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RE: controlling a nympho sub! - 12/14/2007 6:19:51 AM   
desertdancer


Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline 		I would not even tease my Master about finding something elsewhere.  That would be the end of a very happy marrage, friendship and romance. 

Maybe what your needing is to sit down, find out what she feels is lacking, what she thinks she wants and then go off by yourself and decide if these are things you can and want to give her.  Meaning the constant spankings and punishments.  These are yours to dish out as you see fit, these are not things she should be demanding.  I would love to be spanked every damn day, but it's not up to me.  I am not the Master.  There is also something exciting in the waiting for something to be dished out, wondering when can be a whole lotta fun.


As for allowing her to explore her wild sex side, that's great.  Maybe you can add Domly things to this.  Like, she gives you a small list, one or two guys who she wants to get it on with and You choose who and how and what is and what is not allowed.  Maybe the rule is that she only gives you head, she can fuck Mister-what's-his-name but can only go down on you.  I am sure there are many ways that you can be in controll of her actions if your creative enough.


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RE: controlling a nympho sub! - 12/14/2007 6:20:05 AM   
parttimehotty


Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/19/2007
From: Virginville
Status: offline 		Well said, Mr. OldB!
As a slave, i was that way in the beginning during "training" before i was owned and He let me know right away, He does not share His property but i'm a free agent. Do what i have to do and accept the consequences of being released from training. Needless to say, i waited.  Sounds like she has the reins in this relationship.

Respectfully submitted,

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: controlling a nympho sub! - 12/14/2007 6:23:04 AM   
desertdancer


Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

I am confused by the differing statements made in each post made by the OP. I was most surprised when he said that he "...had one hell of a time exploring my sexuality throughout my 20's....". I would have bet money that he was a teen....but I am old and my perception is skewed.


I'm sorry rizzle I too thought you were a teenager.  I did look for a profile to check your age but I couldn't find one. 


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RE: controlling a nympho sub! - 12/14/2007 6:23:12 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Count me as an echo to Old Bastard and Ron.  If she were to threaten me to go elsewhere unless I did as she wanted, I'd help her pack her belongings and drive her directly to her intended destination (or at least call the cab and provide fare.... I'm just that kind of thoughtful guy).  Then I'd have myself a good laugh, knowing what's in store for the next guy.
 
Demanding spankings?  That would just make me a life support system for a spanking machine... an inanimate object of no more value than the vibrator in her dresser drawer.
 
John


The part I underlined sounds like it came from my Daddy's mouth. Because I am a masochist, and he has trouble with one who was a smart assed one in the past, he said this often for the first year we were seeing each other. I have NEVER in my life demanded any sexual play from him....

And if I threatened what this submissive threatened, I would be gone so fast I would not know what hit me.

I have a different take on it for you though,  rizzle, if it does not matter to you that she is being intimate with others and getting beaten by others, perhaps you can find other tops to share her with... you get to decide who they are and perhaps a thrill that she is getting it from whom you have ordered, she gets her needs met. If it does not matter to you what she does, you can turn the situation into more sexual exploration... and show her that her threats just get her used by whom you say when you say... it takes that weapon away ....

And I have to tell you, her threatening you in this way is a weapon she is using to top from the bottom. I kinda find that sort of emotional blackmail repulsive, but to each their own.



< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 12/14/2007 6:25:00 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: controlling a nympho sub! - 12/14/2007 6:24:15 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Oh lord forbid, buckle up your seat belts everybody.   The age old debate of sharing AKA Swinging has reared it's ugly sex juiced face in the thread.  I caught on about this sort of when the OP mentioned something about having another slut wanting to play with him.

Ok, in this case slut=swinging... high sex drive.. enjoys the slut and whore factors of kink. 

At least this is what I'm sense is being somewhat implied.

Now, the question is for Dom/Master in these type of relationships, how to you control your swinging slutty beautiful and wonderul sub/slave.   Such as asking for pemission before being used by somebody and all that fun stuff.  

The OP appears to have an interest in having Sex with others himself.  However, his considering his primary investment in this girl he's known for 4 years.   If he agrees to become her exclusive master at this point and time, it changes the existing dynamics somewhat.   So I think I understand, he's looking for advice regarding this matter now.  Should he come up with new dynamics and rules and protocals... or simply let things be as they have been.  Well sort of...  

Perhaps I'm missing something here...????


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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: controlling a nympho sub! - 12/14/2007 6:27:39 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

just looking for some ideas on how to control a sub who for the most part is obediant and well behaved, as long as she is spanked regularly

Hmm, maybe you should instead be asking how YOU can get control back. From this, it sounds like she is the one in control if you are asking how to control her.
quote:

  however, occasionally she infers or implies that she may be going elsewhere for discipline and sex - in all honesty I dont want to stop her having her fun and enjoying experiences but I also dont want the delicate balance of Master/sub to be upset

Once again. Who's the dominant in this relationship?
quote:

  Should I as Master ignore her transgressions and just punish them when I see her, or should I actively involve myself and control what she must do and not do with these other people - and still punish her when i see her of course!

Maybe you should be asking HER this.

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RE: controlling a nympho sub! - 12/14/2007 6:28:49 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Oh lord forbid, buckle up your seat belts everybody. The age old debate of sharing AKA Swinging has reared it's ugly sex juiced face in the thread. I caught on about this sort of when the OP mentioned something about having another slut wanting to play with him.


One of my best friend's is a swinger, and I have no problem with that.

But threatening someone with seeking others so you can get more play is not about "swinging". Swinging takes emotional maturity, good communication, and it is a very hard thing to get into for most people... and frankly it shouldn't be used as a threat, but as an expansion of the relationship if people are going to be successful in incorporating it into their lives.


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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: controlling a nympho sub! - 12/14/2007 6:30:29 AM   
rizzle


Posts: 26
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline 		mistress ultimate thankyou for your comments. ill reply individually.
1. I have stated im new to this so while i have always been dominant in a vanilla sense, taking it further in the sense of a master sub relationship is something im learning.so forgive me if im not a perfect Dom in your eyes.
2. This is a good point, however, it begs the question "if a sub cheats on her Dom, does the Dom instantly dismiss her and find another?" practically is this really feasible after 4 years of friendship that is now becoming more?
3. I hope youre not suggesting im a wanker as that would of course be childish and uneccesary. my sub is dictating nothing to me I am simply finding ways to make her and me happy.
4. Sub is 21, I am 30. sub has had one previous Master, I have had no previous subs.
I await your responses, be they offensive or otherwise lol

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: controlling a nympho sub! - 12/14/2007 6:34:56 AM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		rizzle, are you in the UK? If so, take her dogging.....if she says you can.

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: controlling a nympho sub! - 12/14/2007 6:37:17 AM   
MistressUltimate


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline 		Oh BTW. Nymphomania is a rare mental disease. It is not exiting, thrilling or pleasant and those suffering from it dont go around enjoying themselves. This lady just likes sleeping around.

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: controlling a nympho sub! - 12/14/2007 6:45:23 AM   
rizzle


Posts: 26
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline 		can i just point out that my sub has not "teased" me with seeing other people - although she loves the attention from guys and there are many that want to fuck her. she has basically said to me that i choose who she fucks etc. I know what shes like and dictatiing a purely monogamous relationship to her isnt going to work. and before you jump down my throat, guys, i dont think a purely monogamous relationship would work for me either - which is why i would like to pursue this. sexually, we have similar wants - and we have pretty good time when not having sex as well

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: controlling a nympho sub! - 12/14/2007 6:48:30 AM   
burningdesires47


Posts: 120
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		So wait, you told us about the sub you've got that you're not willing to commit* to, but you never mentioned the nympho that the thread was supposed to be about.

*Please understand, I'm poly, and to clarify also a swinger tho I consider swinging to be a form of polyamory, and thusly want to clarify that in no way does commitment directly mean exclusive monogamy.

If SHE says she WANTS to be exclusive and you do not agree that you ARE exclusive (or that she is exclusive to you but you can have others--hey, you're the master, you can negotiate those terms, and she can decide to stay or walk), then she has no reason to presume that being with someone else is cheating. Maybe she felt bad about it afterward, maybe she felt she had handled it wrong, maybe she realized she misunderstood your intentions and expectations, there are any number of reasons why a person who didn't do anything wrong would apologize for that.

But I reiterate, she's not a nympho. Try asking your question with all the pertinent information with the question being how to decide if you're going to be exclusive or poly/swingers, and ask for suggestions on how to have that conversation and ask to have it explained to you how you can be her one and only master and still fuck other people, or how you can be her master but NOT her one and only master, how you could be her one and only master but still have other subs.... without labeling her as a nympho which in the context you provide appears to be derogatory, then maybe you'll get helpful answers.

If you have simply neglected to include the information where she has a higher sex drive than you where you can't keep up with her, well that would be pertinent to the question. If you have neglected to include the information that she is indeed a sex addict, well that's a whole other slew of challenges entirely than, "she said she wants to be exclusive but I didn't agree to that and now I think she's fucking/subbing to other men, what do I do?"

