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AnnabelHell -> RE: Is professional domination legal? (12/21/2007 3:39:11 PM)
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I may be late to the conversation having recently found CollarMe and the forums, but I'd like to add my two cents to this thread.
I got my first job as a Professional Dominatrix when I was 17 years old and I am still a Professional today. I am now in my thirties. I will tell you what I know, and have seen of the business in that time, and give you my opinions about this sort of thing.
When I first began working in the industry it was _very_ underground. Clubs and lifestyle groups were pretty tough to find. There weren't many local munches, or sm clubs, or dungeons around. There was a fairly decent online sub-culture for pansexual bdsm, Leather was a lot harder to find both online and off.
You had two main kinds of Professional Dominant women, and this remains true today, genuinely Dominant women who turned their natural Dominance to trade regardless of lifestyle community involvement or not. And then those who see clients for a broader range of adult activity where Fetish is one of the many things one might ask for. The former would be strict Fetish providers, actual Dominas and Dominant women. The latter would be sexual services where fetish and Domination are offered. You also found (and still do) everything in between those two main types of businesses.
At the time neither was acceptable in most US states and the former would have been lumped in with the latter regardless of how purist you were in the types of services you were offering. Domination was seen as Prostitution by the law, and many women were arrested for doing it.
This created an environment where you just couldn’t be open about it. Even Dungeons were fairly well kept secrets. You had to go looking for your kink if you wanted to find it. It was a hush-hush cash payment business that thrived under the covers as it were.
The Professional Domina at the time did not really advertise online or have any services online. Many women were not part of any sort of local community either because in most places, there wasn't one. These were very isolated women doing their business on their own or with a few fellow women in a social environment, which wasn't very accepting of any form of social deviance.
I spent my first few years in the business working for other people; in a club at night on the weekend, and for a Professional Dungeon by day. I think the first Dungeon I worked at was an exceptional one for the time. It was run by a genuine Leather-Lady and employed all women. Her policies were strict and coming to her place was a genuine sort of D/s experience. I was lucky, I visited others that were no more than a dirty back room in someone’s house, or went around with women who carried everything in a bag so they could go from hotel to hotel on out-calls. The dungeon where I worked was reasonably classy, there were some better and some much worse; and I got to see all of it.
From top to bottom I never saw anyone pay by credit card, or ask for a receipt. At the time this would have been unheard of. Back then, credit card processing was incredibly expensive and you couldn’t get online merchant accounts or find a company who dealt with adult businesses. Trying to get someone to process you would have been nearly impossible, and for those who did manage it, generally under the guise of being another kind of business, it cost them a pretty penny and generally it wasn’t worth the hassle.
Not to mention, most of the people coming to visit you, did not want to be found out. For the most part the kind of client we saw back then were people who could NOT get fetish in their real lives, for vast and varied reasons. Most of them were middle class and above business types whom couldn’t risk being “outted” socially. There weren’t many open lifestyle communities to speak of yet where people could go. Clients wanted to be protected. They didn’t want to be seen walking down the street, or admit to anyone they were engaging in these kinds of activities. If they had to provide a credit card, or name, or personal information most of them would walk way and never come see you again. Both business and client flourished in a safe, private, hand-to-hand payment environment.
At the time how this money got reported to the IRS varied depending on the woman or the Dungeon, and I’m sure much of it was never to be heard from or seen again. Some people reported, some people did not, and this is still the case today.
The social environment at the time was very bad for any kind of adult business, or adult lifestyle. The kind of people frequenting the businesses needed to be anonymous. The “don’t ask don’t tell” type of business was all you could find if you wanted to visit a Dominatrix. This was the safest thing for everyone involved and pretty much all you could do if you wanted to run this kind of business at the time.
There was, however, a huge market for it. Having been so repressed people NEEDED it, and those willing to provide the services were well rewarded with grateful business for your willingness to keep them safe and conduct yourself with them in private.
Some things have changed with time and some things have not. The adult industry has come a long way. We live in a social environment of great change. A big part of this came from the popularity of the net. Where over a decade ago you would not have found Dominant women on the net, today many of them are converting their businesses online.
It became necessary to convert to the new media in order to keep up with a changing market, and you see more and more women coming online. Due to the sex industry boom on the net, Dominant women reap the benefits of suddenly being able to find web-hosts, and payment processors, and all kinds of people willing to help them front their businesses on the internet.
At first women were mostly still advertising offline businesses, the kind of in-person traditional Domination we think of when we say Professional Dominatrix. Sometime in the 90’s you began to see a lot of online-only Fetish providers as well.
-Incidentally the women providing the services in person, and the women providing the services online were generally not the same. It remains true today that most of the women online who offer Domination services online or via the phone cannot be seen in person. And, the women you can go and see in person do not often offer phone services or other online services. There are very few legitimate RT women who offer both type services.-
The bulk of the in-person Domination set is just now coming around to broadening their base of business to offer both in person and multi-media services. Very slowly we’ve begun to see traditional providers come around to not only marketing online, but offering services online in addition to their in person establishment.
Regardless of how many online profiles say – RT Professional Dominant, most of them aren’t. Anytime you seek a fetish provider for RT Domination, check references and do your homework. If you like online Domination, and online Domination only, there are a ton of providers online happy to take your money and never see you in person. If you seek a woman who practices both online, and offline in person, you will have to look a little deeper than initial appearances. Many online will say it, but it may not be true.
