a couple of questions (Full Version)

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KnOcala -> a couple of questions (12/20/2007 8:21:06 AM)

    I recently joined this board.  Only lifestyle board I have ever joined and have a couple questions although I am probably over thinking this.  My concern is posting a photo,  I am not married and not trying to cheat, I am however in a profession that forces me to be discreet because it would be detrimental to my career to not walk the straight and narrow path.  So I am not willing to post my photo, however I am willing to send it to anyone I am communicating with.  Is it acceptable to post "photo available" or "photo available upon request", etc?  I hate having to be discreet and it's been impossible to meet anyone outside of the lifestyle that shares the interests. 
  I have browsed some of the profiles in my area and state looking to at least talk with others with similar interests and thinking as a male sub, there are probably thousands looking and reaching out to dominant females.  I was wondering do dominant females review and contact males in their area or is it a more accepted practice for the submissive to contact a domme?
  thanks for all responses,




RCdc -> RE: a couple of questions (12/20/2007 8:48:22 AM)

I would find it absolutely acceptable.  However, word of warning - sending out your photographs can be just as risky as posting - just remember once its gone, it's gone and anyone can use it however they like.
 
As for whom contacts whom first - I think it is entirely down to the individuals.  As long as you read the profiles and post something more than a one line letter, and are polite - I see no reason why you should not approach a person.  But I am not a dominant female, so thats just my perception hey.
 
the.dark.



Oumae -> RE: a couple of questions (12/20/2007 8:51:53 AM)

Some Dommes like to do their own approaching, some get enough mail not to need to, some even like both to approach and to be approached.  My advice would be to mail a polite friendly mail to someone whose profile interests you and make it personal after all nothing ventured nothing gained.

Good luck

Oumae



RumpusParable -> RE: a couple of questions (12/20/2007 8:52:27 AM)

Yes, it's acceptable to have "photo available on request" or such.  But even better to have that PLUS some sort of photo that doesn't show your face in your profile.  A slightly blurred picture, something that doesn't show all of your face, something that gives a feel of what you're like without making you clearly identifiable to the neighbors.

There are no set ways on who may contact who.  It's down to personal preference, so go with what seems right to you on it. 

Key things to avoid, though, in contacting potential friends and partners:  cut-and-paste messages sent to more than one person, atrocious spelling and grammar, laundry lists of kinks and please-do-to-me's. 

It would be great if it didn't need said, but trust me it really does:  Contact people with notes written specifically to them and with basic courtesy and manners in mind.  Oh, and really Read Profiles of those you choose to contact.

That will greatly increase your reception, but also do not be dismayed if you don't get a lot of responses.  No answer is an answer and just like anywhere else in the world it's hard to find real friends and quality partners.



KnOcala -> RE: a couple of questions (12/20/2007 9:06:47 AM)

thank you for the advice.  I think  i will get a photo not clearly recognizeable and post.  I really feel I need to do something, just want to make sure i do enough but not too much.



RCdc -> RE: a couple of questions (12/20/2007 10:01:02 AM)

Check out the guidelines for the photogrpahs if you are going to post one and if you want any help disguising or blurring - just let Darcy or I know if we can help out.  It's pretty easy to do if you have the right tools.  Best wishes.
 
the.dark.



RedMagic1 -> RE: a couple of questions (12/20/2007 10:13:35 AM)

I had a photo up and I took it down.  A big part of the reason was this: the women who contacted me via the Search function were only interested in cyber, not meeting, or were Nigerian scammers.

All of the women I have met in real either contacted me as a result of something I posted on these message boards, or responded when I sent them a personalized letter and attached a facepic.

Some very attractive women do not post their photos.  I suggest you base your reasons for contact on possible mental/emotional compatibility, and don't worry too much about how someone looks in a snapshot, or whether they posted a pic at all.

By all means, contact someone if you are interested, but -- for lack of a better phrase -- introduce yourself as you would to someone at a church social.  We already know we're all kinky here, no need to be all bow-down-worship-your-feet-y about it.  She's going to care about who you are in vanilla, what you bring to a new relationship, and why you think She might be good for you, too, even when the corset is off.



Jeffff -> RE: a couple of questions (12/20/2007 10:15:38 AM)

I don't have a pic up.......and I am smokin HOT!!.........which is easy to say, since I don't have a pic up......:)

Jeff



sexyred1 -> RE: a couple of questions (12/20/2007 10:19:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I don't have a pic up.......and I am smokin HOT!!.........which is easy to say, since I don't have a pic up......:)

Jeff


Seriously ladies, he is. I was blinded by lust when I saw him. Funny and hot, not mutually exclusive.[;)]



KnOcala -> RE: a couple of questions (12/20/2007 10:23:29 AM)

alright, I submitted a pic and have to wait for it to be approved.  boring but I think it will work.  I tried blurring a photo but do not have the tools.  I hope what I submit works for now until I can come up with something better.
another question though.
is it better to have more skin showing (ie no shirt) or just dressed?   I would never introduce myself without a shirt on so I went with one with a t-shirt.  When I want to take good clear photos I get junk,  now that I wanted a unrecognizeable pic, I got clear ones.  Guess I'll never be a photographer.



RedMagic1 -> RE: a couple of questions (12/20/2007 10:29:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I don't have a pic up.......and I am smokin HOT!!.........which is easy to say, since I don't have a pic up......:)

Jeff

But does the Twue Switch of the Year think you are hot?



SunNMoon -> RE: a couple of questions (12/20/2007 10:34:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnOcala

is it better to have more skin showing (ie no shirt) or just dressed?   I would never introduce myself without a shirt on so I went with one with a t-shirt.  When I want to take good clear photos I get junk,  now that I wanted a unrecognizeable pic, I got clear ones.  Guess I'll never be a photographer.



