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Erectile Dysfunction - 12/12/2007 7:37:07 PM   
Sirsinini


Posts: 172
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline 		I'd like to find out how Erectile Dysfunction weighs in for women.
 
Does it matter?
 
If it does, how do you handle it?
 
What are alternative choices?  (other than the blue pill as some cannot take related to cardiovascular disease)
 
Have you had expereinces with men who have ED and they neglected to say anything?
 
If they did say something, what was your reaction?
 
Would this matter to you in the long run?
 
 
Sir's devoted property
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Erectile Dysfunction - 12/12/2007 7:44:45 PM   
Rianne


Posts: 49
Joined: 11/30/2007
Status: offline


It matters to me, and would matter in the long run, but what would matter most is our ability to discuss it and find ways to get everyone satisfied.



(in reply to Sirsinini)
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RE: Erectile Dysfunction - 12/12/2007 7:51:10 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Erectile dysfunction matters... let me explain how it matters...

It matters because it would matter to my partner, and what matters to him is of utmost importance to me.

I have dated someone with this problem, he went out with a lot of women, and did not tell any of us his issue.. seeing it was a small town, I soon enough found out his problem... women talk when it comes to something like this.

I felt bad for him, but part of me was angry with him because he never wanted to have sex with me, but there was lots of foreplay... i was only in my 20s (he was in his early 40s), and I did not even consider it was him, I thought it was me. That is an unfair thing to do to your partner.

Basically I think that being open and honest is the only way to go. There are so many ways to be intimate in this world, and I think that when it comes to having a satisfying relationship on all levels, sexual intercourse is not the end all be all of it.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Sirsinini)
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RE: Erectile Dysfunction - 12/12/2007 7:58:24 PM   
kittyinpink


Posts: 83
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		It matters to me because I'm an extremely sexual person and also 20 y/o.  But because I tend to date older men, the issue did come up once.  I hate to admit it, but I reacted the worst way possible: crying, asking "Are you not attracted to me anymore?!", getting angry.  I did eventually come around and behave like an adult, but not before doing damage.

Even though I've learned how handle ED, but it was such a bad experience I'd prefer not to have to handle it.


_____________________________

He knew he should leave
That this could only turn cold
She was a bad bad girl
So he told her so

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(in reply to Rianne)
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RE: Erectile Dysfunction - 12/12/2007 9:03:55 PM   
exogenous


Posts: 57
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		Up until I met my former Dom and enjoyed a three year D/s relationship with him, I would not have thought I would be interested in a man with ED. I very much enjoy the sensation of VP sex and would never have thought myself to be in a relationship with a man who could not share that with me. But, that’s not the be all and end all.
 
Living on opposite coasts, ours was an online relationship for nearly 18 months before we met, and he never mentioned his ED. Our first night together, I wondered about his inability, but didn’t say anything because (a) I knew he had some health issues that may have been the cause, and (b) everything about our first night together was so wonderful, it wasn’t a big enough deal for me to bring up. To be honest, I just thought it was probably an intermittent problem for him. In no way did I feel it was a reflection of his feelings about me; his words and actions made it perfectly clear he was very pleased with me.
 
The next day he did bring up the subject. I was mildly surprised that he’d never told me he’d never be able to gain a full erection; but even in his less than full-on state he was still able to have VP sex and ejaculate. It certainly functioned well enough when I gave him oral.
 
After all the time we’d spent talking and sharing thoughts, ideas, and feelings about any and every thing the previous months, by the time we actually met in person, his ED wasn’t such a big issue. We’d spent a long time getting to know each other and I was head over heals for him. He was intelligent, funny, kind, and loved and accepted me for who I am (good and bad; as I did him). He was great at bondage, using a flogger, and other BDSM play.
 
I told him that his ED didn’t matter because there were so many different ways to fulfill both our desires, needs, and wants. He was a Dominate that I could respect and trust enough to submit my entire being. Bottom line, our relationship meant more to me than his ability to have a full erection. I would not exclude another Dom if he had ED; as long as we share compatible traits and he is as self-confident and creative as my former Dom, no problem!

(in reply to Sirsinini)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Erectile Dysfunction - 12/12/2007 9:16:51 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		I maintained a five year relationship with a sub who had ED.  He was up front about it before we ever met.  Viagra and Cialis were effective for him for a time, but gave him severe headaches within a few hours and moderate back pain the day after.  Our relationship was very intimate, comfortable and satisfying.  We also used penile extensions, dildo's and toys but not often.  Our encounters almost always resulted in sexual intercourse that was a complete rush for Me, even when he wasn't rock hard.

Our relationship ended over unrelated interpersonal issues, and had nothing to do with ED.  He simply wasn't available for the level of relationship that I wanted and needed.

I have to be perfectly honest, though. 

Now that I've moved on to a sub who does NOT have ED, the difference is amazing.  I'm thrilled every time I hold that thumping angry piece of peckerwood in My hand!  He's always aroused, and I can't tell you how much fun that is in contrast to a man with ED.

So there you have it.

TexasMaam

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to Sirsinini)
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RE: Erectile Dysfunction - 12/12/2007 9:20:35 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		If I was madly in love with someone who developed it later on in our relationship, I would deal with it.

If I met someone who upfront said it was an issue, I would choose to walk away.

It is important to me to be with someone who can screw my brains out with no problem.

Sorry if that sounds callous, but you asked.

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Erectile Dysfunction - 12/12/2007 9:22:07 PM   
venomousbride


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/2/2007
Status: offline 		Love your end quote...She Wants Revenge is great live...have you seen them? (I know this has nothing to do with the original post..sorry.)

(in reply to kittyinpink)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Erectile Dysfunction - 12/12/2007 9:43:52 PM   
Sirsinini


Posts: 172
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline 		I feel like sexyred on this issue. I was in a relationship with exDom who was up front and took viagra. I really do not know whst I would do if Sir developed ED. 
 
I asked this because a friend is dealing with this, and I just dont know what to say to her.
She wrote me back and said he cant take the blue pill.
 
For once in my life it feels awful not to be able to help a friend who has been looking for a while for a great Dom.  She's not sold on him.....but I feel so lost in what to tell her.
 
Sir's devoted property

(in reply to venomousbride)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Erectile Dysfunction - 12/12/2007 11:39:43 PM   
slaveboyforyou


Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline 		I don't find anything shallow about a woman being less inclined to be with a man afflicted with ED.  I would have a hard time dealing with a partner that was sexually frigid.

< Message edited by slaveboyforyou -- 12/12/2007 11:40:14 PM >

(in reply to Sirsinini)
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RE: Erectile Dysfunction - 12/13/2007 1:03:48 AM   
briska


Posts: 126
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline 		I feel like it's a harder issue to deal with when the man afflicted is the Dom.  Especially since some men are insecure about sex already, talking to them about it, or even them bringing it up for discussion can be difficult.  Dominant men, in atleast what i've experienced, also tend to want to just control the situation, and perhaps not necessarily admit there's a problem until the sub is packing up from lack of sex/understanding...

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Mmm... briska!

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RE: Erectile Dysfunction - 12/13/2007 5:18:28 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		i had a relationship of a little over 4 years with james.  he was functionally impotent the entire time...to the point of not achieving erection at all.  he was honest with me about that, and promised that he could "do other things" and that a sexual relationship was still possible.  it didnt really matter to me so much.  i enjoyed the relationship we had, we found plenty of things to do, both sexual and non-sexual.

do i wish that we'd been able to make love in a more traditional way?  yes.  did i understand why it didnt happen, and accept it?  yes.  morbid obesity, high blood pressure, diabetes, only one testicle (bicycle accident), underfuntioning hormones.  i told him that i didnt care, and i honestly didnt. 

kitten

(in reply to briska)
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RE: Erectile Dysfunction - 12/13/2007 6:12:57 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		my SO has ED due to his medical condition and isn't able to take the "magic" blue pill right now.  however that doesn't bother me at all because we're not looking to add more to the surplus population (talking about UMs). we find other ways of having sexual intercourse which is pleasing and satisfying for the both of us ...and that's the beauty of our relationship - finding new fun things to do and explore.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Sirsinini)
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RE: Erectile Dysfunction - 12/13/2007 6:35:33 AM   
Gardenista


Posts: 146
Joined: 12/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveboyforyou

I don't find anything shallow about a woman being less inclined to be with a man afflicted with ED.  I would have a hard time dealing with a partner that was sexually frigid.


Are you saying that ED = frigid? 'Cause if you are, it ain't so. =) From what I understand, ED is a physical disorder and unrelated to  sexual desire. A man with ED can have the desire, but his penis isn't getting the message.

As with all other potential problems, my husband and I would find a way to deal with it. It wouldn't be easy, but we'd work it out some how. If hypothetically I was interested in a man who had it, that wouldn't necessarily be a dealbreaker. It would all depend on his other qualities as a man and human being.

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Erectile Dysfunction - 12/13/2007 12:47:16 PM   
slaveboyforyou


Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

Are you saying that ED = frigid? 'Cause if you are, it ain't so. =) From what I understand, ED is a physical disorder and unrelated to  sexual desire. A man with ED can have the desire, but his penis isn't getting the message.

As with all other potential problems, my husband and I would find a way to deal with it. It wouldn't be easy, but we'd work it out some how. If hypothetically I was interested in a man who had it, that wouldn't necessarily be a dealbreaker. It would all depend on his other qualities as a man and human being.


