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Am I doing the right thing? - 12/12/2007 9:33:04 AM

kittyinpink

Posts: 83
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

So about a month ago I came across an ex's profile on collarme. He and I had a vanilla relationship together, discussed a D/s relationship but broke up before we could work that out. Last time I talked to him I mentioned this site and how I was now persuing BDSM on my own. His profile is filled with complete falsehoods... not his weight or frivilous things like that but claiming to be an expert in many things and claiming to have had ten years of training. He and I had a long enough relationship where I know neither of these are true.

My reaction has been to ignore it. So maybe it's all this talk about bad experiences with lieing Doms that has got me wondering... Am I doing the right thing? Do I owe it to some poor naive sub girl to confront him? Part of me wants to blow it off, but the other part of me realizes the potential for him to really injure someone... My gut continues to say "forget it" but I want to make sure I'm not doing something terrible by continuing to ignore it

_____________________________

He knew he should leave
That this could only turn cold
She was a bad bad girl
So he told her so

http://youralice.livejournal.com/

Post #: 1

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 12/12/2007 9:37:38 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Haven't you posted this once or twice before?

I understand your concern, but seems to me anyone could ferret out the deceit fairly easily with only a modicum of intelligence....not alot you can do according to TOS or willful impudence.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to kittyinpink)

Post #: 2

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 12/12/2007 9:39:07 AM

kittyinpink

Posts: 83
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Haven't you posted this once or twice before?

Yeah, once to make fun it... Now because I feel guilty.

edited to say: Knowing him I know if I called up and said "Listen, you could really hurt someone" he would most likely either delete his profile or change it. He thinks bdsm is a big joke. But that's not something I want to do unless the general consensus it would be the "right" thing to do

< Message edited by kittyinpink -- 12/12/2007 9:41:57 AM >

_____________________________

He knew he should leave
That this could only turn cold
She was a bad bad girl
So he told her so

http://youralice.livejournal.com/

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 3

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 12/12/2007 9:42:24 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

Let it go....no one here needs rescuing

Jeff

(in reply to kittyinpink)

Post #: 4

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 12/12/2007 9:53:14 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittyinpink

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Haven't you posted this once or twice before?

Yeah, once to make fun it... Now because I feel guilty.

edited to say: Knowing him I know if I called up and said "Listen, you could really hurt someone" he would most likely either delete his profile or change it. He thinks bdsm is a big joke. But that's not something I want to do unless the general consensus it would be the "right" thing to do

if he thinks bdsm is a big joke as you say, he is not going to follow thru on meeting anyone and no one is going to get hurt....and if he does follow thru, well, we are all adults here on this site...and unless i am mistaken, there are no white knights or superheros....as Jeff said...let it go...it's not your cross to bear...it's not your job to rescue anyone...

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to kittyinpink)

Post #: 5

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 12/12/2007 10:02:16 AM

kittyinpink

Posts: 83
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

So far I'm in agreement. My feeling has generally been that it's not my business I don't owe it to anyone to "save" them... I guess I was wondering if that makes me an Asshole or a realist...

_____________________________

He knew he should leave
That this could only turn cold
She was a bad bad girl
So he told her so

http://youralice.livejournal.com/

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 6

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 12/12/2007 10:04:44 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

It makes you someone who can't let go.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to kittyinpink)

Post #: 7

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 12/12/2007 10:17:24 AM

HRGreyDragon

Posts: 47
Joined: 6/2/2005
Status: offline

He is an ex for a reason, you found out his weakness so will the next girl. She will grow from it as you will.

It will do you nor anyone eles any good trying to out him. He will out himself. and it would mostlikely hurt you more in any case. Move on and forget about him, he should no longer be a part of your life he had his chance, and blew it off.

(in reply to kittyinpink)

Post #: 8

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 12/12/2007 12:05:09 PM

mercurialis

Posts: 61
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline

If it really bothers you, report the profile. Which of course will likely result in absolutely nothing happening, but it would at least give you the satisfaction of doing that.

You should ignore this, because it is not your problem. It would be impossible to either change what his profile says, or to warn everyone who comes in contact with him. Could someone get hurt? Well, if he actually tries to do something dangerous that he has no clue how do to, certainly. But that's the responsibility of him and anyone who decides to meet with him, not yours.

The thing is, there are so many crazy/stupid/naive people who think BDSM is an awesome idea and they would love to try it....and you really can't stop or warn all of them, so don't even try. Sometimes though, you get lucky and pull a Darwin award out of it.

(in reply to HRGreyDragon)

Post #: 9

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 12/12/2007 12:44:31 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

How would anything you do actually change what he does? He won't stop lying unless he wants to. In the end, the truth will come out.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to kittyinpink)

Post #: 10

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 12/12/2007 1:28:13 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittyinpink

But that's not something I want to do unless the general consensus it would be the "right" thing to do

Okay, color me curious...why do you need the "general consensus" to make a decision? None of the posters (unless I'm mistaken) have to lay their head on your pillow at night. None of them are going to pay the consequences of your actions or inactions, as the case may be.

