RE: In person or Online?

RE: In person or Online? (Full Version)

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LittleWench -> RE: In person or Online? (12/18/2007 3:01:10 AM)
I expect them to be partly themselves, and partly what I have created them to be. Our brains make up for the senses that are deprived through virtual interraction, and to make the experience richer, we embellish (or at least I do). We close our eyes and imagine, and without a real and actual memory to draw upon, we fill in the blanks. Those blanks are me, not them, my assumptions. I expect to be disappointed.

ksub4u -> RE: In person or Online? (12/18/2007 5:51:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist quote: Ya gotta love a girl who uses the word fiddlefuck in a sentence! [:D] LMAO my teenager one day, accidently said that. She meant to say fiddlesticks and it came out fiddlefuck. LMAO It kind of stuck with me. I'm always on the lookout for new, creative curses. Thanks for a great one! I laughed at your daughter saying it - we were at Thanksgiving dinner and the whole family was playing cards, including grandma. My 15yo lost a hand closely, threw his cards down and said 'fuck' in a clear voice. Very funny moment when he realized what he'd said. :-) As for online expectations - I think it is easier for a person to show confidence and voice opinions online. Sometimes when you meet that person face-2-face or speak on the phone they are quieter or have a less forceful personality than what comes across on the screen. I've been surprised by how shy some people I've known online can be at first. That can either wear off as they become more comfortable, or I realize it's an inherent part of their personality that just didn't show online. K

Jeffff -> RE: In person or Online? (12/18/2007 6:50:00 AM)
Well.............shit on a stick!..I guess I can add fiddlefuck to my vocabulary..:) Jeff

deeddlit -> RE: In person or Online? (12/18/2007 10:12:39 AM)
I am the same person online that I am in person. When others are not I have no problems cutting them loose. Deeddlit

SailingBum -> RE: In person or Online? (12/18/2007 10:29:13 AM)
How in the world can you truly know someone online? Words on a screen.

KatyLied -> RE: In person or Online? (12/18/2007 11:19:36 AM)
You can't. You get glimpses. And if you are in a courtship phase you also have to realize that people are putting their best foot forward. It takes time and various circumstances to get to know someone.

adoracat -> RE: In person or Online? (12/18/2007 12:59:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ksub4u I'm always on the lookout for new, creative curses. Thanks for a great one! I laughed at your daughter saying it - we were at Thanksgiving dinner and the whole family was playing cards, including grandma. My 15yo lost a hand closely, threw his cards down and said 'fuck' in a clear voice. Very funny moment when he realized what he'd said. :-) grins mama said that word once, that i've heard. she had gotten an obscene phone call and said "well, well, well FUCK!" and hung up the phone, then glared at me.....i was literally on the floor howling with laughter. my new favorite is "OOOoooobiefuck." generally that feeling you get when it suddenly strikes you that the gods have been playing tricks with your lifeline yet again.... [:D] kitten

SirJohnMandevill -> RE: In person or Online? (12/18/2007 6:13:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied You can't. You get glimpses. And if you are in a courtship phase you also have to realize that people are putting their best foot forward. It takes time and various circumstances to get to know someone. Agreed, although as others have said, I'm "me" whether having text with a submissive or Dominating face-to-face. I firmly believe you can start a relationship online, but at some point you have to get up close and personal. Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

secretagentgirl -> RE: In person or Online? (12/18/2007 7:18:53 PM)
Depends on the person. Some people are great at expressing themselves in writing and online. Others are terrible at it, yet might be quite eloquent in real life. I am actually better at communicating online I think. I had a group of women friends who I'd known for years online. We finally all met for a weekend and I actually felt like they were let down by my personality. I can be very open online and have time to think of funny quips in response to things. In person, I take longer to open up, so I spent all weekend hearing "is something wrong? you're so quiet!" So... despite how well you can feel you know someone online, there are nuances in real life that you can never pick up on. Some relationships are probably better online than in real life and vice versa!

