slavegirljoy
Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: LittleWench
Slavejoy, may I ask you, in the time between you being ready and you finding your Master, did you enter other relationships hoping you would find what you are seeking? Every relationship i have ever entered into was for the express purpose of being Owned, although i didn't call it that. i wanted to belong to a man, who would take charge of my life. i was always just as submissive, in every relationship, whether it had any B&D/S&M in it or not. All any one of the vanilla men had to do was to tell me to get on my knees or pull down my pants and bend over and i would have, without hesitation. And, if any of them had said to me, "I'm in charge. You belong to me.", i would been happy and i would have been His. If any of the Dominant men i was involved with had said to me, "I own you, now, and this is how it's going to be from now on.", i would have been thrilled. But, none of them ever did and so, i became disillusioned and knew that i hadn't yet met the right man, who would i was made to serve. i just never cared for the part-time Domination that i was getting in those relationships. It just seemed too wishy-washy to me. For me, it has always been Lead me or Leave me alone. The men loved having a submissive woman doing what they wanted, when they wanted. But, i was left feeling incomplete, because they didn't want to take full ownership or control over me. And, i wasn't about to say to the man, "Hey, i really want you take charge of my life and tell me what to do.", because, to me, that just seemed to be like i was taking charge by telling him to take charge. That probably sounds really stupid but, that's just how i have always felt inside. i just needed the man to take charge of me, on his own. quote:
One of the many, many things that I disliked about that post was the premises that your spirit would "know" when you had found the right one and it wouldn't come out until that point. That intimates that slaves then would only ever have one owner, because they wouldn't be 'slavely' except under the perfect conditions. i have had only one Owner and i had to search far and wide to find Him. Some people might think that it would be easy to find a man who would want his own personal slave. But, that hasn't been my experience and, even by reading a lot of the posts on here, it's obvious that not every man wants to "own" someone. i am not more submissive, now that i am called, "slave". i have always been just me, just as submissive now, in a M/s relationship, as i was when i was in D/s relationships and just the same in vanilla relationships. All i was needing was a man to actually take control of me. None did that, to the degree that i was looking for. Some of the vanilla guys would assert some power over me, from time to time. But, it was never enough for me. And, the Dominant men were only a bit more assertive over me and, it was never full time. It always left me feeling let down and uncertain about my place in their lives and, i felt pretty much like a car with 5 speeds and only 3 or 4 of them ever get used. i needed to be pushed into 5th gear, because my engine was winding-out and they just wouldn't kick-it up to full throttle. i don't know if that analogy makes any sense but, it's the only way i can think to describe it, for me.
quote:
When I first started this journey I was in a relationship with my current Owner in a strictly vanilla context. Before divulging to him my BDSM desires I wanted to be sure this was what I wanted, I could think of no crueller trick than to offer him power and then discover that it wasn't right for me and then yank it away from him. I met and explored a relationship with a Dom in a strictly online context (and yes I have since told all this to my Owner and explained why I felt it was something I had to do). I was clear that I wanted to be a submissive, not a slave. Through his sweet tongue and gentle explorations he led me further and further down the slavery path. Slaves are more treasured, slaves are worth more, a sub is nothing but a play toy, only slaves understand what it is to truly submit. His words. It was my first exposure to submission and I believed him. I was new, I wanted to be submissive, a real submissive, so I followed his lead. I didn't recognize who I was anymore, I didn't agree with the things I was doing. I ended it without meeting him in real life. That wasn't my slave spirit who had found its one true owner. It was a manipulative man who preyed upon my desires and inexperience to fulfill his ego. i think that sort of thing happens to a lot of people, in all kinds of situations, when one person is searching and has opened themself up to discovering what it is they really want and need and someone else earns their trust and sees a way to take advantage of their inexperience and eagerness to learn. i think everyone should decide for themself, in their own heart and mind, what feels right for them. When you try to become what someone else says you are or says you ought to be, and it's not really who you are inside, it might work okay for awhile but, at some point it begins to not feel right to you and discontent and/or discouragement starts to set-in. That's the point that you have to ask yourself, "Why doesn't this feel right?" and be willing to make whatever changes need to take place so that you can feel comfortable in who you are and how you're living. That's how i see it, any way. Others, no doubt, see it differently. Look, to me, the only reason worth searching for and finding someone to have an ongoing, intimate relationship with is to make both of your lives happier and more satisfying than they would be without each other. If one or the other is not happy or satisfied in the relationship, it's up to them to decide what, if anything, to do about it but, i'm in this thing voluntarily and it's not so that i can be miserable or frustrated or unsatisfied. i can probably manage to have all of those things quite well on my own. For some people, the very thought of being in an intimate relationship, where one is telling the other what to do, makes them cringe and say, "No way." For me, the thought of being in an intimate relationship, where the other is putting me on an even playing field and giving me an equal say in things, makes me cringe and always has. i have always been a servant and that's what i'm comfortable with. i was always told what to do and treated like a slave by my older sisters, when i was a little kid and, instead of rebelling and wanting to never be treated like that again, i iked it. i felt good about it and it felt right to me. The only thing i have really had to overcome was society's pressure to be a "New Woman", an "Independent Woman" and all that jazz. There was all the pressure to make your own way and not be dependent on a man and not be subservient to a man. No thanks. That's not for me but, when you're sitting around a lunch table with your female co-workers and they're all talking about how "stupid" men are and how we would all be better off without them, if only we didn't need their sperm, well, it makes you feel a little out of place and wondering where you fit, if you feel the way i do and are wanting nothing more than to be at a man's feet and happy to treat him like a King. From my point of view, Vanilla, D/s, and M/s, are just broad categories of relationship styles. Each couple still has to define their relationship for themselves and make it personal for their unique personalities. B&D and S&M can be a part of each of those relationship styles, to some degree or not. The main thing is that you can be yourself and get the most out of life and feel that it's okay to be who you are. If that means being identified as and treated like a submissive, rather than a slave or something else, then that's what you should have. To me, finding someone who understands you and encourages you to be who you are is a wonderful thing and something to be cherished. slave joyOwned property of Master David
|
RE: Being owned - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread