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inspection - 8/18/2005 2:47:54 PM   
aurora31


Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		I recently found a M/s couple to mentor me online...they have set many limits on me that while I do not nessecarily like, I understand the need for. Here is my problem they want me to be inspected before we chat every time. This involes standing naked in front of my cam with my hands behind my neck and turning so that I can be viewed from all angles. Then I must repsotion the cam so that my privates may be seen pulling my lips back...then when signaled I must turn around bend over and pull my cheecks apart. I am very uncomfortable and aprehensive with doing this but they say it is a must if I am to continue under there mentorship. Is this a comon practice or am I being taken advantage of as a newbie.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: inspection - 8/18/2005 2:52:41 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		That's not something I would ever ask of a submissive that was not collared to me and mine. If you are uncomfortable with it, say so, you are a person first. Your gut feeling is always a good one to listen to... if it says "not a good idea"... I would definately think long and hard before doing it.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: inspection - 8/18/2005 2:58:15 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		It's common for someone who wants to get their cock hard.

You're an adult, you don't have to do things that you aren't ready for or never want to do. This is about making you fulfilled in who you are, anyone who tries to make you jump through hoops or guilt you is not for you.

Why not just be on your own for awhile, gain your own ground.

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: inspection - 8/18/2005 3:02:53 PM   
justatoy2


Posts: 163
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		inspections can be a common practice in r/l however i don't have many dealings with o/l so i can't say what is common with an o/l mentorship. But always remember you have every right to say no i don't feel comftorable with that. If something doesn't feel right, or makes you feel bad, then don't do it...its that simple. In my opinion you are being taken advantage of as a newbie. Granted i don't know all the paticulars of the arrangement, but usually something like that is negotiated ahead of time, and not used as a threat. Either you strip and get naked or we won't mentor you..sounds like a threat to me...good luck.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: inspection - 8/18/2005 3:21:02 PM   
BlouLady


Posts: 170
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		I have to agree with Justatoy2. You are definatly being taken advantage of. If you really are uncomfortable say so and if they won't mentor you tell them goodbye. Believe me there are many others out there who can teach you in a way that is feels good to all involved.

(in reply to justatoy2)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: inspection - 8/18/2005 3:21:43 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Is this a comon practice or am I being taken advantage of as a newbie.


It is common for those who are interested in jacking off to your body. When I used to chat with people when someone told me I needed to do something like that...it was the last time I ever chatted with them.

Use your self respect...and your best judgement.
If it makes you happy continue to do so. If not cease and desist.

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: inspection - 8/18/2005 3:30:31 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
If it is sending up red flags, don't do it.

From a personal point of view - I believe they are taking advantage of you.
Not forgetting, that if you are using your webcam - they could record the session without your knowledge.

Just be careful.

Peace and Love

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: inspection - 8/18/2005 3:32:07 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aurora31

I recently found a M/s couple to mentor me online...they have set many limits on me that while I do not nessecarily like, I understand the need for. Here is my problem they want me to be inspected before we chat every time. This involes standing naked in front of my cam with my hands behind my neck and turning so that I can be viewed from all angles. Then I must repsotion the cam so that my privates may be seen pulling my lips back...then when signaled I must turn around bend over and pull my cheecks apart. I am very uncomfortable and aprehensive with doing this but they say it is a must if I am to continue under there mentorship. Is this a comon practice or am I being taken advantage of as a newbie.


There is no One True Way. That said, what they want you to do can be a valid kink for them. However, the essence of the scene is that there has to be a mutuality of needs and desires throughout the couple or triad or group. That's what makes it so difficult. We have all the requirements of a vanilla with the added problem that our kinks have to be complementary or at least compatable.

What is sounds to me is you desire to "submit" but you haven't really thought about what turns you on. (Yes, this IS supposed to turn you on too.) You were approached by this couple who offered you a chance to "submit" and you feel you have to do whatever they want.

Can you reset things to zero and go looking for another couple or master? Yes. Do you want to? Are you getting enough in this relationship to satisfy you? Those questions, only you can answer.

