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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/21/2007 1:04:56 AM   
CuriousLord


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quote:

ORIGINAL: OnlyHis

Just what does being open minded mean , in your opinion, within this lifestyle ?


To be open minded, in general, is to take an approach relatively free of prejustices, particularly taboos, inhabitions, judgements and disgust.

Or, to bring it to rather concrete terms.. the more open minded you are, the more seriously you could consider the eroticism in eatting your own feces while pleasuring yourself to gay porn, slowly ripping off your own genitals.  (Sadly, a good example is hard to say here.  This board is desensitized towards sadomasocism and disallows almost everything else, particularly illegal things.. so there's nothing I can really shock you here with without my lovely, even if slightly sensitive, moderator friend defaulting to her articulate conjugations of "childish".)

However, point being.. think of something which would normally outright disgust you.  You wouldn't consider it.  Being able to consider it would be open minded of you, regardless of whether or not you actually decide in favor of it, provided that decision was relatively lightly based in prejustice.

BDSM is relatively open minded to vanilla life.  In it, participants often and readily consider things with relatively few prejustices.

To be open with regards to BDSM?  I suppose, for many, it would mean taking a good thought about scat play and homosexuality (if they're heterosexual) or heteroesexuality (if they're homosexual), maybe about switching from top to bottom or vice versa, about.. new partners.. going poly.. about sharing their partner, or about not sharing their partner.. about love, about a lust-driven relationship, about.. well, just about everything, really.  It's being open minded, after all!

PS-  My apologies for the poor wording; I am rather exhausted yet too stubborn to get some sleep.

I'd just like to point out that open mindness, in the practical sense, is a very relative term.  Humans are not very open minded.  (I would say that we're "not open minded", but that would suggest we consider every single thing that we don't happen to agree with with crushing prejustice, though we're not quite that bad.)  Being open minded is often a challenge to identity.  Abstract and analytical thinkers, using functions as opposed to constants, strike me as more prone to be open minded.

< Message edited by CuriousLord -- 12/21/2007 1:17:47 AM >

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/21/2007 5:32:39 AM   
DesFIP


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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy
For me, open-mindedness has everything to do with my own willingness and eagerness to Experiment and Have Fun, in a manner that's healthy for me, and not backing away from something, simply because i've never done it before or it makes me feel squeamish.  i couldn't enjoy BDSM, without being open-minded about what i want to do and what i can do.  i remain open to all possibilities, even the ones i haven't thought of or heard of yet.

 
I find that interesting. I work the other way.
 
I can't enjoy stuff that I'm squeamish about, I have to work that part out first because if I'm pushed into doing something I've got instinctive feelings of repulsiveness about I will then hard limit it, not ever be able to get over it.
 
Squeamishness for me is a sign I'm not ready for it.

 

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/21/2007 6:25:31 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I believe my answer with differ from others.
Being open minded is being accepting and favourable of other peoples choices and also embracing them.  There are few open minded people - especially kinksters.
However broadmind is being accepting and understanding of other peoples choices.  There are more broadminded people and kinksters, but not especially so.
 
There is also a degree of 'unshockability' with being both broad and openminded.  Now that, is few and far between.
 
the.dark.

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/21/2007 6:33:04 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
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Status: offline 		From all of the flame throwing and shinged ass'es on here you will not find much open mindedness on this site.

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/21/2007 7:21:23 AM   
JknKd


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quote:

ORIGINAL: OnlyHis

Just what does being open minded mean , in your opinion, within this lifestyle ?  Are any of us really open minded or do some activities, other peoples relationships or how others chose to learn or live still make us squeamish?

Myself I have, in the last 6 years, become more open minded to what or how others chose to live their relationships. More than once I have read or heard or even saw of some specific activity or way of living that others enjoy and live that I felt might fit for me and within the relationship I have with Master. Which I would talk to him about of course.  But I must admit that I still have a lot of growing to do in that direction- in more open mindedness.
Only His

Since other's relationships, views, and opinions do not have an impact on my own relationship, views, and opinions; there is no need for me to be open-minded in regards to how other's choose to live their own lives. The same applies in reverse. What other's think about how we live has very little impact on what we choose to do or how we choose to live.

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/21/2007 7:35:17 AM   
chellekitty


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

I believe my answer with differ from others.
Being open minded is being accepting and favourable of other peoples choices and also embracing them.  There are few open minded people - especially kinksters.
However broadmind is being accepting and understanding of other peoples choices.  There are more broadminded people and kinksters, but not especially so.
 