On the no pic thing from above it's cool I don't have one up. [:D] If you have a nonface be dressed I makes me think of more relationship then just hooking up.

And on emailing, I tend not to email since I've had better luck with people emailing me. (I don't know it works good for me)

Good luck :)



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: a couple of questions (12/20/2007 11:10:36 AM)

FR ~
 
On the subject of pictures:
 
Personally, I would never contact anyone who didn't have a face picture.  I'm generally attracted to eyes on first impression, so any picture that doesn't show me those is worthless.  I'm also attracted to nice smiles so a picture of the prospectve candidate wearing a smile is even better.  I don't need to see skin or fetish wear.  In fact, I prefer to see a potential s-type in everyday clothing.  Something comfortable but not sloppy is best.  If someone contacts me, I expect a face picture in the profile or included with the message.  If not, don't expect a reply.
 
As for whether or not to contact someone, by all means go for it.  Just please, for the love of Pete, use spell check, post more than one or two lines, and skip the "oh wonderful Mistress, I want to be used as your [insert kink here], pleaseohplease command me in any way You choose." 
 
Bah.
 
I prefer for prospective candidates to impress me with intelligence.  Show me that you've read my profile and journal.  Pick a mutual interest from my profile and comment on it.  Or ask me a question about something I've said in my journal.  Tell me about yourself, your hobbies, your favorite book, what positive qualities or skills you bring to the relationship.  Note the emphasis on relationship.  I want to get to know potential s-types as people before we enter a BDSM dynamic.  I doubt I'm the only Domina who does.



LotusSong -> RE: a couple of questions (12/20/2007 11:19:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I don't have a pic up.......and I am smokin HOT!!.........which is easy to say, since I don't have a pic up......:)

Jeff


Smokin'??  ahhh so THAT's what that smell is!!!  (just kiddin')



RumpusParable -> RE: a couple of questions (12/20/2007 12:04:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnOcala

is it better to have more skin showing (ie no shirt) or just dressed?   I would never introduce myself without a shirt on so I went with one with a t-shirt.  When I want to take good clear photos I get junk,  now that I wanted a unrecognizeable pic, I got clear ones.  Guess I'll never be a photographer.



haha, Isn't that always the way of things?

There have been some long discussions on the boards here about clothed vs. unclothed pictures.  If you do a few searches I'm sure you'll find them!  If memory is correct, though, most of us prefer mostly-to-fully clothed for the main profile pic.  

Myself, I like a picture that is mostly-to-fully clothed but that also gives a feel of the person's personality.



lateralist1 -> RE: a couple of questions (12/20/2007 1:00:20 PM)

Photographs are a real dilema for me.
There is a photographer in Manchester England who downloaded my pic made it look much better and then sent it back to me. It scared me.
My managers at work downloaded my profiles to use to sack me. They also downloaded three pornagraphic pictures of different women at the same time because they happened to be on the same page as mine. That scared me.
No one is held accountable for their actions.
There is no law to protect us.
How can there be?
You can't legislate against discrimination. We can try but it will never really work.
If someone wanted to get rid of you at work badly enough they could find a reason.
Or make your life such hell that you left.
Are the risks worth it?
Do you want to be part of the generation that makes BDSM acceptable or not?
Everytime I use physical means with a sub/slave I break the law.
I could be held accountable.
But how could we as a group of people actually want the law changed?
So you see I don't have an answer for you.
You will do what you need to do to be happy or not as the case maybe.
I wouldn't need a pic to talk to you.
I contact those I want to from what they write on the message boards.
Subs do contact me as well. Usually in the wrong way because they can't be bothered to take advice. Unfortunately some men think they know it all lol.



KnOcala -> RE: a couple of questions (12/20/2007 1:01:29 PM)

I have asked someone to blur/shadow a decent picture of myself that I will post on my profile.  I decided just to post any pics of me just as I am.
thanks for all the advice.  I will hopefully get a good pic at some point.



MisPandora -> RE: a couple of questions (12/20/2007 1:04:49 PM)

I'd also include something in there about your ultra-high desire for discretion due to your employment.  Folks like me who want a slave at their side @ fetish events they attend will save their efforts and move on to someone who is slightly more comfortable with being seen among other kink-minded individuals.  



KnOcala -> RE: a couple of questions (12/20/2007 1:47:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

I'd also include something in there about your ultra-high desire for discretion due to your employment.  Folks like me who want a slave at their side @ fetish events they attend will save their efforts and move on to someone who is slightly more comfortable with being seen among other kink-minded individuals.  


I would really enjoy a fetish event, just not in my immediate area (which would never happen here).  However the need for discretion is real. It doesn't mean I look down on those that are open with their lifestyles.  It means that not everyone is as open minded and my career is nothing I can risk.  It would be a wonderful if everyone could be free to live without fears or prejudice but it doesn't happen.  I can practice with discretion without feeling like I am doing something wrong and without being disrespectful to those that live openly in the lifestyle.



laurell3 -> RE: a couple of questions (12/20/2007 2:07:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I don't have a pic up.......and I am smokin HOT!!.........which is easy to say, since I don't have a pic up......:)

Jeff

But does the Twue Switch of the Year think you are hot?



I'll let ya know when he sends me naked pics!

I don't have a pic up for professional reasons.  In the past I got plenty of people that didn't want to interact with me because of it.  That's too bad, but I can't accomodate that request.  I do give a pic to friends and people that I think there's a possibility of meeting. 

You don't have to have a picture, however there will be some that don't want to contact or talk to you because of it.  Such is life.  If people don't want to hear my reasons why, I'm guessing they aren't compatible with me anyway.



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