Dominant Partners not good for LTR?

Dominant Partners not good for LTR? (Full Version)

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kittyinpink -> Dominant Partners not good for LTR? (12/12/2007 9:59:06 AM)
I came across a section in my Social Psychology text on Dominance that i thought was ummm... interesting. "Although women are initially atrracted to dominant and competitive males, such men are not particularly pleasant to live with. Women in long-term relationships with traditionally masculine men are less satisfied than women in relationships with more feminine or androgynous men." My professor decided to skip this section, so what do you think?

AquaticSub -> RE: Dominant Partners not good for LTR? (12/12/2007 10:09:15 AM)
I'd need to know how they define traditionally masculine men.

mylittlesub -> RE: Dominant Partners not good for LTR? (12/12/2007 10:10:11 AM)
I think if two people enter into a relationship openly, honestly, and self-aware, that certainly a relationship for a woman with a dominant man is definitely possible to sustain long term. However, I think attitudes such as expressed in your pysch text are not unusual, mainly because women in general (and yes, I know I may be flamed here) aren't as self-aware and as open-minded as they should be before going into a relationship, and many are victims of our society's push to believe we are to expect nothing less than a Prince Charming in an Armani suit. Yet too often we're unwilling or unable to recognize our own shortcomings and inability to compromise. All that being said - I do think that the beauty of this 'lifestyle' allows us, hopefully, to overcome those societal pressures of what 'normal' should be, and enables us to explore our interests including likes and dislikes, and WHY we enjoy a dominant personality rather than simply accepting "that's how a man should be" or some other such nonsense. If we understand the why of something within our likes, perhaps then it won't be such a shock to our day-to-day structure and we can make any relationship work... Even a Dominant/submissive one. smile ...just my two cents.

Dnomyar -> RE: Dominant Partners not good for LTR? (12/12/2007 10:16:03 AM)
So women would be happy if their husbands were corssdressers??

FRSguy -> RE: Dominant Partners not good for LTR? (12/12/2007 10:27:42 AM)
I can see why he skipped that section.

Rover -> RE: Dominant Partners not good for LTR? (12/12/2007 10:27:58 AM)
Statements such as that may or may not be accurate as a general statement for all women in society (there is no accompanying statistical data to support such a contention, though it may exist). But let's face it folks, submissive women in power exchange relationships on not representative of all women in society. Nor are Dominant women, for that matter (though some of them may find feminine/androgynous men more appealing). In other words, it really has no relevance. John

RumpusParable -> RE: Dominant Partners not good for LTR? (12/12/2007 10:33:11 AM)
If memory serves correctly, that conclusion was based on a study of the scale from hypermasculinity to hyperfemininity and it's effects on relationships. The meaning of "dominant" as used there is not the same as how it is used in BDSM and PE situations, but rather as we tend to refer to as "domineering". The men being referred to were those that take it to the point of negatively controlling, distrusting and somewhat degrading females in non-PE relationships. In the study, females were found to be happiest long-term with those more moderate (or "androgyonous") or more considerate ("feminine") than these types of males. The use of "masculine", "androgynous", and "feminine" was using highly stereotyped and extreme traits, not actually referring to average gender expectations or behaviors. It can be misleading to someone just reading the summary (or this post). For example, many of the very dominant and traditional-householded males on these boards (or who I personally know in meatlife) would fall into the androgynous or feminine reaches of the scale used. Perhaps it's not based on the same study as I'm familiar with, if not then disregard. But that's the case with the one I've seen tied to that conclusion.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Dominant Partners not good for LTR? (12/12/2007 11:09:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RumpusParable If memory serves correctly, that conclusion was based on a study of the scale from hypermasculinity to hyperfemininity and it's effects on relationships. The meaning of "dominant" as used there is not the same as how it is used in BDSM and PE situations, but rather as we tend to refer to as "domineering". The men being referred to were those that take it to the point of negatively controlling, distrusting and somewhat degrading females in non-PE relationships. In the study, females were found to be happiest long-term with those more moderate (or "androgyonous") or more considerate ("feminine") than these types of males. The use of "masculine", "androgynous", and "feminine" was using highly stereotyped and extreme traits, not actually referring to average gender expectations or behaviors. It can be misleading to someone just reading the summary (or this post). For example, many of the very dominant and traditional-householded males on these boards (or who I personally know in meatlife) would fall into the androgynous or feminine reaches of the scale used. Perhaps it's not based on the same study as I'm familiar with, if not then disregard. But that's the case with the one I've seen tied to that conclusion. You stole my thunder but you are right...I remember the hullabaloo that went down when that study initially came out and it was found that a majority of the funding came from very liberal groups. These groups are of the type that are not all that interested in differentiating between a "dominant" man and a "domineering" man...nor for that matter, between a "submissive" woman and a doormat, as their viewpoint tends to lean towards the idea that any woman who defers to her male partner and/or lets him lead the way is somehow a doormat or a "victim" of some kind of masculine abuse.