IrishMist -> RE: In person or Online? (12/18/2007 7:24:37 PM)
quote: I'm always on the lookout for new, creative curses. Thanks for a great one! I laughed at your daughter saying it - we were at Thanksgiving dinner and the whole family was playing cards, including grandma. My 15yo lost a hand closely, threw his cards down and said 'fuck' in a clear voice. Very funny moment when he realized what he'd said. :-) LMAO I think they are so funny when they do that. When she said it, she slapped a hand over her mouth and looked at me. I was torn between busting out laughing and trying to be a mother and scold her. Laughing won, hands down lol. Her face though was priceless.

sunshinemiss -> RE: In person or Online? (12/18/2007 10:24:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail If I want friends I will get a cockroach. Ron wonders where Ron meets cockroaches - at the roach motel? smoking a doobie with a roach? at a Roche sister's concert? or is this encroaching on His personal information? doon't want to be a leech here. *giggling at my own silliness peace

sunshinemiss -> RE: In person or Online? (12/18/2007 11:55:41 PM)
You know, we all have our own filters. We see them as we want to in real life or online. Thus a pessimist is much more realistic than an optimist. Because internet interactions lose so much - tone of voice, body language, facial expressions, it is ever so easy to make an error in judgment. And gosh, don't try to make a joke and then have to explain it. It's excruciating. But all that aside, being on the internet is particularly good for people who can type fast, who are very aware of who they are, can recognize what they think and feel, are articulate about those things, and who have a certain amount of patience when wading through the bs and the miscommunications. Also, amazing interactions are available with people who are deaf or disabled or mute because of the internet. I am deeply grateful for the way those people see the world and their sharing it with me. Do i expect people to be who they are - really are? I hope they are, but expect? I try not to have expectations generally. Even so, talking on line and then on the phone is good for weeding people out ... but the true proof that is in the pudding is in the meeting. I mean, pheremones are pretty powerful things.... So online is good in certain circumstances, and sometimes the only option... but real life... that's even better. It reminds me of a guy I knew in the states - I had read some of his writings and really appreciated his work. We'd corresponded a bit and then when we met in real life he turned out to have terrible cerebral palsy and shook badly... but every time we saw each other we danced. I led. I put my hand in his belt loop and danced around the floor with him. He signed to me and i signed back. Could we keep time with the music? No. Did we make our own rhythm? Yep... and it was great. That's how the internet is.... it can open doors that we didn't know were there. just a thought. peace

RumpusParable -> RE: In person or Online? (12/19/2007 7:21:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jeffff Regarding the thread about behavior. In your minds, is there any difference in your expectations between "real life" interaction and the internet? No. And all are displays of our personality, so they are all equally valid to that thread's questions. If someone is polite in meatlife but an asshole online because they feel the can get away with it there, or for whatever reason, then they're an asshole. They just let it show when they have something or someone to hide behind -which is yet another strike against them.

girlygurl -> RE: In person or Online? (12/19/2007 9:10:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist quote: ORIGINAL: girlygurl My communication in person and online are pretty much the same. If I were to meet someone they'd see the same silliness, they read online. Yes, I have a serious side and even a sincere side... but it's all the same on and off the computer. Oh wait... there's also the nasty slutty side too, but I don't share her with everyone [:D] girly Well fiddlefuck. Come on....you can share....[:D] fiddlefuck!! That sounds like candy Irish! You know, the kind we share amongst nasty slutty friends. Yummm me I haven't seen my Sir since Saturday (I came down with the flu) dayummmm I need Him, want Him, desire Him, lust for Him.... the things I'd do for Him right now weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee [:D] girly

Lumus -> RE: In person or Online? (12/19/2007 6:07:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jeffff Regarding the thread about behavior. In your minds, is there any difference in your expectations between "real life" interaction and the internet? Jeff damn....... I meant to put this in the general bdsm area Emotionally? No. Mentally? No. Physiologically? Yes. I'll elaborate. A person who fakes their feelings with me doesn't get very far. A person who can fake intelligence is smarter than they thought. As for physiologically...let's see. There's a number of examples, I'll go with the most straightforward ones: webcams don't capture, say, body odour. I'm not saying the person has to stink per se; but the sense of smell is a powerful one, and for some, sensitive. What if there's just something about your odour that repels? Or the taste of ejaculate? Can't measure that online either. Hell, the person may turn out to be a vicious blankie-thief. I wouldn't tell a person to break up with someone who constantly passes gas, but I've heard of it happening. The neighbours down the road, when I was a teenager, divorced over the position of the toilet seat... You can't account for everything, and sometimes, things just don't work out. Realistically, online is not and cannot duplicate real life. It seems like comparing apples and oranges, to be frank; and so rather than focus on whether interaction is the same, or different, why not focus instead on the interaction that you can measure for yourself, empirically or otherwise, and go from that? Iz yoo happy? Den s'all goot.

