RE: Attractive as a sub. Not as a domme. (Full Version)

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kitttty -> RE: Attractive as a sub. Not as a domme. (12/16/2007 8:18:55 PM)

Dave, I'm real. And I'm insecure. Because Im not worried about my 'hotness', I'm worried about everything else. I never set myself up to wear the pants in a relationship and now I feel like a damsel in distress trying to storm the fortress.

Trust me, self esteem problems do not end when you are a size 0 C cup.



Lashra -> RE: Attractive as a sub. Not as a domme. (12/16/2007 8:40:48 PM)

Its the mind you have to dominate and the body follows. Size doesn't really matter nor does having loads of cash and toys. What matters is the energy exchange you have with the right person.

Good luck,
~Lashra



TMaster2 -> RE: Attractive as a sub. Not as a domme. (12/16/2007 8:44:25 PM)

find yourself a sub with a car and a few bucks, the two of you go to some workshops and you learn how to handle that single tail (or similar) then you will be the Lady Supreme, no matter your size -- actually a small girl swinging a big whip would be a big plus (as long as you know how to use it -- those things can be dangerous)



petdave -> RE: Attractive as a sub. Not as a domme. (12/16/2007 9:25:43 PM)

quote:

o
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

Dave, I'm real. And I'm insecure. Because Im not worried about my 'hotness', I'm worried about everything else. I never set myself up to wear the pants in a relationship and now I feel like a damsel in distress trying to storm the fortress.

Trust me, self esteem problems do not end when you are a size 0 C cup.


Lol. That's cute and all, but you can't bullshit a bullshitter.  i was probably writing lesbian porn when you were playing with Power Rangers. Srsly. The "I'm just a girl in the world" schtick is so dead. If you want people to tell you that "you're" hot, you've gotta go with something non-traditional... 5'1" and 300lb, serious facial scarring, 12 toes, conjoined twin... something a bit, well, not completely obvious. Or else, ditch the insecure routine and dig into some "I'm trying to figure out how to stretch my girlfriend's pussy far enough to stick my foot in" typa fun, 'cuz that's far more compelling [:)]



sexyred1 -> RE: Attractive as a sub. Not as a domme. (12/16/2007 9:30:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

quote:


If you're genuinely dominant, and enjoy dominating, then being small, young, and poor shouldn't get in your way, unless you let it.


. Many submissive men also value youth and the media ideal of female appearance, just as vanilla men do.




funny, I just read this...different strokes I guess.

http://personals.aol.com/love-dating/_a/female-shape-men-like-the-most/20070104101609990001



kitttty -> RE: Attractive as a sub. Not as a domme. (12/16/2007 10:04:40 PM)

quote:

i was probably writing lesbian porn when you were playing with Power Rangers. Srsly. The "I'm just a girl in the world" schtick is so dead. If you want people to tell you that "you're" hot, you've gotta go with something non-traditional... 5'1" and 300lb, serious facial scarring, 12 toes, conjoined twin... something a bit, well, not completely obviou
s.

Man, I was thinking up lesbian porn while I was playing with power rangers. Actually, before power rangers even came on TV in the US. If it helps, my nose is big and I swear I need surgery.

It might be a tired schtick, but it's mine. Can't help my current lot in life.

quote:

funny, I just read this...different strokes I guess.

http://personals.aol.com/love-dating/_a/female-shape-men-like-the-most/20070104101609990001


What are you trying to say?



Skully7000 -> RE: Attractive as a sub. Not as a domme. (12/16/2007 10:11:24 PM)

My girlfriend is 4'11"  and we are both Dominant and Poly. One of the most sexxy things is to watch her take someone who towers over her. and mentally make them half her size. true domination begins and ends with what you do the persons mind. size doesn't matter strength doesn't matter.

it sounds to me like you feel like you would be a sub becuase you don't have the confidence to picture yourself topping someone bigger then you. that is limiting. personally I feel the most important factor of being a dom or sub is your ability to lead another vs follow another.



laurell3 -> RE: Attractive as a sub. Not as a domme. (12/16/2007 10:59:15 PM)

I think one of the things you have to remember about switching roles when you've had the other role is that not everyone you encounter is going to be like you.  I would guess there are many subs that will not care about the financial issues as long as you aren't looking for them to pay your way.  I think the attitude, personality, approach and ability to relate are much more important than a car personally.



