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RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/27/2007 11:38:07 AM

juliaoceania

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If you did not intend it as a flame, I will not read it as one....

I posted my own experiences of not always having merry christmasses.... I was not unsympathetic to the OP, which seemed to be what you reply to me implied... which is not the case, so we both misread each other. I do not think it was inappropriate to dispel an urban legend which can serve to foster the idea that holidays bring on suicides and that might lead to some self fulfulling prophecies... why feed that if it isn't true?

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RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/27/2007 3:57:02 PM

winterlight

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Christmas was a bit hard for me having lost my Mom this past August. My sibling, her husband and 2 daughters came. I had an ok Christmas. Got weepy when i was alone and thinking about Mom and Dad. I have lost them both.

I think what makes me sad at Christmas time is the fact that the wonder of it as a kid is no longer there. I have many family memebers that are long gone but i know that someday i will see them again. This is what I believe. I do agree Christmas and all the holidays have gotten very commercialized. I think our expectations during the Holidays are out of whack. We expect everything to be perfect and it just isn't. i have learned to do what i can, not stress myself out, get sleep, take my medicines, and just appreciate what is here in my life. That is all i can do.
If Christmas depresses you, don't celebrate it. Do something else. If I could i would go to a cabin and tuck myself in bed, enjoy a fire... something different for a change.
Just appreciate what is within you as a person. Do something for somebody else that doesn't have much. Whatever floats your boat...Do it because you want to do it not because YOU have to do it.

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RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/27/2007 5:31:20 PM

cherrypez

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Joined: 12/20/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: summerblossom

Am I the only one on this site that has a hard time around the holidays? I see everywhere so much cheeryness that I wonder if anyone else experiences depression over the holidays. I get more depressed over the holidays due to a couple of reasons. I hate the holidays and will be happy when they are over. Not only have I lost many loved ones leaving me with very few family and friends but I have had many past struggles where I have also been completely alone over the holidays so it brings up many negative feelings and emotions. I am also really poor so exchanging gifts and decorating and doing the things most people do are out of the question. It seems that the positive changes I have made in my life are always put on hold over the holiday season with all the chaos, traffic, exagerations and rush...And trust me, so you won't say it, I do appreciate the people I do have in my life and what I do have but I still get more lonely and depressed over the holidays. Please respond only if you feel the same way, it would be nice to feel not so alone. Thankyou. And one more thing, anyone know how to do those responses where you see the box of the previous person who posted? I don't have a clue how to do that!

Sometimes when I see posts about how people love the holidays, it makes me feel jealous, as if they are throwing it in my face how great a holiday they have. Only nice responses please, I have really had enough negativity for one day.

You asked to only respond if a person fells the same way as you do.   Well I don't but I am responding anyway.   I have very few family members left.   My parents are deceased, the rest of my extended family is either too great a distance for me to visit or not worth having in my life.   I have very few close friends no one close enough to spend holidays with.   So this year it was just me and two of my children.   Money was tight this year so gifts were limited.   Our decorations consisted of a really small tree.   Our meal was something we all sort of agreed on and nothing fancy.  The day was pretty relaxed, no work to go to, no school to deliver children too, no classes to attend, a free day to do what we wanted---and for most my Christmas Day probably would have seemed an utter disaster but you know what?   It was cool for me.
     My co-worker complained about how stressful her Christmas Day was, people wanting to pose for pictures in front of her traditional huge holiday tree that took her an entire day to decorate, her fingers were sore from untwisting wires from probably $3000 worth of toys she made sure Santa delivered to her kids, she had to run from one engagement to another, and even though she did not have to prepare the big sit down feast because her mom prepared it, the whole day proved to be exhausting for her.    I smiled and said, that my day was pretty relaxed and she said, "You are so lucky!"
     Why freaking stress?   Why compare yourself to others?   Why be jealous of what someone else is doing?    Why for goodness sakes become depressed and then ask for only other misery loves company responses?
      Embrace what you have because there probably is someone out there that has a whole lot less.    Some homeless family may be grateful simply to eat in at a local food kitchen and be grateful they have a warm place to sit for a half hour or so.    Some homeless people may not even be aware that it is Christmas.   Think of the mom who is sitting at a bed side watching her child die of cancer.   Think of the child who's only Christmas gift might be the fact that he/she is not molested or beat this on this day.    Think of the family who is stuck in a motel without gifts, a meal or decorations because their house burned two days before Christmas.
     So Happy Holidays and I hope the New Years brings some posititvity into your life.

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RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/27/2007 8:10:38 PM

dcnovice

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<fast reply>

Summerblossom ---

Given that I'm posting on page three, it's clear that you're not alone. Between exhaustion and depression, I had a rough time putting on my "game face" this Christmas, so I have deep sympathy for anyone else struggling through the holidays.

Hang in there!

Warmest wishes,

DC

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RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/27/2007 8:17:34 PM

dcnovice

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<fast reply>

On the seasonality of suicide, a few details from The Enigma of Suicide by George Howe Colt (Touchstone, 1991):

-- April has the highest suicide rate, 12 percent above the average for the rest of the year.

-- "The winter months generally have the lowest rate, and contrary to conventional wisdom, there is no increase around Christmas or new Year's or any other major holiday."

-- Saturday is the least popular day for suicide; Monday is the most popular.

(Note: Things may have changed since the book was published.)

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RE: Am I The Only One? - 12/27/2007 8:35:03 PM

FangsNfeet

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Everyone, let's look at it this way.

When a loved one has passed on, they usually leave you with fond memories and traditions. Consider these traditions as there last gift to you. It a legacy for you to step up to the plate and take over and pass on to generations to come. After all, what do you think the people that you lossed did when they first lost there loved ones? If they didn't take on the legacy and pass it down to you, then you wouldn't have any happy memories to begin with.

When you decide to carry and pass on the joy that was given to you is when you find out that your loved ones will always be with you. "If you can only remember me in tears, then don't remember me at all."

My lost loved ones worked very hard and did everything possible to make celebrations and the holidays special. They sure as hell didn't want there deaths to ruin these special times for as long as I live.

My grandfather is currently living on borrowed time. His request to us is to be sure to keep having family reunions and to carry on our traditions. Let's not allow Death to stop the world from turning. Instead, lets keep living and passing on what we learned so this crazy world can keep spinning.

< Message edited by FangsNfeet -- 12/27/2007 8:36:20 PM >

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