Live in reality, and you'll get along a lot better.

(in reply to rizzle)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: controlling a nympho sub! - 12/14/2007 6:51:45 AM   
MistressUltimate


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline 		quote]ORIGINAL: rizzle

mistress ultimate thankyou for your comments. ill reply individually.
1. I have stated im new to this so while i have always been dominant in a vanilla sense, taking it further in the sense of a master sub relationship is something im learning.so forgive me if im not a perfect Dom in your eyes.
2. This is a good point, however, it begs the question "if a sub cheats on her Dom, does the Dom instantly dismiss her and find another?" practically is this really feasible after 4 years of friendship that is now becoming more?
3. I hope youre not suggesting im a wanker as that would of course be childish and uneccesary. my sub is dictating nothing to me I am simply finding ways to make her and me happy.
4. Sub is 21, I am 30. sub has had one previous Master, I have had no previous subs.
I await your responses, be they offensive or otherwise lol
[/quote]

My response is to repeat that you need to sort it out between yourselves, instead of airing your incompetance regarding this situation in a public forum.  If you have had a relationship lasting four years and you still need advice on how to treat this lady, then either you arent cut out to be anyones dom, or you really do need to change 'subs' cos shes not subbing to you, shes bottoming.  A bottom is someone who assumes the submissive role but in fact never loses control of the situation.... EG, a dominant may like the feel of being flogged and may order his sub to flog him, even dictating the hardness and duration of the flogging..he assumes the bottom role but never gives up control.
If you honestly need advice on how to deal with her after knowing her for four years, how on earth can total strangers be expected to know how to deal with her?
Nope, you posted without any thought exept to maybe tell everyone that you had a sub who likes sex.  Why not just accede with dignity and earn respect?


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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: controlling a nympho sub! - 12/14/2007 6:54:29 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

Oh lord forbid, buckle up your seat belts everybody. The age old debate of sharing AKA Swinging has reared it's ugly sex juiced face in the thread. I caught on about this sort of when the OP mentioned something about having another slut wanting to play with him.


One of my best friend's is a swinger, and I have no problem with that.

But threatening someone with seeking others so you can get more play is not about "swinging". Swinging takes emotional maturity, good communication, and it is a very hard thing to get into for most people... and frankly it shouldn't be used as a threat, but as an expansion of the relationship if people are going to be successful in incorporating it into their lives.



I took it that she was trying to make him jealous enough to make up his mind about being her exclusive owner.   However, it's still a power play game.   I think the OP is aware of it too, hence part of his own struggle at the moment.   However as long as the relationship is not Exclusive in terms of D/s, it's a strange partial power exchange game going on.  

Yes, she's playing the jealously power card in the game.   Perhaps the OP needs to sit her ass down, and confront on her trying to play this card.  It's obvious she is pushing and he's not liking that.    She's pushing, he's pulling away.   Both are testing each other, which is pretty stupid.    He's testing her loyality, She's testing his desire for her?    Geeesh.. will somebody make up their mind and pass the test.   Personally, if I was him.. I'd take that jealously card away from her.   Can be resolved with direct communication.  Now she might come back with "Make up your mind" to him.   Which is fair, after 4 years the D/s power dynamics need to evol and not stay in limbo.  Actually I suspect he's aware if he confronts her about this, she is going to confront him about making up his mind.  So there is not communication going on at the moment about it.  Call it gridlock.   Perhaps I'm wrong about this one.   I'm just calling it as I precieve it.  

Sounds like these two are on the cusp of a greater power exchange.   Uncertain if either one is serious enough to take it to the next level.   Sure it's easy to pick on both the OP and this subbie girl.   Everybody who starts out swinging is green at some point in time as well.   Mistakes will be made, probally by both of them.   It's how they resolve and manage to work past these things and grow together is what counts.

Yes, swinging should be an expansion of the relationship itself.  Should never be a threat or become a threat to the relationship itself.  Everything you said juliaoceania is dead true.   I'm only banging out some added thoughts, as advice to how to perhaps one could deal with it.  Trying to bang out what my best guess is at the problem the OP is having and how to attempt to resolve it.  Besides kick the bitch to the curb or make a personal attack on his DOM label.

Dare I admit it, some of the things you people wrote had me laughing my ass off...  To the OP, sorry, I could not help but laugh.   Good thing Domiguy has not jumped in here yet!  I can imagine people choking on their morning cup of coffee and spewing it across thier monitors.





(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: controlling a nympho sub! - 12/14/2007 7:11:33 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		She is 21, and he is 30, so she would have been underage when they met? Perhaps they have not been involved all this time, but he says "friends".