juliaoceania -> RE: Dominant Partners not good for LTR? (12/12/2007 11:09:40 AM)
I believe that the sort of "dominant" they are talking about would not be what I consider "dominant"

MistressNoName -> RE: Dominant Partners not good for LTR? (12/12/2007 11:15:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kittyinpink I came across a section in my Social Psychology text on Dominance that i thought was ummm... interesting. "Although women are initially atrracted to dominant and competitive males, such men are not particularly pleasant to live with. Women in long-term relationships with traditionally masculine men are less satisfied than women in relationships with more feminine or androgynous men." My professor decided to skip this section, so what do you think? I agree. It's a very "interesting" statement. Just curious, was the author quoting someone else or was this the author's finding based upon research? At any rate, it seems like a highly subjective opinion and it's too bad your professor wimped out on discussing it. Could've made for a rousing class discussion. MNN

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Dominant Partners not good for LTR? (12/12/2007 12:35:48 PM)
Pretty stereotypical about both men and women...as well as sexist. But then, we're reading it out of context. Master Fire

angelique510 -> RE: Dominant Partners not good for LTR? (12/12/2007 12:47:50 PM)
I would have to say that the study was compleatly PC BS. My previous relationships were pretty much egalitarian. They did not last long, because if he wouldn't be the man of the house, I had to be. Somebody has to fill that role. I cannot have repect for a man who lets me wear the pants on the house. I want a man who is 100% man. Only then can I be 100% female. The dancing analogy had often been made. One partner has to lead, the other has to follow. If they are both trying to lead, they'll just end up tripping over each other. If they both try to follow, they'll just stand there and not get anywhere. But that is my opinon. Maybe society has degenerated to the point that women today want pussy whipped men. It is very sad that men have allowed this to occur. ~A

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Dominant Partners not good for LTR? (12/12/2007 1:35:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kittyinpink I came across a section in my Social Psychology text on Dominance that i thought was ummm... interesting. "Although women are initially atrracted to dominant and competitive males, such men are not particularly pleasant to live with. Women in long-term relationships with traditionally masculine men are less satisfied than women in relationships with more feminine or androgynous men." My professor decided to skip this section, so what do you think? Are we talking traditionally masculine men of Western Culture or what here. I'm going to express something now on this thread, and I know I may take heat from it. The Majority of so called Dom personalities suffer from a lack of self awareness or awareness of others. Basically, a lot of insecure narcissistic bully types that are classified as being dominant. Simply because dominant is the best label to fit them under. I believe in all fairness, this topic is a bit like a can of worms. Once it's opened up, there is much to talk about not only in terms of relationship dynamics, and personalities but also from cultural mindsets. There are simply put, Dominant assholes and Dominants that are not assholes. Many times weakness is mistaken for strength. Personality typing by no means is an indication of concepts such as knowledge, experience, wisdom nor intelligence. If you ask me the Question at hand "Although women are initially atrracted to dominant and competitive males, such men are not particularly pleasant to live with. Women in long-term relationships with traditionally masculine men are less satisfied than women in relationships with more feminine or androgynous men." does not address the real issues. If I had to write an essay on this, I would first have to devote time addressing the short comings of the question itself. Your professor was smart enough to skip the topic for this very reason. I can see this topic itself being a class or course of study in itself.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Dominant Partners not good for LTR? (12/12/2007 7:46:32 PM)
Like all stereotypes there's some basis in reality. This explains why we get so many threads and complaints about fems/subs who just want an asshole and not someone who acts politely or gentlemanly. The reality IMO is that most sub women want men who are both gentlemen and assholes in the way that turns them on the most. They tend to want dominance, but not to the point of blindness and inability to see where their dominance PREVENTS constructive work rather than enables it.