One thing to think about is the possiblity that they are doing a video capture and you may be being "inspected" by a lot more people than you realize.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: inspection - 8/18/2005 3:44:56 PM   
aurora31


Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		I have known the female of this couple for a while now...she comes highly recomened by some one who I trust. I also know of another sub she is mentoring but I only talk with her in public chat. I should also make clear that their reasoning behind this is to help me focus and center myself. Something that I struggel with big time.

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: inspection - 8/18/2005 3:55:51 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aurora31

I have known the female of this couple for a while now...she comes highly recomened by some one who I trust. I also know of another sub she is mentoring but I only talk with her in public chat. I should also make clear that their reasoning behind this is to help me focus and center myself. Something that I struggel with big time.

This thing called routine meditation might be better for that, sitting, quiet, alone, focused. People have been doing that for thousands of years and its great.

Not sure how showing your ass into a camera centers you. A lot of people use the "makes you feel more vulnerable and reminds you of your place" line.

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: inspection - 8/18/2005 4:14:32 PM   
vonzott


Posts: 39
Joined: 2/26/2005
From: San Diego, CA
Status: offline 		Hmmm... it *does* sound like you're being taken advantage of. Even if it's just somebody getting their cock hard (shocking!), it may be something that someone might willingly engage in. Not you, clearly. You're getting "that feeling" and you should respect it as your first line of defense against those who would do you harm against your wishes (we won't get into the notion of being harmed with your permission or desire - different set of questions there!).

There is also something else to consider. When you state that you're being mentored, it gives me the impression that you are fairly new at "all this". If that's true, then you may also be suffering from the notion that as a submissive, you have a diminished worth as a person. You need to rid yourself of that notion right away! The advice you've received so far in this thread includes lots of thought about respecting yourself as a person *first*. Absolutely! You need to be self-aware in order to play in this part of the sandbox without getting taken advantage of.

And *THAT* is what this sounds like. My first impression is that this couple who wishes to mentor you believe you hold that "diminshed self" attitude and are taking advantage of it - big time. Typically, one in your position believes they are alone in the world with this odd "submissive thing" and that only the person offering to take advantage of them is in a position to understand.

Nothing could possibly be farther from truth!

There are LOTS of Dom/mes out there - you just need to pay attention to how you approach them (another topic, eh?) and remember that you are there to please them, but not at the cost of your own soul.

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: inspection - 8/18/2005 5:11:57 PM   
aurora31


Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		I do not buy into the diminished worth as a peron therory at all....I am not a door mat....but where does the line between disobdience and not being a door mat end? When is it okay to sat I can not and will not do this.

Yes I am fairly new to the lifestyle I have on r/t D/s relationship that was a disaster because I did not know what it was exactly what I was looking for and becuase he was as new to the lifestyle as me.

I want and need gudiance so that I can figure out what it is that I am looking for and how best to go about then getting those needs met.

(in reply to vonzott)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: inspection - 8/18/2005 5:19:25 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aurora31

I do not buy into the diminished worth as a peron therory at all....I am not a door mat....but where does the line between disobdience and not being a door mat end? When is it okay to sat I can not and will not do this.

It's always ok, and absolutely imperative when you're first starting out.

quote:

I want and need gudiance so that I can figure out what it is that I am looking for and how best to go about then getting those needs met.

This is no different than vanilla relationships. You get to know people, find compatibilities and work together. The question that comes to mind is how can you know to pick a good mentor if you haven't figured out what you are looking for?

Be yourself, ask questions, explore, have fun.

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: inspection - 8/18/2005 5:32:34 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aurora31

I do not buy into the diminished worth as a peron therory at all....I am not a door mat....but where does the line between disobdience and not being a door mat end? When is it okay to sat I can not and will not do this.

Yes I am fairly new to the lifestyle I have on r/t D/s relationship that was a disaster because I did not know what it was exactly what I was looking for and becuase he was as new to the lifestyle as me.

I want and need gudiance so that I can figure out what it is that I am looking for and how best to go about then getting those needs met.


First - you need to realise there is no 'offical' set protocol.
As with every relationship - it is what you make it to be.

If you are uncomfortable witha procedure set by a dominant, then always question it. If the response still does not sit right, then you always have the right to refuse. The dominant will either learn with you on that - and find an alternative solution(any good dominant will) or let you go.
But that is a decision based on your ability to communicate openly and know your needs.

