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Dealing with Procrastination in yourself... - 12/19/2007 1:09:03 PM

liminalRapture

Posts: 181
Joined: 9/6/2007
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For me, in my experience, it seems like the time in my life when I wasn't in touch with my submissiveness, I had a much better ability to actually accomplish my goals. Once I got in touch with my submissiveness, procrastination has overtaken me. (Now, there were several other changes too, like finishing my doctorate and some personal hell that tore me apart that same year and a computer accident that meant I lost a whole bunch of stuff--I'd backed up the main documents but not a lot of my notes and didn't realize how much I needed them.)

But, and maybe I'm just making excuses for myself, I wonder if that energy of "I will finish this task now" just doesn't work with the willingness to surrender power.

I yearn for someone who would actually care enough to help me stick to goals I'd set for myself, but I don't have that in my life right now. And I have to get my butt in gear and get my book finished.

Anything you do to force yourself to finish big projects that don't have an exterior deadline when you don't have anyone else supporting you in it? Also, anyone else notice a similar dynamic in your life?

_____________________________

"Ring the bells that can still ring. Forget your perfect offering. There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." Leonard Cohen.

Post #: 1

RE: Dealing with Procrastination in yourself... - 12/19/2007 1:56:22 PM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
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First off congratulations for making it almost through grad school, that’s a big accomplishment.

I’m a big time procrastinator, if I can put it off I will. I also found myself putting off my finishing my last few papers for grad/undergrad school because that way it wouldn’t be over yet. I wonder if that might be what you’re doing? I set deadlines for myself with mini rewards once I get them done. Like watching a favorite show or going to get ice cream. This seems to work the best for me.

Procrastinating has nothing to do with my relationships if anything I learned it by being able to get away with it so often (and well lol). I’ve always done it, you really just have to force yourself to do stuff.

_____________________________

"We agreed to S&M only, sex and mockery." - Gray’s Anatomy.

(in reply to liminalRapture)

Post #: 2

RE: Dealing with Procrastination in yourself... - 12/19/2007 2:18:47 PM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
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I would procrastinate, but I'll put that off until tomorrow.

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Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.

(in reply to SunNMoon)

Post #: 3

RE: Dealing with Procrastination in yourself... - 12/19/2007 2:26:57 PM

eevin

Posts: 64
Joined: 11/29/2007
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Personally, i feel more able to accomplish things when i am in a submissive position, or when people depend upon me completeing it. Its when i am outside of that that i put things off and say "i will do them tomorrow/later/when i'm not busy with this/that/the other." Bit it is nice when we have somOne to help us stick to the things we need to do and the goals set before us (either ours or Theirs), because, at least to me, it brings a much greater sense of accomplishemt knowing someone is proud that i completed what needed to be done.

Congratulations on nearly finishing with school, though! That is a big accomplishment i wish i could have handled better (i learned early on, and very quickly, that i couldn't concentrate on both a full time class schedule and a full time job...one was always lacking when the other was doing better, so i was either flunking classes, or getting in trouble at work all the time).

_____________________________

Plants are simply slow animals.

(in reply to liminalRapture)

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RE: Dealing with Procrastination in yourself... - 12/19/2007 2:27:04 PM

liminalRapture

Posts: 181
Joined: 9/6/2007
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I actually finished my dissertation 4 years ago, and that is the problem. I finished both masters. Then I finished my doctorate. I used every single friggin trick in the book to finish the diss. After it was done, I let a huge sigh of relief and relaxed for a break. And haven't gotten over the break.

All the tricks that used to work, they don't work any more. And I have no external deadlines. Aside from being 40 in 4 years and a 20th highschool reunion next, but those don't really have the same impact.

Maybe it is unrelated. But I accepted this side of myself right around when I finished the doctorate. I keep hoping to have some sort of external discipline because I don't have any internal discipline anymore.

_____________________________

"Ring the bells that can still ring. Forget your perfect offering. There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." Leonard Cohen.

(in reply to rubberpet)

Post #: 5

RE: Dealing with Procrastination in yourself... - 12/19/2007 7:07:15 PM

TethersEnd

Posts: 102
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

I was going to say that I used to be much more focused, able to leap small buildings in a single bound, wear 10 hats and still cook dinner ... a place I feel I've lost my edge. But Eevin's reply left me a clue. I realized when I read that what did change for me. I had someone or something else as a primary target to accomplish something for. Much more important to do for them, then myself. Now that the nest and pillow next to me are empty all those things I want or need to do seem quite easy to just put off, it's not like anyone will be disapointed in me when I dont do them.

God, I need a firm kick in my Ass!

< Message edited by TethersEnd -- 12/19/2007 7:08:28 PM >

(in reply to liminalRapture)

Post #: 6

RE: Dealing with Procrastination in yourself... - 12/19/2007 7:15:22 PM

liminalRapture

Posts: 181
Joined: 9/6/2007
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Tether--maybe we should start a club and be supportive to each other setting goals next year. Yeah, it can wait till next year... ;)
But seriously--if you'd like, I'd enjoy having a few people with e-mail support for goals.

_____________________________

"Ring the bells that can still ring. Forget your perfect offering. There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." Leonard Cohen.

(in reply to TethersEnd)

Post #: 7

RE: Dealing with Procrastination in yourself... - 12/19/2007 7:24:50 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
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I'm a procrastinator ... but I'm also a control freak about some things ... so I am at constant war with myself. Tums is my best friend.

(in reply to liminalRapture)

Post #: 8

RE: Dealing with Procrastination in yourself... - 12/19/2007 7:35:54 PM

TethersEnd

Posts: 102
Joined: 1/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: liminalRapture

Tether--maybe we should start a club and be supportive to each other setting goals next year. Yeah, it can wait till next year... ;)
But seriously--if you'd like, I'd enjoy having a few people with e-mail support for goals.

I love the next year part!
(count me in) LOL

(in reply to liminalRapture)

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RE: Dealing with Procrastination in yourself... - 12/19/2007 7:38:43 PM

TethersEnd

Posts: 102
Joined: 1/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

I'm a procrastinator ... but I'm also a control freak about some things ... so I am at constant war with myself. Tums is my best friend.

totally understood... !
I think this is why I push so hard at work, I have to be perfect!!
(omg I'm a wage slave)

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 10

RE: Dealing with Procrastination in yourself... - 12/20/2007 12:29:59 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

A wise Master once asked:

1) Who are you?
2) What do you want?
3) What are you willing to pay to get it?

So, I'm asking: Are you willing to give up being "on break" in order to find another goal? Are you willing to give up procrastination in order to get it done?

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to liminalRapture)

Post #: 11

RE: Dealing with Procrastination in yourself... - 12/20/2007 12:58:42 AM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

Maybe it's because in our outside world we are in control and do what needs to get done. In a submissive headspace, we're waiting for someone to tell us to do it? Once we get used to being controlled and directed, even if not micro-managed, do we lose our sense of self-direction and self-discipline? Hmmm, good question OP.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 12

RE: Dealing with Procrastination in yourself... - 12/20/2007 1:49:25 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I personally feel it's not the submissives job to constantly keep the dom doing what they should. Every once in a while, yeah ok, but for procrastinators who'd need it lots or more than once in a blue moon nope. not my job.

quote:

ORIGINAL: liminalRapture

I yearn for someone who would actually care enough to help me stick to goals I'd set for myself, but I don't have that in my life right now. And I have to get my butt in gear and get my book finished.

(in reply to liminalRapture)

Post #: 13

RE: Dealing with Procrastination in yourself... - 12/20/2007 1:56:04 AM

talibahh

Posts: 389
Joined: 4/9/2006
From: NSW Australia
Status: offline

liminalRapture:

Maybe it is unrelated. But I accepted this side of myself right around when I finished the doctorate. I keep hoping to have some sort of external discipline because I don't have any internal discipline anymore.

littlebitxxx:

Once we get used to being controlled and directed, even if not micro-managed, do we lose our sense of self-direction and self-discipline?

Forgive me for quoting 2 people in the same response, but they both stood out to me, being the same comment, really, which i wish to respond to, if i may...

A wise Master who is teaching me so much, pointed out to me, the need for a slave (or submissive) to perhaps have an even greater self-control, or self-discipline, than perhaps she once did.

A Master or Dom cannot always be present, however a slave must always behave as though He were, by following His directions and wishes. Sometimes this means going against something the slave may not really wish to do, or do yet (if she is still relatively inexperienced, or not perhaps)...

If for example, she has been instructed to NOT eat chocolate, yet considers herself a chocoholic it takes great self control and self-discipline for her to follow her Master's wishes by not eating chocolate, even though she could when He is not there... However if she did so, this would lead to dishonesty, or a willful breaking of His rules... And trust is a huge thing in a Master/slave or Dom/sub relationship, (in my humble opinion anyway).

So if a said trust is broken over such a thing, by the slave either denying she had some chocolate, then the relationship won't last, or is a farce. If she is honest and admits her wrong doing, this could lead to punishment (depending upon the relationship), or even (if a willful disobedience to a rule is broken) in some extreme cases (again dependant upon the relationship), a slave breaking her contract (if they have one) and could dissolve the relationship. Now i am not suggesting this may happen over chocolate... it is a mere example.

What i am trying to point out, is that when in such a relationship, self-discipline and self-control can be even MORE important for a slave/submissive, not less so. A Master/Dom needs to have an element of trust in His slave/sub to follow His rules/wishes, whether He is there or not.

i hope this makes sense and maybe helps in understanding that even though a slave/submissive gives up control to her Master/Dom, it doesn't mean she no longer needs to be in control of herself, her actions (self control), or have no self-discipline... on the contrary...

just my humble opinion

tali

*edited for typos... hope i got them all!

< Message edited by talibahh -- 12/20/2007 2:02:36 AM >

_____________________________

"It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time" ~ Sir Winston Churchill

in giving You my freedom, i gain the freedom to be me ...
~ tali ~

(in reply to littlebitxxx)

Post #: 14

RE: Dealing with Procrastination in yourself... - 12/20/2007 6:14:24 AM

liminalRapture

Posts: 181
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline

Tali,
I don't disagree with you, but that's not where my problem is. I'm not in a relationship, but if I were, I suspect it would be fairly easy to do as expected. When I have someone I'm responsible to--even if it is just clients at work, I always get whatever I need to get done, on-time. It is the big projects that will take years to finish that I'm not making adequate progress on.

_____________________________

"Ring the bells that can still ring. Forget your perfect offering. There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." Leonard Cohen.

(in reply to talibahh)

Post #: 15

RE: Dealing with Procrastination in yourself... - 12/20/2007 1:15:19 PM

MasteroftheSade

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/8/2007
Status: offline

I went through a similar period when I finished my PhD and I am a Dom. LOL

I took larger projects that actually took years to complete because of my proffesion and it helped me to get off the dime. Today I find myself doing a second dissertation for another PhD.
Let me suggest that you establish a daily routine in your writting career. It also helps if you plan and you chunk your milestones and force yourself to complete those milestones. If it is personal organization that you need take a look at several of the sites that are available I recommend any of GTD. read David Allen's book Getting Things Done. It is an excellent process to organize your life and it will help you right away because you will only focus on your next actions.
There are a number of GTD sites:
http://www.organizeit.co.uk/2007/07/02/huge-list-of-gtd-productivity-sitesblogs/

and for organizing your life that a look at some of these sites:
http://mashable.com/2007/10/26/100-ways-to-organize-life/

Don't blame being a Sub for your Procrastination. We all do it specially after finishing a large undertaking like a PhD. Even today when I finish a huge project I find myself coasting for a while. It is human nature to recharge before undertaking something else.

I hope this post helps and if you need anything else email me.

Good luck with all your endeavours.

MOS

(in reply to liminalRapture)

Post #: 16

RE: Dealing with Procrastination in yourself... - 12/20/2007 6:18:06 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I'm very sorry rapture I mis read what you said and I read it submissives, assuming you were a domme, instead of submissiveNESS.

I have the same problem with motivation, and I am a huge procrastinator, sometimes deadline just comes looming down the pike and I have to buckle down and do it or face not getting it done.

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

I personally feel it's not the submissives job to constantly keep the dom doing what they should. .
quote:

ORIGINAL: liminalRapture

I yearn for someone who would actually care enough to help me stick to goals I'd set for myself, but I don't have that in my life right now. And I have to get my butt in gear and get my book finished.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 17

RE: Dealing with Procrastination in yourself... - 12/20/2007 6:22:32 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: liminalRapture

Tether--maybe we should start a club and be supportive to each other setting goals next year. Yeah, it can wait till next year... ;)
But seriously--if you'd like, I'd enjoy having a few people with e-mail support for goals.

I’ll join………later!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to liminalRapture)

Post #: 18

RE: Dealing with Procrastination in yourself... - 12/20/2007 6:53:16 PM

MasteroftheSade

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/8/2007
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Here are another couple of sites.
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/06/self-discipline/

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifehack/fifty-50-tools-which-can-help-you-in-writing.html

This is a geat writting tools and community site

http://www.internet-resources.com/writers/wrlinks-wordstuff.htm

(in reply to liminalRapture)

Post #: 19

RE: Dealing with Procrastination in yourself... - 12/20/2007 8:33:40 PM

MasterofScyn

Posts: 141
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

I always wait to see if my bills can wait another week.....

_____________________________

May the road rise to meet you
May the wind always be at your back
May the sun always shine against your face
May the rain fall softly upon your fields
Until we meet again
May the spirits hold you in the palm of their hands

(in reply to MasteroftheSade)

Post #: 20

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