No that's not what I was saying at all.  I am well aware that there are a multitude of reasons for a man being impotent.  Its something that will happen to most of us with age.  I was addressing the issue of a woman not getting into a relationship with a man that has this problem.  Many women said they wouldn't, and I understand that.  In order to illustrate my understanding, I made the comparison of my unwillingness to get involved with a woman that has no sexual desires.  There are a host of reasons for a woman to be like that, and I am completely sympathetic to this as well.  But, I am not a doctor.  It's not my responsibility to fix someone in the beginning of a relationship.  If something happened after I had already established affection and love for someone, that is a completely different scenario.  I wouldn't be so shallow to dump someone over it by any means.  But I find nothing wrong with declining to get involved with someone that has this problem from the beginning.

< Message edited by slaveboyforyou -- 12/13/2007 12:48:26 PM >

(in reply to Gardenista)
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RE: Erectile Dysfunction - 12/13/2007 3:52:10 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		You have to be careful not to jump to conclusions.  I once had trouble maintaining an erection, and the girl I was with got all emotiuonal about it, throwing blame around, etc.  Turns out I just needed a different condom, one that was not so thick.  As soon as I got the super thins, problem was solved.

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Erectile Dysfunction - 12/13/2007 6:01:14 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

my SO has ED due to his medical condition and isn't able to take the "magic" blue pill right now.  however that doesn't bother me at all because we're not looking to add more to the surplus population (talking about UMs). we find other ways of having sexual intercourse which is pleasing and satisfying for the both of us ...and that's the beauty of our relationship - finding new fun things to do and explore.


You've said it all for me

Sir has ED due to diabetes and high blood pressure, but I have to say I've never been more sexually fulfilled in my life. On Sunday afternoon I had so many orgasms I fell asleep for almost 2 hours and didn't even move   He's an expert at finding my G spot and He can have orgasms from bjs so penetration is almost a non issue - He can and does get hard enough sometimes for me to get on top but rarely comes from that.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Erectile Dysfunction - 12/13/2007 6:30:41 PM   
WillowRain


Posts: 191
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirsinini

I'd like to find out how Erectile Dysfunction weighs in for women.
 
Does it matter?
 
If it does, how do you handle it?
 
What are alternative choices?  (other than the blue pill as some cannot take related to cardiovascular disease)
 
Have you had expereinces with men who have ED and they neglected to say anything?
 
If they did say something, what was your reaction?
 
Would this matter to you in the long run?
 
 
Sir's devoted property


My experience is pretty limited, but it bothered the man much more than it bothered me. He could get errections easily, he just sometimes lost them. It wasn't a big deal to me, with a little attention, things would be go again. He didn't always get as hard as he wanted, and sometimes had trouble maintaining an errection long enough to orgasm. This frustrated him to no end because in his youth I think he had been something of a stud puppy. I just liked him, and being sexual with him. To me sexuality isn't all about the penis, it's about the whole man, and the whole woman. There are tons of options to find ways to explore pleasure, share energy, and enjoy states of bliss. His body, and his passion pleased me. I don't mind a bit of work. If he had never been able to get hard, I would have missed that kind of connection with him, but it wouldn't have ended the relationship. We just would have had to be more creative. But then, keep in mind, I'm okay with dating women, and being sexual with them, and that doesn't involve a penis or penis type of thing at all sometimes, all though it can. 

Penetrative sex with a man's penis is fun, and I would miss it. For the right person, male or female, it wouldn't be a deal breaker to set that asside though. 

(in reply to Sirsinini)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Erectile Dysfunction - 12/13/2007 6:34:56 PM   
MisTabsDratt


Posts: 32
Joined: 8/15/2007
Status: offline 		To toss out a contrary position... As a male sub, one of my biggest fantasies is to be impotent.  Have the desire, but the inability to act on it easily.  I would give my left nut (pun intended) to have some form of ED.

My Wife/Mistress enjoys oral sex primarily, or oral with a dildo.  She maintains that if God were a woman, she'd have put a tongue right above a guys cock.  :)

Just goes to show, ones man's problem is another man's fantasy.


_____________________________

Slave Dratt
Mistress Taboo's Slave/Husband

(in reply to WillowRain)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Erectile Dysfunction - 12/13/2007 6:46:56 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I felt bad for him, but part of me was angry with him because he never wanted to have sex with me, but there was lots of foreplay... i was only in my 20s (he was in his early 40s), and I did not even consider it was him, I thought it was me. That is an unfair thing to do to your partner.




Ohhh, yeah julia. I can relate to this. I was seeing a man about 20 years my senior who had difficulty maintaining erections. He even blamed it on me, which made me feel awful about myself for a very long time. Come to find out (after we were no longer seeing each other because I felt like such an utter failure) he had ED. 

It was a turning point in my naive life - I realized that some people will be pretty crappy in order to make themselves feel better about themselves, and I didn't have to take responsibility for their misery.

In a loving and caring relationship, Shy, as julia stated, the reason it matters to me is because it matters to him. I could probably go without sex (the "regular" sort) forever as long as the dynamic was in place, and there are all sorts of other mechanisms for sexual fulfillment.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 20
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