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nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/18/2005 1:25:02 AM   
shamelesss


Posts: 5
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		I just need someone to tell me that the Dom I'm going to play with for the first time in two days is just as nervous and eager as I am...even if you lie to me. Please tell me that he's worried about living up to my expectations, that he's nervous about the scene he has planned. Tell me that he's insecure about his body or his technique or his clothes or ...anything. Tell me that he can't stop thinking about me, and that he can't wait to do terrible and wonderful things to my person. Lie to me if you have to, but please say it anyway.

I feel completely insecure and desperate..when I know I'm not really either of those things. I've been unable to think of anything else since our last face to face when we set up our playdate. I think somehow I've traveled back in time to highschool.
I'm so turned on all the time I can barely think. I feel like crying. I worry that he doesn't think about me as often as I think about him. I worry that I'll disappoint him, fail to please him, not live up to his expectations in some way.


Nervous subbie,
Jolene
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/18/2005 1:31:53 AM   
KittenWithaTwist


Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		Hopefully he isn't insecure about any techniques he plans on performing on you. That would be bad.

Everyone gets nervous. A dominant is just as human as you are.

(in reply to shamelesss)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/18/2005 1:50:49 AM   
MsPurrmeow


Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline 		Even if you ask nicely, I won't lie to you. He's a human, you're a human. What change will it make if he's not feeling insecure about playing with you? Being confident and well-adjusted shouldn't be a bad thing. Maybe he has a real life and is just waiting to see what happens when you finally do have your date.

And I'll toss this out, too, even though you might not like it.
Do you not know him well enough to be discussing these issue with him?
Is there a reason why you are not talking to him about these feelings?

If you need reassurance, only you can find that for yourself. Don't let the expectations ruin what could be a wonderful experience. Enjoy the adrenaline rush, and keep yourself safe. Have fun!

Purr

(in reply to shamelesss)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/18/2005 4:04:30 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Shameless, breath............ another deep breath please.
Ok, it's obvious you think quite highly of him but honestly,
he may not live up to *your* expectations. That feeling
your describing of the over the top, heart pounding,
every nerve on tingle might possibly lend you to fibbing to
yourself that he's soooooo perfect, when in actuality
he might not meet all your needs. Follow your gut
it wont lead you wrong. Ok, now chin up, and remember
breath......................

Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

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RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/18/2005 7:17:46 AM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		Hi Shameless,
Yes, for the most part every Dom is nervous when they meet someone new too. I know I am. I try very hard to hide it from them but I'm usually nervous. I think that's a natural reaction from everyone. And as a Dom I recognize that the new Sub is going to be nervous and I try to do what I can to alleviate those fears and make them comfortable.
Good luck and I hope you have a really good experience.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to shamelesss)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/18/2005 7:27:39 AM   
thelight


Posts: 82
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline 		thank you for sharing your beautiful feelings.

(in reply to shamelesss)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/18/2005 7:41:42 AM   
MsKyln


Posts: 32
Joined: 4/22/2005
Status: offline 		Shamelesss, While I take the same stance as MsPurrmeow ( won't lie to you). I will tell you, that I've been in this lifestyle for many, many years and each time I met someone new, I've had those momentary feelings of "what if". As soon as the unsure feelings kick in, I turn them into the positive "what if's" ... What if he is so adorable I can't stand to release him for even a day etc. IF you know this Dominant enough to trust completely ... or surely enough to have a "play date" , things will go smoothly as long as you listen to your heart , trust your intution/gut ... and as Quivver said .... " breath"
Best of Luck to You !!
Ms Kyln

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Profile   Post #: 7
RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/18/2005 8:33:51 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKyln
I will tell you, that I've been in this lifestyle for many, many years and each time I met someone new, I've had those momentary feelings of "what if".


So beautifully put!

If you read any of my posts, you will see as confident (ok, maybe arrogant) and self-assured a top as you might ever want to meet. I have met many from online in real time, and every single time, I get those butterflies in my stomach. (I think that may be part of why I do it...I love that "what if" feeling.) If I stopped feeling that way, I probably wouldn't do it anymore.

I am sure he is excited...though, if he has been doing this for any length of time, his frenzy is tempered with some experience. I am sure he is nervous. I am sure he feels all of those things that humans feel when they are about to connect on a deeper level for the first time.

Don't worry so much about him, and enjoy your own ride...

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to MsKyln)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/18/2005 9:00:18 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Mentally you HAVE travelled back to high school.

If you need a group of online strangers to reassure you, then maybe it's not the right time to be doing something.

You're in sub frenzy, so you're likely going to put yourself in unnnecessarily risky situations. You're likely also going to do so no matter what anyone else here says, maybe become totally in lust/love with this guy and become his slave forever until things just fall apart.

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RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/18/2005 9:03:40 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
You're likely also going to do so no matter what anyone else here says, maybe become totally in lust/love with this guy and become his slave forever until things just fall apart.


And that's only if she's lucky!

