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Whats the best way to respond to a subs message, part 2? - 8/19/2005 8:00:44 AM   
kanarune


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/15/2005
Status: offline 		I posted this on the introductions page, but wanted to post it here because there seems to be more feedback/discussion here than on the other page.

I'm new here on this site, and new to the idea of internet connections. I am a male dom with some experience looking for a female straight/bi slave and I think that its great to find a site like this. I have responded to a few ads in my area and i can see that at least 4 of my responses have been read but I have received no response and i am wondering if it is my appraoch that is the problem. I am tending to write fairly short introduction notes such as the following:

"I would be very interested in communicating with you to see where things could lead. it seems from your profile notes that what you are looking for matches up fairly closely in most ways with what I am seeking. i am not looking for a brain dead follower, but rather a woman with a mind and some guts."

What I am wondering is should I be writing longer responses, or going into more detail as to who i am and what I desire on an initial approach? Also, should I enclose contact information such as an email address or a link to my profile? I am NOT going to start out by calling any potential sub a bitch or a slut on the initial response, nor tell her to kneel and worship the ground that i walk on, sexually service me etc..... right out of the gate (we'll save that for later, LOL). Instead I feel strongly that any S/M relationship needs to be rooted in trust and respect and am attempting to give this to them so that they understand where I am coming from. Samples of responses that have worked for or on you and advice would be appreciated. Thanks


Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Whats the best way to respond to a subs message, pa... - 8/19/2005 8:21:35 AM   
Veav


Posts: 150
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline 		I wouldn't include contact information in the first approach, no. Having read some threads about what female sceners have to deal with on a regular basis, I'd guess that your problem is in writing a short, "generic" introduction. I don't know for sure of course - only the people who haven't replied know - but I do know that they receive a lot of form-letter spam from wannabes, newbies and players who haven't even bothered to pay attention to the profile.

I'd say something that would better your chances is to refer to things from the profile directly, go into a little detail about why you feel what it is they're looking for matches what you're looking for - actually state just what leads you to say that. It's a little pedantic, but as an opening statement it'll catch their attention and let them know that you care about them, want to focus on them, just not on your own desires.

You also might have as much or more luck just hanging on the forums here. I know there's a sizeable contingent of collarme members who don't even watch the profiles anymore because of all that bullshit. }:D

_____________________________

Yes, I am Gordon Freeman. Accept this, and move on with your life.

(in reply to kanarune)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Whats the best way to respond to a subs message, pa... - 8/19/2005 8:24:55 AM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Just a few things to help you along your way,

1. remember that most women here get about 20 to 50 messages a day just because they are listed as a female on there profile. So you may have to wait your turn in being messaged back which may take some time.

2. most ppl do not like one line messages nor a page report on yourself. Just introduce yourself, mention a few things you liked in there profile, ask about two additonal questions you would would like to know, and let the person know that you look forward to hearing from them and end it with a

Sincerly,

(your first name)

3. Your profile could use a little work as you could take away in some areas and add more to others. For many no pic means no reply or send message to. If you don't want to post a pic because of confidentiality reasons, then put in your profile that you do have pics to send if they are interested or just post your pic to those you message.

Best of luck


_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to kanarune)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Whats the best way to respond to a subs message, pa... - 8/19/2005 8:25:10 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Kanarune, your approach is sufficiant in my mind, but it doenst tempt..........
Same with the profile, it states fact but doesnt touch on *you*,
those what's that make you unique will bring you mail.
Keep in mind that sub's get alot of mail, make yours stand out, speak of something
directly from their profile, your chances of a thought out reply will increase.

Happy Hunting, lock and load

Q


_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to kanarune)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Whats the best way to respond to a subs message, pa... - 8/19/2005 8:35:43 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		You will be lucky if you get one sincere post a month, VERY lucky.

Write a personal email to them that intrigues them about you as a PERSON overall. Make them forget that this is a personals site and that somehow the fates put you both here as a perfect match (but ONLY if that's how you really feel).

Act like you just met them at a tea party, where do you go?

(in reply to kanarune)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Whats the best way to respond to a subs message, pa... - 8/19/2005 8:35:53 AM   
kanarune


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/15/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for the response so far, as to a few of the comments, i did addd a picture, albiet with the face obscured) last night so give that a day or so and we'll see. As far as personal profile info, can someone give me an example of what a sub might be looking for:
ie..sexual interest, personal interests, hobbies, life goals yadda yadda yadda

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Whats the best way to respond to a subs message, pa... - 8/19/2005 8:39:20 AM   
Veav


Posts: 150
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline 		You're thinking too deeply into this. Picture the profiles as a college campus where the gender ratio is 10:1 male:female, and of the males, 8:10 play games and waste people's time and have no shame in doing so with as many females as possible. How would you start up a conversation with these females?

