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RE: inspection - 8/18/2005 8:34:24 PM

vonzott

Posts: 39
Joined: 2/26/2005
From: San Diego, CA
Status: offline

quote:

I do not buy into the diminished worth as a peron therory at all....I am not a door mat....but where does the line between disobdience and not being a door mat end? When is it okay to sat I can not and will not do this.

That's the best news I've heard in a while! Congratulations: you're where you need to be. My concern was that you might be in the same end of the pool with so many others. I'm happy to hear that you aren't.

Now, make sure that the people you submit to understand your opinion of yourself as well. You aren't a doormat, but so many "tops" believe that is what you should be. Beware of those ...

quote:

Yes I am fairly new to the lifestyle I have on r/t D/s relationship that was a disaster because I did not know what it was exactly what I was looking for and becuase he was as new to the lifestyle as me.

The disaster probably came not as a result of you simply not knowing what you want, but as a result of *both* of you being in the same place! A good Dom/me ought to be able to guide you in learning about what you want/need. Your job shouldn't be to guide the Dom/me so much as learn from them.

quote:

I want and need gudiance so that I can figure out what it is that I am looking for and how best to go about then getting those needs met.

You, once again, demonstrate that you've got your head on straight. Back to your original question - and mirroring the comments of others in this thread - listen to your gut feelings. You already know what you need to about these people who are "mentoring" you. Listen to what you're telling yourself.

- vz

(in reply to aurora31)

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Post #: 21

RE: inspection - 8/19/2005 8:52:17 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

When is it okay to sat I can not and will not do this.

before you enter into a relationship, you should decide. Some pople refer to "hard limits" as things they will never be ok doing and "Soft limits" as things they would rather not do, but WILL if that is what pleases the other party.

quote:

I am very uncomfortable and aprehensive with doing this but they say it is a must if I am to continue under there mentorship.

this slave has never been "mentored" online. However, anyone who would demand that this slave perform, as you have, via webcam would not be considered a "mentor" by this slave.

(in reply to aurora31)

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Post #: 22

RE: inspection - 8/19/2005 10:51:39 PM

aurora31

Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline

Thank you A/all for the input...your thoughts pretty much confirmed mine....I am now once again on this journey alone but its nice to know I can come here and find good advice.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

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Post #: 23

RE: inspection - 8/20/2005 6:33:14 AM

OwnedByHim

Posts: 8
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aurora31

I have known the female of this couple for a while now...she comes highly recomened by some one who I trust. I also know of another sub she is mentoring but I only talk with her in public chat. I should also make clear that their reasoning behind this is to help me focus and center myself. Something that I struggel with big time.

This one also struggles with focusing and centering, and am lucky to have some that are helping this one to learn. There are many ways to help someone learn to focus and center without removing their clothes. If this couple is not willing to help you while you are clothed, and you feel uncomfortable with that, you do not have to do it as they do not own you. you can also read about meditation and ways to focus and center yourself without the input of others. It is very easy to be taken advantage of when new - good luck and don't do something if it does not feel 'right' to you. That does not make you less of a submissive or less of a slave.

(in reply to aurora31)

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Post #: 24

RE: inspection - 8/20/2005 8:00:07 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Thank you A/all for the input...your thoughts pretty much confirmed mine....I am now once again on this journey alone but its nice to know I can come here and find good advice.

You are never alone in this world as long as you have friends and family to turn to in the good times and bad.
Some here on these boards care a great deal about people. You'll find that out if you stick around.

(in reply to aurora31)

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Post #: 25

RE: inspection - 8/20/2005 10:27:22 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

My thoughts on mentoring are:

Mentors DO NOT play or have sexual relations with the submissive they are mentoring. Mentors are there to teach protocol, to protect and to guide.

This means you should get a mentor in your own community, not some online guy half way around the world. The reason is simple; if my Master were your mentor and you came to him and said, "I have been asked to play by Dom XXXX." Master would tell you no. Why? Because the guy has put at least 2 women in the hospital and was actually taken to court by an ex-submissive. We know this because we live in the same geographic area as Dom XXXX. Some guy in Chicago would not know this.

I absolutely, positively think that online mentoring is a sham and will fail to do what you hope it will. How can an online person guide you through the real time world of BDSM D/s?

DH and I just had a conversation with a female submissive in our area that had an online mentor in Chicago. He was married and using her for jack off material. The sad part was that we had to point out the things that he was doing to her. She didn't get it. In the end, we set up a meeting with a well known and respected Dominant that lives in her town, as he has agreed to become her mentor.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to sub4hire)

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Post #: 26

RE: inspection - 8/20/2005 12:10:46 PM

aurora31

Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline

I wish I was lucky enough to live in a area with an active local comunity...unfortunatly I live in small town usa and have to travel 2 or 3 hrs for any lifestyle related events. that type of travel is not easy for me to undertake at this time. I will contnue to seek suport and advice from my online friends but this couple will no longer be my mentors. Hopefully someday soon I will meet the right Dom who will train me to meet his needs untill then I will continue to grow and learn as best I can.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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Post #: 27

RE: inspection - 8/20/2005 12:58:28 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I wish you luck in your search. When you do finnd the right Dom you will see the difference in what this couple was doing and what he will do. Just know you have friends here.

littleone

(in reply to aurora31)

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Post #: 28

RE: inspection - 8/21/2005 6:01:54 PM

anopheles

Posts: 241
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Mentors DO NOT play or have sexual relations with the submissive they are mentoring. Mentors are there to teach protocol, to protect and to guide.

Very true. And there are actually a lot of mentor dominants out there, I bet you could find one that would be happy to give you advice online as to how to keep yourself safe and still explore they way that you want to.

If you have not met these people in person and don't trust them, I'd be very wary of someone that asked you to do this. It seems like a one-sided way for someone to get off, as they/he/whoever is getting to see your goods, and you're getting nothing out of it.

Another point to keep in mind that there are people out there that operate websites that cater to a voyeur audience, and they do troll for pictures of real people, and they are not above taking advantage of someone in this nature to get material. I work in the webhosting industry, and I know that this is a very real occurrence.

BTW, Inspection is one of my personal kinks. I inspect my sub all the time, but not always for arousing reasons. I like to make sure that there is nothing wrong with her, that she didn't get bit by something, that something isn't amiss with her body, because her health is very important to me. But I think that should be done in person, and not over a webcam.

< Message edited by anopheles -- 8/21/2005 6:18:15 PM >

_____________________________

You've got me so high, my shoes are scraping the sky -- for my Luvdragon

(in reply to littleone35)

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Post #: 29

RE: inspection - 8/22/2005 12:31:43 PM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

Hmph. Mentoring is typically just supposed to be about learning, and usually doesn't involve much play. If they're having you do this, and it gives you the heebie jeebies, tell them firmly "NO."

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to aurora31)

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Post #: 30

RE: inspection - 8/22/2005 10:09:02 PM

Sasy