I still do not see the need to train you in inspection in such a way - to me, it sends up a red flag. You say this person is a recommendation by someone you trust - it helps but isnt always the best thing either. This person you trust, I am assuming is real time friend? If its online only - then again I say be careful - seriously.

You really could do no better than first finding out who you are and being true to what makes you comfortable. How naked examination can assist you centre on yourself is beyond me - there are many more - non sexual ways - of doing it. Maybe the open sexual display is the way you wish to be trained - ifso go with the flow - but unless you are willing to expand more on the mentorship to us, its difficult for us to advise.

If you are wanting a more sexual experience in your submission - you (may) be heading in the correct direction.
But if its non sexual submission you want to expand on - then I really dont see the place for the open examin online.
You would be much better getting into a group or munch and finding a mentorship with someone who will help guide you on a more face to face basis.

Unless online is the way you want to go.

Peace and Love

< Message edited by dark~angel -- 8/18/2005 5:48:29 PM >

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: inspection - 8/18/2005 5:41:19 PM   
greeneyedangel


Posts: 25
Joined: 8/12/2005
Status: offline 		Its just my opinion that if they want to help you, they would talk to you, suggest some reading, answer questions you may have. What they are asking you to do is only something that should be done r/t with your Master/Mistress. you have questioned yourself about them asking you to do this because i think, in your heart, you know it is not necessary. To thine own self be true.

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: inspection - 8/18/2005 5:46:45 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Its just my opinion that if they want to help you, they would talk to you, suggest some reading, answer questions you may have. What they are asking you to do is only something that should be done r/t with your Master/Mistress.


I agree with this sentiment. Aside from that you said they are mentoring you. A mentor is like a big brother or sister. Play generally never comes into play. They teach you, answer questions. As green stated perhaps suggest a book.

They definately do not take advantage of you.

Although since you have defended your point in this thread. I feel you are ok with it...and if you are you should'nt change a thing.

Remember that movie that came out.."Surviving Christmas" Ben Affleck rents a family for christmas. Tells the mother he will get her a free photo shoot. Then her child seeks out porn on the net...finds mom there?
This situation reminds me of that.

(in reply to greeneyedangel)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: inspection - 8/18/2005 6:05:51 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		This inspection sounds like fun. Can I mentor you too?

heh

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: inspection - 8/18/2005 7:13:48 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		Sounds like they're just looking for some wanking material. If you feel like you shouldn't do it, then don't do it. I know that some people like to play via the internet. It's not my thing. I cannot imagine parading around on a webcam and then eventually meeting them for the first time. I guess the idea of them seeing my tits before actually being able to shake my hand is weird for me. But that's my personal preference.

You have instincts for a reason. <3

_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: inspection - 8/18/2005 7:47:27 PM   
sanita


Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline 		depending on the webcam software, they can be recording the transmission as well.

if you are questioning this practice... it sounds like you do not trust the intentions of this couple.

just because you are new does not mean you have to believe what "experienced" people tell you. you go with your gut. if you want to give control of your r/t behaviour to someone online, that is fine. just know that glass wall is very very hard to climb.

then again, it can be the shield you need, considering your bad first experience.

i agree with JohnWarren. (i read the rest of the posts after starting this reply, hence my first comment paralleling the "capture" point -my apologies.) you are still learning what you want, and where you fit. ask the questions, but you may have to answer them yourself, for yourself.

good luck to you.





_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: inspection - 8/18/2005 7:59:41 PM   
ItzKat


Posts: 86
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline 		On the one hand, it is very common practice for men to set up female or couple IDs to get past the hesitation of some girls online. Have you ever met them in person? The truth is, you do not know who you are talking to or what they are doing with those images. For all you know they are posting them on some website for the world to see.

On the other hand, this just might a real couple and be what they like to see a sub do. However, if they are telling you that you have to do this to be a sub they are wrong. There is not one way to act to be a sub. If they are telling you that you have to do this to be their sub and you don't like it, find someone else. Trust me, there are plenty out there.

Kat

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 20
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