CuriousLord -> RE: Attractive as a sub. Not as a domme. (12/16/2007 11:02:14 PM)

Yes, I believe those factors you mentioned in the OP are going to work against you.  Being physically larger and stronger- being finically indepedent (or, better, affluent).. those things really make your case as a Dominant stronger.

Still, this doesn't mean that you can't be a Domme.  I imagine a lot, if not most, Domme's are weaker than their subs.  (After all, men do tend to be stronger.)  So, it's not like your position is unique, even if you might have a little more to work around.

But, if you can still get that mental aspect in there, it can work.  You're going to have to be more confident, though; sure of yourself and such.

If you'd like a tip, it sounds like you may be rather physically attractive.  You could try to use the angle that's common even in the vanilla world to find some controll... make the sub work for the honor of being able to surface you, teasing him with your body and such.

Searching for other, smaller Domme's on the other side and asking them for help may also yield some practical advice.

Edit:  I haven't slept in about a week now, so I'm just going to leave the typos above there for the sheer novelty of using "surface" instead of "service", among others.



MystressDream -> RE: Attractive as a sub. Not as a domme. (12/16/2007 11:58:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

Dave, I'm real. And I'm insecure. Because Im not worried about my 'hotness', I'm worried about everything else. I never set myself up to wear the pants in a relationship and now I feel like a damsel in distress trying to storm the fortress.

Trust me, self esteem problems do not end when you are a size 0 C cup.


First of all, I believe that your insecurity and obvious lack of self confidence is what will make it hard for anyone to take you seriously as a Dominant.  You even state you are not even comfortable being Dominant.  You need to work on yourself before you take on the ownership of another.
 
Second, and more important, IMO, you seem to be more hung up on your physical appearance and money than you are on whether you are actually even Dominant in nature. 
 
As far as Dommes go...... the old saying is true.  Size doesn't matter.  However, self confidence, self esteem, intelligence, maturity, integrity, and many other qualities DO matter.  Think about it and work on them.



SubmissiveAK -> RE: Attractive as a sub. Not as a domme. (12/17/2007 12:32:01 AM)

I am a 6 foot 1' submissive Tgirl and I weigh over 20 stones, I would have no problem with a Mistress being your stature. In fact, it might make me feel more submissive in a way. On the one hand, a Mistress who can dominate me physically is a big attraction (even more so if she's small and into martial arts!) but it would also be amazing to rest my head on your feet/lap no matter your size. It's not your power of strength, its power of your personality, your attitude.

And dont forget the great equalizer... handcuffs! --_^

Playfully yours,
~submissiveAK~



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Attractive as a sub. Not as a domme. (12/17/2007 12:42:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty
In some ways I dont even feel comfortable dominating people sometimes.


THATS the problem you have being dominant. It has nothing to do with your size, your monetary status, your work or living arrangements. Its all about the comfort level. You are not comfortable being in command, and it will most certainly show to a sub. If you cant be confident in your abilities to lead, you will never be followed.

One of the Dommes I learned from, back when my mentor was still part of my learning process, was 4'9, maybe 98lbs soaking wet, and very very frail looking. She had one of the most undeniably addictive personaities I have ever met, and her dominance was unquestionable. Why? She could never overpower anyone physically, but she had huge men bowing at her feet. She was confident. She knew what and who she wanted and she took it, no questions asked.

What you need is to be comfortable in your own skin before you can try and control someone else. Think of learning to train an animal. Until you are completely confident that you are the one in charge, that animal will never learn a thing from you. Until a submissive is sure you are capable of dominating them, they will not trust nore respect you enough to fully submit.

DV



CdnExplorer -> RE: Attractive as a sub. Not as a domme. (12/17/2007 4:05:27 AM)

I agree completely. The Domme/switch who has been topping me is literally a foot shorter than me and half my size, just a skinny little stick of a thing. It doesn't intrude on her dominance at all, and can even enhance it. I mean think about it. Here I am, as a relatively muscular and large guy feeling controlled by someone half my size. She also has those other factors that were listed, lack of car and money. Those really don't mean a thing, at least to me. Her life may not be the easiest one around but where I live that isn't exactly uncommon.

