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How did you meet your partner? - 12/20/2007 8:53:00 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

OK, to all those now in real life D/s relationships, how did you really meet your partner?

Do munches work? BDSM clubs? Personal adds? Internet adds? Kidnap and conversion of unsuspecting 'nillas? (that last one is a joke)

I met my current partner because he went out of his way to break into the "scene". He befriended as many Dommes as he could and spent time with them, even if they were not really his type. He did use the internet (but not collarme) to meet Dominant women and then went to BDSM clubs and events with them

Eventually a pro-domme friend of mine emailed me (while I was in the States) that she had discovered 'the perfect man' for me - handsome, kind hearted, successful and most of all - truly submissive! I told her I would not be back in Oz for 6 months and she said "he'll wait". I laughed....but she was right. He waited.

He tells me that after 10 years post-divorce bouncing between pro-dommes and failed relationships with vanillas, it was worth waiting a few months longer to meet a single professional lifestyle Domme

I did a little experiment recently. A sub emailed me here saying really, really wanted a Mistress, so I invited him to our local BDSM club. If he was a good guy, I would have introduced him to some friends.

But no, he would not leave the computer and go to a real BDSM club. Too far away, no money, no clothes, he is a very private person etc etc

So how about a munch? No, no.........too intimidating (hello? I am 5 foot nothing and go to clubs and dungeons alone while a strapping 6 foot man is quaking in fear of a munch?)

I suspect men actually think they can go on the internet and effortlessly have the Mistress of their dreams quickly and quietly delivered to the door like a pizza. Without paying an escort service.

But can they? Is that how it really works for others?

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 12/20/2007 9:07:28 PM >

_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

Post #: 1

RE: How did you meet your partner? - 12/20/2007 10:16:33 PM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

I met my Owner on Collarme. I joined and she was the very first person to message me the very next day. We chatted on Yahoo for a while...actually not being terribly interested at anything other than friendship. She wasn't looking for anybody and all I really hoped for was making a friend at the moment. We talked for a few hours that night, not touching on the lifestyle much at all. Just a fun Yahoo conversation. The next day, she invited me to the park to take pictures because she needed the company. I was a little nervous about meeting somebody so quickly, but I thought it'd be fun and I told her I was a little skiddish up front. So, of course, she thought it was perfectly reasonable that we not meet -in- her place at first.

We met outside, she drove to the park since I had absolutely no idea where it was at...and we talked and took pictures for a few hours. We talked a bit about ourselves, the lifestyle, and everything else... Not really about anything in particular...just a light-hearted type of thing, with a few very important bits every now and again. In this time, I really got a sense of her as a person, and I was very impressed. I had no doubt that she was a good, funny, and intelligent person. Very down-to-Earth... With is important to me. So...when we finished walking, I knew that I'd found a good friend.

Then we went back to her apartment...and that's when things really started to click on a D/s dynamic. I really couldn't describe it to you if I tried, but the more we talked...the more we grew fond of each other. Before I knew it, my head was in her lap and we were cuddling rather sweetly.

So yes, Collarme worked. I really have to do have to write a clear and detailed thing about it at some point.

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 2

RE: How did you meet your partner? - 12/20/2007 10:43:00 PM

petdave

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne
So how about a munch? No, no.........too intimidating (hello? I am 5 foot nothing and go to clubs and dungeons alone while a strapping 6 foot man is quaking in fear of a munch?)

I suspect men actually think they can go on the internet and effortlessly have the Mistress of their dreams quickly and quietly delivered to the door like a pizza. Without paying an escort service.

Now now... You should know that there are all sorts of intimidation out there. If the dear subbies were really worried about going to a munch because the scary FemDoms might brutalize them *physically*, you'd have a line backed up clear through Antarctica and all the way through the States. (Ooh, look, a line! i think i'll stand on it!) As long as i have my Benchmade, i'll stand toe-to-toe with some scary motherfuckers if all that matters is damage done... but when the phone rings at work, i hide behind our receptionist (and if i had three of her, i could juggle). You know it ain'ts all the same.

i think that any sub who's been on the Internet for more than an afternoon realizes that there's no such thing as quick and effortless in this world, but you still get larger audience than the Real World(tm)

...dave
(abstaining from on-topic discussion since he married a cute li'l Vanilla girl)

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 3

RE: How did you meet your partner? - 12/20/2007 10:50:44 PM

PrincessinLatex

Posts: 191
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline

I met my current partner at a fetish event (Skintwo PreRubberBall Party.) I went there alone and he was an event photographer that kept following me around making vapid chit chat. Nothing came of it that evening but he found me on Myspace and continued persuing me. We ended up going to a later event together (Buckle Ball) and have been together ever since.

