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RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/26/2007 10:08:29 AM

summerblossom

Posts: 145
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline

Thank You A/all for such sympathetic responses. I really appreciate it and is a nice change from some of the nastier ones from other posting sections. It is nice to know I am not alone and that makes me feel better. I really do enjoy and appreciate E/everyones individual responses I think they all mean something and I can relate to most of them. I was in a very bad mood yesterday, feeling very negative, but today I feel a little bit better and more positive, especially seeing these responses.

(in reply to PanthersMom)

Post #: 21

RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/26/2007 11:16:48 AM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

I figured out the solution to that.
I just moved here to Myrtle Beach, S.C. from New Hampshire 3 years ago and they can all go fuck themselves!
Now when one of my brothers( the one I still talk to) comes down with his buddy for golf in Jan or Feb he's "glad" to see me! And he's "glad" to be away from the wife and the cold weather!
And he's in a good mood!
Also, try to "live in the present" not the past.
What's done is done, no sense "reliving" it.

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to summerblossom)

Post #: 22

RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/26/2007 11:25:19 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

My mother died the first week in January. I use all kinds of stress relief to deal with the holidays. Shop early, mail order, online. Shop in local stores where they deal with shipping. Cook ahead of time and freeze everything you can. Buy stuff instead of making it.

I gave up on cards years ago. If I didn't want to see somebody during the year, why would I want to keep in touch with them now?

If you don't want to go to a party but have to, arrive late and leave early. Just make an appearance.

Do whatever you have to do to make things easier on yourself. And make new traditions of things you want to do. Years ago when the kids were little, we would drive around Christmas Eve and look at house lights, came back when they had fallen asleep, carried them up and went to bed ourselves by 9:30. I used to be in a cookie exchange program with some friends, I'd make 6 dozen peanut butter blossoms, someone else would make 6 dozen chocolate chip, etc. We would get together one morning, have coffee and trade a half dozen to each. Much easier than baking 12 different kinds.

Do whatever you need to stay well, get enough sleep, do self indulgent things, take care of yourself.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to PanthersMom)

Post #: 23

RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/26/2007 11:52:48 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

Well then. You have proved your online research to be correct at least where Snopes is concerned, but I was replying to the OP who asked for like minded replies.

And, I will be sure and tell the families of 2 friends who committed suicide during Christmas about the fact that we are all wrong, that you were right.

I did not hear anyone here tell anyone not to enjoy your day, but there are many who are not as fortunate as you, so try and understand someone else's point of view in the spirit of the season.

I was pointing out that your statement was incorrect, it was not a personal affront to you, it was not an insult, I was not being catty, and frankly I wonder why you have a hard time being corrected.. instead of looking at this as an opportunity to learn, you decided to flame.. yet again.

Please go and reread my post, think about it, and then if you feel like you want to flame me some more, I will just make you persona non grata and skip your posts from now on. I do not know what has been going on with you, but you have turned into one of the most venomous people on CM lately. I wish you well, hope what is ever going on with you gets better, but I find you to be almost abusive to your fellow posters lately.. perhaps you should think twice and post once.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 24

RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/26/2007 12:51:29 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Christmas was always my favorite holiday. 13 years ago, I had the best Christmas of my life, and the next day my mother-in-law, whom I was closer to than my own mother, dropped dead when she was taken to the ER for a breathing issue and her doctor made a mistake. This made the next Christmas's to come extremely difficult.

My mother said something interesting. She said "It's important to enjoy the people who are here." I, of course, not liking my mother at the time, thought it was her way of saying, "Stop focusing on your loss and focuse on meeeeee." Bah.

But she was right, as I later came to discover. I lost my Dad last year. Last Christmas was extremely difficult, so much so that my sister and my mother did not come to the usual Christmas Eve massive family party. We had lost my Dad and two uncles up to that point, and their absence stood out like sore thumb.