I don't know, but at 21 I would have been way beyond tired of waiting for him to commit and would have moved on. No threat necessary, actions speak louder than words... but that does not seem to be what she is doing to me. She waits until he gives her more of a commitment and then cheats on him from what I have read...

It sounds like the games young people play, hard to say what the hell is going on other than she is threatening him.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: controlling a nympho sub! - 12/14/2007 8:53:45 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You have agreed that you can both play and have sex with others. So what level of control do you want?

Do you want to decide who her outside partners are or exactly what she can do with them? Do you want to decide how often she can see them?

Until you know what you want to control, you can't have a meaningful dialogue on it. And you can't have your needs met, once you figure them out, unless she agrees to accede to you.

As far as the level of play she needs in a relationship, that's what she needs. You either are compatible or you aren't. If her libido is higher than yours, you aren't compatible. But it doesn't make her a nympho anymore than it makes you asexual.

And I agree with OB, I expected you to be much younger simply because you have no idea what you want, just some amorphous talk about 'control'.

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: controlling a nympho sub! - 12/14/2007 10:00:31 AM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline 		Fast reply to the OP,
It almost sounds like you two are up for an open type relationship.  You are her only Master, she is your only sub, but that doesn't mean you can't play outside the relationship as well.  Casual SM, casual sex...all with the other knowing and approving (or at least agreeing) is an okay thing.  You have admitted to both of you wanting a lot of sex and a lot of playtime and both having "eyes" for others as well.  Why not?  You can have a completely "emotional monogamous" M/s relationship and be physical elsewhere.  You control who she sees and when and the rules and stuff.  She's gotta be okay with you seeking foreign pussy when the mood strikes.  If she wants more than you can deliver, allowing her to get it outside but under your control can make for a satisfied sub and therefore a happier Master. 

Just my thoughts on only one coffee.

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It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: controlling a nympho sub! - 12/14/2007 10:22:18 AM   
Cuffkinks


Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rizzle

just looking for some ideas on how to control a sub who for the most part is obediant and well behaved, as long as she is spanked regularly - however, occasionally she infers or implies that she may be going elsewhere for discipline and sex - in all honesty I dont want to stop her having her fun and enjoying experiences but I also dont want the delicate balance of Master/sub to be upset. Should I as Master ignore her transgressions and just punish them when I see her, or should I actively involve myself and control what she must do and not do with these other people - and still punish her when i see her of course!


I originally had alot to say here but just about everything I was going to say has already been said.
Kudos to Old B, I agree with everything you said here.
Rizzle, after reading your posts, I'm reading alot of:"she said this..." she said that..."
She's making demands on you? You need to sit down and identify who really has the control in your relationship. You need to either reel this little girl in and assume actual control or cut her loose and send her packing. Me personally, I'd be doing the latter.

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(in reply to rizzle)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: controlling a nympho sub! - 12/14/2007 10:30:37 AM   
rizzle


Posts: 26
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline 		thanks for all your words of wisdom guys - its all a bit clearer now. I think we do need some measure of "open" relationship but we need to work out the details of that. And I do agree with some of you that there is an element of "topping from the bottom", this is an interesting phenmenon and I'm going to have to keep an eye on it.

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: controlling a nympho sub! - 12/14/2007 10:43:28 AM   
rawkmehard


Posts: 43
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline 		rizzle, what is it that you want from her?

you sound like you sort of want to commit to her, but sort of can't be bothered with all that you assume commitment entails.

sounds like you two enjoy each other's company, would like to continue enjoying each other's company, and would both like to continue to be free to get your 'kicks' occasionally with others.

if that's the case, then lay it out to her, just like that. tell her that you want her to be yours, tell her you will choose from her little list of who else she can get some NSA action from, and make it clear that ultimately, since this decision is yours to take her on, you are going to do so, on these certain terms.

if she has questions, and she politely addresses you, then by all means, address her questions. let her know where there is room for negotiation and where there is no room whatsoever. but please, say nothing until you are clear about what you want. and then, if she can't hang with that, or violates any terms that warrant more than a single round of punishment to correct, walk away.

it sounds like she wants to commit, but is afraid. she's young, i don't totally blame her. and you two have enjoyed your freedoms to a certain extent-i think the changing nature of your relationship is making both of you sort of back away from where your relationship could be heading.

and although it may be frowned upon for an inexperienced Dom to ask for help on the forums, i have to say that i wish my exDom had asked for help at any time over the last year, before he and i broke up. it could have helped the relationship, and looking back, i would have loved input from other experienced Doms.

(in reply to Cuffkinks)
Profile   Post #: 40
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