my own male submissive perspective of course i feel i am different and not like the others blah blah blah, but i think the way You say it MystressDream, "enough to make it a common problem", sounds like a very good summary of the situation You Dominant may encounter. Very good wording that i will take note of. So thanks for that:)
unravel

(in reply to MystressDream)

Post #: 5

RE: Male versus female subs - different approach ? - 12/11/2007 2:32:01 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

Interesting concept to consider here.

The actual ratios of Dommes and actual male submissives are about equal. The oversupply myth is only dealing with a bunch of excess bottoms that muddle it all up.

The Dommes have no more advantage in seeking that the male dom female sub thing.

Realizing that may knock egos down a peg or two. I'd say-use the bottoms for all they will give you-they pretty much deserve that for thier selfishness.

But be careful-while you are busy shoveling all of that shit-a pearl may escape your notice.

(in reply to unravel)

Post #: 6

RE: Male versus female subs - different approach ? - 12/11/2007 2:44:35 PM

liks2plzlf

Posts: 390
Joined: 7/21/2005
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Since there is an overwhelming amount of male subs to dominants, may I conclude from this, that a real, devoted, what please's you, sub/slaves, are not as easy to find? From the conservations I have had with dominant women, this seems to be the rule rather than the exception. It seems like almost all the profiles of Dominants, have something about 'do me lists, or laundry lists', from the male subs. How can one assure his sincerity!

(in reply to unravel)

Post #: 7

RE: Male versus female subs - different approach ? - 12/11/2007 2:47:24 PM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

Eh... I tend to normally be rather judgemental of male submissives at a whole. That's almost entirely because I get to see my Owner's Collarme mail a lot. Of course, I've also seen her badgered by many, many stupid female subs as well who might as well fall into the stereotype of male submissives. The fact is, there are people within both genders and all orientations who are just in the lifestyle to fullfill fantasies, have a kinky one night stand, and move on. So far, when it comes to my personal email box.... I've got messages from Dommes who want to steal me, Doms who want to "borrow" me, Male subs who want my spot, and Female subs who want to switch so they can steal me. Of these, the Dommes are generally by far the worst. They're seemingly illiterate, enslaved by their own desires, and mostly illiterate.

In truth, when you combine my experience with my emails with the kind of stuff in my Owner's emails...you get a more balanced perspective. It's not a problem that's limited to gender.

That being said, if we must fall into stereotypes, then I'm totally a female sub! ...Well, it really depends on my Owner's mood. :-p

(in reply to unravel)

Post #: 8

RE: Male versus female subs - different approach ? - 12/11/2007 3:07:24 PM

Blyght

Posts: 78
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I have found that if I look for a person that has amazingly magical chemistry with me as a person, the [bdsm, d/s, sadomasochism, fill-in-your-own-personal-blank-here] can come later on. I never usually look for someone who categorizes or defines themselves as submissive in personality or nature, because it is too difficult to pin down one specific definition of 'submissive' in terms of relationships for my tastes.

Trying to fly my own freak flag and see who salutes it. Seems to work for me. And yes, males seem much more focused on the visual aspects of their world.

< Message edited by Blyght -- 12/11/2007 3:13:05 PM >

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RE: Male versus female subs - different approach ? - 12/11/2007 3:09:11 PM

SageFemmexx

Posts: 240
Joined: 1/2/2007
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Tornaway, I think you are absolutely right in your observation. I constantly get the emails from male subs trying to dictate what I will do to them and what fulfills their particular fantasy or fetish.

What really amazes me are the ones that start screaming they MUST verify my gender by allowing them to interview me on my webcam. If I refuse--I must be male!! Afterall, why else would I refuse to "satisfy" their "need" to validate my gender?

Female subs are usually more personable, interested in establishing a relationship and having something in common other than my boobs in my profile pic--so yes, males definitely obsess on body parts too.

Blessings and Be Well,

(in reply to Shawn1066)

Post #: 10

RE: Male versus female subs - different approach ? - 12/11/2007 3:10:01 PM

thetammyjo

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While I can say that in general I've seen differences similar to what you describe, I know that those people (regardless of sex or gender) who ended up in a training contract with me all had the same approach: serious about learning, willing to bend to my process, and with a willingness to think deeply about themselves and me before the contract was even signed.

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(in reply to tornaway)

Post #: 11

RE: Male versus female subs - different approach ? - 12/11/2007 4:30:24 PM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
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I agree 100%!!! Most sub men are all about themselves. Most females are more inclined to start a bonding or friendship before anything takes place. But this subby approached his domme as a female would. My intro was all about my skills and things I've learned in the past to better serve a domme and what positive things I could bring to Her life. I put my interests in the letter as well, but that was to see if we had things in common. Add the fact that I was looking for a long-term, monogamous relationship, too. What can I say? We're a perfectly matched couple.

