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Etiquette Question - How long to wait?


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Etiquette Question - How long to wait? - 8/18/2005 2:48:23 PM   
Looking4MyBliss


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/11/2005
Status: offline 		How long does one wait after one expresses interest in someone for that person to reply before moving on? CollarMe allows us to see the last time someone was on the system as well as if they have read the email or not, which is really nifty.

How many days/weeks do you wait for a person who has not logged onto the system to read a note you have sent?

How many days/weeks do you wait for a person who has read the email to respond?


Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Etiquette Question - How long to wait? - 8/18/2005 2:51:51 PM   
bulletproof


Posts: 30
Joined: 8/17/2005
Status: offline 		not sure. I do wish the system allowed a person to hide their online status while just using the messaging feature. it's either look as if you are online continuously, or log in log out log in for each message.

(in reply to Looking4MyBliss)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Etiquette Question - How long to wait? - 8/18/2005 2:55:49 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Looking4MyBliss

How long does one wait after one expresses interest in someone for that person to reply before moving on? CollarMe allows us to see the last time someone was on the system as well as if they have read the email or not, which is really nifty.

How many days/weeks do you wait for a person who has not logged onto the system to read a note you have sent?

How many days/weeks do you wait for a person who has read the email to respond?

I don't wait at all. If you decide you want to go monogamous, then you let everyone know. Until then, what's there to wait for?

But if you don't hear from someone within a week and want to make sure something didn't happen, write a polite "just in case" email and then let it go.





(in reply to Looking4MyBliss)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Etiquette Question - How long to wait? - 8/18/2005 2:56:30 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		I would have to assume that if the person has read the message and hasn't responded after a few days then they're not interested.

(in reply to Looking4MyBliss)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Etiquette Question - How long to wait? - 8/18/2005 3:10:03 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		Collarme allows you to see when another person had last logged on.
If you send a e-mail to someone and they do not reply within a week of that last log in,

Move on.


:-(

What I hate doing is appearing to be a troll or pest by sending a message to someone 2-3 times over a year or so period as I do not keep track of those I reply to an ad about.

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Etiquette Question - How long to wait? - 8/18/2005 3:19:27 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

How many days/weeks do you wait for a person who has not logged onto the system to read a note you have sent?

How many days/weeks do you wait for a person who has read the email to respond?


Collarme gives you the benefit of knowing then the person last logged in. If they've logged in and not read your e-mail..perhaps they aren't wanting e-mail here and just ignoring it all.
Yet if they haven't logged in....I guess you wait until they do however long that may be.

How long would you wait to be called back after a date? How long would you wait if you wrote someone a real letter before giving up? I'd give it probably about the same amount of time.

(in reply to Looking4MyBliss)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Etiquette Question - How long to wait? - 8/18/2005 3:33:12 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		There's no hard an fast etiquette rule so it really comes down to three things... your own preferences, your own judgement, and your level of patience.

What is your preference? To write to just one individual at a time or pick out 4 or 5 select individuals or a list of 20? There's no rule here, it really comes down to how broad a net you want to cast and your ability to write to these individuals. I would however strongly suggest you NOT use form letters if you write to more than one. Over the years I find you get the best results if you read the person's profile and look for key things about them you find interesting and respond to that. Also try to listen to what they are saying in their profile and try to offer something of yourself in your initial letter that they would seem to be interested ing. Naturally this is easier with people who fully fill out a profile and talk about both what they want and what they have to offer.

What is your judgement? Make a personal call here... do you think the person is ignoring you? Are they to busy to answer you? Did you just not make a good impression? How long do you need to decide that. Its entirely up to you, there is no right answer. However, if it helps, if I haven't heard from them within a week, I figure I won't and don't give it any more thought.

What is your level of patience? Simply put, how long is it worth it to you to wait. How much is your time worth to you? How much do value contact with that person? Which is worth more... go with that.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Looking4MyBliss)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Etiquette Question - How long to wait? - 8/18/2005 4:10:01 PM   
ragdoll


Posts: 231
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bulletproof

not sure. I do wish the system allowed a person to hide their online status while just using the messaging feature. it's either look as if you are online continuously, or log in log out log in for each message.


i wish there was a feature like that too!

to the OP, Looking4MyBliss, i'd have to say.. i've never actually sent a note "first" to someone before (here on CM).. but... when i reply to a note... if i see a person has read it.. and it's been over a week and they haven't responded, i pretty much figure that they lost interest... which is perfectly okay.

^_^
...

(in reply to bulletproof)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Etiquette Question - How long to wait? - 8/18/2005 5:15:51 PM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

I would have to assume that if the person has read the message and hasn't responded after a few days then they're not interested.



Absolutely. If they dont reply after a few days, forget it. They probably arent going to. Happy huntin'.




HalloweenWhite.

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Etiquette Question - How long to wait? - 8/18/2005 7:18:42 PM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2


quote:

ORIGINAL: Looking4MyBliss

How long does one wait after one expresses interest in someone for that person to reply before moving on? CollarMe allows us to see the last time someone was on the system as well as if they have read the email or not, which is really nifty.

How many days/weeks do you wait for a person who has not logged onto the system to read a note you have sent?

How many days/weeks do you wait for a person who has read the email to respond?

I don't wait at all. If you decide you want to go monogamous, then you let everyone know. Until then, what's there to wait for?


