RE: Switchs

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simplewhispers -> RE: Switchs (12/25/2007 1:15:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KiandPhoenix She, on the other hand, has some problems with seeing someone out of their role. If a dom decided to be a sub once, she can never have the respect for them as a dom that she would a dom who she never saw sub. At least that is what she once told me. Now I personally think that she would be fine with a dom who she never physically saw with her own eyes being in the sub role. I think something psychological happens when you see someone on the sub end of a relationship. ~Ki This very paragraph is what I have been trying to say ,not meaning to be harmful to anyone, and to madrabbit I dont hate anyone, even those that poke at me deliberatly, I dont hate because of how or whom you love. How could I hate you with no understaning.......

sazmira -> RE: Switchs (12/25/2007 1:30:11 PM)
I take it you've not been around switchy folks yet? To the best of your knowledge, I mean. Because with the tone of your first post, chances are the slightly switchy dominants (male or female) aren't going to mention it. quote: ORIGINAL: simplewhispers quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross New way to ask ............ I do not understand the roles of switches, it confuses my mind. Nothing to do with any one person in paticular, so someone please explain to me how if I were to meet a switch how I could look at the situation differently. First off, you start by looking at the person rather than the situation. Everyone has an inherent (or developed) level of dominance and submissiveness. This is usually relative to the people they are involved with. The C.O.O. might be the boss of just about everyone else but he gets bossed by C.E.O. That's just the way it is. So. Just because X guy is dominant to you (more toppy than you) doesn't mean he is more dominant to (or more toppy than) everyone else. Second, subbing and bottoming are two totally diffy things. Bottoming is usually a sensation thing. Pain feels good. Pain can be cathartic. Heck, one of the best things I've found for a sinus pressure is a wee small hammer tapped across my cheekbones. And a nice deep muscle punching is fantastic when you have a cold. Frequently folks think of taking pain in that "ooooh master I'm enduring for you" sorta way. If you have yet to see anyone take pain in a non-endurance-submissive fashion... Well... Stick around. You'll see it happen sooner or later. Anyway. There are tops who like to get hitted simply for the "feel good" factor. I, for instance, let one girl I considered way, way down on the bottomy scale (she was so twue she almost leeked it from her toes) whap on me. I told her when, where, and how to hit. She started when I said start, she stopped when I said stop, she hit as hard as I wanted her to, and a lovely time was had by... well... me. I didn't particularly give a crap if she liked it. Anyway, after I got done I went back to dragging her about by the hair of the head and a good time was had by all. Some dom/mes want to actually sub for a bit. Why would a dominant want to sub? Well, that one should be pretty simple for you to figure out. Why do you want to sub? Same thing, really. For me, it's nice to switch off and shut down on occasion. Does that mean they'll sub to you? Nope. Sure doesn't. Does it mean they might want to sub to someone they consider dominant enough for them? Probably.

LotusSong -> RE: Switchs (12/25/2007 1:56:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mhawk my Mistress is a switch. it's just the way She is. She is only submissive to our Lord and that is what works for Her.but when it comes to the dynamics of having me here as our Lord's slave and Her slave as well,She is very Dominate in our interactions with eachother.it is something that is more "fitting" for her.i can't really explain it other than that. This is a situation that always has me wondering. For those that are owned and own.. what happens when both the domianant and submissive require you at the same time? Or is this a topping/bottoming situation more than that involving the responsibility of the ownership and being owned? Or do you just have them take anumber? :)

KindLadyGrey -> RE: Switchs (12/25/2007 1:59:23 PM)
Do I contradict myself? Then I contradict myself. I contain multitudes. - Walt Whitman We switches get this kind of reaction all the time: "Oh, well you aren't a REAL Dom/me..." I am not defined by a role, but our relationship is defined by who you are and who I am. I am multitudes, and within those multitudes exists a dominant disciplinarian and a submissive servant. You will get what you call out of me, and believe me, that is very very real. Also, I'll add that I have been approached by several Dominants on this site because they want a chance to explore their submissive side outside the expectations of their usual roles. It is not even remotely unusual for people to feel a desire to seek some sort of balance every once in a while.

mhawk -> RE: Switchs (12/25/2007 2:15:21 PM)
if B/both my Lord and Mistress have requirements of me at the same time we all participate at the same time.She is my dominate when He is away so my place is to serve Him first and foremost,She is to act upon His authority while away,hence making Her my Mistress. we have had several occasions already where i have served B/both at the same time with a wonderful outcome.

Prinsexx -> RE: Switchs (12/25/2007 2:41:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: simplewhispers Confuse me, it seems to me that you either are dominate or you are not , submissive or you are not,in my opinion I would have trouble respecting a DOM that had allowed himself to be in a submissive state, and I did have one Dom tell me this evening that he would have the same issue with the sub,perhaps submission would not be sincere. Course I know this is only my opinion so I came here asking the ? Is the switch role more of a role play than anything else? I am a switch. I understand it completely as quite distinct from being purely submissive and/or being purely dominant. I DO NOT intra switch: that is to say that if I am submissive within a reationship then I do not switch with that one partner. I am hetero-submissive and that is to say that I am submissive to a man. I do however inter-switch and that means that I can be domme to another person. I am a bisexual so my sexual orientation is to both men and women. In terms of dynamic this means rthat I am usually domme to women and class myself as an alpha female. However it is not like I am compartmentalised into bits and therefore I have also been domme to a male submissive. This is rare for me. If you view my profile I say I am pansexual as it is really about: 1 personal attraction rather than a distinction I make about the other's gender and 2 a matter of individual power dynamics. This can make for what I call switch limbo (which other siwtches have talked and mailed to me about) 3 the relationship is defined by who I am with I have a two very good friends who are switches. One I have known on line for over four years. The on-line relationship is like having four people in a relationship. If we are both in submissive mode the chat can go on in a teasing way but gets nowhere as no one is preoared to take the initiative. If we are both dominat then we have a power struggle and it bitches itself out. In my real time relationship with a switch it was wonderful: experimenrtal if not short lived. We both pre-decided to intra switch during our scenes together. I wore white lingerie for being submissive and black leather for when I was being a domme with him. The sexual activities aslo shifted. None of it feels like role play and is not a case of so-called topping from the bottom. I never do that or vice versa. That is why I think that poly would be the most fulfilling form of lifestyle for me. The limbo has its downside but being both certainly helps me to understand both how submit more fully AND the enormous responsibilities of being a dominant. If I could I would settle for one sexual orientation and for one dynamic but that will never happen. When I get burned emotionally as a submissive it tends to make my dimianant quakities surface and I think to hell with it I cannot submit ever again........hahaha.....as if.......

Guilty1974 -> RE: Switchs (12/25/2007 3:46:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CuriousLord I have some respect for switch's How delightful [:D]

simplewhispers -> RE: Switchs (12/25/2007 5:53:02 PM)
thank you for being so candid and upfront yours is the infomation or type of information I am seeking ,it has allowed me to grasp tidbits of knowledge, and I find I can get so much more out of posters that are willing to teach/share information rather than the general OMG surely you did not ask that again .... lolololol thank you once again

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Switchs (12/25/2007 6:13:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong This is a situation that always has me wondering. For those that are owned and own.. what happens when both the domianant and submissive require you at the same time? Or is this a topping/bottoming situation more than that involving the responsibility of the ownership and being owned? Or do you just have them take anumber? :) Same as when a relative needs attention. Or a pet. Or a job. Or the laundry. You agree to priorities together, you then fit your life around those prorities. If your dom agrees that you should have X priority in your life (in this case a sub for yourself), then the dom accepts the consequences of that choice.

juliaoceania -> RE: Switchs (12/25/2007 6:16:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong This is a situation that always has me wondering. For those that are owned and own.. what happens when both the domianant and submissive require you at the same time? Or is this a topping/bottoming situation more than that involving the responsibility of the ownership and being owned? Or do you just have them take anumber? :) Same as when a relative needs attention. Or a pet. Or a job. Or the laundry. You agree to priorities together, you then fit your life around those prorities. If your dom agrees that you should have X priority in your life (in this case a sub for yourself), then the dom accepts the consequences of that choice. Do you ever get tired of explaining your orientation? Or people who do not "get it"?...smiles. I find this thread much like I found the one that simple started about doms into anal... as though they were less because they had interests that she did not understand. I know she does not understand and perhaps is trying to, but threads like this still come off as pretty narrow minded... or perhaps I am being too sensitive about our switchy friends on cm

simplewhispers -> RE: Switchs (12/25/2007 6:25:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong This is a situation that always has me wondering. For those that are owned and own.. what happens when both the domianant and submissive require you at the same time? Or is this a topping/bottoming situation more than that involving the responsibility of the ownership and being owned? Or do you just have them take anumber? :) Same as when a relative needs attention. Or a pet. Or a job. Or the laundry. You agree to priorities together, you then fit your life around those prorities. If your dom agrees that you should have X priority in your life (in this case a sub for yourself), then the dom accepts the consequences of that choice. Do you ever get tired of explaining your orientation? Or people who do not "get it"?...smiles. I find this thread much like I found the one that simple started about doms into anal... as though they were less because they had interests that she did not understand. I know she does not understand and perhaps is trying to, but threads like this still come off as pretty narrow minded... or perhaps I am being too sensitive about our switchy friends on cm Certainly not meant to cause harm, just questions that I would like to have answered and thus far I have gained knowledge and am a bit more at ease asking question than I was before, questions are not meant to be attacks on ones personal choices, they simply are just questions. I have nothing personal against the word or people that are switches nothing at all. Thanks again for all the tidbits.

laurell3 -> RE: Switchs (12/25/2007 6:25:29 PM)
As a switch, it honestly doesn't bother me too much anymore Julia. There are plenty in the lifestyle that never understood my preferences as a straight submissive either. As long as I'm not in a relationship with them, whether they get me or not isn't really all that concerning.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Switchs (12/25/2007 6:26:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania Do you ever get tired of explaining your orientation? Or people who do not "get it"?...smiles. Sometimes, I started a thread in Ask a Switch about that a long time ago. quote: I find this thread much like I found the one that simple started about doms into anal... as though they were less because they had interests that she did not understand. I know she does not understand and perhaps is trying to, but threads like this still come off as pretty narrow minded... or perhaps I am being too sensitive about our switchy friends on cm Well as I said before, I respect her for honestly admitting she has an irrational prejudice- that's not an easy thing to do. And even if SHE is, the topic itself is worth discussing, enjoyable to see on the main forum, and there's not much else yummy topic food for me right now. That's all a good combo to get me to dig in with my perspective. Kinky people really really want someone to tell them what the rules are. They really really want there to be simple boxes to put people in- as much as they claim to love being free from their vanilla bonds, the first thing they want is new boundaries and rules of order. And if they don't get them quickly, they invent them, often to the detriment of everyone because they try to apply them everywhere. I'm here to try to break that down whereever possible.

juliaoceania -> RE: Switchs (12/25/2007 6:35:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: laurell3 As a switch, it honestly doesn't bother me too much anymore Julia. There are plenty in the lifestyle that never understood my preferences as a straight submissive either. As long as I'm not in a relationship with them, whether they get me or not isn't really all that concerning. I am glad it does not bother you or LA, and I suppose I shouldn't be surprised about it.... as LA says here quote: Kinky people really really want someone to tell them what the rules are. They really really want there to be simple boxes to put people in- as much as they claim to love being free from their vanilla bonds, the first thing they want is new boundaries and rules of order. I suppose there is a lot of truth to that...

juliaoceania -> RE: Switchs (12/25/2007 6:38:37 PM)
quote: Certainly not meant to cause harm, just questions that I would like to have answered and thus far I have gained knowledge and am a bit more at ease asking question than I was before, questions are not meant to be attacks on ones personal choices, they simply are just questions. I have nothing personal against the word or people that are switches nothing at all. Thanks again for all the tidbits. I suppose I still am thinking about the anal sex and dominants thread where I had the distinct impression that you deemed dominants that liked anal stimulation as being "less dominant". It seems as though you have the same opinion of people who have "switched" as being "less dominant" or "submissive". You have the right to have whatever opinion you like.... Perhaps threads like these do help educate you on how other people feel and live.

simplewhispers -> RE: Switchs (12/25/2007 6:43:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: simplewhispers quote: ORIGINAL: KiandPhoenix She, on the other hand, has some problems with seeing someone out of their role. If a dom decided to be a sub once, she can never have the respect for them as a dom that she would a dom who she never saw sub. At least that is what she once told me. Now I personally think that she would be fine with a dom who she never physically saw with her own eyes being in the sub role. I think something psychological happens when you see someone on the sub end of a relationship. ~Ki This very paragraph is what I have been trying to say ,not meaning to be harmful to anyone, and to madrabbit I dont hate anyone, even those that poke at me deliberatly, I dont hate because of how or whom you love. How could I hate you with no understaning....... Juliaoceana I am not alone in all my wonderings and questions,the above quote from someone earlier fed me much information , including the fact that I am not the only one to have strange feelings about it , thank you for your responses and your kindness.

daddyncherry -> RE: Switchs (12/25/2007 6:57:53 PM)
Since my baseline is being a submissive who has become a slave (my own personal terminology, no judgement on others), this is the most natural and comfortable spot for me. In the past when i was not in a relationship with a Dom (since my Daddy/Master is the first actual relationship of this type) i did Domme/Top (as a pro) men....it was interesting and it was fun for me. i felt that i needed a release and some kind of connection to BDSM even if i couldn't have my own needs met or own itches scratched (so to speak)...i figured that i could give to them something that i wasn't able to get for myself at the time. So even though i have switched, it doesn't effect who i am, i am not a Domme, i am not even technically a switch ( i wouldn't say)... This thread has given me some good food for thought on the concept/feelings/thoughts of switches though (Thanks LA and others)

chellekitty -> RE: Switchs (12/25/2007 8:31:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: simplewhispers quote: ORIGINAL: chellekitty quote: ORIGINAL: simplewhispers New way to ask ............ I do not understand the roles of switches, it confuses my mind. Nothing to do with any one person in paticular, so someone please explain to me how if I were to meet a switch how I could look at the situation differently. if you were to meet a switch you would interact with them as if they were human, just as if you were to meet a submissive or a dominant (the word is dominant, btw, not dominate)....people in this lifestyle don't walk around with their chosen lifestyle role labels printed on their forehead...you usually don't know for sure when you meet them...often you don't know until you are intimate with them...so, if you don't want to be intimate with someone who has switched...umm, don't be... my not so humble opinion, chelle Treating someone as being human is not nor has it ever been an issue for me . As far as having a relationship with a switch it probably would not be an issue with me unless I knew it first then as I stated in the first post, I think I would find it hard to issue the respect needed and wanted to someone who had been a switch, thus the reason I asked for help in explaining , thank you for those that have done what I asked,and thank you for the correction of my spelling,still learning ...... intimate does not automatically equal a [sexual] relationship...it can also mean "marked by close aquaintance; cozy; familiar"...so like anything else you find not to compatable in a friend/potential sexual partner/potential partner/whatever, like they go to church way too often or have an extremely bizzare appetite for stinky cheese...once you find out...become unacquainted...they are called boundaries...learn about them, utalize them, stick to them... chelle

MaamJay -> RE: Switchs (12/25/2007 11:42:50 PM)
As I said before OP, questions are welcomed, but moreso when they are asked with an open mind, not with your prejudices or opinions already showing. A bit more careful thought about HOW you are asking the question would get more objective answers, it wouldn't put people who belong to the group you appear to be castigating into defensive mode. I suggested how you could have asked about switches in a less offensive way. I accept that you didn't MEAN to be offensive ... but you need to accept that you have been, and try to learn how to ask differently. As to your question about what happens when both want you at the same time ... the answer in My case is that the hierarchy has to be worked out in advance and clear to all. This means working through some hypothetical scenarios and working out what is acceptable to the 2 Dominants involved. For example, when I had a live-in sub, then Master is the ultimate Head of the Household, violet (my sub side) serves Him, and My sub serves Me (Jay). Master and I have already discussed at length which tasks I can delegate to My sub ... and which I cannot. For example, I am charged with the responsibility of preparing and cooking His meals. My sub can assist Me, under My direction, but I am not to tell him/her "Hey, go and cook tea for all of U/us" without His express permission for this change. However, I can tell him/her "Go and find out what Master wants to drink and serve it to Him" ... that's permissible. So is having him/her do the dishes phew! If the sub is asking Me a question and Master calls out from His study ... I tell him/her to wait and I will go and find out what Master wants. It is clear that as Head of the Household, He takes priority. However, He also understands that should there be an emergency ... eg sub has cut themselves badly on sharp knife in the kitchen and I am administering first aid ... and He called out ... I would be able to call back "Sorry Master, emergency in here, I will be there asap!" Most likely He'd come running to see what He could do to help! As to whether My sub ONLY serves Me in bdsm/sex or whether they also can serve Master is something that would be worked out on an individual basis ... depends on the sub's sexuality, mutual attraction between Master and them, and His desire to exert Himself in a bdsm or sexual way with them. He generally feels I keep Him busy enough [;)] so isn't desperate to use My sub as well. Once you get over the initial times, it falls into place and becomes very natural for all to know what's appropriate. Not as big a deal as people expect as long as the Dominants are clear and united. Maam Jay aka violet[A]

felicitousdove -> RE: Switchs (12/26/2007 7:59:41 AM)
I think, that when it comes to matters of respect, one respects the PERSON not the person's role or sexual orientation. We are people first and foremost. WIITWD in the privacey of the bedroom or dungeon, is secondary, and although a PART of who we are, it is nto the only thing that makes us who and waht we are. I find it isn't a good idea to judge a book by its cover or title, the same with people, i dont judge them, or respect or disrespect them based on the lable folks try to pin on one another. For me, i am submissive- ALWAYS with Master Hawk. There are a few people who bring out my submissive nature, and its an awesome thing. However there are some people who bring out my more dominant traits too. Think about it- in the vanilla world, some of the people we come in contact with we have to submit to, be it government officials, the law, our bosses, theloan officer at a bank, clergy, whatever.... Then there are other people who come into our lives where we are put in places where a more assertive-dominant sides comes out. This happens in our roles as parents, teacher to student, or at work where we have to be in charge and manage those under us. Undoubtedly we at various times throughout our lives- sometimes throughout our day, have to modify and change our demeanor a bit, dependant on those we are in contact with, and the situation at hand. Sounds like switching to me. I think switching is just a matter of being able to bend and blend a bit and fit into one's enviroment. The ability to Top and to bottom... Well, that isn't WHO one is, its just something they do or don't do.

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