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RE: Is sex important in a kinky relationship? - 12/17/2007 11:38:10 AM

BumbleBee2MsP

Posts: 37
Joined: 1/7/2006
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i think there are too many who define sex like our former President did. He made a lot of people laugh and some people very angry.

The largest sex organ in a human being is the mind. It really doesn't take much to get most people to start feeling good about naughty thoughts. Advertising companies bank a lot of money on just that fact. Sex sells. Whether it's a car perfumes, liquior cigarets or beer, everything is somehow Going to improve the prospect of getting sex. just for an example; the next time you go to the grocery store or phamicy , check out how many deoderants, room freashners and Feminine Hygiene products are packaged as phallic symbals.

Even the use of colors imploys a sexual meaning. Red is passion, Black is naughty, White is pure. Pink is romantic. Whether it is in choice of make-up, clothes/costumes or the drapes and walls, color choices communicate and effect moods. That's wher , for centuries, theaters have always had a "green Room" for actors to relaxe before and after their performances.

There can be and is a lot of sex without intercourse. Can anyone honestlly say that there is no sex when a Female uses a strap-on on Her slave? i think the very act of submission is sexual. i know that intercourse is not even remotlly possible with my Mistress, and that's fine, for some reason he thought of intercourse with my Mistress actually frightens me. but just being told to wear black satin panties is sexual. and being told to wear a butt plug is sexual. and for some unknown reason to me pain from nipple torcher or ten wacks of a cane are becoming sexual. Oh, yes, and every time Her lovely hand slaps my face, i feel like i've just been kissed by the most powerful seual creature ont the planit. Mistress Persephone makes me feel like i did when i was sixteen and just going into puberty. i want to run naked through the corn fields and howl at the moon. i will do anything, just to see Her, and even more to inhale the etheral essance that surrounds Her.

Sorry, i really don't know much about "kinky," but i know what i like.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 21

RE: Is sex important in a kinky relationship? - 12/17/2007 11:46:23 AM

proudsub

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From: Washington
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For us it depends on how you define sex. Intercourse is no longer important but sexual contact is. Play with toys, blow jobs, sexual arousal are very important to us.

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proudsub

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(in reply to SubmissiveAK)

Post #: 22

RE: Is sex important in a kinky relationship? - 12/17/2007 12:01:46 PM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
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<fast reply> IMOO...YMMV...other standard disclaimers

"YES!"

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Post #: 23

RE: Is sex important in a kinky relationship? - 12/17/2007 12:19:41 PM

DarkDaddyZ

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I enjoy sex and maybe I'm in the minority but BDSM to me is sex. It's sex majik. But I like vanilla sex as well.

Z-

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Post #: 24

RE: Is sex important in a kinky relationship? - 12/17/2007 12:40:40 PM

aidan

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For me, my BDSM desires are my sexual desires. The two are fused at the deepest levels.

BDSM is a sexual activity, as I perceive it. Even if there isn't any coitus or oral service, I'm still aroused, still sexually charged. Because of that I enjoy a certain amount of intimacy and closeness even with casual partners. Going even further, I couldn't have a long-term relationship with someone, be their submissive or slave, if the relationship was purely based on D/s or S/m without anything sexual.

Just how I am.

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(in reply to Elegant)

Post #: 25

RE: Is sex important in a kinky relationship? - 12/17/2007 12:49:22 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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You don't need tons of experience to know what your orientation is. Just examine your desires and fantasies. Do you imagine yourself settling down with a man, or living happily with another woman?

But if you really don't know what you want or need in a full relationship, then it is going to be damn near impossible to get it. And it isn't fair to another person to get in a relationship and then reproach them because they aren't what you are looking for.

As to the importance of sex, imagine you get into a relationship with a straight woman, a monogamous relationship, and you don't ever get to have any sexual interaction. Could you handle that for 20 years? Or is six months as long as you would be happy? You need to figure out the answers first.

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(in reply to Elegant)

Post #: 26

RE: Is sex important in a kinky relationship? - 12/17/2007 1:11:45 PM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Sex with submissives? Nope. My submissives pretty much don't get to touch me in any kind of sexual way. I DO get to touch them, of course. :) And I love having submissives perform for me. So, it does get around to how you define "sex".