The thing of it is confidence. She knows what she wants, and how to go about getting it. When she's in a dominant mood she has an unmistakeable presence that you just can't ignore.



slavekal -> RE: Attractive as a sub. Not as a domme. (12/17/2007 6:09:11 AM)

Those things are irrelevant.  I have known some tiny, young women who were fantastic Mistresses.  It is your will and charisma, not your stature.  And money has nothing to do with anything, either.  Follow your heart.



Peridot -> RE: Attractive as a sub. Not as a domme. (12/17/2007 6:59:31 AM)

Hey SexyRed,

Your link was a thoughtful addition. Sure, people have different tastes and size isn't always an issue. You are right.
The facts in the article are not accurate, however.


Twenty years ago, most fashion models were a size 8. Yes. The height requirement for high fashion models was a minuim 5' 7" and the taller the better. 6' 'glamazons' were and are common. Today, that's been replaced by an emaciated size 0. No.  But if someone is 5' tall and 100 LBS that would be perfectly healthy. Meanwhile, during those same two decades, the average American woman, who stands 5' 4", ballooned from a size 10 to a size 14.    True. But, obesity is also rampant.  Fun fact: A 14, which is now considered a "plus size," There is regular 'misses' size 14 and there is 'PLUS' size 14. The size and measurement of each cut are miles! ( OK, inches)

sex bomb Marilyn Monroe's dress size. Women's label sizes on clothing has changed through the decades. 1950's size 12 ( the late MM's dress size) is equal to today's size 8. The itty bitty thing OP should go for it and a be minidomme. Dress as a spritely imp, a wicked school girl. JM.. not so H O [;)]



rubberpet -> RE: Attractive as a sub. Not as a domme. (12/17/2007 7:12:47 AM)

To me, a domme's size really doesn't matter.  It is the dominance inside them and the attitude.  Most dommes will never be able to physically restrain a man if he doesn't let her.  I'm only 5'5" and weigh close to 160 pounds.  I may be short, but I box and know self-defense techniques.  So, few dommes would be able to physically restrain me if I didn't let them...that's where someone's submission comes in!  Tada!!![:D]

At 5'4", Mistress is the smallest domme I've ever been with.  I've been with others who were 6 feet tall and well over 225 pounds.  They might have been amazons, but they simply didn't have what Mistress has over me.  There is something in Her aura that compels me to bow down to Her every single time.  It's not Her size, it's what's inside Her.  She is the only one who can bring out that side of me.  As far as you having very little money, no car, and roommates, that doesn't mean squat to a worthy sub.  That doesn't mean you are less of a domme.  It's all in your confidence and attitude.  [:)]



Dnomyar -> RE: Attractive as a sub. Not as a domme. (12/17/2007 8:04:15 AM)

Ditto what petdave said.



Dnomyar -> RE: Attractive as a sub. Not as a domme. (12/17/2007 8:09:31 AM)

sexyred1 that sounds like something that I wrote.



Leatherist -> RE: Attractive as a sub. Not as a domme. (12/17/2007 8:11:28 AM)

Honey, you find the right sorts of guys-and they will set a cute and willing girl up to do most anything she wants to.



azropedntied -> RE: Attractive as a sub. Not as a domme. (12/17/2007 1:00:41 PM)

Kitty> I have been with Domme's who were 4'9 - 6'5'' ,slim to full figured , all types of skin color  hair color  tattoos no body art.And i happen to be a 6'2'' 235lb male  .What they all had in common was the energy they carried with them always .If your not confidant that shall project outward . Be it Top or bottom sub slave master we are all still people and in my case i dont care what your outward apperance  ,if we do not connect , Nothing shall  happen .If i get a  dark energy i shall not entrust nor do an exchange what so ever -bdsm wise .But thats  just me .and my 2 cents .
I also agree  with what Mystress Dream typed , Very well put .Others made some great points too  but feel Dream hit the same mark very well .



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