I must say that I take boys I meet in RT a lot more seriously than the ones I do on the net. Being "out" there proves to me that they have *some* measure of real interest in real-life interactions.

Just my 2 cents. . .milage may vary.

_____________________________

If you are pervy and you know it, come visit me at ** Got Kink? **

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 4

RE: How did you meet your partner? - 12/20/2007 10:55:56 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I met both my current boys here on CM. Fox already did a lovely job describing how he and I met.
Angel and I similiarly had no interest in one another as anything other than friends, and he was going to be my date to a wedding I had to attend here in Nashville since I didnt know anyone aside from him in the area and I was going to be the only one dateless. He and I clicked the moment we hugged the first time, and we have been together ever since.
I find the best things in life when I stop looking. I met Angel when I had decided to take a break from the lifestyle, and et Fox when I decided not to bother with a second...

But CM definately works. I never had much luck at munches and dungeons didnt interest me since I dont like casual play. However, meeting people strictly to be friends has worked well for me here, I have many friends from it, and my 2 wonderful boys.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 5

RE: How did you meet your partner? - 12/20/2007 11:42:27 PM

AMADF

Posts: 66
Joined: 7/15/2007
Status: offline

I meet one of my parthers by internet and the other one in my local bdsm club.

I have meet very nice people and best friends by both systems. I live in mexico and the bdsm enviroment its VERY small, so its a good idea to increase your possibilities by postings ads to meet outside people. I lived in spain for a while and intenet was a very usefull for meeting people, tool since i really didnt know someone when first arived. I like postings and reading ads since this is a way to get in touch with people that are searching same thing as you.

When i was in Spain i put an ad in alt, and find a lot of bdsm friends and a female sub that introduce me to local munches, where I meet more people. I played with a lot of people, but nothing serious, just temporary parthners. Is was cause this ad that I meet my sub-bf. He was not in the community and not intrested in it.We meet in the last month of my loong vist to spain and soon was time to go back to Mexico. We liked so much each other that spend every summer and chrismast togheather for almost two yars till he finally will relocate to mexico and arrive on next 30 :)

About my other parthner he is from Mexico. Like i say internet is also a very good tool, since in my country bdsm community is VERY small, so its good to keep possibilityes open to foreighners visit your country, specially when you play hard (in my country only a few likes to play hard). But in mexico i was lucky to find a parthner in local meetings. I have seen him before cause he used to attend to local club with last gf-mistress. I dont really like him fisically but he has extraordinary anal capacity and his very honesty in being a sub. After a while, he broke up with his gf-mistress, so we talk and become mistress-sub and put him in on diet (he was 30 kilos more from his ideal weight).

I haven´t meet any heavy parthner in mexico usings ads in internet, but for me this system works in big cyties. In collar me havent found any heavy parthner but i had the chance to meet a lot of people, and im able to share this nice things to all of you through this forums :)

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 6

RE: How did you meet your partner? - 12/21/2007 2:06:33 AM

KnOcala

Posts: 260
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

I have been to one munch and it was great. Not intimidating at all. I would like to attend a bigger event and will attend more munchs next year. I would like to attend a couple diiferent ones to see what I like. I have a professional need for discression but I feel a munch in a neighboring area will be far enough for me. Its hard to argue with the idea if you see someone there you know and they are there too, what can they say.
I have big concerns meeting someone through the internet, because you really don't have an idea on who you may really be meeting. Safety is a huge issue. A personal ad.just doesn't work for me either. I'm hoping between munchs, lifestyle events, and message boards to be able to meet someone with common interests.