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/18/2005 9:17:44 AM   
themischievous1


Posts: 151
Joined: 4/3/2005
From: San Antonio, Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shamelesss

I think somehow I've traveled back in time to highschool.
I'm so turned on all the time I can barely think.


Hi shamelesss,

~grins~ Isn't it wonderful to feel like that? I'm so envious! Enjoy the experience, even if it turns out to be just infatuation. Time will tell. Please be careful and hopefully you've taken the safety precautions you're supposed to if you don't know him well.

mischie

(in reply to shamelesss)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/18/2005 9:22:19 PM   
shamelesss


Posts: 5
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		I appreciate all of the replies, and what little reassurance was offered;)
I have all of the generally accepted safe practices in place, and actually our first playdate will be at a 'public' playparty. Since I posted I've been fasting and meditating to clear my head and...breathe...:)
I've also discussed with him further his expectations, and mine, and feel a little better about things. Still wired beyond belief, but not as "freaked out" as I've been feeling for days.
Up until now I've only played with people that I've known for years, and never before with someone I've met online. All of the references from others won't alleviate some of my nervousness. Not of my overall safety, of which I have no doubts, but the general nervousness of an intimate experience with someone new.

J

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RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/18/2005 9:23:34 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I look forward to your post next week asking how to deal with sub drop :)

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/18/2005 9:25:57 PM   
Veav


Posts: 150
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline 		Getting a good night's sleep helps with that sort of thing. On the other hand, you mentioned fasting? Erm... I'd discourage that. I'm sure someone with more experience can speak with authority, but do you really want low blood sugar, etc. when playing around?

_____________________________

Yes, I am Gordon Freeman. Accept this, and move on with your life.

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/19/2005 1:46:18 AM   
MissTy


Posts: 25
Joined: 7/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

I look forward to your post next week asking how to deal with sub drop :)



Explain please... Theres so much terminology that only makes us new ones even more confused...
Plus, in general your posts are very objective and down-to-earth which I appreciate, but here I thought you're really negative... Burned too many times??

_____________________________

"Family... means: nobody is left behind..."

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/19/2005 3:17:58 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Sub drop, I always have a wild image in my mind of a Dominant picking up a sub/slave and holding her as high as he can and dropping her to see if she will bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce. So ok its nothing to make fun of and I know how nasty it can be. I’ll pass the baton to some one else with more experience about it to explain.







_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MissTy)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/19/2005 5:05:04 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shamelesss

I appreciate all of the replies, and what little reassurance was offered;)
I have all of the generally accepted safe practices in place, and actually our first playdate will be at a 'public' playparty.



For those who do want to play on first meeting, I do recommend a public venue. That way if you need to safeword or are just uncomfortable with what you discover, there are others around who can enforce your decision (sometimes with vigor [memory laugh])


_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

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RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/19/2005 5:08:15 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissTy


quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

I look forward to your post next week asking how to deal with sub drop :)



Explain please... Theres so much terminology that only makes us new ones even more confused...
Plus, in general your posts are very objective and down-to-earth which I appreciate, but here I thought you're really negative... Burned too many times??


Well, subdrop is a valid consideration. Of course, since it often comes after a GREAT scene, I didn't read this as unequivocally negative.

The best antidote for subdrop is to realize that it does happen and it's a physical thing. Being prepared for it is the best way to deal with it. The worst is to look through one's soul for the things that "went wrong to cause this horrible feeling." [sad smile] Look hard enough and you'll find them whether or not they are there.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to MissTy)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/19/2005 7:37:49 AM   
krazysubbiekat


Posts: 145
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline 		Hmmmmm...sub drop. This phrase has been bandied about a lot lately, and while i agree that it is and can be a very serious issue, i think that with acceptance it can be used as a positive. As a painslut, i am often bombarded with a physical reaction to the end of such stimulation. The physical release that comes from the flow of endorphins often leaves a girl with a drained feeling, both mentally and emotionally. i personally am prepared for that, and allow myself time to go with it, even embrace it. i take bubblebaths, eat chocolate, paint my toenails...anything to be good to myself. This is especially important if a sub is not in a position to be with her Dom/Top/Master when she is feeling this way. While this is a simplified method of dealing with this very complicated issue, i like to KISS it (Keep It Simple Stupid). Just my little subbie opinion.

_____________________________

"Treat every day like it is a gift. Unwrap it and then wrap your arms around it; it will surprise and intrigue you." --N. Elchibini


(in reply to IronBear)
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RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/19/2005 7:52:00 AM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		It's all good shamelesss ... it sounds like you have all the safety issues worked out.

Just let-er-rip today ... and worry about tomorrow ... well, tomorrow.

When tomorrow comes, if something brings you down ... just say that the past is the past, and that's a damn good place to keep it!

And whatever you do, don't let some of the people on this board get you down ... some people here just can't resist a good mental mind-fuck with your feelings.

_____________________________

I wish I could buy back ...
the woman you stole.

(in reply to krazysubbiekat)
Profile   Post #: 20
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