Has this ever worked?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Has this ever worked?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Has this ever worked?

Page: [1]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Has this ever worked? - 12/15/2007 4:46:21 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

I just had a guy try to send me to bed ... granted, I had just told him that it's getting close to my bedtime, but I had also just told him to ask questions of me and I'd answer them. He accused me of not wanting dialogue ... excuse the hell out of me, but if I'm messaging him back, telling him that I will be around to reply to messages inbetween working on things in preparation for Christmas, and telling him to ask me questions to answer - how exactly is that me not wanting dialogue? And since when is a Domme supposed to take orders from a potential submissive???

*edited to add*
Let's also not forget the fact that I'm on heavy painkillers due to some oral surgery that I had this week ... (meds make Karen forgetful ... lol)

[end rant mode]

Sorry about that, just had to get it out of my system ... blarg

< Message edited by SweetDommes -- 12/15/2007 4:49:35 AM >

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

Post #: 1

RE: Has this ever worked? - 12/15/2007 4:58:00 AM

BlackKnight

Posts: 767
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Waah, you want to do something else, prepare for christmas, over me, ha!
Now go to bed!
talk about topping from the bottom....

_____________________________

'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.'
Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner's, 1905, page 284"
George Santayana

Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get me!

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 2

RE: Has this ever worked? - 12/15/2007 5:15:26 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

Ok, I'm definitely finding the humor in this. The reason he "suggested" that I go to bed is because I said I was a bit tired because it's close to my bedtime, and tired people can't pay attention to detail well enough to hold a conversation apparently ... of course, in his previous message to me, he typed in all capital letters (a rather nasty sentence, if I had taken it personally) because of a "keyboard error" ... now, seriously, knowing that typing in all capital letters is considered shouting in the online medium, why would you claim it was an accident (even though you left it) when you are telling someone that she's supposedly incapable of paying attention to detail???

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to BlackKnight)

Post #: 3

RE: Has this ever worked? - 12/15/2007 5:35:52 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

It seems his ego was offended, which I don't think is unimaginable. I expect most dommes would not entertain a conversation where a sub was giving them partial attention because it would feel disrespectful, and I expect he felt similarly.

So I allow some room for why he felt offended. Still, I think there is a way to look at things without taking offense to ego--it's reality. People are busy. Dommes are inundated with messages. In the mix of everything at that moment, it was either a conversation that was juggled amongst other activities or no conversation. Looking at it this way, he could appreciate that you worked him in amongst other things you were doing at the time.

A keyboard error! He should be a political spokesperson ;-) If there was a keyboard error, it was coupled by an eyesight error that missed the keyboard error. I think a judgment error is a more accurate description.

While I allow some room for the origin of how he felt, I think the way he responded was inappropriate and destructive.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 4

RE: Has this ever worked? - 12/15/2007 5:37:07 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

OK, I can understand his wanting more of your undivided attention during the "getting to know you" phase. It's kind of hard to do that when one person is tired, on pain meds and simultaneously finishing up Christmas preparations. Maybe he should have been a bit more polite about how he pointed that out.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 5

RE: Has this ever worked? - 12/15/2007 5:38:42 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

I do feel the need to point out - he 'suggested' that I go to bed before I told him I would be doing things around the house. I told him that I would be staying up and could reply to messages inbetween preparing for Christmas and such. He then decided to 'shout' at me and accuse me of being frivolas (sp?) ... and since when is that a bad thing?

I'm also of the opinion that as long as the boy tells me that he's not giving me his undivided attention, that's ok. Life happens - and there are things that are important that need to be done. I multitask on a regular basis because I have a short attention span, plus a lot of things that I need/want to do. If the conversation gets good enough, I postpone either the other tasks or the conversation so that I can give more attention to the boy - but until then, I have a life that doesn't revolve around my computer.

< Message edited by SweetDommes -- 12/15/2007 5:54:09 AM >

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 6

RE: Has this ever worked? - 12/15/2007 10:44:20 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Maybe right now with the busy season and the let down you've had from a partner it isn't the best time at all for you to be talking to a potential?

Not telling you what to do but asking a question.

I, for one, don't do chat things or instant message things because with my busy life I can't be there to answer immediately -- I do see chat or other instant messaging things as pretty the same as being on the phone with someone.

If someone wants to talk to talk to me, they can deal with email when we each have the time to reply.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 7

RE: Has this ever worked? - 12/15/2007 11:09:34 AM

MiladyElaine

Posts: 1086
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline

Well I DO email but I don't chat. I am one for doing other things while I talk.
If there's one thing I can't stand it's waiting for an answer! You imagine them taking a drink of whatever, checking on something else while they wait for the next question, going to the restroom, getting something to eat, etc. Then all of a sudden you see the little message "so'n so is writing a message." I can't stand it - My time is too valuable.

_____________________________

A crazy quilt is warm but oddly put together.