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(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 12

RE: Male versus female subs - different approach ? - 12/11/2007 6:30:50 PM

sammiebabygirl

Posts: 465
Joined: 10/23/2004
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MystressDream

Men tend to think with a certain part of their anatomy. NOT ALL.... but, enough to make it a common problem. Finding that submissive man in the masses is truely a treasure.

It is not just submissive men who think with that part of their anatomy. I just posted this in another thread.

Here is an example:

"You seem like you would be the perfect sub/wife."

Why do you say that?, I ask.

"Because you have the beauty and grace of a goddess".

Huh??????

jen

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(in reply to MystressDream)

Post #: 13

RE: Male versus female subs - different approach ? - 12/11/2007 6:45:44 PM

YesMistressIrish

Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: liks2plzlf

Since there is an overwhelming amount of male subs to dominants, may I conclude from this, that a real, devoted, what please's you, sub/slaves, are not as easy to find? From the conservations I have had with dominant women, this seems to be the rule rather than the exception. It seems like almost all the profiles of Dominants, have something about 'do me lists, or laundry lists', from the male subs. How can one assure his sincerity!

Persistence.

(in reply to liks2plzlf)

Post #: 14

RE: Male versus female subs - different approach ? - 12/11/2007 6:48:57 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: YesMistressIrish

quote:

ORIGINAL: liks2plzlf
How can one assure his sincerity!

Persistence.

<scratches head> So if she doesn't respond to the introductory email with the laundry lists, just keep resending it?

;-)

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to YesMistressIrish)

Post #: 15

RE: Male versus female subs - different approach ? - 12/11/2007 11:14:14 PM

KindLadyGrey

Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline

I don't even have a hot picture up and I get messages from so many of these loons! I just ignore them. I've also met some genuinely sweet boys here. I wouldn't say that boys in general are more prone to such annoyingness, as I would say that boys who troll the internet are prone to such annoyingness. It seems to me that the signal/noise ratio is much better in real world contexts.

IMHO, this sort of thing falls into the category of "People are dumb on the internets!"

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 16

RE: Male versus female subs - different approach ? - 12/12/2007 7:31:26 AM

ItalianSMistress

Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
Status: offline

You know, I read this thread, and I have a slightly different opinion. Dont get Me wrong, I know those boys that send the list of what they want done, like they are booking a Pro session, but I find many of the female slaves have an approach just as stupid. I get a fair number of femslaves sending one line or sometimes one word messages with just a nude shot. WTF? If you can not send a thought out interesting messages, I really dont care if you have a pussy or not.

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(in reply to KindLadyGrey)

Post #: 17

RE: Male versus female subs - different approach ? - 12/12/2007 8:47:54 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Many submales are in fact bottoms and some of them do have "do me" written across their forehead. Some are geniune and those are the ones you really have to dig for. If they approach me in a gentleman manner I will converse with them but if they start the "show me your tits" crap I put them right on block and move along.

Now I've found with subfems that immediately upon finding out I have a submale, they go into the "I can take more pain than he can!" or "Well since I am the female I'd be the alpha slave"...wrong answer! I am a NO drama Domme, I wll not have competing subs and by starting this shit during the interview stage it shows me I don't even want to bother meeting them.So I have stopped interviewing subs and am quite content with the one male that I have. I think in the long run it will be a lot less frustrating.

~Lashra

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(in reply to ItalianSMistress)

Post #: 18

RE: Male versus female subs - different approach ? - 12/12/2007 11:08:36 AM

hands0n0knees

Posts: 80
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

If a man has decided to send you a message it implies that he has an active/aggressive nature. It's all the sub men who are too passive to contact you to begin with that may be less likely to make demands for themselves. I receive more messages than I send on here for that reason. I tend to get immature, unlettered propositions from males and females in equal measure.

quote:

Women tend to think with their hearts and emotions. Men tend to think with a certain part of their anatomy.

I don't doubt the validity of your experience, but it could be modelled in so many different ways. Your explanation is a specious hierarchy of intellectual sensitivity. Perhaps -- I'll join in with the generalising games -- men are just a lot more certain and confident than women. Perhaps they aren't the sexually repressed ones; women often mistake sexual desire for something 'emotional' (whatever that is) because they are more likely to feel ashamed about their sexuality and place unfounded and invented value upon emotional connections. Perhaps men have less respect for you than women do: possibly because of a perverted gender solidarity or possibly latent sexism on the part of the men. We could, of course, go on; but I am sure that it's not as simple as males being mindless sex addicts and females being mature and contemplative.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 19

RE: Male versus female subs - different approach ? - 12/12/2007 11:19:55 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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I have observed the behavior of either gender depends on the the Domme. Both male and female submissives respond to me in the same way. Either will try to run roughshod over your expectations if you let them.

Men are visual- expect that and you won't be surprised when it happens.
I found fem-subs to be more manipulative and being a female myself, I could spot it a mile away :)

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I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to tornaway)

Post #: 20

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