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Male submissiveness - 12/13/2007 12:23:41 PM

takenbyjohnr07

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i was just wondering how the submissive male population on this forum see's their submissiveness. Is it exactly the same as us females or is it different?

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RE: Male submissiveness - 12/13/2007 1:57:04 PM

CdnExplorer

Posts: 227
Joined: 2/12/2007
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I've wondered a little about this lately myself. The vast majority of male subs seem to want dynamics strongly focused on specific fetishes (humiliation, for example). Maybe that's not actually true, but it seems that way from here. I've never noticed that kind of intense focus from female subs. The reason I started thinking about this was realizing how different I am from the "typical male sub", and wondering if perhaps my submission has more in common with the "typical female sub". Essentially my focus is on trusting someone to a high degree and feeling vulnerable to them, and controlled. Kink or fetishes are very much secondary to that...it's all about the headspace.

I'm very interested in what others have to say about this.

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)

Post #: 2

RE: Male submissiveness - 12/13/2007 2:57:56 PM

takenbyjohnr07

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Kink and fetish are also secondary for me. i love my submission to my Owner it has absolutely nothing to do with sex or being turned on. It's just a natural part of me. We don't play or do scenes. Our D/s lifestyle is lived 24/7 and it is incorporated into our every day life. We son't view it as a game or somthing to spice up our love life. i also think it's so nivce to hear a submissive male point of view. Thanks for posting.

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i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to CdnExplorer)

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RE: Male submissiveness - 12/13/2007 6:30:26 PM

MisTabsDratt

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I've recently been re-examining what submissiveness means to me so this thread made me take notice.

For a LONG time, I think I was in the typical male sub (and yes I know that's a generality) mode where I was very focused on MY kinks/fetishes. Most of the interactions I would have with my Wife/Mistress would eventually come back to what MY kinks were. What I get turned on by, etc, etc...

Recently my Wife/Mistress have been re-evaluating our D/s relationship. What is starting to make more sense to me is that submissiveness is about focus. If I focus on what my Wife/Mistress wants from me, what makes her happy, what can I do to make her life easier, it makes all the difference in the world. That said... that's what I've come up with as a goal. But for me it's very difficult to keep that focus when things aren't extremely kinky on a day to day basis. We all have lull's and vanilla lives that interceed in our so-called 24/7 lifestyle. These are the times that it's hard for me to stay focused continue to feel submissive. But it's something that I'm working on...

In general however, I think there are always going to be differences between men/women. At one point, I was asking my Wife/Mistress, what she wanted from her "perfect" sub. How could I behave etc to be that "perfect" sub. Being a guy, of course I was wanting specifics... Do x, y, and z and every Tuesday afternoon do yzx. What She came back with was She wanted me to be "Intuitive." I almost cried... :) As a guy, this is probably the worst possible response from my perspective at least. But for Her, it was a totally valid response.

So I'm working on being "Intuitive." :)

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(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)

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RE: Male submissiveness - 12/13/2007 6:35:19 PM

AFlyInYourWeb

Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

i was just wondering how the submissive male population on this forum see's their submissiveness. Is it exactly the same as us females or is it different?

I can't answer the question, because I know little about female submissives, and I suspect that they know little about my feelings or thinking.

For that reason, I suggest you may want to re-post this to either "Ask a Mistress" or "Ask a Master". I suspect that only Dominants who have had experience with submissives of both genders would be in a position to answer your question.

< Message edited by AFlyInYourWeb -- 12/13/2007 6:38:28 PM >

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RE: Male submissiveness - 12/13/2007 7:30:12 PM

forg0ttenclone

Posts: 62
Joined: 5/13/2006
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In my opinion, i don't think you can really generalize submission as easily as "male submission" vs "female submission." The dynamics of each and every D/s relationship are different.

Ultimately for me, my Goddess' happiness is paramount. Whether that comes in the form of scrubbing her bathroom floor and doing her dishes or being her chew toy/whipping post. I want nothing more than to please her through my submission in whatever form that may be.

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(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)

Post #: 6

RE: Male submissiveness - 12/13/2007 7:46:28 PM

PonyGroom

Posts: 150
Joined: 2/26/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AFlyInYourWeb

quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

i was just wondering how the submissive male population on this forum see's their submissiveness. Is it exactly the same as us females or is it different?