There is also a degree of 'unshockability' with being both broad and openminded.  Now that, is few and far between.
 
the.dark.


i would have been fine with your definition of openminded (bolded) if you hadn't made the excluding statement afterwards (underlined)...there are kinks out there that i absolutely refuse to embrace because they would be harmful to me, relatively mild ones...for instance, using a belt to spank because a rapist used a belt on me....however, a person's choices of play (the topic of this thread, in my understanding) does not define them, so when the belt goes away, i can go back in the room/building...

oh and i am unshockable...do i get a prize?

chelle


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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/21/2007 8:03:44 AM   
lauren0221


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I feel being open minded means being open to possibilities, in all facets of life, for all people.  It means being aware enough to know that I can't fully judge what I haven't experienced for myself in many areas, and knowing I might come to enjoy things I've never dreamed of doing before.  Consequently, others may be enjoying things I've never dreamed of doing before, too, which typically ends up intriguing me enough to want to understand it.


I can relate to what ownedgirlie is saying. I try not to come into life, or relationships with a set of rigid, preconceived ideas. There is much I don't know, much I have not experienced. I could miss out on something wonderful if I refuse to even think about opening a door before I know what is really behind it.

I see open minded as just that - being open. Open to gain more information, open to change your mind should the information warrant it. I have had wonderful experiences doing  things I never thought I would or could do. And there a bunch of things I probably won't ever do, but I will listen and try to understand before I eliminate them from my menu.

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/21/2007 8:08:42 AM   
unravel


Posts: 90
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Status: offline 		To me, i am very accepting of all sorts of relationships, as long as the SSC standard applies. i do not like to be judged, and i am not keen on judging others either:)
unravel

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/21/2007 8:09:59 AM   
slavegirljoy


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From: North Carolina, USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy
For me, open-mindedness has everything to do with my own willingness and eagerness to Experiment and Have Fun, in a manner that's healthy for me, and not backing away from something, simply because i've never done it before or it makes me feel squeamish.  i couldn't enjoy BDSM, without being open-minded about what i want to do and what i can do.  i remain open to all possibilities, even the ones i haven't thought of or heard of yet.
I find that interesting. I work the other way.
 
I can't enjoy stuff that I'm squeamish about, I have to work that part out first because if I'm pushed into doing something I've got instinctive feelings of repulsiveness about I will then hard limit it, not ever be able to get over it.
 
Squeamishness for me is a sign I'm not ready for it.

To me, that's the point of being open-minded.  If it didn't make me feel squeamish, i wouldn't need to be open-minded about it because i would already be open to trying it. 
 
Being open-minded, to me, means being willing to take that leap of faith and try something, in spite of my uneasiness about it.  i can name at least a dozen different food items that i would never have discovered how good they are if i hadn't been open-minded about trying them.  Most every BDSM activity that i love doing, i never would have even tried, if i had allowed my uneasiness to stop me from doing them.  i don't let my own inhibitions and uncertainties limit what i will and will not do.  i am here to live life to the fullest and experience as much as i can and i'm not going to limit myself from experiencing all that i can just because something is unfamiliar to me and causes me to feel uncomfortable.
 
But, i certainly understand and respect your need to be do only what you're comfortable with.  And, of course, it's always important for everyone to listen to their inner voice and be in-tune with their gut instinct that tells them, "Don't do this."  That voice is their for a reason and should never be ignored.  There's definitely a difference between squeamishness and dangerousness.  And, each person needs to define those things for themself.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/21/2007 8:26:33 AM   
Aswad


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Status: offline 		That's probably the best explanation of being open-minded that I've seen on this board, CuriousLord. And I would agree we're not particularly open-minded as a species, nor as kinksters. Having seen some who score 80th percentile in that dimension (I tend to consider the test valid, given the fMRI correlates to prefrontal cortex function), I'd say openmindedness begins somewhere in the mid-90th percentile or thereabouts...

The problem with openmindedness, as Paul Graham pointed out, is the lack of feedback.

When you're horrible at math, you know it, because the test scores come back crap, or the tax forms are rejected, or whatever. When you're horrible at being open-minded, you don't know it. And, indeed, being close-minded frequently implies being closed to the idea that one isn't open-minded, provided one has been raised to think that it is good to be open-minded, which most people have, or so I have been told.

If I ask someone whether they're openminded, they'll almost invariably either say "hell no!" and then in short order proceed to demonstrate a modicum of openmindedness, or they'll say "of course!" and demonstrate a near-absolute lack of it. Most, of both kinds, will be quick to "reassure" me that regardless of whatever openmindedness they might have about things, they will "of course" draw the line at anything that is really wrong.

Just the same as virtually everyone else, in other words.

For an excellent application of it to BDSM, along with an exposition of the full spectrum, pick any thread with the phrase "no limits" in it. Make a table of Open, Mid and Closed versus For, Neutral, Against and Disbelief... it is bound to be interesting reading (assuming you're tired enough to need paper), and summarizes the community.