There are a few reasons why Professional Domination has not come around as fast as the rest of the adult industry.
Society may be more forward about entertainment and beginning to loosen up a little sexually, but our opinions of prostitution have not changed, and neither has the stigma of Domination being Prostitution in most places. This perception has been slow to change.
Nearly every website you go to of a legitimate Domina will say ‘Domination is not prostitution’ or something about sexual services not being offered. That’s because we all fight that stigma and for the right to do what we do without social and legal persecution. We are still persecuted and attached to the sex-trade. It isn’t that we have any issue with women who work in that industry, it’s that we see ourselves as offering a different kind of service that is legal at this time. Unfortunately, until the sex trade as a whole is legal where you live, as it stands right now you have to work VERY hard as a Professional Domina to separate yourself from being seen as a prostitute if you are legitimate.
Our clients are largely the still the same as they were in the past. People who do not want their activities to be known or published, and wish to remain safe and anonymous while doing so. The average Domina or Dungeon still has a very select type of clientele.
Also, geographically, some places are more open than others. Not all of us can live in Southern California, or Europe where Fetish is more accepted. Many still live in very conservative communities where they have to be very careful about the business they do.
The simple answer is: YES, in most places, Professional Domination is legal.
BUT…
Anytime a Domina is starting her business she absolutely needs to research the laws in her area. They vary, and each place will define Professional Domination differently, and the laws that apply to it will be different. Most clients won’t really have thought about it, so it’s up to you as the Domina to know what’s OK and what is not and control the environment in which you provide your services so that both you and your client are as safe as possible. The more you do to protect yourself and your clients, the better.
For example, some places require a license, and some do not. Some places say skin-to-skin contact (like hand to bare bottom spanking) is illegal. Some places might say any physical contact is illegal. Others might say any “sexual” contact is illegal and you then have to define what that is.
It can be complicated, and even if you follow the law to a T you still may find yourself explaining to a judge how what you do is not soliciting, or having sex for money. The fact is if a community is trying to stamp out adult business in your area, it won’t matter much; chances are you will get some negative attention. You have to be informed, and do your best to comply with the standards and laws of the community you reside in.
The more social standards change, the more you will see the business practices of legitimate in person Dominant women changing. As it is safer for them to be who they are, and what they do is more accepted as a legal legitimate business they will be able to be more open and secure in the business they do. For now, the closet door is cracked.
All you can do on the client end is do your homework. Make polite inquiries to the Dungeons and Dominas via email, or telephone. Explain your situation and why you want what you want to find out if someone can accommodate what you are looking for.
There are some places that will give you a receipt, and some who won’t. There are some Dungeons who won’t even see you unless you show ID and sign a release form saying the activities you are engaging in are consensual, etc. There are other women who will meet you at a hotel, not care who you are, take your money, and leave you without so much as Dominating you at all – and everything in between. You have to be careful and investigate your options anytime you are seeking services in person.
There are a few services, and women who will provide a receipt in person, but at this time the industry is not regulated at all and there are no guidelines. These are individually run businesses and their business policies and practices will be as individual as they are. For myself, and the Ladies who work with me - our clients can choose a variety of convenient payment methods but all Dungeons and Dominas vary and you will have to inquire with those in your area as far as the services they offer and the payment methods they accept.
Regardless, any of them may become suspicious of you if you want something unusual, which you do. Which brings me to your reasons for wanting a receipt.
I have had a client ask for a receipt, and given a receipt for services. He was, however, paying with his own money and legitimately reporting the expense. That is extremely rare in my business and in my entire time as a Professional Domina has only happened two times. Even when a woman reports her income and pays her taxes she doesn’t report the individual names of the people who paid cash for a service. Most clients understandably prefer it that way and don’t want to be bothered asking her for confirmation of their visit.
Additionally when someone does have to provide personal details to purchase a transaction online or otherwise the security of their personal information is of the utmost importance. We have a responsibility to our clients to keep them safe and secure.
This, however, is not what you are doing.
The amount of times a man has tried to find a way to scam me, or someone else in order to get personal gratification are infinite and you should really consider what you are doing before going through with it. A hard penis can make a man do some stupid things; stealing money from the company you work for probably isn’t the smartest thing to do.
What you want to do is illegal; it’s called fraud.
Not only do you want to participate in an activity that misleads the company you work for, misusing their funds for your own pleasure so you don’t have to pay for it; you want a Domina to participate in it with you and put her name on it. You not only put yourself at risk because of your selfish desires, you endanger anyone stupid enough to do it for you as well. Somehow I suspect your Dominatrix does not count as far as your companies accepted activities to cover an expense for, and unless you are willing to go to them and honestly find out if the activity would be covered, you shouldn’t be doing it.
There are some services out there that take credit cards where an individual would not have to lie on a receipt for you. Even then you are still using your companies allowances in a way they were not intended that could get you in a great deal of trouble; the least of which could be fired, and possibly even a few years in your local prison system.
Abusing your expense account at work for kink is unacceptable at best and has nothing to do with the legality of Professional Domination or the social circumstances we function in. This is all about you looking for a loophole to charge off your kink off as a work expense. You were asking if Professional Domination was legal in order to help facilitate your own selfish activities. I don’t think you will like my answer, but my personal recommendation, if you genuinely want to see a Professional Dominant, is that you pony up your own money and pay for it yourself, no matter if you pay with cash or credit.
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