Milady

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 8

RE: Has this ever worked? - 12/15/2007 3:48:25 PM

HottLicks

Posts: 174
Joined: 9/21/2007
Status: offline

Communication stuck in ego/anger issues! Sounds rather anal to me. I'd offer to plug him but he sounds plugged already .

(in reply to MiladyElaine)

Post #: 9

RE: Has this ever worked? - 12/15/2007 8:21:31 PM

domahpet

Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline

would You to give him the address of the dom that was so rude to me today?
him and your boy can be rude to each other LOL

(in reply to HottLicks)

Post #: 10

RE: Has this ever worked? - 12/16/2007 2:41:17 AM

beeble

Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

undergroundsea wrote: It seems his ego was offended, which I don't think is unimaginable. I expect most dommes would not entertain a conversation where a sub was giving them partial attention because it would feel disrespectful, and I expect he felt similarly.

I'm perfectly happy to have IM conversations while the other person is doing other things and, often, I'm doing other things, too. In many cases, real life just has to take priority and there's nothing wrong with that. If somebody feels they're not getting enough attention in an IM conversation, the correct response is something like, ``Can we talk again some time when you're less busy?'' not than something like ``Stop being so busy.''

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 11

RE: Has this ever worked? - 12/16/2007 8:51:08 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
I'm also of the opinion that as long as the boy tells me that he's not giving me his undivided attention, that's ok. Life happens - and there are things that are important that need to be done.

I think that is a realistic approach.

I think his behavior was inappropriate and it is not my intent to justify it but to try to understand what might have happened :)

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 12

RE: Has this ever worked? - 12/17/2007 9:22:22 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

We do try to be realistic lol Sometimes it works better than others.

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 13

RE: Has this ever worked? - 12/18/2007 12:01:47 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

If it's a submissive who is in service to me, who is being respectful and protective of me.....perhaps. But I'll be damned if some stranger tells me to do anything as though it were an order!

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 14

RE: Has this ever worked? - 12/19/2007 11:10:02 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

ONLY TWUE DOMINATES HAVE KEYBOARD ERRORS

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 15

RE: Has this ever worked? - 12/19/2007 11:15:10 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I do find t funny. Usually when Fox says something like that, no meaning to be demanding but it comes across that way, I tell him "Yes sir, right away sir" and he gets the point.
Someone in the getting to know you phase should realize he is not yet getting all your attention. Especially if you were polite enough to say that you hd a few things to do. If he had issues with that he could easily have excused himself from the conversation and talked to you again when you were more able to devote time to him.
Foot stomping and name calling dont exactly make for a good first impression.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 16

RE: Has this ever worked? - 12/19/2007 3:48:10 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

I do feel the need to point out - he 'suggested' that I go to bed before I told him I would be doing things around the house. I told him that I would be staying up and could reply to messages inbetween preparing for Christmas and such. He then decided to 'shout' at me and accuse me of being frivolas (sp?) ... and since when is that a bad thing?

I'm also of the opinion that as long as the boy tells me that he's not giving me his undivided attention, that's ok. Life happens - and there are things that are important that need to be done. I multitask on a regular basis because I have a short attention span, plus a lot of things that I need/want to do. If the conversation gets good enough, I postpone either the other tasks or the conversation so that I can give more attention to the boy - but until then, I have a life that doesn't revolve around my computer.

I'd think most caring subs would naturally suggest you go to bed if it were close to your normal bed time and they knew you were in pain from having oral surgery. I know I would. Shouting is of course another matter.

I've always personally been offended when others have multitasked by carrying on multiple IM sessions or doing a lot of other things while we're trying to have an IM conversation; particularly when they've not stated as much up front. But that's just me. As you did, he then had the option of asking when might be a better time to talk where he might have more of your focused attention. Some of us just don't multitask as well as others.

- pixel

Collared to Majik

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 17

RE: Has this ever worked? - 12/19/2007 5:22:27 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

It wasn't an IM conversation - just e-mailing through the personals side of CM ... which I find to be slow and tedious at best anyway. I refuse to use the chat function on CM because I don't like it, and with all the warnings about scammers wanting to move off the site to IM/personal e-mail right away, I've stopped doing that.

I can't remember the exact phrasing of him trying to send me to bed, but a- he had only been talking to me for about 5 minutes, so he has no place trying to get me to do anything and b- the way he put it just didn't set well with me, something about me going to bedville in slumberland or something stupid like that.

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 18

RE: Has this ever worked? - 12/19/2007 7:23:18 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
b- the way he put it just didn't set well with me, something about me going to bedville in slumberland or something stupid like that.

ROTFL! He wasn't into diaper play was he?

- pixel

Collared to Majik

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 19

RE: Has this ever worked? - 12/20/2007 7:00:56 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

I don't know, but if he were, it would be a deal breaker anyway LOL

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 20

Page: [1]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Has this ever worked?

Page: [1]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.141