(in reply to AMADF)

Post #: 7

RE: How did you meet your partner? - 12/21/2007 3:48:29 AM

canupleaseme

Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

I joined bondage.com purely because I hadnt been on a bdsm website before and it was recommended to me. I actually hated the site lol and only used to check my messages when I was bored. Adam sent me a message and it stood out from the others and we became friends met a few times and then spoke everyday for months and months till eventually after I expereinced a major life fuck up and he was there for me in such a sweet way did I realise we had something special. Its pure chance and luck that we found each other I doubt I would of bumped into him anywher (though we did goto the same trance events at different times). I certainly found him when i really wasnt looking and certainly wanst too bothered about being in the realtionship we now have, I had given up hope of that lol.
Ive used the internet loads in the past to meet people especially for going clubbing back in the day as most of my friends dont like my music tastes, I also met a lot of casual play partners etc. I think sometimes the internet gets a bad name for meeting people but when your stuck at home a lot and cant get to meetings and munches or even out to socialise much it definatly helps.

_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to KnOcala)

Post #: 8

RE: How did you meet your partner? - 12/21/2007 5:28:14 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I've told this story once or twice on the boards. I actually 'met' My sub on the local chat room on alt. There are quite a few regualars there who get together r/t for the club that I like to frequent in Atlanta. If I'm planning a trip up that way, I'll log in there and see if I can find which of the folks that I know will be going.

Anyway, a group of U/us were chatting about plans to go that coming weekend. Just the general kind of thing. Someone that had been coming in the chatroom lately was asking Me about the club and so on. Then he asked if it might be possible to meet for coffee. I had already committed to being at the club that weekend, so I wouldn't be in town. Then, he asked if he might have permission to go to the club as well. I didn't think much of it, since it was the spur of the moment, so I said, sure, always fun to meet new people. I didn't put much faith in it, since he was here in the same town and going to the club would require a two plus hour drive. I figured it was one of those passing comments that are often made in chat, and just wishful thinking on his part.

The next day, I went through with My plans. A group of U/us from the chat room had agreed to meet for dinner at 6:00 before the club opened as was discussed the night before. After dinner, drove to the club, and there he was in the parking lot, and had been waiting since 6:00, so he could be there when I arrived. Through the evening, he was talking with Me whenever I wasn't busy with some of the scenes I had lined up. I had already told him that I wouldn't play with him on a first meet, but he watched Me scene with others. Basically, he drove the two and a half hours to meet Me, talk with Me as much as he could, and then drove back the same night. All just for the chance to meet someone who lives about ten minutes away.

After the first meet, he made the same trip just to play together the first time. A few weeks later, I got him involved in the local group here. The rest, as they say, is history. I was surprised the first time he showed up, and he's been showing up ever since.

The moral of the story....... Those who really want to meet, are willing to show up.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to canupleaseme)

Post #: 9

RE: How did you meet your partner? - 12/21/2007 6:09:05 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I met Fox because he went out of his way to find the university/community group in town and to attend a few meetings.

I wasn't even at the first munch he went too, I was taking German for Reading that year and it met those evenings.

But he made an impression on the rest of the munch group and the steering committee by being friendly and seemingly knowledgeable -- the boy had done homework and even took advantage of his summer in Boston at MIT to learn from some local experts out there.

So the steering committee members, including my husband and the slave I all ready had, reported back to me that there was a great new guy who seemed full of potential to become active in the group. They thought I should meet him because quality male tops seemed limited in the community and maybe I could get him to do a workshop or something.

*laugh*

I knew without a few minutes of meeting at the end of the next event (a workshop) that he wasn't a top.

Then there was another munch (the group had 2 munches and 1 workshop each month) and I came with my slave directly from a hair cut appointment. Fox positioned himself across from me and we talked BUT he talked with and was a wonderful gentleman to everyone.

He'd walked all the way to the munch from his dorm room (about 2+ mile walk) and I offered him a ride.

He took a risk and got into our car and we talked. Turns out that he had heard about me from the group and had wanted to make a good impression though he says he never imagined I'd be personally interested in him given I was a published author and activist (he over estimated my reputation I think).

I don't exactly why but I used my position in the group to get his email and contacted him and he flirted right back.

The rest is our 8 year history.