ForcefuIHands -> RE: In person or Online? (12/20/2007 10:32:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SailingBum How in the world can you truly know someone online? Words on a screen. About the same as you can understand the meaning of a poem or a book. It saddens me when I see this kind of response, and SailingBum, I am not singling you out because this is not a new opinion. As someone who has spent their life around computers and talking to people in chats, by roleplaying, in e-mails, I can say it is as fine a medium and any other for communication. Why are the computers and the internet so mistrusted? That's a subject for another time. "Words on a screen." I don't think people are falling on love with the font choice, or the computer resolution, so we have to be talking about content. I suppose the question boils down to, how much value to you put into words, and how much faith do you have in humanity? If you see every chat as a vehicle for deception, then yes, I can see why you might not trust words on a screen. But do you convey yourself, your real self, in every interaction you have with others in real life? Certainly not. Would meeting at a bar or being set up with a friend of a friend make you more immune from the reality of another person? Their good, their bad? I suppose no one has ever had a bad date they've met in real life. No one was deceptive about their body odor, their appearance, their demeanor in a bar? in a club? at a munch? No one ever... You've never met a person who you've assigned attributes to in any other forum but online. I have spoken to girls online, and met them. Exchanged pictures, made phonecalls, done webcam sessions. Exchanged packages, made assignments, written letters. Ordered flowers, or outfits... Read journals where people have poured their hearts out and made real changes. Moving on, growing up, growing apart... I see that as part of my job as a Dominant. Maybe you haven't seen that as much as you've seen the fake pictures and fake profiles, both of which I have passed over by the hundreds. I will call out the people who say real connections cannot be made online. Such a statement reeks of ignorance, and a lack of romance so harsh and narrow it chills the blood. What about these forums? This thread? Where people agree and disagree, and laugh about swearing, comparing stories... Tell me that's illusion. Words on a screen... I don't think I really answered the question. Whoops, lol.

ForcefuIHands -> RE: In person or Online? (12/20/2007 10:55:30 AM)
To actually answer the question, I see it as about as viable a format for meet people as any. Do I think a relationship can last using the internet as a steady source of communication? Absolutely. The only communication? No. Is it a substitute for the long term benefits of an intimate relationship? Hell no, and you'd be crazy to think so... However, look at the love letters between John and Abigail Adams and then talk to me about words on a page having no real power to bind people. I thought of this point as well. The internet can be misleading, because it can be used to mislead. But, who among us wouldn't skim over their own faults given the opportunity when meeting people? You're telling me on your very best, sexy-ass hottest day, when confidence and rythem and everything is going for you, that you wouldn't prefer to meet people on those days compared to the days you feel like pure ass in your PJs? If you could leave out the weak days and the meh days, and only meet people on your power days, you would share those with them too? Maybe that's why the internet is so potent when it comes to relations. You can be as charming with your bedhead hair as you can gelled and moussed. Regardless, it's about connecting with someone who gets both sides of you, the best days and the worst days, and loves you just the same. Beauty and Pain. Like a real relationship.

DesFIP -> RE: In person or Online? (12/20/2007 1:09:13 PM)
In real life interactions, I rarely get the chance to tell an idiot to go away, he always does that. He's bigger than I am and people won't escalate stuff with him. Besides the same holds true in real life or online for us. We are never rude unless the other person has been so first. Just like with this "oh so subblier than thou" stuff that's been raised by somebody who is obviously passive aggressive, unhappy about stuff in her own life and keeps raising questions that reflect what she doesn't like, and doesn't have the balls to bring up in discussion with her partner. She gets upset because she isn't getting any responses agreeing with her feelings that she hasn't expressed. That's her problem for not being honest with herself or anyone here. But to then become angry and lash out at people who don't tell her what a poor mistreated person she is by being kept in denial for weeks when she opens threads claiming she loves it is entirely her fault. In every such thread I've read, the first rude, hurtful and immature comment has been hers. I imagine she is nasty to people in line at the grocery store and goes home demanding sympathy for having people be mean to her. And as I've said innumerable times now, the way to have friends is to be one. The onus is on her.

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