I'm with EmeraldSlave2 on this. There's such a long road from expressing interest to being in a relationship. Most of the initial conversations, back and forths don't pan out, incompatibility, whatever. So until something is really promising, I've really gotten to know someone and we make a decision to end other communciation, I'm in meeting, greeting and dating mode.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Etiquette Question - How long to wait? - 8/18/2005 7:52:26 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		The one which pisses me right off is when someone messages you saying what something pleasant and then asks if they may be considered to come to you for training and hopefully a collar, you reply and make some suggestion about times to meet for a coffee in a coffee house and they don’t reply at all or if the do it’s only to ask for help in getting into other sites or something similar… I tend to be open minded with a trusting outlook until I know people better. How hard is it to respond saying that they want to take more time at the moment or that they have found some one else. I’d be happy about that for at least they wouldn’t be rude or ignorant….. Shesh this is way off thread but I can see the relationship anyway.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to arayofsunshine55)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Etiquette Question - How long to wait? - 8/19/2005 10:13:43 AM   
themischievous1


Posts: 151
Joined: 4/3/2005
From: San Antonio, Texas
Status: offline 		I'm busy. Often I'll pop on, check my mail here and then have to go and get my daughter to bed or write a paper for school, etc. Sometimes, I'm so exhausted after a long day, I only have energy to read a message, sign off and go to bed. I've taken up to a week or so to answer messages when I'm in the busier parts of a school semester.

My advice is not to be in "waiting" mode. Live your life and enjoy it in whatever way you choose. If someone is interested, they will write you back. It just might take them a little bit to do so. As others have said, be patient and just go about your life.

mischie

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Etiquette Question - How long to wait? - 8/19/2005 10:59:12 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Why wait at all?

This is a website where with very little effort anyone can put up a profile. You're working on a false assumption, that is every profile is representing the truth. The truth is, many are fakes and frauds. Some are posers, some are on-line wankers, some are here to take advantage of the lonely, and some are even dangerous.

Cast a wide net. Don't have a canned response or send a form letter to every profile you see, but address a short and somewhat personalized note to everyone that appears to be someone you would like to meet. Don't wait for a reply from one before sending another. Begin a dialog, but assuming your goal is a real time meeting, until you have accomplished that, have as many dialogs as possible.

Try and focus on your goal - meeting. Don't waste time with those seeking on-line training or sessioning. Use on-line to get to know each other. The easiest way to get involved with a poser or fraud is to placate them by playing on-line games with them. Get out and meet. Make them feel as comfortable as possible. Disclose as much as you can about yourself to establish a level of trust.

Even with all that, some people still turn out to be frauds in person, but at least you've reached the stage where you can make that determination and write them off. It's nothing to be upset about, it's actually an accomplishment. You stopped wasting your time with a fraud. Until you find your "Bliss" keep the search broad. Sitting by the computer pining for a response is not productive, as a potential dom or a potential sub.

(in reply to Looking4MyBliss)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Etiquette Question - How long to wait? - 8/19/2005 1:25:08 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2


quote:

ORIGINAL: Looking4MyBliss
How many days/weeks do you wait for a person who has not logged onto the system to read a note you have sent?

How many days/weeks do you wait for a person who has read the email to respond?

I don't wait at all. If you decide you want to go monogamous, then you let everyone know. Until then, what's there to wait for?

if you don't hear from someone within a week and want to make sure something didn't happen, write a polite "just in case" email and then let it go.

Hey Looking4MyBliss,
I'm with Emerald on this... Don't put life on hold waiting for nothing. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Etiquette Question - How long to wait? - 8/19/2005 4:55:54 PM   
zaynab


Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		sometimes I'm showing online most of the day, when i'm not even in the room... or doing something else on the computer.

I'd say dont wait at all.

_____________________________

zaynab[DM]
quote:

i used to care... but now i take a pill for that

(in reply to Looking4MyBliss)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Etiquette Question - How long to wait? - 8/19/2005 6:16:55 PM   
InnocentSexpot


Posts: 10
Joined: 8/4/2005
From: San Francisco, now living in Utah
Status: offline 		I must agree with zaynab on this one. Often I get busy with other things so even when I'm logged in here, I may not actually be in the room.

Also, I finally replied to a lovely e-mail I recieved a couple of weeks ago... it took so long not because of a lack of interest, but I've just been busy.

Rain

_____________________________

"We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same."
Anne Frank


(in reply to zaynab)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Etiquette Question - How long to wait? - 8/19/2005 6:25:18 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Yo Yo Yo,

Lets not forget the ppl who put up pics of them that were taken 10 plus years ago. Pet told me about the first guy she ever dated who had an picture on there profile. The guy was thin, well groomed, and in a nice ROTC uniform. When he picked her up he had shaggy hair, not clean shaved, had long dirty finger nails, and had an extra 50 plus pounds in the gut. Needless the say the online pic was way out of date.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Etiquette Question - How long to wait? - 8/19/2005 7:04:53 PM   
StarAndRock


Posts: 13
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline 		There are certainly instances in which someone logs in to check messages but doesn't really have the time to respond to them. Give it a little time but don't hound them. Still, if they don't ever respond then, obviously, they're not interested.

(in reply to FangsNfeet)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Etiquette Question - How long to wait? - 8/19/2005 7:16:33 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		I certainly wouldn't hold my breath if that's what you mean.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to Looking4MyBliss)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Etiquette Question - How long to wait? - 8/19/2005 9:27:50 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline 		I can type "Thanks, but not interested" really really fast, lol, while guys who send me an message that makes me think can have to wait a bit for a reply. So a quick reply is not necessarily better. But while you don't have to give up if you're the optimistic type, you don't have to (and shouldn't) wait around either.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to Looking4MyBliss)
Profile   Post #: 20
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