I agree with the "general consensus" that you should just let it alone, but I don't have a vested interest in the outcome. Maybe some "poor naive sub girl" will come along and whip him in to shape, but I don't see where the outcome concerns you at all...unless she comes along to ask the "general consensus" about whether or not the person in question is the Domliest of Doms.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to kittyinpink)

Post #: 11

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 12/12/2007 5:37:01 PM

SirDom2000

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

Hi,
You are doing the right thing to ignor his attempt to be somebody he is not. Lies are tools of the incompetent which all subs, with their kneen intuition will soon realize.

(in reply to kittyinpink)

Post #: 12

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 12/12/2007 6:43:23 PM

angelslave77

Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

Kitty I do see your dilema, my ex still chats in the same room as me (we did know each other r/t) and whenever I see him trolling some poor niave newbie...just like I was when he trolled me, I want to warn her BUT it is none of my business, we all have to make our own mistakes.

If you step in however well intentioned, you look like a jealous ex, although I do understad that may not be the case at all.

Best advice is let it go

(in reply to SirDom2000)

Post #: 13

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 12/12/2007 6:56:32 PM

goodgirl08

Posts: 145
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline

I think you should say something about it. I would. But, he's probably not going to do anything about it.

There's a QUOTE Dom UNQUOTE who trolls this site in my area who is actually engaged to a unbelievably sweet, unsuspecting girl who he lives with on weekends only. I found his 'real' profile on Myspace. She posted pictures of their engagement ring

soooo sad. I really wanted to say something because she's basically living a lie, but how do you do that??

(in reply to angelslave77)

Post #: 14

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 12/12/2007 7:26:38 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirl08

I think you should say something about it. I would. But, he's probably not going to do anything about it.

There's a QUOTE Dom UNQUOTE who trolls this site in my area who is actually engaged to a unbelievably sweet, unsuspecting girl who he lives with on weekends only. I found his 'real' profile on Myspace. She posted pictures of their engagement ring soooo sad. I really wanted to say something because she's basically living a lie, but how do you do that??

You do not know what she is living or not living unless you have specifically spoken with her about what you know. She may know all about his activities. I have had people email me things that they thought I did not know about to either try to "help" me or because they were being catty... the point is I did know the information that they provided me with. We travel a slippery slope when we mess in other people's business, because only they know what is really up in their own lives.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to goodgirl08)

Post #: 15

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 12/12/2007 7:35:32 PM

kittyinpink

Posts: 83
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittyinpink

But that's not something I want to do unless the general consensus it would be the "right" thing to do

Okay, color me curious...why do you need the "general consensus" to make a decision? None of the posters (unless I'm mistaken) have to lay their head on your pillow at night. None of them are going to pay the consequences of your actions or inactions, as the case may be.

I guess I felt like I was being coldhearted by not caring... the sudden 'guilt' popped up today, and then went away as quickly as it came. If I would have known I'd just stop caring again, I probably wouldn't have posted

And I don't need confimation from others, but I like knowing that my "Haha! Sucks to be you" attitude is shared by others.

_____________________________

He knew he should leave
That this could only turn cold
She was a bad bad girl
So he told her so

http://youralice.livejournal.com/

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 16

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 12/12/2007 7:50:20 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

I'm glad you feel that way...and any submissive he comes across will either be too inexperienced not to notice and learn along with him or she will call him on being full of it. There are, of course, several other scenarios that could happen, but in the end...it's her problem.

If I were you, I'd block his profile so you don't have to look at it and feel any pangs of guilt that might bubble up from time to time.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to kittyinpink)

Post #: 17

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 12/12/2007 7:55:22 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Am I doing the right thing? Do I owe it to some poor naive sub girl to confront him? Part of me wants to blow it off, but the other part of me realizes the potential for him to really injure someone... My gut continues to say "forget it" but I want to make sure I'm not doing something terrible by continuing to ignore it

Why do you think that some poor naive sub girl needs saving? What are you going to do? Take out a full page ad in the newspaper of his home town and warn all the poor lost souls away?

Not your business; my advice is stay out of it.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to kittyinpink)

Post #: 18

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 12/12/2007 8:46:07 PM

Typcynic

Posts: 27
Joined: 4/27/2004
Status: offline

At the risk of being flamed, I'm going to take the contrarian view. This guy is an asshole and such people should always be called to task. The biggest problem with the internet is that people lie with no consequence other than to instill a sense of jadedness in their victims. These victims then treat everyone as liers, even when told the truth. That hurts us all, so we should care, even if there isn't much we can actually do about it.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 19

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 12/12/2007 9:22:31 PM

goodgirl08

Posts: 145
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirl08

I think you should say something about it. I would. But, he's probably not going to do anything about it.

There's a QUOTE Dom UNQUOTE who trolls this site in my area who is actually engaged to a unbelievably sweet, unsuspecting girl who he lives with on weekends only. I found his 'real' profile on Myspace. She posted pictures of their engagement ring soooo sad. I really wanted to say something because she's basically living a lie, but how do you do that??

You do not know what she is living or not living unless you have specifically spoken with her about what you know. She may know all about his activities. I have had people email me things that they thought I did not know about to either try to "help" me or because they were being catty... the point is I did know the information that they provided me with. We travel a slippery slope when we mess in other people's business, because only they know what is really up in their own lives.

Nope, I'm pretty sure she has no idea for a number of reasons. Besides, if she already knew his actitivities, then everything would be fine, and she might be slightly put off that I contacted her. I don't think I'm going to, but I've thought a lot about it.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 20

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