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RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 7:54:42 PM   
Sirandlil1


Posts: 272
Joined: 8/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilredny

Am I completely insane to go to his home for our first meeting? Shall I ask for information to leave someone? Should I be worried?

you asked the right questions...now take the advice everyone is giving you...never go to a private place for a first meeting

_____________________________

A true Master exhibits honor, integrity, honesty, self discipline, personal responsibility and caring for his property.

(in reply to lilredny)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 8:04:44 PM   
liminalRapture


Posts: 181
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline 		I'm sorry, but to say "if you have any doubts at all, then we won't meet.  Prove to me you trust me by meeting at my house" sounds insane to me.  He is then getting you to prove you are trusting by going along with his false dichotomy.  He is basically saying "my way or the highway."  And it is dangerous.

You live in NYC--if you really want to play the first time, go to Paddles.  I'd never do it because of my job, but, you'd be safe there--they have monitors there.  You won't be dead and you will be able to stop it.

If you go ahead with this (which I really hope you don't ), make sure also that you aren't tied up the first time.  If he wants to restrain you, let him use thread and punish you if you break the thread.  Or hold nickels against the wall, or whatever.  But, in my opinion, going to his home isn't safe, but it is even more dangerous to be helpless.

_____________________________

"Ring the bells that can still ring. Forget your perfect offering. There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." Leonard Cohen.

(in reply to BlackWolfSwitch)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 8:18:37 PM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I am a newbie and these forums are my bible


This is a nice sentiment and there is a lot of wisdom here, but nothing can replace your perspective, which we really are only catching a brief, fuzzy glimpse of, and your relationship, which is revealed to us even less. It's good to lurk and read. I think probably most of us learn something most of the time; but putting all of your faith in what is posted here? I wouldn't recommend that to anyone. I wish you well.

(in reply to lilredny)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 9:02:49 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilredny

I am a newbie and these forums are my bible


Uh...I would not really consider the forums to be your bible. They are fun, informative, entertaining, hot, etc. but nothing replaces good old common sense and obeying that inner voice, that is first thing to obey, not some dude.

(in reply to lilredny)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 9:13:20 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilredny

Kali, although I really do appreciate your concern, please understand He is not pushing me into anything. We've been doing the onine thing for a while now. I think it's time for us to meet, just the fact that it's in his "turf" makes me nervous.


why can't he come to NYC and meet you on your turf... not your home... in a public place...

(in reply to lilredny)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 9:51:25 PM   
LittleWench


Posts: 265
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

If you want to (possibly) end up getting kidnapped and turned into a slave living in the basement, fed one time a week... made into a sex toy for complete strangers and whatever else, including your possible demise or lifelong mental scarring ...... Then by all means, go to his place!


Lilred, read the above by Blackwolf.  There are posters on this forum who would accept that as part of their relationship, whether they gave consent or not, you should never ever consider these forums your bible.  Think of it as a big family reunion.  Lots of noise and yelling over the top of other people to get heard, lots of laughter, some people are going to really get on your nerves, but you will hear tonnes of great stories, and if you stick around long enough someone will get drunk enough to dance on the tables.

(in reply to BlackWolfSwitch)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 9:55:29 PM   
tdslittlehelper


Posts: 79
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline 		I always meet at a munch first.  Then there is not only a whole resturant there but your FAMILY (leather that is ) is watching out for ya!  That is where I met my Sir and my Audrey.  I have know them for 2 years and they havn't murdered me yet!

(in reply to BlackWolfSwitch)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 9:56:56 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilredny

Kali, although I really do appreciate your concern, please understand He is not pushing me into anything. We've been doing the onine thing for a while now. I think it's time for us to meet, just the fact that it's in his "turf" makes me nervous. Again, thank you for your support. I am a newbie and these forums are my bible


How could the forums be your bible?  How do you pick who to agree with?  We don't know what's going on with most of these people that ask questions, while I think they are a source of information and exploration, a bible is a stretch really.

I would really consider the public meeting and see how it goes.  Although you've been online for awhile, people lie or turn out to be much different in person when emotion and attraction are added into the mix.

Be careful!
l

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to lilredny)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 11:27:34 PM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline 		lilred, why are you going to his home for the first meet?  Do lunch or coffee or something that has you in a public place.  The internet is a nice tool, but it doesn't determine the character of a man/woman behind the proverbial curtain. 

girly

(in reply to BlackWolfSwitch)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 11:36:58 PM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

What if he turns out to be your gynecologist


That would actually be kinda hot.....


I'm with windchymes, I like playing doctor with my Sir! Dang, why does He have to be asleep.

On a serious note OP~ there's no reason for you not to meet him in a public place. Although I've only had one Sir (one year on the 29th of December thank you very much!) I feel safe to say if a man that has never met you is asking you to come to his home, and feels that this is "ok" he isn't going along with SS&C, or at least all of them.  Please, listen to that inner voice, if you're having the slightest doubt don't go to his place.

be well
girly

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 11:42:10 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Well, I'm not recommending it or not recommending it, but people should be aware that going to the home of someone you just met in a bar or whatever is hundreds of times more dangerous than going to the home of someone you met on the internet.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

Yes...Yes...and uhm....YES....
 