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(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 27

RE: Is sex important in a kinky relationship? - 12/17/2007 1:28:34 PM

AFlyInYourWeb

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Joined: 8/30/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

For us it depends on how you define sex. Intercourse is no longer important but sexual contact is. Play with toys, blow jobs, sexual arousal are very important to us.

You are right about defining "sex" as far more than intercourse. In another recent thread, there was a lively debate about whether or not strap-on penetration was "sex" or not!

I think that "sex" has to be defined by each of us individually. If a woman wants to use a strap-on inside me, and tell herself we don't have a sexual relationship, I'm fine with that.

I'm kinky that way!

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(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 28

RE: Is sex important in a kinky relationship? - 12/17/2007 1:31:15 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
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Just as DarkDaddyZ said, BDSM is all about sex, to me, in that everything about it gets me very sexually aroused. But, it doesn't always involve "sex acts" or orgasm. i have gone for months without my Master allowing me to have sex with Him, myself or, anyone else. When He does decide to allow me that pleasure, the intensity is out of this world and makes the long-g-g-g-g wait worth it.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ

I enjoy sex and maybe I'm in the minority but BDSM to me is sex. It's sex majik. But I like vanilla sex as well.

Z-

(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)

Post #: 29

RE: Is sex important in a kinky relationship? - 12/17/2007 2:26:10 PM

Prinsexx

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As a professional in the field i work with others concerning their sexual 'problems'.....but that is entirely different from working on myself...we cannot be our own therapists,,,and so this post must be considered. please, as personal opinion.
I consider myself to be sex addicted. That is to say, I was sexualised from a very early age, indeed. if you asked the sort of questions that might come up in a workshop...like who here has....fucked a man, a woamn, had a threesome, fucked during a period, fucked outdoors etc etc well my hand would be the one getting raised the most.
I am by nature a submissive to men but also bisexual and an alpha female...I have begun to call myself pansexual as I really see beyond gender differences and issues.
So bdsm and sexuality have developed side by side for me..I cannot separate the two. I am equally depressed when forced into heteromonogamy as I am when in vanilla sexuality.
Now I am also aware that because of my high profile I rarely am on 'the scene' and in any case (shoot me down in flames for this) the English scene is quite different I hazard a guess than elswhere...(according to figures we have the highest internet use second only to Canada...now in Canada a great deal of that is because of distance but here in the UK internet use is a fumction of behavourial repression...yeh yeh shoot me down).
In the UK we love our guilt, we love our secret sex lives...it's just that arousal and secrecy seem good bed partners...so I guess that for me bdsm is foreplay which always culminates in sexual release...but behind closed doors, at private parties, or in secret locations lol.......
I suppose what I am saying is that bdsm play, with near strangers, in a club, or even attending a munch, really doesn't interest me....and sex without bdsm is not going to grab my attention for long.
Finally, but by no means least, I am a masochist and pain and sex...well it's like sweet and sour, salt and sugar, sugar and spice...ok going to stop now...getting carried away......

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 12/17/2007 2:29:19 PM >

(in reply to SubmissiveAK)

Post #: 30

RE: Is sex important in a kinky relationship? - 12/17/2007 2:32:39 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ

I enjoy sex and maybe I'm in the minority but BDSM to me is sex. It's sex majik. But I like vanilla sex as well.

Z-

Then there's at least two of us who think like this...............abracadabra

(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)

Post #: 31

RE: Is sex important in a kinky relationship? - 12/17/2007 2:35:37 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

I love sex...if no one is around I will have it with my self, but I don't think it is important unless it is bad. Then it becomes a huge deal.

Jeff

edited because I type like shit

< Message edited by Jeffff -- 12/17/2007 2:36:40 PM >

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 32

RE: Is sex important in a kinky relationship? - 12/17/2007 5:50:18 PM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
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Is sex important in a kinky relationship?

For myself? YES

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(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 33

RE: Is sex important in a kinky relationship? - 12/17/2007 8:26:45 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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For me it is important..Is it the be all, end all?..no....as with all things balance is a good thing!....Tempting

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(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 34

RE: Is sex important in a kinky relationship? - 12/17/2007 8:59:48 PM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveAK

I had a long talk with some friends the other day with some kinky friends about submission, being a slave and what I am seeking for myself. When the conversation turned to sexuality I was a bit supprised. I find it extremely embarrassing to discuss my sexual desires, but in the intrests of honesty I bought the bullet and answered his questions.

