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ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

I'm going to repost what I wrote yesterday in the other thread that's also active about how to find a Domme.

Since you asked about the size issue - it's no more an issue than when dating vanilla.   For some folks it will be an issue; for others it won't.   But realistically - the pics you have posted are very unflattering - both of you and of what appears to be your home.  You know better than to be unshaven and wearing a baseball cap on a first date, right?   You also wouldn't invite someone over and not have your home company-ready clean.  Clean yourself up, put on an outfit that's appropriate for a nice evening out with a Lady (think business casual - nice slacks, button down shirt - clothes that fit properly and are clean and pressed are more important than how expensive they are), and pay attention to your environment. 

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Alot of novice subs seem to have a fantasy that a beautiful, experienced Domme (who happens to have an in-home dungeon and dress in nothing but fetish wear) will swoop down, scoop them up, and play with the sub in EXACTLY the way the sub fantasizes about, with little to no effort on the sub's part to make that happen.

Warning:  rude awakening ahead:   this scenario not going to happen.

You are not going to find a Domme willing to put in the huge amount of time and effort required on her part to teach you everything about BDSM and the lifestyle, with little to no personal effort and investment on your part.  

So what's a novice to do? 

Lose the attitude that it's someone else's job to teach you about all of this, and take responsibility for the fact that if you're interested in learning about something, then it's ultimately your job to start pursuing that knowledge.   Read books on BDSM.   Get involved in your local scene and go to educational functions.   Meet people and be friendly with them (i.e. don't act like the horny creep who is always trolling for wanking material).  Use that knowledge to start understanding where you fit into all of this, and what you have to offer in a potential relationship beyond the fantasy-driven statements like "I'll do anything" and "I'm very oral".   Eventually through your forays into the local scene, if you're a decent and sincere person, you'll probably meet Dommes who are willing to explore relationship options with you.

Even with your efforts though - be aware that there are far fewer Dommes out there than there are male subs.  There is NO guarantee you'll be able to find a Domme for a long-term relationship - it's really difficult to find someone that you mesh with on a vanilla level as well as a kink level.   Just like there's no guarantee if you were pursuing a vanilla relationship and marriage, that you would be able to find the perfectly compatible person for that.

Now don't get me wrong.  People do meet up and have BDSM relationships.   But it doesn't happen overnight and it doesn't happen with no effort.

Not interested in spending time and effort learning on your own, and not seeking a relationship?   Sure, there's an Option B - pay a prodomme for her time for a more hands-on approach. 

But understand that ultimately, your ability to be successful in exploring something you want to explore depends on YOU, and how much investment YOU want to put into it.   You put nothing into it - that's exactly what you'll get out of it.

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Look, with a few exceptions, none of us here on CM are drop dead gorgeous.

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ORIGINAL: NotNutsReally

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Look, with a few exceptions, none of us here on CM are drop dead gorgeous.

Speak for yourself. haha

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I have met so many great subs with hopes of getting to know them and the min I say I am a BBW poof they stop responding. Can't even send a messaging saying "Thanks but no thanks I'm not interested."

Almost makes a Domme say to hell with it all and just forget about it and go back to the vanilla lifestyle.

Miriah