That is of course, unless the idea of being raped, beaten, mamed, and murdered appeals to You...then hey, go for it....

(in reply to Kalista07)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 11:48:34 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Well, I'm not recommending it or not recommending it, but people should be aware that going to the home of someone you just met in a bar or whatever is hundreds of times more dangerous than going to the home of someone you met on the internet.


While i tend to agree with You LAM, the difference here is if i met a guy in a bar and go to his home and he rapes me and i have to call the police to get me out of there...i can pretty much gurantee (sp) that they will charge him with rape and He'll be outof jail the next day...
However, if i go to his home with someone i met online and he rapes me it means i'm subjected to the whole bullshit mentality of " well You met them online what did You think was going to happen"....So, i see Your point, but i think the reality is on some level it is a little bit more dangerous as there's no accountability.

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb


(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 11:58:54 PM   
stevepops


Posts: 41
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline 		It's always a personal judgement call, from the other side we would not let a potential sub, slave into our house, there could be hidden agendas there as well. I agreee with those who say if you want a relationship there should be no problem meeting each other in a publica place the first few time. And how many have actually met and found out that the profile pic did not make the representation it was meant to be? And very true as it was said earlier, what if you don't like the body odor? I will even go as far as running a personal backgorund check I - they're only $49 - and for sexual offenders, that search is free.
The way we like to do it is exchange of emails and IMs plus ph conversations, then meetings in public which might include a meeting at a dungeon - we'll meet at the entrance and part on the way out. After this we can move on to the private stuff. Just to protect all of us.
I think you have gotten a lot of great advice from the other posters. I wich you all the best and remember, if this one does not work - ther WILL be another.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/17/2007 1:21:08 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Well, unless you have real experience with cases this, I don't see how you can make such judgments.  Sounds like a pair of preconceived notions to me--and questionable ones at that.  From what I've seen, most law-enforcement agencies are pretty eager to pursue internet-related crime.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

While i tend to agree with You LAM, the difference here is if i met a guy in a bar and go to his home and he rapes me and i have to call the police to get me out of there...i can pretty much gurantee (sp) that they will charge him with rape and He'll be outof jail the next day...
However, if i go to his home with someone i met online and he rapes me it means i'm subjected to the whole bullshit mentality of " well You met them online what did You think was going to happen"....So, i see Your point, but i think the reality is on some level it is a little bit more dangerous as there's no accountability.

(in reply to Kalista07)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/17/2007 3:40:16 AM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		Well, if you've learned anything from the forums, then you've learned that there are plenty of conflicting opinions on a range of subjects...
 
Personally, I don't find anything all that psycho about meeting someone in their home. It would, generally, be preferrable to me to meet in a public place but I can certainly imagine circumstances where I would prefer a private evening. Honestly, my advice would be to do what you feel comfortable with.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to lilredny)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/17/2007 5:19:45 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		this is why i'm a firm believer of meeting in a public place with LOTS of other people in the room so i won't be putting myself in a seriously dangerous situation.

being submissive doesn't mean you leave your brains at the door, dear.  and i agree with LA, you sound worried about this meeting perhaps you should rethink and/or reschedule until you feel comfortable about meeting him ...and this time pick a public place.


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to lilredny)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/17/2007 6:08:02 AM   
tricia


Posts: 231
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Trust your instinct.
 
I met my guy 3 years ago at his house.  With all safety measures in place.  No expectations of 'scening' or sex.
 
Keep in mind you might be safer first meeting in a public place.  Also keep in mind he can always rape, mame, beat and murder you on the second or third meeting -- at his house.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/17/2007 6:22:00 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		You've not said how long the 2 of you have been talking, for me that is a large part of my determing factor.If it has been just a couple of months then I would say go meet him but stay in a nearby hotel and not his home. That gives you the advantage of having your own space, not being reliant upon him for a place to sleep and the marginal safety of the hotel staff. If however you have been talking to him for 6 months and have verified the details of his life and you feel okay with it then I would say meet him, eat a meal in public then decide. See how he acts in person, if there is a connection make sure you have a safety network set up and yes go to his home. But only if you have actually verified his information such as workplace, real name etc. I think that in general it is not a wise idea to spend the first time you meet in an enclosed place of his. That leaves you very vulnerable. When I met R it was in a city of mutual distance and in a hotel. I felt safer knowing his full history because we had been friends and talking for a year.  If you have a cam phone you may have a pic taken of the two of you and tell him you're sending it to a friend. Heh I just thought of that one. Remember to listen to your instincts and try to not get carried away by the excitement of meeting him.

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to lilredny)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/17/2007 7:09:11 AM   
sweetstorm


Posts: 227
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilredny

Am I completely insane to go to his home for our first meeting? Shall I ask for information to leave someone? Should I be worried?


You yourself are questioning your own sanity for doing something. That to me says that you KNOW it's not a great idea.

Personally, I always meet up for coffee first, with the understanding that we COULD go to his house if I am comfortable with that after meeting him.

_____________________________

You don't need a parachute to skydive.

You need a parachute to skydive twice.

(in reply to lilredny)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/17/2007 7:23:43 AM   
Peridot


Posts: 78
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

What if he turns out to be your gynecologist


That would actually be kinda hot.....


SQUICK!

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 40
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