Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything!


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! - 12/13/2007 9:48:56 AM   
SubmissiveAK


Posts: 94
Joined: 3/5/2007
Status: offline 		Hello all,

I dont know if it's just me, but it seems like I have the hardest time talking to a Dom/me. Whether its a group conversation, an email, posting or whatever, I cant help but obsess over things. Its like I dont want to say or do anything that is gonna make me look stupid, but all this worrying kinda makes it harder to be myself. Is this something common to subs? What do you do when your contacting/talking to dominants?

thankfully,
~AKsubmissive~
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! - 12/13/2007 10:42:25 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I do not contact dominants in the way you may, as I am already owned.  However, obsessing? fretting? or worry?  Yes! It was and still is a huge hurdle for me, but with the right guidence, I am improving because it's something Darcy requires of me.
 
So, basically, yes it does happen and your not alone, that is all I can say!  Best wishes...
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to SubmissiveAK)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! - 12/13/2007 12:57:00 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		Be honest about being new and feel free to be yourself. There is no right way or wrong way to do a thing until you're in a dynamic with someone. If you say something that annoys someone, he or she will let you know and (hopefully) will offer some guidance. If the guidance seems sage, take it. If it seems stupid, forget it. There aren't any rules except the ones accepted in formal settings by those who choose to attend those functions, and the ones accepted by the people in the dynamic.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! - 12/13/2007 1:08:34 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I think everyone has worries when they start conversing with others.  For me it goes both ways though.  I sometimes try to read more into what they say or their behavior than is really meant.  That is what I caution myself against.  I'm not to worried about what I say or how I act, because it's who I am.  I really hope that by being myself I will attract someone who will be attracted to me.  

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! - 12/13/2007 1:29:06 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		Treat people like you want to be treated and don't accept anyone treating you less than you deserve. When I met my dominant, I spoke to him just like I would anyone else. Now, that he owns me, I do treat him as such. But, in the beginning he got the same treatment everyone else gets from me. As for the dom/dommes who are in my life as friends and acquaintances, they get my respect because they show me respect. I don't stick anyone on a pedestal and that goes for my Master, who if anyone actually deserves to be on a pedestal it's him for all he has brought into my life.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! - 12/13/2007 2:32:44 PM   
gcarlos


Posts: 98
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		AK,

My advice would definitely be yourself, especially if you are seeking something long term. Don't try to be what you think a Dom/me wants you to be.  When you are at your most submissive and raw state the real you will be evident. 

Be honest about what you like/dislike and don't be afraid to let them know your boundaries.  Talking to a potential Dom/me should be no more scary than talking to a new neighbor...remember Ds are people too.

Good luck in your search.
--Their {girl}

< Message edited by gcarlos -- 12/13/2007 2:46:22 PM >

(in reply to SubmissiveAK)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! - 12/13/2007 3:59:14 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		You're trying too hard. Just be yourself. That way, when you do connect, it'll be on a reality-based level.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to SubmissiveAK)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! - 12/13/2007 7:33:50 PM   
forg0ttenclone


Posts: 62
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		You can't fret and worry.  You have to be yourself and let you show through your conversation.  Despite being already owned, each time i speak with Goddess, whether that be via IM, phone, or seeing Her in person.  I am always nervous and intimidated by Her.  But i swallow that down and i am myself.  She doesnt want me as a nervous, worried wreck.  She wants me to be myself, brattiness and all. -smirk-

_____________________________

Pete


"I have fallen to my knees unable to rise, what kind of trap is this? What kind of chains have tied my hands and feet? It is so strange, so wonderful this helplessness of mine!"

(in reply to SubmissiveAK)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! - 12/14/2007 5:47:46 AM   
SubmissiveAK


Posts: 94
Joined: 3/5/2007
Status: offline 		I want to just be myself, but a lot of times thats the hardest thing to do. Its a lot like when I get into a scene; I'm stuck in my head, stuck in my head, stuck in my head then suddenly... I break and fall into that... submission. :)

Now does that mean I need verbal abuse? :D

(in reply to forg0ttenclone)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! - 12/14/2007 10:01:58 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		The hardest or at least for me, one of the hardest things to do is to allow the universe to unfold as it will or won't.  This means being patient, waiting, not forcing, allowing, being you.  

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to SubmissiveAK)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! - 12/14/2007 10:22:00 AM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline 		OP, you have to be yourself, everybody else is taken...lol.  And yes, that is the hardest thing to do sometimes trying to make a good impression, not wanting to come over all desperate and stoopid and stuff.  Understand where you're coming from.  Sometimes just to know what you want or don't want, and don't settle for less, is the best way.  Trying to be something just because it's what they want won't work.  Case in point:  I can't be a virgin no matter how hard I try.  He's going to have to work with a slut.  If he can't, that's his problem not mine.  A little extreme but yanno what I mean.  If you know you, you can let others get to know you and find compatibility. 

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! - 12/14/2007 11:08:55 AM   
LadyLynx


Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		I have suffered from the same problem for years. alot of it has to do with shyness. something that helped alot was chatting in the chatrooms and message boards! (can't help but find that amusing.)  And also forcing myself to talk to people, (like at munches.) I knew that to a certain extent I will probably always be like that and that I would have to consistantly force myself to not hide.  Here is what I do when I start to worry,obsess,or fret: I take a deep calming breath,(sometimes a few.) count to 10 and do an imaginary exercise like seeing what I am worried about, turn into smoke and vanish. or that I am physically pushing those thoughts out of my head.  Going to a mirror and making goofy faces can often do the trick as well. Or just acting goofy in general.  hate to tell you, this is something that will probably take alot of years of consistant mental upkeep, but it is worth it!

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to littlebitxxx)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! - 12/14/2007 11:26:10 AM   
liminalRapture


Posts: 181
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline 		I used to have this, but it went away.  Partly just time--I got comfy in my own skin.  I also got more discriminating and I got clearer with what I want and what I don't want.  I also realized the Doms are, um, people.  With flaws.  With amazing strengths.  With quirky senses of humor.  They aren't gods.  And they aren't perfect.  And it made it easier for me to connect once I stopped putting them on a pedestal.

I think the fact that you recognize it is a great thing.  Now that you recognize it, I would say accept it.  Notice that you are doing it, not with judgement but as a sociologist.  It will make it easier to figure out what triggers it.  But if you give yourself a hard time over it, it is just another level of not being comfy with where you are, and you are doing exactly what you need to do.

_____________________________

"Ring the bells that can still ring. Forget your perfect offering. There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." Leonard Cohen.

(in reply to LadyLynx)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! - 12/14/2007 11:32:44 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Eh, I am always myself...why would I want to be anyone else? If someone else does not like you being your authentic self, then that avoids wasting precious moments of your life, right?

Confidence, confidence, confidence. I said it three times, for emphasis.

(in reply to liminalRapture)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! - 12/14/2007 1:52:11 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Just relax and be yourself.  If they don't see the real you how are they going to know if you will be a good match for them.  I know it is hard to relax but you got to try to.  Relax and start enjpoying the conversation.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 15
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.082