Every partner I have had that was more than a one scene thing I met via local groups and munches with 1 exception and he after initial emails to me went out of his way to get on a train from Jersey to Manhattan and start attending munches so he could meet me in person.

I'm out. I am a publisher erotica author, I'd decently known for my book reviews, and as you may have noticed I am a strongly outspoken person. Anyone wants to be with me, they have to be able to be at least out enough to go to munches, workshops, conferences and conventions plus be around with my friends fully aware of the dynamic.

That's just the way it is with me. I couldn't go back into a closet now even if I wanted to.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 10

RE: How did you meet your partner? - 12/21/2007 6:41:43 AM

parttimehotty

Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/19/2007
From: Virginville
Status: offline

Good morning,
i actually met Him on Craigslist <blushing>. i was looking for a one night stand that had experience w/breath play. my lover at the time did not want to try that and since we were just FB's and not in a comitted relationship, i tried elsewhere. After weeding thru all the fakes/beginners who have "always wanted to try to choke their partner", i came across a post from a Dom. i liked His style of writing, no nonsense, intelligent and He said he was in the BDSM lifestyle for over 10years and i decided to contact Him. Needless to say, i was completely mesmerized by this lifestyle, everything He told me, He patiently answered all of my questions. W/we chatted online for about 2 weeks before meeting. That 1st mtg is/always will be the most erotic encounter i've ever experienced but i'll save that story for another post ;)

W/we have been together ever since albeit not committed, but that's my fault. It's been a complete roller coaster ride because i'm having trouble w/my "old vanilla ways" interfering, but i'm trying!

PS i did meet a Dom from CM who was very nice/a true gentleman during one of O/our "downtimes" but i couldn't commit to the new Dom so soon after the former Dom and i separated so there are gentleman on this board, you just have to go thru the frogs to obtain the Prince :)

< Message edited by parttimehotty -- 12/21/2007 6:59:20 AM >

_____________________________

Resident Virgin
Official Mommy of Jolly & Jilly

Nobody is 'dead' until nobody remembers them
http://www.chkittyclub.com/pages/home.html
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=3&ThirdPartyClicks=ThankYouCar

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 11

RE: How did you meet your partner? - 12/21/2007 6:49:55 AM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

MsC thank you for starting this thread and thank you to everyone that posted. I just makes my morning so much happier.

_____________________________

"We agreed to S&M only, sex and mockery." - Gray’s Anatomy.

(in reply to parttimehotty)

Post #: 12

RE: How did you meet your partner? - 12/21/2007 11:17:49 AM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

At the first fetish party she ever attended. She came all by herself, and she was feeling a little nervous. She was plotting her escape. The hostess told her to wait where she was. She brought me over by leash and practically gave me to her.

(in reply to SunNMoon)

Post #: 13

RE: How did you meet your partner? - 12/21/2007 11:22:57 AM

Solinear

Posts: 283
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline

She was a model and I worked on their computers. They all told her I was gay (isn't that great to find out after hanging out somewhere for a couple of years?) and she thought I was screwing with her head for the first two and a half months (I've never chased someone that long!!) after I told her I wanted to have a fun little 2-week affair with her.

Well, 8 years and several children later... then again, we weren't into BDSM at the time, that's a relatively recent adjustment to our arrangements.

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 14

RE: How did you meet your partner? - 12/21/2007 11:43:09 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I met mine playing Star Wars Galaxies an online game. He says fate brought us together because he was a Master who's slave had split and I had been without a sub for awhile and we were both looking, but not really looking. I thought he had an interesting gamename so I sent him a IM and we started chatting. That was 3 years ago and now he is my sub

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 15

RE: How did you meet your partner? - 12/21/2007 2:25:51 PM

PanthersMom

Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline

he emailed me while we were both on another site. we emailed, talked on the phone and chatted, met and that was over 5 yrs ago. moved in with me the morning after our first session and has been here since.

PM

_____________________________

That which does not kill me, better run pretty damn fast

I miss my ex, but my aim is improving!

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 16

RE: How did you meet your partner? - 12/21/2007 3:32:07 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

These stories are sooo romantic! Such a nice way to start the morning

Thanks everyone who has posted so far.