As has been asserted elsewhere, kinks are variant normal sexuality.

Openmindedness is not variant normal mentality.

Health,
al-Aswad.


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/21/2007 8:36:30 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Prize?  Cookies do you?We always have cookies on the .darkside.
 
Hey chelle -  I'm cool with people disagreeing - but I'm not sure if you may have misunderstood the line you underlined - so I am a bit confuzzled.  What it (I) meant is that there are few openminded kinksters.  It wasn't an excluding thang.  I just don't see or meet many open mnded people - and kinksters are no exception.
 
the.dark.

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/21/2007 8:38:36 AM   
Aswad


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quote:

ORIGINAL: unravel

To me, i am very accepting of all sorts of relationships, as long as the SSC standard applies.


Let me rephrase what you said:

"i am very accepting of all sorts of relationships, as long as they seem acceptable to me."

Well, duh... everyone is... that's not being openminded.

quote:

i do not like to be judged, and i am not keen on judging others either:)


You've judged non-SSC relationships as unacceptable.
I've judged you to be closed-minded.
What's not to like?


Health,
al-Aswad.


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/21/2007 8:40:27 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Not meaning to be pedantic (but hell it's me).  But your single statement oozed (hmmm oozed - gotta love that word) judgements.  Which is all cool - judgements is how human survive.
 
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/21/2007 8:43:10 AM   
sexyred1


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Not meaning to be pedantic (but hell it's me).  But your single statement oozed (hmmm oozed - gotta love that word) judgements.  Which is all cool - judgements is how human survive.
 
the.dark.

 
mmmm..dark. I love that word ooze...leave it you to figure out a way to incorporate it into a cool statement. love ya girl.

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/21/2007 9:01:07 AM   
KatyLied


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quote:



To me, i am very accepting of all sorts of relationships, as long as the SSC standard applies.


Well I'm sure everyone is glad to have the safety police in the house.




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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/21/2007 9:08:10 AM   
Jeffff


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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:



To me, i am very accepting of all sorts of relationships, as long as the SSC standard applies.


Well I'm sure everyone is glad to have the safety police in the house.





I know I will sleep better tonight
Jeff

I would like to add... that being open minded is not, by definition, a good thing. you can be open minded to the point of having no concrete...."values". you can end up drifting with whatever current pulls you

< Message edited by Jeffff -- 12/21/2007 9:17:43 AM >

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/21/2007 9:13:26 AM   
Dnomyar


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Status: offline 		Police!  Puts the cuffs on Katy.

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/21/2007 9:15:22 AM   
bipolarber


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Status: offline 		Ah, but Aswad...

To use myself as an example: I have approached your philosophy, based on the holy 26 crappy novels of John Norman, with an open mind and I was thuroughly rejected by those who follow it. I was called an "abomination." I was told by one of your members that he "would sooner spit on me as talk to me." As I say, I approached you guys with an open mind. But because your group is bigoted, (against Fem Dom, against male subs, against GLBT in general) I have had to change my views, and consider your philosophy to be worthless.

Being "open minded" means giving something... an idea, a person, a lifestyle... a chance to prove itself. But if it turns out that what you gave a chance to is evil and destructive, then you toss it on a scrap heap and try to tell others of your experience of it, to save them the effort... or at least let them investigate it on their own with their gaurd up.

There ARE things in BDSM that should be abandoned. Things that are patently dangerous either physically, or mentally. It falls under the "safe and sane" part of SSC.


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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/21/2007 9:18:02 AM   
lauren0221


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:



To me, i am very accepting of all sorts of relationships, as long as the SSC standard applies.


Well I'm sure everyone is glad to have the safety police in the house.





I know I will sleep better tonight
Jeff

I would like to add... that being open minded is not, by definition, a good thing. you can be open minded to the point of having no concret...."values". you can end up drifting with whatever current pulls you


I think that's the trouble with words. How exactly do you define "open minded". I personally don't see it as open to anything. I see it more as be willing to put away preconceived notions for a bit, and learn more about something. I hope I would not abandon my core values during the process.

And by the way, I am still waiting for a definitive list of what is safe, sane, and consensual, and what is not:)

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/21/2007 9:20:13 AM   
BitaTruble


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From: Texas
Status: offline 		~FR~

On some subjects (kinky activities, sex, dynamics) I'm very open-minded and pretty much unsquickable. On other subjects (adult consentuality) my mind is and will remain closed. I don't have a problem with either one.

Celeste

Oh, I do have a problem with Jeffff though. He uses way more than his fair share of F's. That shit just ain't right!

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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