In fact, how would you start up a conversation, period? Even if you're cruising for the mad sex0r, are you going to open with "hi, baby, I notice you've got a vagina and I'd like to penetrate you repeatedly"?

_____________________________

Yes, I am Gordon Freeman. Accept this, and move on with your life.

(in reply to kanarune)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Whats the best way to respond to a subs message, pa... - 8/19/2005 8:48:22 AM   
Angrylibrarian


Posts: 214
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline 		honestly?

(in reply to Veav)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Whats the best way to respond to a subs message, pa... - 8/19/2005 8:49:50 AM   
Veav


Posts: 150
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline 		Shh. I'm making a point.

_____________________________

Yes, I am Gordon Freeman. Accept this, and move on with your life.

(in reply to Angrylibrarian)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Whats the best way to respond to a subs message, pa... - 8/19/2005 9:04:55 AM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		Patience, Patience and more patience..

oh and honesty


_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to kanarune)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Whats the best way to respond to a subs message, pa... - 8/19/2005 10:36:10 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
It will take some time to find someone compatable enough to start a conversation.

If you are sending out a letter showing interest in a profile, I would advise making your introduction letter individual. What you have shown in the OP is ok - but it lacks personality and sounds like a spam.
And spam will not get you good responses.

Read the individuals profile and write to them commenting on maybe just a singular item about their post that makes them see you actually read their profile and are not just sending out the same letter to everyone you decide to write to.

Photographs in my opinion, are an irrelevant point in the inital post. But you may find people respond better if you have one in your profile.

One line letters are usually ignored.

And your profile is quite sceptical - it isnt very 'inviting' and is not very 'personable'. You have already mentioned about game players and that just makes you sound a little 'tried and worn out' by the whole thing already. But thats just my personal opinion.

I hope this assists you.

Peace and Love

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to kanarune)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Whats the best way to respond to a subs message, pa... - 8/19/2005 10:42:24 AM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
quote:

Kanarune, your approach is sufficiant in my mind, but it doenst tempt..........
Same with the profile, it states fact but doesnt touch on *you*,
those what's that make you unique will bring you mail.
Keep in mind that sub's get alot of mail, make yours stand out, speak of something
directly from their profile, your chances of a thought out reply will increase.

Happy Hunting, lock and load

Quivver


quote:

It will take some time to find someone compatable enough to start a conversation.

If you are sending out a letter showing interest in a profile, I would advise making your introduction letter individual. What you have shown in the OP is ok - but it lacks personality and sounds like a spam.
And spam will not get you good responses.

Read the individuals profile and write to them commenting on maybe just a singular item about their post that makes them see you actually read their profile and are not just sending out the same letter to everyone you decide to write to.

Photographs in my opinion, are an irrelevant point in the inital post. But you may find people respond better if you have one in your profile.

One line letters are usually ignored.

And your profile is quite sceptical - it isnt very 'inviting' and is not very 'personable'. You have already mentioned about game players and that just makes you sound a little 'tried and worn out' by the whole thing already. But thats just my personal opinion.

I hope this assists you.

dark-angel


These are some smart women. i agree with them all the time. ROFL.

pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 8/19/2005 10:46:47 AM >

_____________________________



(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Whats the best way to respond to a subs message, pa... - 8/19/2005 1:04:55 PM   
nastyboy247


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		I quote Veav
quote:

I wouldn't include contact information in the first approach, no. Having read some threads about what female sceners have to deal with on a regular basis,
Tis is a difficult point. It is hard when you are making initial contact because it seems there are a lot of jokers and gamers on our websites. I appreciate a females subs/slave number early so that i can hear her voice and verify she is the real deal. i dont want to waste time corresponding to an anonymous person online giving my most intimate details and emotions only to discover that she is a sad little vanilla jerking off to the fantasy... But reading the threads and profiles a lot of women are put off by men who ask early for the digits. what is the answer? an emailed photo means nothing.
So how do we get around that issue of time wasters vs. patiently waiting the digits.

Any women reading this, i understand your situation and appologise for all the idoit men youve had to deal with, please try and understand too my dilemma

(in reply to Veav)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Whats the best way to respond to a subs message, pa... - 8/19/2005 2:34:59 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		Well...a female subs point of view on who I respond to and who I don't. Yes it's true that female subs get a tremendous amount of mail and you just can't answer it all. Unfortunately, this is just like real life in that I respond to people I am initially attracted to...so...no Picture from you and right off the bat you'll get no response from me. I have to know what the person I'm about to talk to looks like (I know that sounds shallow). If I am not attracted to you physically then I'm not likely to respond no matter what you say to me. Oh...and if you get real graphic in that first email then I automatically delete you unless I'm in a pissy mood and then I'll fuck with your head a little before I delete you. If you make me laugh then you have a good chance of a response. And make sure you've read the profile of the person you are sending to...no form letters!