The survey results so far:

Internet personals - 6
BDSM club/event - 4
BDSM chat room - 1
Through kinky friends - 1
Vanilla pastime/at work - 2

Cheers

_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to PanthersMom)

Post #: 17

RE: How did you meet your partner? - 12/21/2007 5:56:22 PM

BoiJen

Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

Well...aint this interesting...through all technicality I met MsKitty through a yahoo group She started to promote Her Leather Women's Dinner event in Detroit. We emailed a number of times in one day...in which She mentioned a Lifestyle Fundraiser that She was working on and I mntioned that I worked for a fetish shop local to Her and could likely help Her out...3 hrs later we agreed to meet at a local event that weekend. And so we did with no further contact other than a confirmation email to eachother that we'd be at said event.

Then it started..."You're boijen" She walked right up to me and I heard Her before I saw Her and felt Her before I heard Her. She took my whips right out of my hand and stepped aside to throw them (we had chatted briefly about them in the previously mentioned emails...I had also agreed to perform at the fudnraiser with them). And I was struck....

Afterwards I threw myself into supproting the fundraiser from my company's stand point as well as from the ompany my Leather Dad owns as he also agreed to help. We furnished a complete toy bag for silent auction.

MsKitty at the same time also needed help working on the house She had bought at the same time as working on the fundraiser. So I offered to help...recieved an invite to move in as the house is a duplex and She had plans to rent it out anyways. And things developed in terms of feeling and energy quickly however, MsKitty established a timeline in respect to Her primary partner's feelings and space about our physical relationship....and a year and a half later here I am.

I don't really feel like we met "online" as it was such a short conversation more asking about business and community rather than Herself and myself personally. That developed afterwards.

As a funny funny man said once "Jen plans things out and thinks them through thuroughly...I mean she moved in what? An hour after talking to MsKitty?" Or some such thing. Ahhh...back to work. I have presents to wrap. (I told Her I didn't get Her anything for x-mas.)

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 18

RE: How did you meet your partner? - 12/21/2007 6:26:46 PM

Blyght

Posts: 78
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

OK, to all those now in real life D/s relationships, how did you really meet your partner?

I met the man who would in time be my husband on a gothic roleplaying chat site back in the stone age of 1997. I was new to the site; a large group of regulars played there and he was one of them. We chatted through ICQ in between bouts of roleplay onsite, and after a couple of months of exchanged emails, we grew to be good friends. As good as two people can be who have never met each other face to face, that is.

One of the things we discovered about each other during our emails was that I had a sadistic past and he had no love of being 'average' (meaning he had no real desire to find the girl next door, get married, buy an SUV and have 2.5 white picket fences). He had a million questions about my lifestyle (which included a submissive ex-husband and a sissy maid who would visit with me occasionally) and I had a million about his (travelling around the world under the sea as a sonar technician).

Within six months he flew from Connecticut to Michigan to meet me for the first time. We planned a week or two together every six months thereafter until 2001, when he finally got out of the Navy and moved here for good. As of Halloween, we have been married for five years.

I cannot imagine my life without him in it. Our life together is deliciously weird and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Here's to you, my beautiful Utilikilted man.

_____________________________

Irony is the last bastion of reason in the face of insanity

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 19

RE: How did you meet your partner? - 12/21/2007 8:28:20 PM

SylionBinkx

Posts: 10
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

Funny story actually... While I was with my X (my Dom hubby) one day after work we went over to a friends place. This new guy moved in to said friend's place and was sleeping on the couch. I was really tired because I had worked all day and then been drug over to our friend's apartment to hang out. When the new guy (My now pet/mate) got up from the couch and went to the bathroom I stole the couch and his plushie so I could snuggle up and go to sleep. Then he came back in the room and saw some girl he had never seen before snuggled up in his space with his plushie. Confused he decided to stay up. I week or so later I actually met him and talked to him at the other roommate's 21st birthday party. I started to like him right away. My hubby had ticked me off by cheating on me again so I told him that we were now in a open relationship or nothing at all. He agreed to it and the new guy became my pet. I grew very fond of him and eventually left my hubby for him. We have been together for almost 2 years now and I am very happy that I chose to be with him. He treats me good and I get to torture and beat him any time I want to. I love my Subby little mate. He is good to me! Mistress Binkx

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 20

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