kitttty -> RE: Dominant Partners not good for LTR? (12/12/2007 8:16:47 PM)
I have sexually dominant men to have a variety of personalities from doormats to nice guys to psychopaths.

GlowingEye -> RE: Dominant Partners not good for LTR? (12/12/2007 8:45:37 PM)
In my extremely limited experience, I've found that women and girls tend to be (even more) catty towards each other if they are seen as "submissive", whether they are or not. This tends to carry over into other relationships, including those with men. And of course, some people don't want to admit the truth of how they feel for various reasons.

DominaSmartass -> RE: Dominant Partners not good for LTR? (12/12/2007 9:30:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RumpusParable If memory serves correctly, that conclusion was based on a study of the scale from hypermasculinity to hyperfemininity and it's effects on relationships. The meaning of "dominant" as used there is not the same as how it is used in BDSM and PE situations, but rather as we tend to refer to as "domineering". The men being referred to were those that take it to the point of negatively controlling, distrusting and somewhat degrading females in non-PE relationships. In the study, females were found to be happiest long-term with those more moderate (or "androgyonous") or more considerate ("feminine") than these types of males. The use of "masculine", "androgynous", and "feminine" was using highly stereotyped and extreme traits, not actually referring to average gender expectations or behaviors. It can be misleading to someone just reading the summary (or this post). For example, many of the very dominant and traditional-householded males on these boards (or who I personally know in meatlife) would fall into the androgynous or feminine reaches of the scale used. Perhaps it's not based on the same study as I'm familiar with, if not then disregard. But that's the case with the one I've seen tied to that conclusion. Can I just say that you are the cutest blue haired sociologist I've ever seen? ;) I remember this from an interpersonal communication class I took and was going to say the same thing. Thanks for doing it better than I would have.

daddyncherry -> RE: Dominant Partners not good for LTR? (12/12/2007 9:37:39 PM)
i can totally see where that could be true.... i have lived with traditionally masculine men that were vanilla dominant....and that was wrought with unhappiness...as well as alot of happiness...but that bad out weighed the good. i lived for many years with a non-dominant...non-submissive guy who was totally in touch with his inner child, his feminine side you could say....but not feminine by any means.....He just didn't have dominant characteristics....and was mostly my best buddy.Not great when you are a submissive girl. Living with my Daddy for the last year and change hasn't been easy...he is totally alpha male. Mr. Sports...doesn't understand alot of what makes me as a girl tick (decorating, baking yadda yadda)....Can be distant and aloof....you know, alot of the typical traits that people joke about guys....Just a Man man. This hasn't been an easy adjustment, esp after guy B up there....and my Daddy told me early on that he was difficult. Not a single one of them is perfect....the vanilla alpha dude...the non-alpha buddy/hubby....the Dominant/Daddy/Master.....damn good thing too, cause gawd knows i'm not perfect either.... For a non submissive woman to be with either Guy A or C (in my example) i could imagine it would be sooo difficult...even more so that what i as a submissive woman go through.

Leatherist -> RE: Dominant Partners not good for LTR? (12/12/2007 9:50:28 PM)
Isn"t it more about what you both have together? The problem with steroetyping, is that it only gives a narrow view of a very wide continuum..

Lordandmaster -> RE: Dominant Partners not good for LTR? (12/12/2007 9:57:20 PM)
It can be hard to maintain a long-term relationship with a dom because they don't tolerate any bullshit, and vanilla men do.

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