(in reply to kanarune)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Whats the best way to respond to a subs message, pa... - 8/19/2005 2:40:55 PM   
haematopoiesis


Posts: 134
Joined: 7/8/2005
From: the land of oaks
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Well...a female subs point of view on who I respond to and who I don't. Yes it's true that female subs get a tremendous amount of mail and you just can't answer it all. Unfortunately, this is just like real life in that I respond to people I am initially attracted to...so...no Picture from you and right off the bat you'll get no response from me. I have to know what the person I'm about to talk to looks like (I know that sounds shallow). If I am not attracted to you physically then I'm not likely to respond no matter what you say to me. Oh...and if you get real graphic in that first email then I automatically delete you unless I'm in a pissy mood and then I'll fuck with your head a little before I delete you. If you make me laugh then you have a good chance of a response. And make sure you've read the profile of the person you are sending to...no form letters!


Very good point about the laughter.

Humor is often a good segue. :)

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Whats the best way to respond to a subs message, pa... - 8/19/2005 3:19:54 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:


In fact, how would you start up a conversation, period? Even if you're cruising for the mad sex0r, are you going to open with "hi, baby, I notice you've got a vagina and I'd like to penetrate you repeatedly"?


LOL.


I'm going to be honest with you. That is a sweet, sincere, honest letter....I usually don't answer sweet, sincere, honest letters. You have to be charming. For me, it hasn't been hard to find people who know about kink related things. It has been difficult to find people who know anything else besides it. I'm a submissive but I have a ton of other hobbies and paths. It gets boring when ALL someone wants to talk about is kink, kink, kink.

Before someone decides they could possibly be my Dominant, it would be nice if they got to know me beyond my internet profile. I guess it unnerves me when I know almost every guy who e-mails me wants to be my Dominant. If you approached me in that manner, it would make me feel pressured or uncomfortable that you had already set some sort of expectations on me. I would rather someone approach me in more of a friendly, *down to earth* way.

So keep on trucking. It's hard to convey your personality via the internet.

_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to kanarune)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Whats the best way to respond to a subs message, pa... - 8/19/2005 3:55:31 PM   
thelight


Posts: 82
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Unfortunately, this is just like real life in that I respond to people I am initially attracted to...so...no Picture from you and right off the bat you'll get no response from me. I have to know what the person I'm about to talk to looks like (I know that sounds shallow). If I am not attracted to you physically then I'm not likely to respond no matter what you say to me.


I would understand this if you were looking for a partner, but in your profile, you state that you are unavailable. if you're only looking for conversation, i would think that what someone had to say would be of the utmost importance, and that what they looked like would be of little or no consequence.

< Message edited by thelight -- 8/19/2005 5:45:28 PM >

_____________________________

thelight is forbidden to shine

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Whats the best way to respond to a subs message, pa... - 8/19/2005 3:56:07 PM   
MstrHellsFury


Posts: 388
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		as you can see from all the responses to your question...there are always different approaches from everyone based on what they look for..or at...due to this very reason I don't seek a pat answer for what's good or bad...I just know what I'm looking for...we can't all be charming and witty...knights in shining armor...mast high..charging to save the damsel in distress...we can only be ourselves...you don't need to refine your style..you don't have to change your approach...you simply need to state your case and have patience...(isn't that what we tell and teach our submissives)...the right one..or someone who sees through to what you say..will be there...if you're being thrown out with the bathwater because you don't fit a certain mold of personna...who cares...stay true to who you are...your key to success is to remain unique to who you are...( and please don't make it seem like you're so needy and clinging because you have a rejection or no response from someone...just learn and move on)...that last is my view of your reaction...

(in reply to kanarune)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Whats the best way to respond to a subs message, pa... - 8/19/2005 4:11:20 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Veav
You're thinking too deeply into this. Picture the profiles as a college campus where the gender ratio is 10:1 male:female, and of the males, 8:10 play games and waste people's time and have no shame in doing so with as many females as possible. How would you start up a conversation with these females?

In fact, how would you start up a conversation, period? Even if you're cruising for the mad sex0r, are you going to open with "hi, baby, I notice you've got a vagina and I'd like to penetrate you repeatedly"?

quote:

EmeraldSlave
Write a personal email to them that intrigues them about you as a PERSON overall. Make them forget that this is a personals site and that somehow the fates put you both here as a perfect match (but ONLY if that's how you really feel).
What I feel is reflected in the two above responses (minus the ratio women to men, especially since I don't think that should matter at all as most people aren't looking for many partners).
I think heeding these two responses will significantly improve your odds of being noticed and played with... M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Veav)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Whats the best way to respond to a subs message, pa... - 8/19/2005 7:33:07 PM   
StarAndRock


Posts: 13
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline 		Enjoyable thread... there are a lot of great responses here and a lot of different points of view. There's not going to be one right way to do it because everyone is different but it's interesting to read all the different methods.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 20
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