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asking Respected MistressYes - 12/14/2007 2:51:45 PM   
rugenuine


Posts: 6
Joined: 3/31/2007
Status: offline 		why is it difficult for a genuine Mistress to trust a new-bee sub?
why is it that a new-bee sub must be meticulously dissected in terms of all associated areas?Is it that the world has become so bad that we think of cheaters only and not of honest people,of people who fail to keep their words and not of genuine people any more?Christmas is on the way and do we see ourselves flooded with mistrust and lack of faith in human values?Where are we heading then?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: asking Respected MistressYes - 12/14/2007 2:57:17 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		You'll have to be more clear, what do you mean by "meticulously dissected in terms of all associated areas"?

Sometimes all those detailed questions aren't about distrust or such, but curiosity, getting to know you, finding out how well you know yourself, looking for similarities, gauging your past experiences, etc.  -In short, trying to find out if you're a match!

Any on the issue of trusting a newbie sub... Why should someone give their blind trust to someone new to them, ever, regardless of their experience in the lifestyle?  Trust on the level of a deep and involved relationship is something earned through experiences with that person and detailed discussion... which brings us back to the many questions and in-depth talks.

So are you talking of  these quite normal things or something else entirely?  It's not clear from your post.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to rugenuine)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: asking Respected MistressYes - 12/14/2007 3:32:32 PM   
Hergirl0824


Posts: 119
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		please define what you mean by New-bee sub...new to the lifestyle  or new to the Dom/me?

_____________________________

collared to Mistress Sizzlynn

When i let go of what i am, i become what i might be

(in reply to rugenuine)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: asking Respected MistressYes - 12/14/2007 4:01:01 PM   
AFlyInYourWeb


Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rugenuine

Christmas is on the way and do we see ourselves flooded with mistrust and lack of faith in human values?Where are we heading then?


You are asking a question that has echoed through the ages. 

Hamlet, Act I, Scene III:

Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledged comrade. Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel, but being in,
Bear't that the opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man,
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are of a most select and generous chief in that.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine ownself be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

_____________________________

Stories: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=334308
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=335720
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=336666
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=337911

(in reply to rugenuine)
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RE: asking Respected MistressYes - 12/14/2007 4:10:09 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Accepting someone to training means opening up my home and family to that person.

I value both so I will carefully select and question anyone who approaches me.

If someone were to just blindly accept me, I would think him a fool and that would immediately disqualify him as a potential.

For all most of you know, I could be a serial killer after all.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to rugenuine)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: asking Respected MistressYes - 12/14/2007 5:29:48 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		Personally, I find that people who plead the hardest for blind trust and faith from others, are usually the ones who should least receive it.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: asking Respected MistressYes - 12/14/2007 6:45:57 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Because it's easier to have a little faith in someone who's had a little experience behind their belt?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ShaktiSama)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: asking Respected MistressYes - 12/14/2007 9:14:19 PM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline 		There's a ton of newbie/novice subs out there.   Most lose interest fairly quickly when their fantasies aren't immediately met and don't match up with the reality of BDSM relationships.

And face it - Dommes are constantly inundated with men from foreign countries claiming to be slaves wanting to serve us, but almost NONE of them have actually done anything to make that possible - like taken the first steps to emigrate.   There's enough domestic boys looking to serve - there's really no need to import them from another country.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: asking Respected MistressYes - 12/14/2007 10:30:33 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		We distrust you because other have taught us to. It's perhaps not fair, but we have seen, time and time again, that most of the s-type men here are simply trying to buy our sex/skills with their service or promises of such. Or worse, they are expecting us to fulfill all their fantasies with little regard to our own desires. It doesn't work that way. We are not prostitutes (in the archetypal sense) to be bought and, even if we were, most of us would drive a harder bargain than that.

Chirstmas has nothing to do with this, trust me.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to rugenuine)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: asking Respected MistressYes - 12/14/2007 10:48:13 PM   
HypnoticEmily


Posts: 9
Joined: 12/9/2007
From: England
Status: offline 		I agree with Master Fire.

As a Pro-Domme technically My skills can be bought. But do not think for a moment that means that I accept applications from anyone who shows Me a bank roll. On the contrary, I want My sessions to be amazing experiences and so I always interview prospective submissives in order to ascertain whether or not we click. If I do not find a submissive interesting or if I think they are unstable or do not know the difference between a Pro-Domme and a prostitute I will not session with them.

You can not expect any Domme to accept you into their lives without question. And, as was stated earlier, a submissive who did not care enough for his or her safety to enquire about a Domme would go on My unstable list.

The internet is not real life. We are strangers.

Try building friendships first and foremost. That way you will get to know people better and vice-versa. You might just find what you are looking for. You might even find that you are what someone else is looking for. But it will not happen over night.

< Message edited by HypnoticEmily -- 12/14/2007 11:00:09 PM >

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: asking Respected MistressYes - 12/16/2007 2:36:36 PM   
rugenuine


Posts: 6
Joined: 3/31/2007
Status: offline 		yes Mistress i am almost new to this life style except a few on-line chat.

(in reply to Hergirl0824)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: asking Respected MistressYes - 12/16/2007 2:53:38 PM   
rugenuine


Posts: 6
Joined: 3/31/2007
Status: offline 		Respected MistressRumpus
This is about certain Mistress who is supposedly considering me for on line ownership and informed me i should change certain things in my daily life and asked me to mention in my profile that i am under consideration. i obeyed Her instantly.Therafter she suddenly disappeared in the sense that she visits CM but doesnt open my mails(6 as on date).She even sent her pic and so did i, now i am in tension and dont know what to do.