For that reason, I suggest you may want to re-post this to either "Ask a Mistress" or "Ask a Master". I suspect that only Dominants who have had experience with submissives of both genders would be in a position to answer your question.

The quality of submission is the same, in my experience.

Men tend to be focused on their fetishes in early stages. It is a mark of maturity that they later set aside the pursuit of their fetishes as a priority and make tending their submissive motivations their focus. Some women go through this process, too.

If you want a servant, it hardly matters what gender they are. Loyalty is loyalty, self-surrender is self-surrender, good character is good character. These don't change with gender, at least, not in my view, or in my experience.

I own a pony - a male to female pre-op transgender pony. Her gender is not nearly as important as her character, loyalty, and the wonderful quality of her submission. She makes my heart glad every day.

(in reply to AFlyInYourWeb)

Post #: 7

RE: Male submissiveness - 12/13/2007 7:52:32 PM

takenbyjohnr07

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Such wonderful responses and it is so true, for i find myself feeling some of the same ways as many of you have mentioned. i guess a true heart is a true heart no matter what gender.

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i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to PonyGroom)

Post #: 8

RE: Male submissiveness - 12/13/2007 9:16:18 PM

UnspeakableAxe

Posts: 16
Joined: 11/12/2007
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I can only speak from personal experience.

I have a number of female submissive friends and they all have the same thing in common:
They're more interested in serving their way, not the dominants way. Sure this can be said for many submissive men out there as well.

Personally, I define a submissive as someone who want's to submit. Someone who just wants to have kinky sex their way isn't submissive, they're kinky.

I find that most of my "submissive" female friends are more kinky than submissive. Now there's nothing wrong with being kinky. There are plenty of people on both sides of this coin, though many of my female "submissive" friends dictate WHEN they will be submitting and HOW they will be submitting.

This may be due to supply and demand. We all know there are very few women in the scene compared to men. The best part is how I hear about these dominant men essentially submitting to the whim of the "submissive".

Then again, I'm rambling.

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)

Post #: 9

RE: Male submissiveness - 12/14/2007 11:03:34 PM

eevin

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Joined: 11/29/2007
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i've been told i'm very feminine in my wants and desires.

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Post #: 10

RE: Male submissiveness - 12/15/2007 8:16:41 AM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
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Form a male perspective, women who identify with this lifestyle as dominant sometimes seem to forget that it is a sexual thing. A submissive man is not entirely altruistic, we don't get an intrinsic thrill from washing dishes. A dog wants to please, but you gotta throw him a frisbee once in a while, rub his belly, and give him a Scooby snack from time to time. And a Mistress can't revert back to almost pure vanilla and expect a man to keep up his enthusiasm for serving. You can't be passively dominant.

(in reply to eevin)

Post #: 11

RE: Male submissiveness - 12/15/2007 8:25:31 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: UnspeakableAxe

I can only speak from personal experience.

I have a number of female submissive friends and they all have the same thing in common:
They're more interested in serving their way, not the dominants way. Sure this can be said for many submissive men out there as well.

Personally, I define a submissive as someone who want's to submit. Someone who just wants to have kinky sex their way isn't submissive, they're kinky.

I find that most of my "submissive" female friends are more kinky than submissive. Now there's nothing wrong with being kinky. There are plenty of people on both sides of this coin, though many of my female "submissive" friends dictate WHEN they will be submitting and HOW they will be submitting.

This may be due to supply and demand. We all know there are very few women in the scene compared to men. The best part is how I hear about these dominant men essentially submitting to the whim of the "submissive".

Then again, I'm rambling.

I just love it when a newbie poster spews judgemental bullshit allover the place.
I am sure your female "friends" just love how you have put "submissive" so dismissively around what they define for themselves.

Learn to deal with the fact that there are a myriad of ways to be submissive and Dominant and not all of them have to fit into YOUR parameters.

(in reply to UnspeakableAxe)

Post #: 12

RE: Male submissiveness - 12/15/2007 8:29:47 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

i was just wondering how the submissive male population on this forum see's their submissiveness. Is it exactly the same as us females or is it different?

quote:

I can't answer the question, because I know little about female submissives, and I suspect that they know little about my feelings or thinking.

this is what I was going to say pretty much.