Well, he told me that for a M/s relationship they feel its important to have that level of intimacy that a loving, sexual relationship can bring. He has also told me that he is heterosexual, and would find it difficult, which I understand. He told me he felt I needed a gay master.

Now I dont consider myself gay, but I am Bi. I agree that intimacy with ones dominant is important, but I dont think it has to come from sex. When I am (imagining being) hog-tied in rope, laying on her bed with my face on her thigh and she's stroking my hair while reading... to me thats extremely intimate without being sexual at all. I am not against being sexually intimate, but I dont feel its 100% necessary.

Maybe that is due to the fact that I am very sexually inexperienced, and have yet to feel that level of connection during sex. How do you feel about intercourse, be it traditional, oral or other, with your dominant/slave?

Somewhat curious,
~submissiveAK~

For myself it is a necessary piece, not just
sex though, it has to be passionate love sex.
And it would be expressed in many diffirent ways.

Missy.

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(in reply to SubmissiveAK)

Post #: 35

RE: Is sex important in a kinky relationship? - 12/17/2007 11:42:57 PM

PanthersMom

Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline

sex is great stuff, it's lots of fun in all the different ways it can be done, but if that was the only expression of being kinky i'd be in trouble. i have had some problems since my surgeries, so if it was all about sex i wouldn't be here. there's more to it than that for us.

PM

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Post #: 36

RE: Is sex important in a kinky relationship? - 12/18/2007 2:01:18 AM

LittleWench

Posts: 265
Joined: 11/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ

I enjoy sex and maybe I'm in the minority but BDSM to me is sex. It's sex majik.

For me too. Even non sexual acts such as that which the OP describes for me is sexual.

"hog-tied in rope, laying on her bed with my face on her thigh and she's stroking my hair while reading..."

The feel of the rope against my bare skin, the places where it rubs or cuts in, the places where it restricts my movement, the change I feel in my body by being taken out of my norm, being aware of every sensation because it is different, the softness of her thigh against my cheek, the inevitable light scent of her sex that would waft my way as I breathed, the feel of her fingers sliding through my hair, the feel of my own hair as it brushed against my skin as it was moved through her fingers, the sound of her voice as it lulled my senses...

All of that is erotic to me. But then I think I could probably internalize and sexualize any BDSM experience, even those that others considered to be non sexual in nature, because whether or not it is sexual is determined by how it makes me feel, not what they tell me to do.

(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)

Post #: 37

RE: Is sex important in a kinky relationship? - 12/18/2007 8:14:46 AM

beltainefaerie

Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
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Sex can be an awesome part of a kinky relationship, but it doesn't need to be involved. I started learning and experiencing BDSM from a gay man and we had fun. I have had basically vanilla relationships with some good kinky sex thrown in. I submitted to my Master for a year before sex of any kind was allowed and it was wonderful. Now that sex is a component, I think our relationship is deeper, but that stems less from the awesome sex and more from the trust issues involved for us and our partners.

(in reply to Elegant)

Post #: 38

RE: Is sex important in a kinky relationship? - 12/18/2007 8:39:53 AM

Elegant

Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

You don't need tons of experience to know what your orientation is. Just examine your desires and fantasies. Do you imagine yourself settling down with a man, or living happily with another woman?

But if you really don't know what you want or need in a full relationship, then it is going to be damn near impossible to get it. And it isn't fair to another person to get in a relationship and then reproach them because they aren't what you are looking for.

As to the importance of sex, imagine you get into a relationship with a straight woman, a monogamous relationship, and you don't ever get to have any sexual interaction. Could you handle that for 20 years? Or is six months as long as you would be happy? You need to figure out the answers first.

I didn't realize I had a question.

I know what I want and I know what I need. Master gives me most of my wants and needs from himself and allows me to find ther rest myself.

My trial husband of 14 years was a physical fitness and various sport activities nut. The 'perfect' relationship for him would have been someone who would share all his athletic interests. I did not play golf so he found other partners for golf..and I knew all these partners. Golf (sex) is not the foundation of our relationship.

_____________________________

Elegant
~Slave To Master Archer

http://www.FantasiesInLeather.com

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 39

RE: Is sex important in a kinky relationship? - 12/18/2007 9:25:41 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

Sex is the second most powerful drive. Hunger is the first. <look it up> Hell ya sex is important in any relationship. Kink or otherwise .

(in reply to Elegant)

Post #: 40

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