(in reply to RumpusParable)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: asking Respected MistressYes - 12/16/2007 3:00:58 PM   
rugenuine


Posts: 6
Joined: 3/31/2007
Status: offline 		Respected Mistress Hergirl0824
thanks for Your kind response. Yeah , i am new to this life-style and i didnt have any Mistress before in terms of ownership.my knowledge is limited by a few on line chats with some Mistresses and thats all.
Hope i could answer You properly.
With regards
rugenuine

(in reply to Hergirl0824)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: asking Respected MistressYes - 12/16/2007 3:10:11 PM   
BondageSlaveMN


Posts: 80
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I do realize that I am the exact opposite of a FemDom, but that doesn't mean I can't post here, does it? My comments apply to all persons just the same and are quite relevent to the topic at hand.

I've posted this before on a separate thread in a different board on these forums, but I'll post it again:

This reminds me of the whole "respect your elders" ideology. Just because you've managed to not die for 75 years doesn't mean I owe you my respect and trust. Respect and trust are things that must be earned and it is generally easier to lose these things than gain them.

When I meet a person for the first time, D/s or vanilla, potential mate or not, I ascribe them a certain amount of trust and respect simply for the fact that they are human beings. I will admit that this trust and respect doesn't go very far, but nonetheless, they have it. From then on, they have the option of gaining more respect and trust or losing that which they have already been given.

It sounds to me that you have bought in to the mindset of "You're a Dom so you have my submission even though I've never met you before." This is a dangerous game to play. It's only a matter of time before you'll encounter a Dom that violates that trust and exceeds your limits. I'm a sub/slave male (precisely what I am is unimportant, just keep in mind that I idenify as submissive) and here I am being very assertive if not downright aggressive online. This is because I submit only to those I choose to submit to. I will gladly submit to a Master who has gained my trust and respect.

I hope what I have written helps you. If you would like to discuss this further, send me a PM on the other side. I am always available to offer my thoughts on any particular subject.

P.S. Master Fire is right also. People act according to their experiences and if those experiences have shown them that subs are a certain way, then the odds are stacked against you. This just means that you must arise above the subs who have caused this and show your suitors that you're better than that.

(in reply to rugenuine)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: asking Respected MistressYes - 12/16/2007 3:15:23 PM   
SunNMoon


Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rugenuine

Respected MistressRumpus
This is about certain Mistress who is supposedly considering me for on line ownership and informed me i should change certain things in my daily life and asked me to mention in my profile that i am under consideration. i obeyed Her instantly.Therafter she suddenly disappeared in the sense that she visits CM but doesnt open my mails(6 as on date).She even sent her pic and so did i, now i am in tension and dont know what to do.


That happened to me too a few months back, but it was a male sub and he wrote he was under my "consideration" next thing I know he has poofed on me. So what I suggest is just move on, it's the internet and with internet dating there seems to be a lot of poofing.

_____________________________

"We agreed to S&M only, sex and mockery." - Gray’s Anatomy.

(in reply to rugenuine)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: asking Respected MistressYes - 12/16/2007 3:18:29 PM   
petpete


Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		rug.... It is not just the D's that cannot trust the subs.. It is also the other way.. Previous let downs in our past can have some effect in our future.. W/we tend to trust much harder and need more convincing.. It is only natural to happen as the old say : once bitten twice shy.

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!


(in reply to BondageSlaveMN)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: asking Respected MistressYes - 12/16/2007 3:24:21 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rugenuine

why is it difficult for a genuine Mistress to trust a new-bee sub?
why is it that a new-bee sub must be meticulously dissected in terms of all associated areas?Is it that the world has become so bad that we think of cheaters only and not of honest people,of people who fail to keep their words and not of genuine people any more?Christmas is on the way and do we see ourselves flooded with mistrust and lack of faith in human values?Where are we heading then?

Since Iam fairly sure this post is bitter becasue of the situation, I wont pick it apart too much.
New submissives are dissected becasue for the most part we want to make sure they are trying to find US and not trying to fit us into their fantasy. Many times, the latter is true and as a Domme we are nothing but a player in an act they are trying to work out. You have a lot to prove all the time as a male sub, since there is such competition for Domme attention. AS a newcomer with no experience, you have an even harder time since you cant even say for sure what you like, dont like or are good at. It has nothing to do with generaly being mistrusting. It has to do with having been involved in the lifestyle long enough to know that things have to be picked apart before we can make anything of them.
As to someone disapearing, it happens to everyone.  Some do it only online, some do so after having met a time or two. When someone disapears, you give them a little time incase there is some real life occurance that has gotten in the way, and then you move on and chalk them up to a loss. People are unpredictable, and sometimes things dont work out for whatever reason. Dont hold your breath that someone who has disappeared is going to acknowledge you, just lick your wounds and find someone who has a more vested interest in you.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to rugenuine)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: asking Respected MistressYes - 12/16/2007 4:04:35 PM   
MercilessMarcy


Posts: 80
Joined: 11/12/2006
Status: offline 		I find, for myself, I'm pretty gullible.  Questioning gives me time to stop and really consider the person sitting in front of me.  Unfortunately, the world does have it's share of preditors.  I don't intend to become a victim.    I've experienced enough wanna-be's who were only looking for what they could get from me. A little caution is a good thing.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: asking Respected MistressYes - 12/16/2007 4:51:14 PM   
liketophoto


Posts: 763
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline 		As a sub do you not ask a battery of questions also?
Respectfully, LTP 

(in reply to rugenuine)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: asking Respected MistressYes - 12/18/2007 12:04:49 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		Some of us just don't like to engage with newbies or novices because we have no time for being used as a carnival ride, only being hopped off of and left as they go try something else out on the midway.  Perhaps the interrogation was to validate that you're not some psycho serial killer, a mental defect or some other anomaly that commonly surfaces in people online?

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to rugenuine)
Profile   Post #: 20
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