It's impossible to compare the two simply because men and women are too different. Neither is better, neither is worse. They are just different

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RE: Male submissiveness - 12/17/2007 1:19:43 PM

talltxsub

Posts: 173
Joined: 11/10/2005
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For what it's worth, my experience has often been that when speaking with a Woman identifying Herself as dominant, She often will NOT say things like "I want a sub who...." or I want to...." More often, She will probe with questions about "what are you looking for?" or "What do you expect from a Domme?"

When i have answered in a vague way ("seeking to please Her"), She will often respond by criticing the lack of focus of my submission. When i have responded with more specific fetishes, She will say i am just seeking to satisfy myself.

It is possible that these are isolated responses, but it is common enough to create uncertainty about communicating. Certainly i know what fetishes interest me most, but it would be wonderful to have a dominant Woman who would rather impose her will. Yes, i am over-simplifying, but these are some of the dilemmas.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 14

RE: Male submissiveness - 12/17/2007 1:29:44 PM

takenbyjohnr07

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Maybe this is what she is looking for. Now remember i can only guess because i didn't hear the conversation. When she asks you what you want and to be secific i might say something like. i dream of being at my Dominants feet worshiping her with my hands and my tongue, etc. Then it's about her. Instead of saying My fantasy is to be able to foot worship a Dominant. Then it becomes about you. Does that make any sense? i hope it helps.

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to talltxsub)

Post #: 15

RE: Male submissiveness - 12/17/2007 1:32:18 PM

fit2pleaseu

Posts: 77
Joined: 10/26/2007
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If you can please me how you see your submissiveness then i can answer your question better i feel as there are so many variables i may run out of page otherwise :-)

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)

Post #: 16

RE: Male submissiveness - 12/17/2007 1:54:10 PM

CdnExplorer

Posts: 227
Joined: 2/12/2007
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In my limited experience those questions are geared at getting a response that outlines your true desires, not the ones you think she wants to hear. A sub who is feeling rather frenzied, as they often do, will not think as clearly and express a higher level of interest in an activity than they really feel. At the core what she's really looking for is the things that drive your submission. Why do you want to submit? Why would you want to do various things? What would you get out of a relationship with a Domme, as a person not as a fetishist.

Basically you have to learn to get beyond the kink laundry list to the root of your desires. Knowing that. she'll have a very good idea of whether or not there is real compatibility there and a lot to work with if you ever meet to play.

< Message edited by CdnExplorer -- 12/17/2007 1:55:08 PM >

(in reply to talltxsub)

Post #: 17

RE: Male submissiveness - 12/17/2007 2:28:28 PM

takenbyjohnr07

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Joined: 11/26/2007
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Wonderful response~

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i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to CdnExplorer)

Post #: 18

RE: Male submissiveness - 12/17/2007 2:37:02 PM

Rumtiger

Posts: 2634
Joined: 3/4/2006
From: Vegas
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I submit because I want to. I guess this makes me be a bit choosy about how I apparoach a domme as well as particularly who I would approach, not to metnion how my attitude and diposition will change from person to person.

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(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)

Post #: 19

RE: Male submissiveness - 12/17/2007 3:20:58 PM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

Maybe this is what she is looking for. Now remember i can only guess because i didn't hear the conversation. When she asks you what you want and to be secific i might say something like. i dream of being at my Dominants feet worshiping her with my hands and my tongue, etc. Then it's about her. Instead of saying My fantasy is to be able to foot worship a Dominant. Then it becomes about you. Does that make any sense? i hope it helps.

I don't know. It still sounds kind of self serving. But if a fetish is a fetish, better state it up front. You may do better with, "Ultimately I get a great deal of satisfaction knowing I've pleased a woman in a physical way, and I'll be honest in that I have a foot fetish. But it's more about the woman than her feet, always, and while I do get a tremendous amount of selfish indulgence in the act of worshipping a lady's feet, I also enjoy helping make her feet feel beautiful and pampered, be it pedicures, massages or any other treatment - on her terms."

Akasha

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