This last year has been pure hell in my world, but through it all the biggest lesson I learned is that I am surrounded by awesome people, and there is so much LOVE that I never saw until I opened my eyes to it. We all got together over this last Christmas, and while we still noticed the absence of those we loved and lost, we had this new, tender appreciation for each other, something I think we never really experienced before.

Since I had abandoned my Christian faith early this year, I was wondering how I would feel about Christmas, and all the Christmas carols, etc. But I chose to enjoy the nostalgia of the music, and once again it was really cool to hang out with the people I love. Our family had so much trauma lately, and it was really something to sit around and watch the kids, obvlivious to the pain we all experienced, laugh and play and have a great time.

I think Christmas can be difficult because it brings up emotions about those we lost, or those we miss, or those we want to be close to but aren't. It is easy to become bitter or depressed or cynical as a result. But there really is goodness and hope behind all the difficulty, once you can be compassionate with yourself and allow your own goodness to come to light.

(in reply to summerblossom)

Post #: 25

RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/26/2007 1:04:13 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

But she was right, as I later came to discover. I lost my Dad last year. Last Christmas was extremely difficult, so much so that my sister and my mother did not come to the usual Christmas Eve massive family party. We had lost my Dad and two uncles up to that point, and their absence stood out like sore thumb.

I know how this feels, for years after my father passed away we did not celebrate Christmas, in fact I did not celebrate it again until I was a mother with my own child... so about 8 years or so I skipped Christmas.. it was just too painful for my mom and I.. it took my ex husband's insistence that brought me back around to celebrating again.. and even though I was happy for others that they enjoyed the day and the time with their families, i just couldn't until I had my own traditions to build.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 26

RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/26/2007 1:08:37 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

Well then. You have proved your online research to be correct at least where Snopes is concerned, but I was replying to the OP who asked for like minded replies.

And, I will be sure and tell the families of 2 friends who committed suicide during Christmas about the fact that we are all wrong, that you were right.

I did not hear anyone here tell anyone not to enjoy your day, but there are many who are not as fortunate as you, so try and understand someone else's point of view in the spirit of the season.

I was pointing out that your statement was incorrect, it was not a personal affront to you, it was not an insult, I was not being catty, and frankly I wonder why you have a hard time being corrected.. instead of looking at this as an opportunity to learn, you decided to flame.. yet again.

Please go and reread my post, think about it, and then if you feel like you want to flame me some more, I will just make you persona non grata and skip your posts from now on. I do not know what has been going on with you, but you have turned into one of the most venomous people on CM lately. I wish you well, hope what is ever going on with you gets better, but I find you to be almost abusive to your fellow posters lately.. perhaps you should think twice and post once.

Interesting observations, althought quite flawed. My post that you quoted was simply stating without any emotional implications, that your research was not quite valid. It might be quantitatively based on Snopes limited statistics, but not qualitatively based on a real life standpoint, certainly my friend's.

Whatever you wrote above is quite simply, your opinion of me and just that. It makes no difference to me whatsoever that I am persona non grata to you. If you do not like my posts, do not read them. The block button is your friend.

I took nothing you said personally, in fact, I am not in the least bit offended, but you decided to be upset by what I wrote about my friends. That is indeed, your issue. You seem to get quite upset when others disagree with you, I have noted that from reading many of your recent posts. Perhaps you are having personal issues?

You should really curtail your emotions when reading into someone's posts.

One person's perception of venom is quite another person's perception of someone posting with insight, wit and honesty. Perhaps you should examine why you feel so persecuted and flamed when in fact, you were not.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 12/26/2007 1:22:02 PM >

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 27

RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/26/2007 1:55:38 PM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

We pretty much lost it for Christmas when my Granmother died. Up until then we were REQUIRED to be there. Instead of over the river and through the woods it was down I-71 and left on Smith Road.

We always had a great time, but it's gone now.

Now I enjoy my solitude. I bought and ripped a Christmas album we had when I was about seven years old. I do play it.

Christmas is in my past, there is no pain, but there is nothing else. Maybe I should be thankful for that.

And I almost hate turkey. I will be fine.

So happy new year, but being occidental, I must mention, if you go by a calendar other than the Julian, like Chinese or Jewish, happy new year anyway, whenever that is. You have yours when you want and I'll have mine when I want. All I can say is that we will probably be all drunk on December 31st, and will have very limited, if any, cognizance of this time passing. We will be having a good time, and maybe I'll find that old clock, so we get an excuse to make a bunch of noise.

I have no big problem with Christmas, it's just I do not feel it, I do not get into it. If you want to see a problem, Independence day is a good example. With my political views Independence day is akin to a funeral for me, that because I am aware that everything back in 1776 was for naught. We are not free, and we are not doing all that well either. In fact what we have is EXACTLY what the Founding Fathers of this country were against.

Christmas ? No sweat. Wait until July.

T

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 28

RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/26/2007 3:00:13 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

Your not alone, it took me 5 years after the loss of a loved one to be able to put up a christmas tree again partly because guilt often becomes part of the loss so you may want to deny yourself any happiness as a means to punish your self also timing of the losses if they occur during holiday adds the sense you should be grieving instead of celebrating and they can be difficult sometimes to work thru on your own and sometimes it is necessary seek oustide help especially if a lot of time has passed and you continue to carry around senses of guilt.that prevent you from moving forward.

_____________________________

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(in reply to PanthersMom)

Post #: 29

RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/26/2007 5:33:40 PM

OldBastardly1

Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline

You are not alone. I endure the season, trying very hard to not ruin other people's joy. Most people can't understand my desire to be alone for holidays and once had the police called to check on me, thinking I was killing myself. The cop arrived as I was eating a microwave turkey & dressing dinner. He insisted on coming inside to counsel me. I asked him " does this look like a likely choice for a final meal???"

Look at the bright side. ( I hate to hear people say that, lol. ) We have a whole year until we have to deal with it again.

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 30

RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/26/2007 5:38:28 PM

Coerced2Please

Posts: 47
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

You are not alone. I endure the season, trying very hard to not ruin other people's joy. Most people can't understand my desire to be alone for holidays and once had the police called to check on me, thinking I was killing myself. The cop arrived as I was eating a microwave turkey & dressing dinner. He insisted on coming inside to counsel me. I asked him " does this look like a likely choice for a final meal???"

Look at the bright side. ( I hate to hear people say that, lol. ) We have a whole year until we have to deal with it again.

i remember when i was very little crying at seeing an old man buying a frozen dinner, knowing he had nobody to share it with. but that was back when the magic of the holidays was still palpable. i'm not old yet, but already i prefer dinner alone on the holidays. maybe it's the passive-aggressive atheist it me

(in reply to OldBastardly1)

Post #: 31

RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/26/2007 5:40:08 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

I hate the phoney cheer at christmas. I think people who believe in a diety should honor it all year, not just for one day. I guess I just dislike hypocrasy in general.

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(in reply to Coerced2Please)

Post #: 32

RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/26/2007 6:18:05 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I hate the phoney cheer at christmas. I think people who believe in a diety should honor it all year, not just for one day. I guess I just dislike hypocrasy in general.

Howabout those of us that just like the presents?

Hmmm... presents every day all year long,.... hmmmm... yes, I like it

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 33

RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/26/2007 6:36:36 PM

Corve

Posts: 15
Joined: 9/23/2006
From: Boca Raton
Status: offline

Glad to hear life is turning up for you. You are not alone.

(in reply to summerblossom)

Post #: 34

RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/26/2007 6:44:01 PM

AFlyInYourWeb

Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: summerblossom

Am I the only one on this site that has a hard time around the holidays?

You are not alone, summerblossom.

Christmas is a time of mixed feelings for me. I have memories of past Christmas seasons with parents and other friends and loved ones who have since passed away.

I do my best to create new, and very different, memories. I have some "regular" volunteer efforts that bring me into contact with churches and charitable organizations in my area. Each year, I choose a different organization to get involved in some activity they are organizing that makes Christmas special for someone else. These activities have run the gamut from helping to organize hundreds of carolers to serving free meals to the homeless.

Each different experience teaches me something different about myself.

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(in reply to summerblossom)

Post #: 35

RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/26/2007 7:22:50 PM

missjan

Posts: 123
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline

I cried all Christmas,
this is my 1st one since my mother died.
I am glad it's over

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 36

RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/26/2007 7:31:45 PM

BBWnNC72

Posts: 1155
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: NC since Jan of 2007, but born and raised in Cali
Status: offline

i do not do well with the holidays. Never really had a good one as a child. So i try making my kids Christmas's good for them and to create good memories. But this year is the first one that i spent seperated from my ex and the kids, as they spent it with him. But i was also lucky this Christmas, my trainer spent the night with me and woke with me on Christmas Day so i wouldn't feel so alone and depressed. It wasn't the same as having my kids, but it made me realise just how much He cares for me.

_____________________________

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a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
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(in reply to PanthersMom)

Post #: 37

RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/26/2007 10:33:50 PM

soul2share

Posts: 7084
Joined: 12/18/2007
From: somewhere out there.....
Status: offline

While not of the "bah, Humbug" attitude as far as Christmas is concerned, for me, it's just another day. I still have all of my family intact, however, my sister's father-in-law passed on the 14th, and there are issues with her son going on that have pretty much ruined the Christmas season for them.

Growing up, Christmas was more about family being together, and yes, pigging out on all sorts of junk, but that has all been lost. Factor in that my family is all back east, and I'm here alone, there's no real reason for me to celebrate. Seeing Christmas decorations in the stores even prior to Labor Day last year just blew my mind. (BTW, Valentine's Day stuff is now hitting the shelves here!) It's so commercial, and as others have noted, the spirit of Christmas is just too fleeting.....I don't do cards, I don't do presents except for my son, and even he's getting older on me.....I didn't even wish anyone Merry Christmas until the 24th of December, and that was the kid in the drive-thru window at McDonalds!

I work in a 24/7 operation, because of this, I often volunteer to work the 24th and 25th, so those with families can go thru the whole ordeal. People who work with me understand this, we have one officer who is Jewish, he worked for the others both nights. I just can't seem to get too excited about it anymore.....even when my son was young, it was more going thru the motions for him....the memories of him opening his few presents I could afford for him are special to me, but the past is just that.

Ironically enough, the hardest "holidays" for me to get thru are Mother's and Father's days.....because those two are ones our family always gets together for, and it's fun to just spend the time with everyone.

So, no, you aren't the only one here.....and I have many friends who are the same way. Me, I spent Christmas day sleeping...worked 12 hour shifts on the 24th and 25th.....doing it again for New Years.....I've been doing it that way for about 8 years, and don't see any changes happening.

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(in reply to BBWnNC72)

Post #: 38

RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/27/2007 12:03:45 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

~ Fast Reply ~

The article on this attached link (rather long but extremely interesting) is from The Suicide Reference Library, and states that the suicide rate is actually highest in April, for reasons experts have only hypothesized. They also make a very good point - that when a person is depressed enough to contemplate or attempt suicide, they are often at a point where they no longer care about anything, so the holidays don't really make a difference either way.

Speaking for myself personally, I can attest to the truth of that statement.

In any case, here is the website. The site has good articles on awareness, education & support, and even has links to memorial websites and a discussion board: http://www.suicidereferencelibrary.com/test4~id~530.php

The online library is created and maintained by volunteers from Suicide Awareness Support & Education (SASE), Parents of Suicides (POS) and Friends & Families of Suicides (FFOS).

(in reply to soul2share)

Post #: 39

RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/27/2007 4:12:33 AM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missjan

I cried all Christmas,
this is my 1st one since my mother died.
I am glad it's over

so sorry for your loss.........losing your momma is a hard row to hoe.......

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to missjan)

Post #: 40

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